Bake Your Heart Out Season 1, Episode 11
Rescue Me
Sam, Diane, Garry and Frances are relaxing in Sam’s dressing room.
Frances: Do you guys hear that?
Sam: Hear what? It is a buzzing sound? I think that’s just Diane’s hearing aid.
Diane: I do not wear a hearing aid!
Frances: No, I hear yelling.
Sam: You’re just going crazy.
The smoke alarms begin to go off.
Sam: This old thing is making noises again? So annoying.
Frances: I think it’s real.
Leslie (out of breath): You guys need to get out! There’s a fire!
Frances: A fire? What?
Garry: I think she means there’s a fire.
Frances: Is the studio going to burn down?
Diane: She’s gone, Frances. She already ran off to warn more people.
Frances: But what if the studio burns down? Where will we work? What will we do?
Diane: We can cross that bridge when we get to it. Let’s try not to burn down along with the studio right now!
Frances: Yes, we should do that!
Outside, after everyone has evacuated the Bake Your Heart Out studio…
Leslie: Alright, all sixty-two people in the building at the time have been accounted for.
Frances: Thank god everyone is safe!
Diane: We announce we’re leaving and the whole studio starts to burn to the ground. I think there’s a word for that…
Sam: Foreshadowing?
Diane: That’s the one!
Leslie: Don’t do that, you two.
Sam: What? Discuss reality?
Leslie: Put a curse on the show. Or whatever you’re doing.
Sam: We’re merely making a prediction.
Paul: Alright, what the hell happened here?
Leslie: Just a small, slightly concerning fire. It’s all been contained in one area, according to that hunky firefighter over there.
Paul: How did this happen?
Frances: Financiers turned deadly!
Leslie: It’s not deadly. Everyone’s fine.
Frances: It’s still scary! I could have been in there! I could’ve started on fire.
Leslie: Frances! I was in the baking cabin when the fire broke out. I’m not dead! Relax.
Paul: Really though, what happened here?
Leslie: The bakers were making financiers for this week’s challenge. Someone left them in the oven a bit too long and it caught on fire. They quickly grabbed it from the oven, but the pan was so hot it burned them through their oven mitt. They dropped the burning financiers onto the ground and a fire broke out.
Paul: What kind of damage are we looking at here? And how long is this going to delay filming?
Leslie: I don’t know and I don't know. Let me ask.
Paul: Please do.
Leslie: Hey, fireman? Can I ask you a question?
Jason (fireman): Sure, what is it?
Leslie: How, umm… how serious was the fire? How much damage was there to the studio?
Jason: It wasn’t very serious, just the one wall got fire damage.
Leslie: That’s great!
Paul: Is it?
Leslie: The whole building could’ve burned down, I’d say this is a win.
Paul: In a way. However, filming is still going to be delayed for days now and that’s going to cost us money.
Sam: Just calm down, Paul. Don’t you have to go haunt the mansion on the set of Clue or something?
Paul: No, unlike you people, the cast of Clue never gives me a headache.
Sam: What a sick burn. Now if you excuse me, I have to go put my eyes back into their socket because I just rolled them so hard.
Paul: Would you like me to fire you before you leave the show? I could do it.
Sam: Like you’d dare.
Diane: You two just relax. No fighting, we don’t want to have to call the cops on top of the fire department.
Paul: I could just call security to have you both taken off the set right now.
Diane What did I do? Whatever it is, I’ll stop.
Leslie: So Jason, are you busy on Saturday night?
Jason: No, why do you ask?
Leslie: Would you like to go out for dinner?
Jason: Sure! I’m not busy.
Leslie: I know, you said that already.
Thirty minutes later, after the firefighters leave, the gang walks into the studio to survey the damage.
Frances: Oh my god, the wall! It’s black!
Sam: Do you have some sort of emotional connection to a wall?
Garry: Give her a break, she’s a very emotional person.
Diane: Yeah Sam, don’t be so rude!
Sam: It’s a wall!
Frances: Some of the floor is burnt, too!
Garry: And a table!
Sam: How ever will we recover?
Leslie: Paul told me outside that he isn’t going to pay for repairs -
Diane: What? He can’t give us a raise and now he’s going to try to be cheap on us again by not paying for repairs? What an a-
Leslie: It’s fine. We can do it together!
Sam: ‘Scuse me?
Leslie: Filming is delayed until the studio is repaired, we have to do repairs ourselves. Unless you want the show to just never finish filming.
Diane: We don’t want that. I’ll be here tomorrow to help with repairs.
Garry: Me too.
France: Of course you can count on me. I hate seeing our studio like this.
Sam: It’s really not that bad. It’s almost cool.
Frances: Cool? This isn’t cool!
Sam: Fine, I’ll help. Even though I only have three more weeks left of filming after this episode is done. I’ll do it out of the goodness of my heart.
Diane: Is it really only three weeks?
Sam: Yes, three. I have it circled on my calendar.
Diane: You’re excited to leave? I’m so torn up about it, even if I know it’s for feminism or whatever.
Sam: I’m not excited to leave. I’m just ready for some time off. I’m booking the first ticket to New York.
