The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 5: Top of the Third Inning
Setting: Indianapolis Primitives’ bullpen, top of the 3rd inning, September 17, 2023
LORENZO
Alright team, third inning. This is the time of game I get a little bored.
DAVE
Why? Baseball is America’s pastime. What’s not to love about it?
LORENZO
Well we’ve been here for like five hours and still no bullpen action in sight.
DAVE
I don’t know about you but I, for one, will be keeping a close watch on this game. And you need a better sense of time.
LORENZO yawns.
FELIX
Carter, wanna make a bet?
CARTER
What is it?
FELIX
20 bucks says none of those doofuses pay any attention to the game this half-inning.
CARTER
Sure. Among all of them, someone has to say something about it.
FELIX
Eh…
DEVIN
I wonder what’s going on with the game.
CARTER starts to take $20 out of his wallet.
DEVIN
Oh. Right. Forgot the Fisher Fishers’ season is over.
CARTER keeps his $20.
CARTER [to FELIX]
How did he forget that our own team stopped playing?
FELIX
Beats me.
ROBERT
Hey guys I think we have a situation here.
VICTOR
Don’t tell me something’s going on in the game!
VICTOR looks at the field.
VICTOR
Nope, nothing I care about.
CARTER [to FELIX]
Does that count?
FELIX [to CARTER]
Yep.
CARTER hands FELIX $20.
ROBERT
Not about the game. Our coach fell asleep.
BRYAN
There’s no way.
BRYAN looks over to MANNY.
BRYAN
He’s awake.
MANNY
I’m not the coach anymore you dimwit.
ROBERT
Lorenzo’s sleeping on the job, guys.
DAVE
Eh, probably for the best. I think we all know he’s not fit to be bullpen coach.
ROBERT
No, don’t say that…
FELIX
What has Lorenzo done as a coach to make this bullpen any better?
DAVE
Nothing.
ROBERT
Come on, someone back me up.
BRYAN
Lorenzo isn’t THAT bad.
CARTER
You didn’t know he was coach until like a minute ago.
DEVIN
He knows now, though! Let’s give Lorenzo a chance, he’s probably just tired from a long day of coaching.
CARTER
It’s the third inning. I could be a better bullpen coach.
HARRY
Alright, let’s settle this before he wakes up.
HARRY hands everyone a napkin.
HARRY
If you want Lorenzo to stay bullpen coach, write Lorenzo. If you want Carter, write Carter.
ACE
Um…we don’t have pens.
HARRY
Alright, show of hands who wants Lorenzo.
ROBERT, ACE, VICTOR, BRYAN, MANNY, and DEVIN raise their hands.
HARRY
I see Dave didn’t raise his hand. Therefore I vote Lorenzo. Shows of hands, who wants Carter.
CARTER, FELIX, and DAVE raise their hands.
HARRY
7 to 3 Lorenzo.
LORENZO wakes up.
LORENZO
Ah, nice third inning nap. I’m sure I didn’t miss anything.
DAVE
We tried voting you out over that nap of yours.
ROBERT pulls LORENZO aside.
Don’t worry Lorenzo, we have your backs. It’s Dave, Carter, and Felix you need to worry about. You know, the actual pitchers.
ROBERT walks away, leaving LORENZO to think about the split in opinion of him amongst his own teammates.
The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 6: Bottom of the Third Inning
Setting: Indianapolis Primitives’ bullpen, top of the 3rd inning, September 17, 2023
FELIX
Alright, good news is we’re ahead in this game so we’re still in contention to make the playoffs. Bad news is I probably won’t pitch today.
ACE
Where are we in the standings now, anyways?
VICTOR looks at his phone.
VICTOR
One game out from the wild card now. I think we have a chance—wait a minute.
BRYAN
What is it?
VICTOR
Rumor has it every team’s gonna make the playoffs this year!
ROBERT
WHAT! No way.
VICTOR
That’s what it says. They’re planning on expanding the baseball season as a workaround to the ongoing actors and writers strikes.
MANNY
That sounds like one long playoff season. Harry, I hope you know how to make pumpkin pie and eggnog.
HARRY
Oh I know how to make those. The real question is if I’ll offer them to you guys.
DAVE
I’m not paying a dime.
CARTER
Is there like a live stream of anyone talking about this right now? This is a big development!
VICTOR
Uh…let me see…yeah it looks like they’re talking about it on cable news.
Everyone moves closer to VICTOR so they can see the stream on his phone. A United States Senator soon joins the program.
ANCHOR
Thank you for joining us, Senator.
SENATOR
Thank you for having me.
ANCHOR
Now, what do you think about the proposal to expand baseball so every team makes the playoffs?
SENATOR
Well I think it punishes the good teams and rewards the bad teams in a slippery slope toward communism. As a proud moderate, I will let you decide for yourself if that’s good or bad. But most importantly is the chaotic schedule. We don’t know when the season will end, but we do know that it would break the sacred, yet unwritten rule.
ANCHOR
Which is?
SENATOR
You didn’t know? The baseball season must end before the election. It’s the precedent and we can’t risk breaking it for the sake of our democratic republic.
ANCHOR
With all due respect I’ve never heard it.
SENATOR
Well we can’t have the baseball season extend past Election Day. It’s just the rule. We’ve voted on it and I received word before coming on that the President intends to sign the bill.
VICTOR shuts off the stream.
VICTOR
Well there goes that idea.
CARTER
Guess we gotta really root on our guys now.
LORENZO
Look, missing the playoffs isn’t ideal, but as long as we had fun it’s okay.
DAVE
You’re inept.
LORENZO
At least I’m awake.
MANNY
What Lorenzo means to say is it’s time to step up, because who knows when we’ll be needed.
CARTER notices the teams starting to switch sides.
CARTER
Clearly not this inning.
LORENZO
One of these innings, one of these weeks, one of you will be called onto the field. I can feel it.