Olivia is laying on a chair outside of Balmoral.
Gigi: Mum! Can we talk? And what are you doing out here?
Olivia: Sunbathing!
Gigi: It’s cloudy out, it’s sixty degrees, and we’re in Scotland, not to mention the fact that you are fully clothed!
Olivia: I didn’t say I was doing it well!
Gigi: Clearly, you’re not busy.
Olivia: No, I’m really just hiding from Trayman. The woman drives me batty!
Gigi: We’re aware.
Olivia: Who is “we?”
Gigi: Everyone on earth. Now, can I talk to my mother?
Olivia: You’re not Trayman, fire away.
Gigi: I’m going to miss this place when we have to leave.
Olivia: That was what you wanted to talk about? We’ve got another week!
Gigi: I didn’t say I had a deep, dark secret, it’s not Survivor.
Olivia: I’ve never seen that show, how is it?
Gigi: It’s chock full of surviving.
Olivia: Anyway, back to how you’ll miss this place.
Gigi: Oh, right. I am gonna. It’s nice to all be under one roof, doing fun activities, not having to worry about our jobs or responsibilities, bonding.
Olivia: Do we worry about jobs when we aren’t all in this castle? Most of us don’t have what would traditionally be defined as a “job.”
Gigi: You mean to tell me you don’t like it here?
Olivia: Of course I do! This is paradise to me, I love the countryside and, in spite of everything, I do love spending time with my family. Still, I’m not completely dreading going back to my regular life. I like getting to go out and meet people.
Gigi: Do you?
Olivia: If I’m being honest, I’m also getting tired of all the tartan. If I have to see Claude in a kilt one more time, I think I might have an aneurysm.
Gigi: They’re not his best look. Those skinny legs exposed to the world? Oof.
Claude: Was my name said?
Gigi: Ah! Uncle Claude!
Olivia: No, I would never talk behind your back!
Claude: That’s a yes.
Christine: I believe she was insulting your kilts. I think they’re sexy!
Olivia: I’m going to be sick!
Todd: Mum, you’re sick?
Olivia: Where is everyone coming from?
Claire: We were playing croquet on the other side of the yard.
Gigi: You didn’t tell us? We would’ve played.
Olivia: Speak for yourself, I don’t trust these people with mallets!
Eleanor: Why not? I have excellent control of the mallet!
Olivia: You let mum play! She could’ve broken… everything!
Eleanor: I’m fine! I’m ninety, not made of glass!
Claire: The only reason we didn’t ask you to join in was because we didn’t want to disturb you. Gigi was napping and Olivia, you looked like you were having a fun time out here in peace.
Ethan: That, and we had exactly enough mallets to have four games of four players going on at once.
Gigi: Wait, did Warren play?
Warren: Right here, love! I won!
Gigi: Now I feel betrayed.
Mandy: I watched the children!
Christine: Ignore her, she was inside staring at a carton of eggs.
Midge: I watched the children.
Mandy: No, you didn’t!
Christine: Okay, enough of this. Claude, you had something to ask your sister.
Claude: Oh, right!
Christine: Have you forgotten what it was?
Eleanor: I know I’ve forgotten. Too overtaken by the thrill of competition and victory!
Ethan: Mum, you came in fourth.
Eleanor: That means I beat someone! Someone much younger than me!
Todd: You don’t have to rub it in, gran! I tried my hardest!
Meredith: You all did better than me, at least! I slammed the mallet against my own hand!
Olivia: There’s a shocker.
Claude: Olivia, can we talk in private? They are clearly not going to stop talking.
Olivia: I supposed I’ve gotten enough sun, we can head inside.
Claude: Sun? I can’t even tell if the sun is up there today.
Olivia: There’s a light glow, and it does wonders for my skin.
Gigi: Mum, no one’s buying it.
Selina: You still look like Casper to me.
Olivia: Luckily, I don’t value the opinion of La Llorona. Now, I’m going inside to talk to my brother, because he asked me to, and he’s the King.
Inside the castle…
Claude: All right, it’s good to get to talk alone sometimes. Those people never shut up.
Olivia: In their defense, neither do I.
Claude: That is true, which I why I had to separate all of you.
Olivia: So what’s this important thing you needed to talk to me about?
Claude: The BBC wants to run a special about the history of Balmoral, and they want a guided tour of the house.
Olivia: Okay.
