Our House Season 2 Premiere - Our Fall Run

 Our House Season 2, Episode 1
Our Fall Run

Betty: Teri! Teri! TERRRRIIIIIIII!
Teri (rushing down the stairs): What?
Betty: Have you seen this?
Teri grabs a flyer from Betty’s hand.
Teri: This is what was so urgent that you called for me like a baby calling for its mother?
Betty: It looks fun.
Teri: It does, but I almost tripped down the steps because I thought something was wrong.
Betty: I was excited.
Teri: So excited you couldn’t just call a family meeting like any other time you had something to tell us?
Betty: I only wanted to tell you.
Teri: Why?
Betty: I thought it would be fun for us to compete in together. We never do anything together.
Teri: Mom, you need at least six people for the Lakey Heights Fall Run. There’s only two of us.
Betty: Oh, I didn’t see that part. Is it too late to call a family meeting?
Teri: No, I don’t think anyone else heard you saying that you wanted it to just be me and you. You didn’t offend them yet.
Betty. Well then… FAMILY MEETING!
The entire family gathers in the living room.
Cindy: Why did we need to gather her, mom?
Velma: What I want to know is why this entire family is always available to gather for a family meeting at the snap of someone’s fingers every weekend.
Teri: Oh Velma. It’s because we’re a sad, lonely group of people with no lives.
Velma: Aww.
Betty: So everyone’s here? We can begin?
Tammi: Frank isn’t here, he’s at work.
Betty: Ah good, everyone’s here!
Tammi: We’ve been married for more than ten years, grandma. He’s a part of this family whether you like it or not.
Betty: I am the matriarch and I get to decide who’s in the family. He’s on the waitlist.
Tammi: Why do you all pick on him so much?
Mitchell: Can we get to the point of this meeting. Some of us have college football to watch.
Betty: Yes! This is very exciting for all of us.
Jerry: We’ll be the judge of that.
Betty: It is! I promise! In three weeks, the neighborhood is conducting the annual fall run!
Cindy: Which matters because?
Betty: We’re new to the neighborhood and this will be a great way to introduce ourselves to our new neighbors. I promise you, we’re going to have so much fun.
Ralph: What even is a fall run, mom?
Betty: It’s a fun competition where neighborhood families compete against one another. There’s six different mini challenges that three family members compete in together.
Ralph: So there’s no running involved?
Betty: Not necessarily.
Ralph: What does that mean?
Betty: Well, one of the six challenges is a mile run. But you don’t need to do that one. There’s also a trivia dunk tank, an obstacle course, a tug-of-war, lawn bowling, and a pumpkin carving contest.
Ralph: That actually sounds almost fun.
Betty: So are you guys in?
Jerry: Betty, I’m going to say something to you that I never say to anyone.
Betty: Oh no.
Jerry: I am so pumped for this. Where do I sign up?
Betty: You just call up the HOA and let then know you’re participating.
Cindy: The HOA? I have a very complicated relationship with them.
Betty: The HOA doesn’t hate you, Ron Stein just did.
Cindy: What’s the difference? He’s gonna do everything he can to keep us from winning.
Velma: Didn’t you hear? Ron moved to Florida. His older sister fell in the shower and she needed someone to take care of her. He always wanted to move somewhere warmer anyway, it was perfect for him.
Cindy: How did you get all of this information?
Velma: I know some people.
Teri: Facebook. She got it off of Facebook. Amelia posted it.
Cindy: Oh. Makes sense. I’m an Insta girl myself.
Teri: It’s Instagram. I know you see them all the time at work, but you aren’t a teenager. Don’t talk like one.
Cindy: Fine. Instagram.
Betty: We’re getting off topic here! Are we all in on the Fall Run?
Teri: Yes, I think we are.
Betty: Okay, one final thing. The maximum amount of people to compete is twelve. One person won’t be able to compete.
Danielle: Who’s that gonna be?
Steven: Please don’t be me. I really want to do the Fall Run, grandma Betty.
Betty: Don’t worry, Steven. You can compete. It’s obviously your father that’s not competing.
Tammi: Grandma, why? you constantly belittle him.
Teri: Oh my god, I feel like we have this argument every ten minutes!
Betty: Last one in, first one left out.
Tammi: Steven is the last one in.
Betty: He’s a child. I can’t crush his dreams.
Tammi: Alright, fine. Frank will sit this one out, just so this conversation can be over with.
Betty: One final thing, we need to designate a team captain. Anyone want to take on that responsibility.
Jerry: As someone with experience in these types of events, and someone with a military background, I think I have the expertise required to lead this family.
Betty: Anyone object? Nope? Alright, it’s yours, Jerry.
Jerry: I take the job of captain very seriously. It’s why I say that we need to start training immediately.
Betty: I agree.
Teri: You two agreeing, what a sight.
Betty: We aren’t always on opposite sides, Teri.
Teri: Sure.
Betty: Jerry, how are we picking who will take part in each event?
