Paul is at Leslie’s hotel room door.
Leslie: All right, let’s hear the idea.
Frances: Who’s that at the door?
Leslie: Don’t worry about it!
Frances: That just makes me more suspicious!
Paul: I’d like to say this in private.
Frances: Oh, jeez, not you!
Paul: What did I do?
Frances: You have all our heads spinning trying to figure out how to improve the ratings of the number one show on TV! Just let us be ourselves! Let Bake Your Heart Out be Bake Your Heart Out.
Paul: What a very West Wing thing to say.
Frances: I have been binging it, no shame in that.
Paul: Can we just talk?
Frances: Fine, I’ll go back and watch America’s Got Talent like the good little sheep I am.
Leslie: Paul, what’s the idea? I’m getting impatient, I also want to go watch America’s Got Talent.
Paul: What do people love more than travel?
Leslie: Chocolate, and we’ve already got plenty of that.
Paul: I was going to say “nothing."
Leslie: You want to turn us into a travel show? Are we going to become The Amazing Race?
Paul: I want the next season of the show to feature travel, yes. A European adventure, with a new city and country every week, celebrating the cuisine of that country. It’ll shake up the show just enough to add interest, without having to compromise the format of the show.
Leslie: Is this just an idea or would it be official if I agreed to it?
Paul: I’d have to mention it to the other executives, but I know they’ll go along with it.
Leslie: Did we not just have a conversation about staying in Rhode Island because we all love it here?
Paul: I get that, that’s why I’m only asking you. It’s your choice. You want to stay, we stay. I thin, though, that the tax credit situation is the perfect excuse to do this. It makes for a very easy promo campaign, too.
Leslie: Let me talk it over with the team. They have very strong opinions about staying in Rhode Island, as you’re aware of.
Paul: Just tell them one, thing, okay? If the next season is filmed in Europe, I won’t be joining you. I’d have to stay behind.
Leslie: Do you think that would be a selling point for them?
Paul: I think it will instantly seal the deal, at least for Sam and Diane.
Leslie: Then I’ll tell them! Why do you have to stay behind, though?
Paul: I sense that I’m being replaced back at the network, going overseas to be a Bake Your Heart Out groupie would solidify it. That’s why I’m sending my number two over with you. She’s British, so she’s an expert on Europe. She can guide you through it.
Leslie: I don’t think we really need a European guide, Charlotte is pretty famously European.
Paul: Please just take her.
Leslie: Okay, fine, we’ll take her! I’m thinking you’ve got an ulterior motive here, though.
Paul: Of course I do, the woman’s clearly trying to steal my job!
Leslie: Well, Paul, if this really does happen, and you aren’t supervising us anymore, I want you to know that it’s been a pleasure.
Paul: Don’t get all mushy on me, nothing’s set in stone yet. Heck, you might just end up coming back and filming in LA again!
Leslie: Ugh, LA.
Paul: You do know that’s where we live most of the time, right?
Leslie: Yes, but that doesn’t mean I want to film my TV show there. Who films a show in LA anymore?
Frances: Leslie, you almost done in there?
Leslie: In a minute!
Paul: I think I’m just going to give you guys a bit of peace to watch your show, you get around to talking to them about Europe and we’ll reconnect tomorrow.
Leslie: Sounds good to me! See you tomorrow, Paul! Finale day!
Paul: I know! Exciting, right?
Leslie: Not as exciting as America’s Got Talent, though. I have to go!
Paul: See you tomorrow!
One hour later…
Diane: Leslie, was there a reason for an emergency meeting?
Sam: Yeah, I was watching the Big Brother live feeds!
Leslie: Ooh, anything exciting going on?
Sam: Not really, just a bunch of people talking in circles.
Diane: It’s compelling TV, I promise.
Leslie: I know more about these people than I know about any of you, and I’ve been watching it for a week. I’m hooked!
Frances: Is that what you were looking at during America’s Got Talent?
Leslie: No! Never!
Frances: You missed all the people that don’t got talent!
Leslie: All right, enough about TV. Let’s talk about our show!
Diane: Oh, the irony.
Charlotte: I was doing my hair when you called, I apologize for looking like this.
Garry: You look great!
Sam: Garry, you shameless flirt! In front of Frances?
Frances: Leave me out of this!
Charlotte: Look at the curlers in my hair! I look like Penny Marshall in Hocus Pocus!
