The Bullpen Season 6 Episodes 1 & 2: The First Inning

 

The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 1: Top Of The First Inning


Setting: Top of the 1st Inning, September 2, 2023


LORENZO

And so it begins. 


FELIX

What are you talking about, and so it begins, we’ve been here for months!


LORENZO

Yeah but, I haven’t. You see,


FELIX

We know, you were so inept as a state representative that you accidentally did something illegal. 


LORENZO

It’s not illegal if the jury finds you not guilty!


MANNY

Glad to have you back, Lorenzo. You’d never believe who they had as bullpen coach while you were gone!


LORENZO

You?


MANNY

Yep! Now I finally get to technically be a player! Good luck, new coach. 


LORENZO

It’s an honor and a privilege. You know, I have some experience with leadership actually from my time as a state representative. Under my plan, we will keep bullpen pitching to an absolute minimum. That is a promise. 


FELIX

What if we want to pitch? I did NOT make the 40-man roster just to sit here.


LORENZO

Hold up—FELIX?!


FELIX

It’s taken you this long? You’re damn right I’m back!


CARTER

Also I feel like I should introduce myself. I’m Carter, former star pitcher of the Charleston Capitols. They put me in our minor league team, and then I got called up about a month ago. I was excited at first, but then I found out it was only because they tried to trade for someone and couldn’t for the life of them. 


LORENZO looks to ROBERT.


LORENZO

Is that true?


ROBERT nods his head.


DAVE

If I may bring myself into this conversation—


A few people groan. 


DAVE

—they actually traded for me. Not to brag but I pitch pretty regularly. I’m part of the transition of this sorry excuse of a bullpen into an actual team. 


LORENZO

Well it’s nice to meet you.


LORENZO looks at the rest of the bench. 


LORENZO 

And NOW I’m seeing some familiar faces. Sorry…


CARTER

Carter.


LORENZO

Carter. Good to see you for another season, Robert, Ace, Victor, Bryan, Harry, and Devin.


DEVIN

I was not here last year. Remember they sent me down to the minors because I didn’t have enough entertainment value?


LORENZO

Oh. Right. Well it’s nice to see they found value in you again.


DEVIN

Not really. The extended roster they sent into the league had 39 people on it so they picked a name out of a hat for the 40th. And that would be me.


LORENZO

Listen everyone, I know usually you don’t change ships mid-captain, but this is gonna be fun. Harry, pass me a cotton candy beer, because I’m ready to lead this bullpen to a World Championship!


Everyone looks at one another.


HARRY

You didn’t hear?


LORENZO

Don’t tell me we can’t have cotton candy beers!


ACE

The team sucks this year.


VICTOR

Yeah they’re in like, third place in the division. 


LORENZO

That’s impossible, the Primites always win. 


BRYAN

Primitives. And things have just been a little off this year. We have a chance of making the playoffs but don’t count on a championship. 


LORENZO

Well I’m confident we’ll make the playoffs. We have a good team here! Well, not *here* here, but here as in at this ballpark. 


FELIX

For the love of God will SOMEBODY give me my due credit as a pitcher?!


MANNY

Yes Felix, you are the exception. 


CARTER

I’m a good pitcher too!


DAVE

I’m the best pitcher we have. Management even told me. 


HARRY

Aren’t you special. 


DAVE

Lorenzo, catch for me, I’m warming up. 


LORENZO

Sorry, but I don’t know how to catch. Also, I’m not on the roster anymore. 


DAVE

I said catch for me.


LORENZO

I don’t think you understand.


DAVE

NOW. 


LORENZO gets behind the bullpen plate. DAVE throws a pitch at full speed. 


LORENZO

A perfect pitch! You’re ready to go in the game!


DAVE

You really think so?


LORENZO

Oh absolutely, no wonder they’re using you to rebuild!


DAVE returns to the bench smiling. LORENZO sits next to ROBERT.


LORENZO

I flattered him to avoid getting hurt. Is that bad coaching?


ROBERT

Probably. But if it gets him to stop showing off, I’m fine with it. I’m impressed actually. It’s like when everyone else is playing Go Fish, you’re playing Chess. 


LORENZO

Actually, I don’t know how to play Chess. 