Claude: I wanted you to give that tour. It’s supposed to happen in two days, they said they won’t take up too much of your time. I know what this place means to you, so I think you’re right for the job.
Olivia: Absolutely not.
Claude: Excuse me?
Olivia: To start, that’s when the Braemar Gathering is, and I always love attending it.
Claude: You can’t skip it this one year to perform an order?
Olivia: An order? Claude, you’re not my boss.
Claude: I’m the head of the family, you’re supposed to respect what I ask of you.
Olivia: I respect your right to ask it, I also respect my right to refuse. You know I don’t have the best relationship with the media.
Claude: It’s a fluff piece, this can help you mend your relationship with the media.
Olivia: Yes, the best way to mend my relationship with the media is to force me to spend time with them. Brilliant plot.
Claude: I don’t understand why you’re so against this, it’s not as if I’m asking you to do anything unreasonable. You know that keeping up appearances is a huge part of the job.
Olivia: I’m supposed to be on vacation, and instead you want me to do the one part of the job that I utterly detest, and you had the nerve to act like you’re my boss, ordering me around! I get you’re King, but I still have a bit of autonomy. You aren’t a dictator!
Claude: I shouldn’t have used that word.
Olivia: You also shouldn’t have tried guilting me into doing it be reminding me you’re the head of the family!
Claude: Am I wrong?
Olivia: Factually? No. You are the head of the family. That doesn’t mean it’s not rude and off-putting. You have no right to boss me around.
Claude: This feels like a fight we would have as teenagers, not septuagenarians.
Olivia: We’re having this fight precisely because we’re septuagenarians. I am too old to put up with people thinking they can tell me what to do! You and the BBC want to run a special about our summer house? You give them the tour!
Claude: This is escalating into something it doesn’t need to become. Let’s just move on.
Olivia: I’m going up to my room to relax, alone. Don’t send anyone up to talk to me, and certainly don’t come up to talk to me yourself.
Claude: How long are you locking yourself in a room?
Olivia: As long as it takes for me to get over this.
Claude: Get over what exactly?
Olivia: Knowing that my brother thinks he’s my boss. It’s distressing to learn.
Claude: I didn’t mean it that way.
Olivia: Maybe not, but I bet you still expect me to do that BBC walkthrough, even now.
Claude: I would appreciate it if you did, but I’m certainly not expecting it after this.
Olivia: That would be the correct way to feel. I’m going up to lie down now, I have a headache.
Claude: Liv, don’t be mad!
Olivia: I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.
Claude: I’ll get Claire to do it!
Olivia: Claude, Your Majesty, stop when you’re ahead.
Claude: But I wasn’t ahead!
Olivia: Stop before you get even farther behind.
Olivia walks upstairs to her room as Claude walks outside.
Gigi: Where’s mum?
Ethan: Probably annoyed her to death.
Claude: She’s not dead, but she is very annoyed.
Gigi: Ah, what did you do?
Christine: Is she really upset you asked her to do a favor?
Arthur: What favor did you ask her, dad?
Meredith: I’d be more than willing to do it, whatever it is! I just want to be helpful!
Christine: That won’t be necessary.
Arthur: What is going on?
Claude: I asked Olivia to host the BBC’s tour of Balmoral when they film their special. She wasn’t receptive, I insinuated that I was ordering her to do it because I’m the “boss,” and she is furious with me.
Eleanor: Of course she is! She’s famously independent, she doesn’t take kindly to being bossed around.
Christine: Maybe it’s time to grow up?
Ethan: Do you like being bossed around?
Christine: I do my duties to my country, if that’s what you’re asking.
Ethan: It’s a tour of a musty old house, I don’t think giving the BBC a tour of it would exactly be considered humanitarian work.
Christine: I still do what’s asked of me.
Ethan: We’re supposed to be on vacation and enjoying time off. Olivia works harder than anyone, I think she’s earned a bit of off time.
Arthur: Not to mention, she hates the press almost as much as she hates the Prime Minister.
Meredith: Standing right here!
Arthur: Oh, I’m aware.
Claude: Claire, would you mind giving the tour instead?
Claire: I’m not getting involved in this, no way, no how.
Claude: Is anyone willing to do this BBC Balmoral tour? I don’t want to cancel on them, but no one seems willing to do it.
Nathan: Why don’t you do it?
Claude: It would be unprecedented for the sitting monarch to do something like that.
Todd: I would be willing to do it.
