The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 1: Top Of The First Inning
Setting: Top of the 1st Inning, September 2, 2023
LORENZO
And so it begins.
FELIX
What are you talking about, and so it begins, we’ve been here for months!
LORENZO
Yeah but, I haven’t. You see,
FELIX
We know, you were so inept as a state representative that you accidentally did something illegal.
LORENZO
It’s not illegal if the jury finds you not guilty!
MANNY
Glad to have you back, Lorenzo. You’d never believe who they had as bullpen coach while you were gone!
LORENZO
You?
MANNY
Yep! Now I finally get to technically be a player! Good luck, new coach.
LORENZO
It’s an honor and a privilege. You know, I have some experience with leadership actually from my time as a state representative. Under my plan, we will keep bullpen pitching to an absolute minimum. That is a promise.
FELIX
What if we want to pitch? I did NOT make the 40-man roster just to sit here.
LORENZO
Hold up—FELIX?!
FELIX
It’s taken you this long? You’re damn right I’m back!
CARTER
Also I feel like I should introduce myself. I’m Carter, former star pitcher of the Charleston Capitols. They put me in our minor league team, and then I got called up about a month ago. I was excited at first, but then I found out it was only because they tried to trade for someone and couldn’t for the life of them.
LORENZO looks to ROBERT.
LORENZO
Is that true?
ROBERT nods his head.
DAVE
If I may bring myself into this conversation—
A few people groan.
DAVE
—they actually traded for me. Not to brag but I pitch pretty regularly. I’m part of the transition of this sorry excuse of a bullpen into an actual team.
LORENZO
Well it’s nice to meet you.
LORENZO looks at the rest of the bench.
LORENZO
And NOW I’m seeing some familiar faces. Sorry…
CARTER
Carter.
LORENZO
Carter. Good to see you for another season, Robert, Ace, Victor, Bryan, Harry, and Devin.
DEVIN
I was not here last year. Remember they sent me down to the minors because I didn’t have enough entertainment value?
LORENZO
Oh. Right. Well it’s nice to see they found value in you again.
DEVIN
Not really. The extended roster they sent into the league had 39 people on it so they picked a name out of a hat for the 40th. And that would be me.
LORENZO
Listen everyone, I know usually you don’t change ships mid-captain, but this is gonna be fun. Harry, pass me a cotton candy beer, because I’m ready to lead this bullpen to a World Championship!
Everyone looks at one another.
HARRY
You didn’t hear?
LORENZO
Don’t tell me we can’t have cotton candy beers!
ACE
The team sucks this year.
VICTOR
Yeah they’re in like, third place in the division.
LORENZO
That’s impossible, the Primites always win.
BRYAN
Primitives. And things have just been a little off this year. We have a chance of making the playoffs but don’t count on a championship.
LORENZO
Well I’m confident we’ll make the playoffs. We have a good team here! Well, not *here* here, but here as in at this ballpark.
FELIX
For the love of God will SOMEBODY give me my due credit as a pitcher?!
MANNY
Yes Felix, you are the exception.
CARTER
I’m a good pitcher too!
DAVE
I’m the best pitcher we have. Management even told me.
HARRY
Aren’t you special.
DAVE
Lorenzo, catch for me, I’m warming up.
LORENZO
Sorry, but I don’t know how to catch. Also, I’m not on the roster anymore.
DAVE
I said catch for me.
LORENZO
I don’t think you understand.
DAVE
NOW.
LORENZO gets behind the bullpen plate. DAVE throws a pitch at full speed.
LORENZO
A perfect pitch! You’re ready to go in the game!
DAVE
You really think so?
LORENZO
Oh absolutely, no wonder they’re using you to rebuild!
DAVE returns to the bench smiling. LORENZO sits next to ROBERT.
LORENZO
I flattered him to avoid getting hurt. Is that bad coaching?
ROBERT
Probably. But if it gets him to stop showing off, I’m fine with it. I’m impressed actually. It’s like when everyone else is playing Go Fish, you’re playing Chess.
LORENZO
Actually, I don’t know how to play Chess.
ACE
Hey Coach?
