Finally Apart Season 1 Episode 3: The Museum


SETTING: CATHERINE'S APARTMENT UNIT
CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
I know I need a job to make money to support all the crap I just bought, but how...I assume I'm a little too old to pursue my dream job, if you know what I mean, wait who's you, I'm thinking to myself, funny how that works. I guess I'll just go to some place and ask for a job, that's how it works right? 

CATHERINE [out loud]
And I also need a heater, it's cold in here. 

CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
Why did I decide to say that last part out loud? People must think I'm crazy if they can hear me through the walls...I wonder if they can...eh doesn't matter, I don't talk to them anyways. Maybe no one's there, should I check out the place? 

CATHERINE [out loud]
No Catherine, that's trespassing. We don't do that anymore.

CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
I really am crazy.

CATHERINE puts on a coat and walks out of her apartment. She walks for about five minutes before noticing a small museum. She walks in and approaches a woman, TRISHA. 

CATHERINE
You thinking what I'm thinking?

TRISHA
Um...probably not?

CATHERINE
I'm thinking you should give me a job here because I'm separated from my husband and broke beyond belief.

TRISHA
We do have an opening for a museum security guard, but we have a rule here that everyone applies for the position.

CATHERINE
Consider myself applied.

TRISHA
You didn't apply! Get out of here!

CATHERINE
When do I start?

TRISHA
Never! 

CATHERINE gives her a look of disgust and starts to leave.

TRISHA
Wait actually...I am pretty desperate, so I guess you can fill in for the rest of the day. 

CATHERINE
OK, what do I do?

TRISHA
Stand there.

CATHERINE
What if someone tries to take a painting or sculpture or whatever you have on display here?

TRISHA
Stop them.

CATHERINE
How?

TRISHA
You'll figure it out.


CATHERINE
Thanks for this opportunity Marissa! I promise my days of stealing things from museums are behind me!

CATHERINE walks over to an unoccupied corner. Around her is a picture of the city's founder as well as a small replica of a house. 

MUSEUM GOER
Wow, that's a nice replica. 

CATHERINE
Stop right there, I'm security. You're coming with me. 

MUSEUM GOER
What'd I do??

CATHERINE
It's not what you did, it's what we both know you were about to do.

MUSEUM GOER
Take a picture?

CATHERINE
I knew it! I knew you were trying to take the picture!

MUSEUM GOER
I was trying to take a picture of that house thing! 

CATHERINE
I'm so sorry, I'm new at this, you see usually I'm relaxed and carefree but I'm trying to be professional now.

MUSEUM GOER
Uh huh. 

CATHERINE
You can go on your way now.

MUSEUM GOER
Thanks?

CATHERINE walks back to the corner to see a person staring at the picture of the city's founder.

CATHERINE
Hey.

MUSEUM GOER #2
May I help you?

CATHERINE
Nah, just hanging. I'm a security guard. 

MUSEUM GOER #2
OK?

CATHERINE
Take your time.


MUSEUM GOER #2
I was planning on doing that. Hey, can you turn around?

CATHERINE
Why?

MUSEUM GOER #2
Just turn around.

CATHERINE
If you're trying to steal the picture go ahead, see what I care.

MUSEUM GOER #2
Really? Wow. You're terrible at your job. Keep it up, I have plenty more things to steal.

CATHERINE
OK.

TRISHA [from behind]
What do you mean OK? We don't let people steal from the museum!

CATHERINE
The people before made me seem to think I was being too over-the-top so I scaled it back a bit.

TRISHA
You had one job and you didn't do it. You're fired.

CATHERINE
Screw this.

CATHERINE walks out, disappointed that she couldn't keep her job for a longer period of time.

CATHERINE {thinking to herself]
Now I know one job I can't do. Maybe moving out here was a mistake. Should I move? Wait a minute! I can go to a Britney concert and forget all about this!

Share this

Related Posts

Previous
Next Post »