Jerry: I was thinking we call all practice the events a little bit, then pick who will play which one. Would everyone be up to spending a few hours practicing for the fall run?
Betty: Yes, they would.
Mitchell: Are you really answering for us?
Betty: Yes. I’ll drive you all crazy if you don’t participate.
Teri: She really will. This is something we just have to do.
Betty: So, now that we’re all on board, I think I should go to the HOA office and let them know we’re participating. It says here on the flyer that they have kits there that we can use to practice for the events.
Karl: Do you want me to drive you?
Betty: No, why would you need to drive me?
Karl: You got lost the last time you went to the HOA office.
Betty: Oh, good point. You can drive me if you want.
Karl: Alright, see you guys soon.
Karl and Betty drive to the HOA office and arrive home thirty minutes later.
Jerry: Welcome home! Everyone that was willing to has already completed the mile run. We figured you guys wouldn’t want to do that one anyway.
Betty: Who did it the fastest?
Jerry: Me, Tammi and Danielle. So you can mark us down for that one.
Betty: What’s up next?
Jerry: I’m thinking the trivia dunk tank. Did they give you anything to prep for that?
Betty: Yeah, there’s two softballs and a pack of trivia cards.
Jerry: Alright. First we can all practice the trivia, then we’ll all practice trying to hit a target with the ball. We need to pick someone smart and two people that are athletic.
Betty: I agree. We’re really becoming quite the dream team!
Two hours later…
Betty: Alright, it’s time to decide who will represent us in each event. Remember, half of us will need to go twice and half of us only need to do one.
Tammi: Aside from Frank, of course.
Betty: Tammi, we have moved on from Frank. Stop talking about it.
Jerry: We already have the mile runners set. Anyone want to do the trivia dunk tank.
Everyone in the family raises their hands.
Jerry: Alright, I guess I can split this into two categories. Who wants to do the trivia portion?
Everyone but Karl and Betty put their hands down.
Jerry: Who’sokay with getting wet if they get an answer wrong?
Betty puts her hand down.
Jerry: Karl it is!
Karl: Wow, that was easy.
Teri: This isn’t a smart family. You’re the only one that’s ever completed a New York Times crossword. It was destiny.
Karl: Thank you, I guess.
Jerry: Alright, from those of you that want to be the ball throwers, who actually has interest in this challenge and who just wants to do it because they don’t like any of the other ones?
Ralph and Zeke put their hands up.
Jerry: You’re out of the running. I have the results of how many hits everyone got during practice. I’ll use that to pick the throwers.
Teri: So, who are the lucky winners?
Jerry: Let me find it. I have it written down someone in my notebook. Ah, there it is. Velma and Mitchell, you’ll be pitching.
Zeke: They’re married, only one of them should qualify.
Velma: That doesn’t make any sense.
Jerry: It really doesn’t, son. Don’t be too jealous, I’m sure there are other events you can play in and mess up just as well.
Betty: What event’s up next?
Jerry: The obstacle course. We didn’t get to practice this one, but I have experience running obstacle courses and Cindy greatly helped me with those, so I think we should both be in it. Anyone object?
Velma: Yes. I would really like to do this one, too.
Jerry: Three people can do it, you can be in it if you’d like.
Teri: I call foul. She just got to do the dunk tank that we all wanted and now she gets first dibs on the obstacle course, too?
Jerry: Does anyone other than Velma want to do the obstacle course?
Danielle raises her hand.
Jerry: Then it’s Danielle.
Velma: What? Why does she get it automatically instead of me?
Jerry: I really don’t care which one of you gets it. I just went with which one of you would make the group less mad.
Velma: Fine.
Betty: This is going so well!
Jerry: Next up we have the tug-of-war. The flyer says we have to have at least one man and one woman compete here, so which of you ladies wants to do it?
Teri: I will volunteer as tribute. To save my mother from getting injured and to save Danielle and Velma from having a catfight.
Jerry: Sounds good to me. Guys, which of you want to do it?
Mitchell is the only one to raise his hand.
Jerry: Alright, so Mitchell and Zeke it is!
Zeke: What, why?
Jerry: Because I said so. Is that a good enough reason.
Cindy: Calm down Jerry, don’t kill anyone today. Just breathe.
Jerry: I’m fine now. Who wants to do lawn bowling?
Ralph: This seems like it doesn’t require much physical effort. That’s good for me!
Jerry: Alright, Ralph’s in. Who else?
Betty: I’ll do it if Teri does it.
Teri: I trust you more with a bowling ball than I do with a knife for the pumpkin carving, so I’ll do it.
Jerry: Five down, one to go! Steven, you’re the only one that isn’t signed up for anything yet. You’ll be doing it. And since I was really inspired by your mom’s Addams Family pumpkin during practice, she’ll be doing it too.
Tammi: Steven, we get to carve a pumpkin together! Isn’t that exciting?
Steven: Yeah, sure mom.