Gigi: Traitor!
Claude: I appreciate the offer, but you’re not a working royal. Obviously you’re part of the family, but it would also be unusual for a non-working royal to be representing us in an official capacity.
Gigi: Sold mum up the river just to be shut down! It’s what you get!
Arthur: I’d be willing to do it if the drama dies down. If you and Auntie Liv stop your feuding, I have no issues doing the tour. I don’t see it as an issue, the media has been far kinder to me than to Aunt Liv.
Christine: Are you sure, dear? It would be the same day as the Braemar Gathering, would you allow yourself to miss that?
Arthur: I’m now undecided.
Claude: The drama only ends when she lets it end. I have no desire to fight with her.
Meredith: I can go and tal-
Claude: Absolutely not! No one is supposed to bother her, that’s what she yelled as she stormed up the stairs.
Eleanor: Oh, this takes me back to when you were kids!
Gigi: The 1880s?
Eleanor: Did your mother never treat you respect?
Fred: She’s f-
Gigi: Don’t ever say a woman’s age!
Fred: She’s old enough to not blame that on her mother anymore.
Christine: Hey, Fred! I have a great idea!
Fred: I’m frightened.
Christine: You are the only one here who has any legitimate reason to go up to the room. In a few minutes, sneak up there and go talk to her.
Fred: You think I want to get a divorce? That’s what’ll happen if I disturb one of her moods.
Todd: I can go! She can’t divorce me.
Norah: No, sweetie, she’ll just kill you.
Gigi: “I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!”
Veronica: Is it wrong for me to say I think it would be entertaining to see that happen?
Alicia: It’s true, but you shouldn’t say it.
Fred: I’ll go. I have to save Todd from doing something stupid that’ll end in Olivia’s arrest.
Veronica: Oh, this is going to be good.
Fred: Don’t follow me.
Meredith: Should I call in the Armed Forces just in case?
Ethan: They won’t listen to you! Maybe Claude could do it?
Claude: No one’s calling in the Armed Forces. This will be resolved peacefully.
Fred: Easy for you to say, you’re not going into the belly of the beast.
Claude: I’m the King, I can’t be the one to get a bookend thrown at my head!
Gigi: Another beautiful day of familial bliss!
Midge: I’m beginning to regret finding those sunglasses.
Mandy: No, I don’t need glasses!
Claire: You had to get her going?
Midge: I didn’t mean to, I forgot she doesn’t understand things so good.
Five minutes later, in Olivia’s bedroom…
Olivia: If you’re here to defend Claude, you’re sleeping on the couch.
Fred: Are you packing?
Olivia: Does it look like I’m packing?
Fred: Why are you packing?
Olivia: This family doesn’t respect me! I’m treated like some sort of… I don’t know, employee.
Fred: The family, or Claude?
Olivia: So you did come here to calm me down! Why are you doing Claude’s bidding?
Fred: I’m here because I know you’re struggling and I wanted to support you. What is going on?
Olivia: Weren’t you listening to me?
Fred: Did anyone else in the family talk down to you, or just Claude?
Olivia: It was just Claude.
Fred: Then, don’t let him ruin your vacation. He can say whatever, you can just ignore it.
Olivia: No, I want to go.
Fred: Olivia! It’s a nine hour drive and it’s three in the afternoon!
Olivia: We’ll go tomorrow, then. Don’t let anyone know!
Fred: Are you dead set on leaving?
Olivia: I’ve had fun, but I can’t deal with being disrespected like that.
Fred: Have you let those frustrations be known to him?
Olivia: Of course I have.
Fred: Did you let him explain himself to you?
Olivia: I’m not thinking rationally maybe, okay? I’m simply upset that all the work I put in to repair my family relationships and I’m still seen more as an employee, as Claude’ underling, than as his sister!
Fred: Honey, that is a very legitimate way to feel, and I think you need to speak directly to him about that rather than letting it fester. I’m on your side, and I know that neither of you want a fluff BBC television special to cause another rift.
Olivia: I know, it’s an idiotic thing to start off a family feud, but the feelings aren’t idiotic. I have to talk to him.
Fred: Before we go?
Olivia: I don’t know. I need space.
Fred: I’ll give you space if you need it. Do you want me to bring dinner up to you tonight? And should I let anyone visit or have them all leave you alone?
Olivia: Yes to dinner, no to visitors. With my luck, Trayman will weasel her way in and I’ll lose so many braincells that I’d forget what I was even mad about.