Leslie: I don’t want to think of you guys leaving. Let’s just not talk about it. Tomorrow is a day for repairing the studio and thinking of happy things.
Diane: Like your new boyfriend?
Leslie: What?
Garry: I saw you ask out that firefighter. And if I saw it, you know these hawk-eyed ladies certainly did.
Frances: What’s his name? What’s his favorite color? Where did he grow up?
Leslie: We talked for like five minutes. All I know is that his name is Jason. That’s all I’m going to say. I’ll probably text him tonight.
Diane: Ooh, things are getting dirty.
Leslie: I’m going to ask him questions about his life! Nothing dirty. I’m a good, god-fearing Christian woman. I would never sext before the first date!
Frances: But before the second?
Leslie: We’ll see.
Diane: Leslie! This is so unlike you.
Sam: Garry, why are they talking like they’re teenage girls?
Garry: They’ve all been single for a long time. They’re just excited about one of them finally finding some success.
Sam: Yeah, it’s hard to be in such successful relationships as we’re in. I haven’t seen my wife in months and you’re so scared of yours that you quit your high-paying job on the #1 show on TV just to please her. True love.
The next day…
Sam: I have arrived. What do we do now?
Leslie: Well, Garry and Frances are knocking down the wall that caught fire. They’re gonna go pick up some drywall and paint afterwards. So you can help me sand over this floor and then re-finish it. Diane’s working on doing the same thing not the table.
Diane: Are you sure that’s a good idea? Wouldn’t it just be better to rip out the flooring that’s damaged and replace it?
Leslie: We don’t have the time for that. It’s just a small part of the floor in the back corner of the cabin. It’s not like it’ll be seen on TV.
Diane: If you say so…
Frances: Hey Leslie, how did your texting go?
Leslie: My goodness, we’ve been here for fifteen minutes and you’re just asking now? You’re slipping up.
Frances: I know, I’m so ashamed.
Leslie: It went great. He told me his favorite color is green, he grew up in Lake Avon, Ohio and he’s a huge fan of Bake Your Heart Out. He said he has a signed picture of all four of you guys hanging in a wall.
Sam: That sounds… stalker-y. I would know, two of my best friends did the same thing with the cast of Survivor and they’re clearly stalkers.
Leslie: He’s not a stalker. He’s just a fan. I’ll bet he doesn’t even know who I am.
Sam: Your name is listed in the opening and closing credits. He knows who you are.
Frances: Stop it! Leslie hasn’t been on a date in an eternity. We have to support her.
Leslie: Thank you, Frances! At least one of you supports my new love.
Garry: You’re already in love?
Leslie: It doesn’t take much these days, Garry. You just have to be a man who treats me right. And Jason’s doing just that.
Sam: Just be careful. This sounds like a Lifetime movie.
Diane: You watch Lifetime movies? How have I never know this before.
Sam: Because I don’t. I just know what they’re like and this sounds like one.
Frances: I prefer Hallmark movies. Nobody dies in those.
Diane: I’m pretty sure the deaths are the only reason Sam likes Lifetime movies to begin with.
Sam: I don’t like Lifetime movies!
Saturday, at Porbella’s Restaurant…
Leslie: Jason! It’s so lovely to see you again!
Jason: I’m so happy to see you! Getting to go on a date with you, it’s really “baking” my dreams come true.
Leslie: Aww, you’re so kind. I guess we should go get a table.
Twenty minutes later…
Leslie: I can’t believe we’re just getting a table now. This place is never busy. Then again, I don’t usually come here on the weekend.
Jason: Do you come after work?
Leslie: Usually. I’ll come here once every couple weeks, sometimes with Garry and the girls, sometimes by myself. It’s a nice little place owned by this lovely Italian family and it’s pretty affordable for the food you get and the location of the place, so I like to give them my business.
Waitress: Hi, I’m Karen and I’ll be your server today. Can I get you started with some drinks?
Leslie: I’ll have a piña colada.
Jason: The same for me.
Karen: Alright, that’s two piña coladas. I’ll be right back with those.
Leslie: I can’t believe you like piña coladas, too! None of my friends do. I’m usually alone in ordering alcohol when I come here. They just make the best piña coladas.
Jason: The others from Bake Your Heart Out don’t drink alcohol?
Leslie: Oh, are you kidding? They love it. Especially Diane, she worries me. They’re just all so cheap
Jason: That’s so funny!
Leslie: It is? Thank you! I’ve never seen myself as a comedy type.
Jason: You’re so funny. You always make me laugh when we’re texting.
Leslie: That’s very kind.
Jason: I always forgot to ask, how is the studio? Did you get it fixed up after the fire?
Leslie: It’s not as nice as it once was, but it’s repaired and I’m content with that. We’re starting up filming again on Monday.
Jason: The fire was only on Wednesday and you’re already back to filming in two days? That’s impressive!
Leslie: You saw it for yourself, it wasn’t too damaged. We almost repaired it entirely on Thursday.
Karen: Here are your piña coladas.