Frances: You look fine! I know you’re an Oscar winner, because you point it out daily, but TMZ is not standing outside the hotel ready to snap pictures of you through the window. You’re good.
Charlotte: Still, can we close the blinds?
Diane: They are closed.
Charlotte: Thank god.
Leslie: Okay, to the point: Paul wants us -
Sam: No.
Leslie: to film a season of Bake Your Heart Out where we travel Europe and film in a new country every week. He says he thinks it can freshen up the show without changing the format and bring in new fans.
Diane: What happened to Rhode Island?
Leslie: It’s a one-time thing.
Diane: So we’ll come back to Rhode Island when, two years?
Leslie: I don’t know, he has to figure out the logistics.
Sam: Is it really a one-time thing, though? He’s just saying that to win you over now. Why would he only want to do it once to boost the ratings? If it works, he’ll be okay with us going back to normal? Won’t we just lose those viewers again and it’s all in vain?
Leslie: I don’t know what his game plan is here, I just know that this is something we could work with. We get a free trip to frickin’ Europe!
Charlotte: Been there, done that!
Frances: Not all of us are lucky enough to be from jolly old England, Charlotte!
Garry: So you’re on board with this?
Frances: I think it’ll be a nice adventure for us. Rhode Island is beautiful, the people here and great, and it feels like home. However… there’s a whole world out there, and we’d get a chance to explore a bit of it. Is that not cool?
Sam: You sound like Diane!
Diane: No, she doesn’t! Diane is scared of this! Diane hates change!
Charlotte: Why is she referring to herself in the third person?
Diane: Diane doesn’t know!
Frances: I feel like I’ve got Bob Dole on my bed.
Sam: Come on, she’s not quite as dull and droning as Bob Dole.
Diane: That didn’t sound like an endorsement!
Sam: It wasn’t!
Leslie: Can we circle back to not liking change?
Diane: I’ll talk about anything that doesn’t involve a comparison to Bob Dole.
Leslie: You adapted very well to the change from LA to Rhode Island. I think one tour of Europe that lasts a few months would be a great experience for all of us.
Diane: What about Melanie? I worry for Melanie. We’re a constant for her.
Garry: That’s a good question.
Sam: You talk like Melanie has no other friends. We’re just the old people she humors whenever we’re in town.
Diane: That’s not true, and you know it. Yes, she has other friends, but we’ve become like family to her. She was devastated when she thought we weren’t coming back here before, then we assured her we were staying. Now we’re going again? How’s she going to take that?
Sam: I don’t really want to go to Europe myself, mostly because one British accent is about all I can handle at once -
Charlotte: Hey!
Sam: but Melanie will be fine, she’ll understand. It’s called show business for a reason. Not everything is done in the name of fun and games.
Diane: But it should be! We’re rich! We’re successful! We should get to pick our own path!
Sam: I apologize for this temper tantrum, everybody, I made her skip her evening wine tonight.
Diane: I know it sounds spoiled, and I am spoiled, but we have the means to make ourselves happy and make others happy, should we not do that?
Frances: You know where I’d be happy? Europe.
Diane: Am I the only one concerned about this? The only one concerned about Melanie?
Leslie: Diane, we always need new staff members. I’ll offer Melanie a job on the show, she can come with us if she wants.
Diane: That would be nice, but -
Leslie: Okay, you just personally don’t want to go.
Diane: You’re right, I don’t! I like it here, and I feel comfortable here.
Leslie: And that’s fine! We can talk through this. I would never force us to make a major change like this without all of us being on board with it.
Frances: You better get on board, bitch! I’m getting my European trip!
Diane: Just give me time to think about it.
Sam: Yeah, if I decided I want to do it, I‘ll be able to sway her.
Charlotte: I immigrated to America to get away from Europe, so I’m not terribly keen to go back.
Sam: Why, is your accent not seen as charming over there? You know us Americans are dumb, we hear you talk like that and we’re captivated.
Charlotte: Sure, let’s go with that.
Sam: Let’s be honest, that’s what won you the Oscar.
Charlotte: I should slap you.
Leslie: All right, I think this is enough talk for tonight, clearly we’re tired and cranky.
Charlotte: I am not!
Frances: Off course she’s not, Oscar winners don’t get cranky!
Diane: Be careful, she’ll call Jamie Lee Curtis and the grandma from Minari to reunite their Best Supporting Actress club and attack you!
Frances: I’m not scared. I have three Daytime Emmys!