Nobody answers.
ACE
COACH!
Still nobody answers.
ACE
Lorenzo.
LORENZO
Oh were you talking to me?
ACE
Yeah. Phone’s ringing.
LORENZO
I’ll get it!
LORENZO runs to the phone. JASON, the Indianapolis Primitives manager, is on the other end.
JASON
Lorenzo! I’m coaching over here—
LORENZO
Yeah me too!
JASON
No like, I’m actually coaching so I just wanted to make this quick, glad you’re back and good bleeping luck.
JASON hangs up the phone. LORENZO returns to his seat as the teams switch sides in the middle of the inning.
The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 2: Bottom Of The First Inning
Setting: Bottom of the 1st Inning, September 2, 2023
VICTOR
You know what I never understood?
BRYAN
What?
VICTOR
Why is the big screen in the outfield behind us? How are we supposed to see ourselves that way?
FELIX
You idiot, because it’s in the outfield!
VICTOR
But then why does the bullpen have to be located here? Seems to me like a pretty awful location for a bullpen if you can’t even see anything.
CARTER
I like looking at the field. The fresh-cut grass, the beautifully-maintained sand, the lumpy mound…I could stare at it for hours.
VICTOR
Well I’d much rather see what’s going on back there.
BRYAN
I have an idea Victor! What if we just turned around and watched that instead!
BRYAN and VICTOR stand up and face the outfield so they can watch the big screen.
VICTOR
Oh. Just boring numbers.
DAVE
Those “boring numbers” are the player stats. You’ll be seeing some of mine up there late in the games.
ACE
You guys gotta watch it in between innings, that’s when it’ll be the most entertaining.
HARRY
Yeah, if you don’t mind sitting down for now, you’re blocking my view.
BRYAN
Actually I think you should be able to see the game just fine.
HARRY
Not the game, the grill. I got some burgers on there and I don’t want to burn too many of them.
ROBERT
You know what, I’m not waiting until the middle of the inning to watch something interesting on that big board.
DEVIN
Do you think they have other channels?
FELIX
Of course they don’t have other channels, it’s not a television.
BRYAN
I bet if we do something interesting enough we should be able to get on that big board before the end of the inning.
CARTER
Two outs already.
BRYAN
Come ON can nobody on this team hit?!
ACE
Yeah maybe it’s best we just forget about it. One more out and it’ll be back to something fun.
DAVE
By definition you are rooting against our team.
ACE
Please.
ACE turns his back to the field and stares at the big screen, waiting in anticipation.
MANNY
ACE WATCH OUT!!!
ACE
I am watching, I’m waiting until—OW! Get off my back Lorenzo, I’m not giving you a piggy back ride!
LORENZO
I didn’t do anything!
ACE
Sure you didn’t.
DAVE picks up a ball from the ground.
DAVE
This home run ball hit you in the back. Our team scored. Sorry to keep you waiting for the end of the inning.
LORENZO walks out onto the field.
MANNY
What is he doing.
HARRY
Probably something really stupid.
FELIX
Idiotic too.
Everyone in the bullpen sees LORENZO from a distance confronting the teammate who hit the home run.
VICTOR
I can’t see too well but I feel like someone needs to stop Lorenzo from doing…that.
ROBERT
Turn around guys, we got a show to watch!
Everyone turns around and watches LORENZO yell at a teammate on the big screen.
ACE
Now THIS is entertainment! C’mon Lorenzo, let him have it!
Security escorts LORENZO off the field and back into the bullpen.
FELIX
What was that about?
LORENZO
I had to let him know that he can’t hurt one of my guys like that.
HARRY
Crap, the hamburgers!
HARRY runs to the grill to find all the hamburgers are burned.
HARRY
Dave, Carter, Felix, I have hamburgers ready for you!
LORENZO
I’ll take a hamburger!
LORENZO takes a bite.
LORENZO
Harry, these are terrible. I give you guys entertainment and that’s how I’m rewarded.
HARRY
I’ll make you a better one.
DAVE
You’ll make me a better one too.
HARRY
Yes, Sir.
The inning ends as a player strikes out.