Leslie: Thanks. I was just telling him how great they are. They better not disappoint. Not that they ever do.
Karen: Jack made them just like he usually does, so they should be just as good as usual.
Leslie: He did? That’s great! He hasn’t been here the past few times I’ve been here. They were still good then, though.
Karen: I made them then! I tend bar when Jack isn’t here!
Leslie: How have I never known that?
Karen: Sorry Leslie, Maria is looking at me like she wants to kill me so I’m gonna have to cut off this conversation here. Would you like any appetizer or are you ready to order dinner?
Leslie: Jason, you ready to order dinner?
Jason: Yeah, sure.
Leslie: Alright, I’ll have the chicken marsala, but instead of the potatoes au gratin, I’ll have a side of mozzarella sticks.
Karen: Alright, that’s a -
Leslie: Typical Leslie order? I know, you don’t have to tell me.
Jason: I’ll have what she’s having. The chicken marsupial with mozzarella sticks.
Leslie: Chicken marsala. Marsupial is a kangaroo. I don’t make a habit of eating those.
Karen: I’ll go put your order in. Would you like another drink?
Leslie: I’ll just have a water. I still have to drive home.
Karen: Alright, sounds good.
Jason: So, what do the others usually order when they come here?
Leslie: They usually change it up. They don’t have a signature order like I do.
Jason: What’s it like to work with them?
Leslie: It’s nice. We’re like a family. Sometimes we fight, sometimes we drive each other nice, but we love each other. Speaking of family, what’s yours like?
Jason: They’re fine. So, how did you get the idea for Bake Your Heart Out?
Leslie: We actually have a documentary premiering in a few weeks that explains all of that. What made you become a firefighter?
Jason: I already know about the documentary, but can’t you just tell me now?
Leslie: I’d rather use this dinner to talk about each other and not talk about my job the entire time.
Jason: Alright, I can do that.
Leslie: Then I guess I’ll ask again. Why did you decide to become a firefighter?
Jason: It was always my dream since when I was a kid. Just like you with Bake Your Heart Out?
Leslie: Yeah, sure. I’m going to run to the bathroom really quick.
Leslie goes to the bathroom and calls Garry.
Garry: Leslie! Aren’t you supposed to be on a date? What’s going on?
Leslie: I am on a date. It’s a disaster!
Garry: What do you mean?
Leslie: He’s just interrogating me about Bake Your Heart Out. I think he might be a stalker.
Garry: Are you asking me for advice? I’ve never been very helpful in these situations.
Leslie: I don’t want to call Sam because then she’d say “I told you so” and I’m not in the mood for that. Diane is probably drunk, and Frances would tell me to just continue with the date because she’s just excited to see one of us on a date. So you’re the only one I can turn to.
Garry: Aww, I’m so honored to be your last resort!
Leslie: I could’ve called Paul.
Garry: That is hilarious.
Leslie: He probably wouldn’t have picked up. Even if I left him a message saying I was about to be murdered. So, you were clearly the better choice. Now what the heck should I do? And make it quick before be gets suspicious.
Garry: I think you should just let him down easy. Just tell him it’s not working and you don’t want to see him again.
Leslie: We haven’t even gotten our food yet.
Garry: Well, wait until after you eat to do it. I know how much you love going to Porbella’s.
Leslie: What if I ask the waitress to box everything up so I can get out of here?
Garry: That’s an idea!
Leslie: Thank you for the help, I guess. See you Monday.
Garry: See you Monday. Good luck!
Leslie hangs up and rushes out of the bathroom, tracking down Karen.
Karen: Leslie! You scared me!
Leslie: Sorry. I was wondering how much longer it was going to be until my dinner was ready.
Karen: They’re actually bringing it out in like a minute, I was just back there.
Leslie: Could you please put it and a piece of tiramisu in a box and throw it in a bag so I could get out of here quickly?
Karen: Date not going well?
Leslie: Not at all. I need to get the heck out of here. Just put the check on my tab, you guys know I’m good for it. I gotta get out of here.
Karen: I’ll do that. Good luck getting out of here!
Leslie returns to her table.
Jason: You were gone for so long! I thought of so many questions about Bake Your Heart Out!
Leslie: I don’t think we should see each other again, Jason.
Jason: What? Why not? Did I do something wrong?
Leslie: No, you seem like a very nice guy. You just seem more interested in dating my show than in dating me. I’m going to leave now.
Jason: Can I at least get your autograph before you go?
Monday, at the studio…
Frances: Leslie! How was your date?
Diane: Yeah, when’s the wedding?
Sam: I’m almost surprised your here. I thought you’d be in a meat locker by now.
Frances: Don’t say that! You’re gonna spook her!
Leslie: It wasn’t so good. He was completely obsessed with the show. It creeped me out to be honest.
Frances: He was always not good. You dodged a bullet!
Sam: So you’re telling me I was right? Not that I’m surprised, I usually am.
Leslie: You were right. At least I’ll never have to see him again. And I got some tiramisu out of the deal, so I’m cool with it.
What did you think of the episode? Let us know in the comments and make sure to return next week for another new episode!