Leslie: What are we even talking about now?
Sam: I don’t know, can I go back to watching Big Brother?
Leslie: Do you ever take a break?
Sam: I used to, but ABC hasn’t had Bachelor in Paradise on in the summer lately.
Garry: I still can’t believe you of all people love Bachelor in Paradise!
Sam: Shut up, Garry!
Leslie: All right, enough of this chat for now, you all head back to your rooms, we’ll talk tomorrow!
Frances: Yeah, I gotta get my bed ready, I’m tired. It’s ten o’clock!
Sam: I’d mock that, but I do have to say that I am also very tired and very much ready for bed.
Frances: Thank you! Someone gets it!
Sam: Leslie just young and foolish, she doesn’t get it. She’s just a kid.
Leslie: You are ten years older than me!
Sam: Yes, and ten o’clock feels later and later with each passing year. Especially when Garry’s around.
The next morning, at the Sunrise Diner…
Leslie: Finale day, gang! How are we feeling?
Diane: A bit of dread. I don’t know, I’m not ready for this season to be over. These are the best moments of our lives, and they go by too quickly.
Sam: Oh, no. She’s getting sentimental again. Diane, no one’s dying. We’ll see each other in, like, three months.
Diane: I know, I just love this group.
Charlotte: Well, we love you.
Leslie: I love the lovey-dovey, adorable expressions of love between us all, but I have to ask if any of you have decided on what I asked last night.
Frances: I was all-in last night, I still am. I think it would be a great experience.
Leslie: Great! One of four!
Diane: There are five of us.
Leslie: Damn, I forgot Garry!
Garry: That’s okay, most people do.
Leslie: How are you feeling about it, Garry?
Garry: Carly and I discussed it, she’s on board. The baby will be here just before then, so we'll have to navigate that, but we'll make it work. I’ve never been to Europe, so this will be fun.
Charlotte: You’ve been in the entertainment industry this long and you’ve never been to Europe? That’s crazy!
Garry: I live a sheltered life.
Sam: Yes, because most people prefer it that way.
Leslie: Two down, three to go. How are you guys feeling?
Diane: I am, I know this is shocking -
Leslie: It’s okay, we don’t have to go if you don’t want. I won’t pressure any of you.
Sam: Consent is so cool, remember that, kids.
Charlotte: Who is she talking to?
Frances: I don’t know, she’s weird.
Diane: I want to go.
Sam: We talked about it last night, we agreed it could be a fun adventure for all of us, and that it’s healthy to break out of our comfort zone.
Diane: I had to be pushed into it, it was tough, but fair.
Leslie: You’re on board and I didn’t even have to tell you that Paul’s not coming with!
Sam: He isn’t? Oh my god, I feel… orgasmic.
Diane: I’ll have what she’s having!
Frances: We are so embarrassing.
Sam: We’re in showbiz, we don’t have the shame required to embarrass ourselves.
Leslie: Charlotte, ball’s in your court.
Charlotte: I will go, but I will not be your European mascot. I can’t be giving you a tour of Europe because, for starters, I’m not an expert on it just because I talk like this.
Leslie: That’s fine, Paul’s setting us up with a new network supervisor who is from England.
Charlotte: Oh, hell no!
Sam: Oh, she’s jealous!
Charlotte: I am not!
Sam: She just wants to be unique! It’s okay, Charlotte, you’ll always be our first English muffin!
Charlotte: Never call me that!
Leslie: I’m so excited for this! I’m excited to tell Paul!
Sam: So, are we really going to Europe in three months? It feels so soon!
Leslie: Four.
Sam: Still soon.
Leslie: Paul’s gotta work out the details, we’ll see what he works out. I trust him.
Sam: Famous last words.
Later, on the set of Bake Your Heart Out…
Sam: Nancy, Nathan, it’s all come down to this.
Diane: After eleven thrilling weeks on competition, one of you is about to win Bake Your Heart Out!
Sam: We’ve loved having both of you, and we are so excited for you. You really brought your A-game to this competition.
Diane: Now, to announce our winner. You ready?
Sam: Ready as I’ll ever be.
Diane: The winner of Bake Your Heart Out is…
Sam: Nathan!
Diane: That was my line!
Sam: Don’t be petty, join the celebration!
Diane: And celebrating we will! Congratulations to Nathan and all of our finalists, and thank you to our viewers at home. Thank you for watching your heart out.
