The Bullpen Birthday Special 2020

Bryan: Another day back in the bullpen.
Eli: Feels good to be back.
Jason: It really does.
Kurt: Did that add anything?
Jason: Did what add anything?
Kurt: You saying ‘Yeah it does’.
Jason: I didn’t say ‘Yeah it does’, I said ‘Yes it does’.
Robert: I’m pretty sure you said ‘It so does’.
Jason: Who cares what I said, point is we’re back in the bullpen, celebrating my birthday.
Eli: I have a question by the way: why are we celebrating this birthday and not your other birthdays?
Jason: Because this birthday is different from all my other birthdays.
Kurt: How so?
Jason: This birthday I’m celebrating it with all of you.
Kurt: That doesn’t answer the question at all.
Robert: Is Harry gonna bring out the hot dogs soon? I’m starving.
Eli: I thought Lorenzo was making the hot dogs.
Bryan: Nah, he’s busy with his lawyer friends. From what I hear it’d make for a pretty entertaining show.
Jason: You talk to Lorenzo?
Bryan: No. Well, a little bit. One of the lawyers called me on Monday and invited us all to go over to the bar, so we’re doing that on Tuesday.
Eli: We are?
Bryan: Also it was more of a “you’re coming here” thing than a “want to come?” thing.
Harry: Hot dogs are ready. By the way, you see that cotton candy scandal is still going around? Real big thing at the baseball stadiums lately. You’re lucky the team got away with it.
Jason: Why, who else is doing it? And how do you know?
Harry: I stay up to date with all the baseball news. Apparently you don’t. Three more teams have been caught with players taking excess cotton candy.
Kurt: That’s not just a Lorenzo thing?
Harry: It was. Now everyone’s doing the Lorenzo Challenge though. Pretty stupid if you ask me. I don’t know why anyone would take that challenge, they’d have to be dumb, right? Or maybe not. Maybe—
Bryan: You took the Lorenzo Challenge, didn’t you?
Harry: Yeah.
Eli: What even is that?
Harry: You try to steal a cotton candy machine without getting caught.
Jason: And three people have been caught so far?
Harry: Yeah. So anyways, I put frosting on the hot dogs too because I didn’t know where to find any cake. It’s actually Lorenzo’s recipe, believe it or not.
Jason: Oh I believe it.
Eli: We should all sing Happy Birthday to Jason! Just not me.
[Everyone except Eli sings Happy Birthday to Jason with little passion.]
Harry: Make a wish!
Jason: I wish we could figure out who won the Indiana-Vermont game.
Kurt: Didn’t that happen months ago?
Jason: Yeah but they still don’t know who won. Scoreboard error. Both teams claimed victory.
Bryan: How is that even possible?
Jason: One team got more runs, and the other got more hits.
Robert: Aren’t all games decided by how many runs the team scores?
Jason: You would think. Even Minnesota claimed victory on the game.
Bryan: Don’t you have any other wishes?
Jason: Um...I guess for a good off-season.
Kurt: That was your Christmas wish.
Jason: Also my Thanksgiving wish. I make wishes a lot.
Bryan: That it?
Jason: I also wish to see you all at Lorenzo’s Kitchen Tuesday night. It’ll be good to see Lorenzo again.

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