ACE

Hey Coach?


Nobody answers.


ACE

COACH!


Still nobody answers.


ACE

Lorenzo.


LORENZO

Oh were you talking to me? 


ACE

Yeah. Phone’s ringing. 


LORENZO

I’ll get it!


LORENZO runs to the phone. JASON, the Indianapolis Primitives manager, is on the other end.


JASON

Lorenzo! I’m coaching over here—


LORENZO

Yeah me too!


JASON

No like, I’m actually coaching so I just wanted to make this quick, glad you’re back and good bleeping luck.


JASON hangs up the phone. LORENZO returns to his seat as the teams switch sides in the middle of the inning.





The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 2: Bottom Of The First Inning


Setting: Bottom of the 1st Inning, September 2, 2023


VICTOR

You know what I never understood?


BRYAN

What?


VICTOR

Why is the big screen in the outfield behind us? How are we supposed to see ourselves that way?


FELIX

You idiot, because it’s in the outfield! 


VICTOR

But then why does the bullpen have to be located here? Seems to me like a pretty awful location for a bullpen if you can’t even see anything. 


CARTER

I like looking at the field. The fresh-cut grass, the beautifully-maintained sand, the lumpy mound…I could stare at it for hours.


VICTOR

Well I’d much rather see what’s going on back there. 


BRYAN

I have an idea Victor! What if we just turned around and watched that instead!


BRYAN and VICTOR stand up and face the outfield so they can watch the big screen. 


VICTOR

Oh. Just boring numbers. 


DAVE

Those “boring numbers” are the player stats. You’ll be seeing some of mine up there late in the games. 


ACE

You guys gotta watch it in between innings, that’s when it’ll be the most entertaining. 


HARRY

Yeah, if you don’t mind sitting down for now, you’re blocking my view. 


BRYAN

Actually I think you should be able to see the game just fine.


HARRY

Not the game, the grill. I got some burgers on there and I don’t want to burn too many of them.  


ROBERT

You know what, I’m not waiting until the middle of the inning to watch something interesting on that big board.


DEVIN

Do you think they have other channels?


FELIX

Of course they don’t have other channels, it’s not a television. 


BRYAN

I bet if we do something interesting enough we should be able to get on that big board before the end of the inning. 


CARTER

Two outs already. 


BRYAN

Come ON can nobody on this team hit?!


ACE

Yeah maybe it’s best we just forget about it. One more out and it’ll be back to something fun. 


DAVE

By definition you are rooting against our team.


ACE

Please.


ACE turns his back to the field and stares at the big screen, waiting in anticipation. 


MANNY

ACE WATCH OUT!!!


ACE

I am watching, I’m waiting until—OW! Get off my back Lorenzo, I’m not giving you a piggy back ride!


LORENZO

I didn’t do anything!


ACE

Sure you didn’t.


DAVE picks up a ball from the ground.


DAVE

This home run ball hit you in the back. Our team scored. Sorry to keep you waiting for the end of the inning. 


LORENZO walks out onto the field.


MANNY

What is he doing.


HARRY

Probably something really stupid. 


FELIX

Idiotic too.


Everyone in the bullpen sees LORENZO from a distance confronting the teammate who hit the home run. 


VICTOR

I can’t see too well but I feel like someone needs to stop Lorenzo from doing…that.


ROBERT

Turn around guys, we got a show to watch!


Everyone turns around and watches LORENZO yell at a teammate on the big screen.


ACE

Now THIS is entertainment! C’mon Lorenzo, let him have it!


Security escorts LORENZO off the field and back into the bullpen. 


FELIX

What was that about?


LORENZO

I had to let him know that he can’t hurt one of my guys like that.


HARRY

Crap, the hamburgers!


HARRY runs to the grill to find all the hamburgers are burned.


HARRY

Dave, Carter, Felix, I have hamburgers ready for you!


LORENZO

I’ll take a hamburger!


LORENZO takes a bite.


LORENZO

Harry, these are terrible. I give you guys entertainment and that’s how I’m rewarded.


HARRY

I’ll make you a better one.


DAVE

You’ll make me a better one too. 


HARRY 

Yes, Sir.


The inning ends as a player strikes out. 

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