Sam: We’ll see you next season, bye!
Leslie: Cut! That was perfect! Congrats, Nathan!
Nathan: Thank you! I’m a little overwh-
Leslie: Paul, we gotta talk.
Paul: It’s rarely good to see someone say that, but I have a good feeling about this.
Leslie: All of us in Diane’s dressing room, let’s go.
Garry: Why not my dressing room? I’ve got little cupcakes that I baked for the afterparty, I’ll let you all have some while we talk!
Frances: Them not wanting to eat your baking is probably the main reason for that.
Garry: I’m sorry we can’t all have a James Beard Award, Frances!
Frances: You should be!
Leslie: All right, yeah, let’s go to Diane’s room. Maybe we can get a few minutes of peace away from them.
In Diane’s dressing room…
Paul: So, I hope you bring good news.
Leslie: I br-
Diane: We are so excited to go to Europe next year!
Leslie: Not as excited as me.
Paul: I’m glad you’re all on board. The executives love the idea. One thing, though.
Leslie: Oh, god. I knew there’d be a hitch.
Paul: It’ll be filmed in the summer. One last season in Rhode Island films in the winter. The network already locked down a contract with the studio here. Plus, we have extensive planning ahead of us for European filming locations, and I’m sure Leslie will be an extensive part of that process.
Leslie: I’m happy to help.
Diane: Once more in Rhode Island? That’s amazing!
Paul: I won’t be joining you for that, either. You’ll be on your own then.
Sam: I think we’ll manage.
Paul: It’s been a pleasure, guys. I know we’re not all that close -
Garry: Are you kidding? We love you!
Frances: Yeah, other than that time they all quit because of you, they’re wild about you!
Paul: Laying it on a bit thick, no?
Sam: It’s what they do.
Paul: So, I just wanted to thank you for welcoming me to this set in spite of everything. I also wanted to introduce you to Jacqueline Fletcher, who is my #2 at the company. She’ll be joining you in Europe and making sure you’re all comfortable. She’s on FaceTime right now.
Jacqueline: Hello, everyone! How are you?
Charlotte: So excited to talk to a fellow Brit!
Jacqueline: Congratulations on that Oscar!
Charlotte: Aww, thank you! You know, it’s really never mentioned.
Sam: It’s not?
Jacqueline: I’m very excited to be joining all of you for your European season. This is my favorite show, and I look forward to showing you all around. I’ll let you all celebrate the end of your season in peace, though. Talk soon!
Paul: Isn’t she a doll?
Leslie: Aren’t you sending her with us to make sure she doesn’t steal your job?
Paul: Damns straight I am.
Sam: Wow, Paul! That’s the first thing you’ve ever done that’s made me respect you!
Paul: I’ll miss this.
Sam: I won’t!
Three days later…
Diane: Aww, Melanie! You’re working the early shift?
Melanie: I had to see you guys before you ship off to LA. I can’t believe it’s already that time.
Diane: None of us can.
Garry: These moments are fleeting…
Sam: Shut it, Garry, we’re having a moment!
Melanie: There’s plenty of time, no need to shush Garry.
Sam: We have to get to the airport soon.
Melanie: I know, but if I just lie to myself a bit longer, it’ll delay my realization that you guys are about to be gone.
Diane: And you said she didn’t care about us!
Melanie: Who said that?
Sam: I said you have other friends, that’s all.
Melanie: You guys are family.
Diane: And I said that! I win.
Leslie: Not a competition!
Frances: Melanie, we’ll be back here in January for another season in Rhode Island, you have no reason to be so sad. A little break from us can only be good for you.
Melanie: You’re right, you guys do party a little too hard for me.
Leslie: Melanie, I know you know about Europe -
Melanie: I’m not mad! I get it, it’s for the network.
Leslie: I said this to them, and I meant it then and I mean it now: You want a job on the show, you got it. You can come along for the ride.
Melanie: That’s very sweet. I guess I have a while to decide.
Leslie: You do, but please consider it. I think it would be great for you.
Melanie: I’ll have to talk things over with my grandparents, see if we can make it work.
Leslie: You’ll be paid much better than you’re paid here.
Melanie: That helps to make it work!
Charlotte: Guys, it’s time.
Sam: Melanie, we’ll call when we land!
Melanie: You better!
Diane: See ya, Rhode Island, it’s been fun!
What did you think of the finale of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the season premiere of Raymond Island next week!