Fred: Got it!
The next day…
Eleanor: Olivia! Why are you dropping your luggage down he stairs?
Olivia: I want to go home?
Ethan: Please, no drama, not this early in the morning.
Olivia: It’s not drama, I’m bowing out gracefully.
Ethan: Bowing out? Why are you talking like you’re withdrawing from in a beauty pageant?
Eleanor: Honey, this is not serious enough to ruin your vacation over!
Claire: Yeah, Arthur already said he’d do the house tour, you don’t have to worry about it.
Olivia: I’m more worried about the way I’m seen by your King.
Eleanor: Our King!
Todd: Gran, not now.
Eleanor: I can’t bear to see my children fight! I really can’t bear to see one of them walk out on vacation because of it!
Olivia: Anthony didn’t even come, so maybe worry about that more than my early departure.
Midge: I don’t mean to interrupt anything, but do I also have to leave if you leave?
Claire: You can stay, now move out of the line of fire, please.
Olivia: I’m not some hothead! I’m calmly explaining that I’m ready to go because Claude doesn’t value me. That is all.
Claude: Okay, gang, what are we d-
Olivia: I have to go.
Claude: I come out of the powder room to find you with a suitcase? What is this?
Olivia: I’m leaving, I need space.
Claude: Can we talk first?
Eleanor: Hear him out! This trip can still be salvaged! Think of how old I am, do you want me to die with this being how my last vacation ended?
Arthur: Gran! Stop being overdramatic!
Eleanor: We have to look at the facts!
Arthur: Just don’t talk about dying.
Eleanor: Why not?
Nathan: It’s emotionally manipulative.
Arthur: And I don’t want to think about it!
Claire: Oh, honey, it’s okay. She’s immortal at this point.
Meredith: That’s what they say about me as Prime Minister! If I’ve survived all this -
Arthur: Shut up, Meredith! I’m spinning out!
Eleanor: I’m not dying, okay?
Gigi: That’s right, gran, you’re immortal.
Eleanor: Exactly, I’ll outlive all of you. I’m like the Betty White of this family.
Claire: Should we tell her?
Gigi: No! If she doesn’t know, keep her in the dark. I wish I didn’t know Betty White was d-
Claire: You just said not to say it!
Gigi: Oh, right.
Olivia: You know what, Claude? If I don’t have to hear these idiots talk about mum dying or whatever, I’ll talk with you about being your property.
Claude: Employee!
Olivia: Close enough.
Claire: Don’t dig yourself a deeper hole, she was already starting to forget what you said!
Claude: Let’s talk outside, where we’re alone.
Olivia: Why not?
Olivia and Claude walk outside.
Claude: Liv, this is too much. We love each other, we’re not going to feud over something so silly.
Olivia: I just don’t want to be seen as your underling. It’s hard knowing that, simply due to birth order and gender, my brother’s in charge of me. You’re the head of the family, I’m the dutiful sister. I’m supposed to go along with anything you say.
Claude: I was frustrated, I didn’t mean it.
Olivia: It felt like you did.
Claude: I’m an idiot!
Olivia: No argument here.
Claude: Olivia, I want you to do what you want. What’s important is we spend our time together and stay close. Anything can happen, look at dad.
Olivia: I know. I just needed to put my foot down, because this isn’t happening again.
Claude: It’s not. I know better than to cross a spitfire like you!
Olivia: Good.
Claude: Are you going to stay?
Olivia: Begrudgingly. I’m going to need a drink, though.
Claude: It’s eight in the morning.
Olivia: Perfect time for some sherry, no?
Claude: Ah, Liv. I’m glad you’re speaking to me again.
Olivia: We may fight like cats and dogs, but we’ll always be here for each other.
Claude: How much did you trash talk me to Fred last night?
Olivia: Enough that I was driving the car today. Poor guy was up until two thinking about everything I said. He didn’t even get his morning tea with Claire!
Claude: The horror!
Olivia: I know, what a nightmare!
Olivia and Claude walk back into the castle.
Olivia: All right, everyone, I have returned, and I’m staying!
Gigi: Shall I let Fred know?
Olivia: He’ll figure it out.
Ethan: I thought your mind was made up?
Olivia: I’m making my mind up to slap you right now.
Ethan: I’ll be quiet.
What did you think of this episode of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the next episode next week!