Tammi: You don’t sound excited.
Steven: I am. I promise.
Jerry: Who wants the last slot?
Cindy: I’ll do it. It would be nice to get to compete with my daughter and my grandson.
Jerry: So it’s all settled. This was far less dramatic than I thought it would be, I’m so proud of us!
Betty: Good job everybody! I guess you can all go back to whatever you were doing before. Happy Saturday!
Cindy: Mom, it’s 5:30. The day’s almost over.
Betty: Oh come on Cindy, it’s Saturday! You can stay up late. I know when I was your age I’d be up partying late on Saturdays.
Cindy: So that’s what you were doing once we all left home.
Three weeks later…
Jerry: Come on Tammi, let’s go for a run around the block. The Fall Run is tomorrow!
Tammi: Alright dad, let me get my running shoes on.
Jerry: Could you ask Danielle to come too? I wanna make sure the whole team is ready!
Tammi: Yeah, I’ll go get her.
Jerry: Thanks. I’ll go grab the mail while I wait.
Jerry goes out to the mailbox and five minutes later, Tammi and Danielle come outside.
Tammi: Dad!
Danielle: Oh my god, Jerry! What happened?
Jerry: I fell down the steps because my shoelace wasn’t tied right. 
Tammi: Our steps are made of stone, are you okay?
Jerry: I survived two tours of Iraq and Afghanistan. A shoelace isn’t taking me out.
Tammi: Do you need help getting up?
Jerry: No, I fell in the grass. I’m fine.
Jerry tries to get up and falls over.
Jerry: On second thought, I think I rolled my ankle. It might be sprained.
Tammi: Do you want to go to the hospital?
Jerry: No, just help me back up the stairs. I’ll wrap it up and ice it and relax for a while. I’ll be fine.
Tammi: What about the Fall Run?
Jerry: Call a family meeting. There’s no way I can do it, you’ll need to find a replacement.
Tammi: Alright. It won’t be the same without you, though.
Jerry: I am pretty irreplaceable, but I think you guys will be fine without me.
Danielle and Tammi help Jerry up the steps and call the entire family to the living room.
Tammi: Okay everyone, we are in a bit of a crisis. Dad sprained his ankle and now we’re down a person for the Fall Run tomorrow. We also no longer have a captain. What are we going to do?
Teri: Why would you expect any of us to know what to do? We’re us.
Karl: What if Frank steps in? He also has military training and he’s more athletic than most of us. Plus there’s nobody else we could ask.
Tammi: That’s a great idea, grandpa. I can call him up and ask him.
Tammi steps out of the room to call Frank.
Betty: This is truly the worst day of my life. This can not be happening to me.
Teri: How do you think poor Danielle feels? She’ll actually have to compete with him.
Jerry: Everyone, calm down. I know you all see him as the worst member of our family, but he’s actually a good guy. He’ll be a good replacement for me.
Velma: Does this mean I could do the obstacle course now?
Jerry: Ask Teri.
Teri: Fine, Velma. You can do the obstacle course.
Tammi enters the room again.
Tammi: Good news everyone! Frank’s gonna step in for dad.
Velma: Is he good with only doing the mile run? Because I was given permission to do the obstacle course.
Tammi: I’m sure he’d be fine with that. Especially since he hasn’t been training for anything. There is still one question, though. Who’s going to be our captain?
Jerry: I think that’s pretty clear. You stepped up to lead the team when I got hurt and got us back on track. You’re the best choice to be captain.
Tammi: Would everyone be okay with that?
Teri: Of course we would. Better than having mom be captain and we were ten seconds away from her jumping out of her chair to volunteer for it.
Betty: I really was.
Tammi: Alright, I guess you all have to listen to me now.
Cindy: Don’t let the power go to your head too much.
The next day, after the Fall Run, the family walks into the house, where Jerry is waiting…
Betty: I can’t believe it.
Teri: Neither can I.
Jerry: What is it?
Cindy: We won!
Jerry: Congratulations! I knew you could do it!
Tammi: And it was all Frank!
Velma: Not all Frank. He only did one event. But he did crush the mile run. The Canters didn’t have a chance.
Steven: The judges loved our pumpkin, too!
Cindy: They sure did. They also appreciated that it paid tribute to The Addams Family.
Steven: It was mom’s idea. She knew you liked her pumpkin so she thought it would be good to use it in the contest.
Frank: Do you guys like me now? I finally did something right in your eyes.
Betty: Oh don’t be silly Frank. We like you.
Teri: Yeah, you big idiot.
Karl: Can I get by really quick? I need to change into some dry clothes.
Jerry: You didn’t win the trivia dunk tank? You did so well in practice?
Karl: Oh, I destroyed the competition. I still wanted to feel what it was like to get dunked. It's all part of the fun.
Teri: And so is hypothermia, apparently.

What did you think of the episode? Make sure to comment your thoughts below and catch a new episode next week!

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