Marietta Season 2 Episode 2 - The Marietta Horror Picture Show

 Marietta Season 2, Episode 2
The Marietta Horror Picture Show

One month after election night, Tammy calls Marietta on the phone…
Tammy: Marietta, have you picked out your costume for trick-or-treat night?
Marietta: I have an old costume of Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show that I’m going to wear.
Tammy: Dammit Janet, that’s not going to work.
Marietta: Why not? It’s a costume and it’s related to Halloween.
Tammy: This is a family event. Kids don’t even know what The Rocky Horror Picture Show is. Nor should they.
Marietta: You take that back!
Tammy: I’m not insulting your favorite movie, calm down. It just isn’t for kids.
Marietta: Alright, fine.
Tammy: I can help you find one if you like. There’s this cute little costume shop on Decatur Street we could go to and Amazon also exists if you want to go down that route.
Marietta: Tammy, I don’t need help finding a costume. Out of curiosity though, what are you going as
Tammy: Elphaba from Wicked.
Marietta: That musical came out sixteen years ago and you’re only just going as Elphaba now?
Tammy: Pot, meet kettle.
Marietta: My costume is timeless.
Tammy: So is mine. Plus, I’m a New Yorker and Broadway is in my blood. Your Halloween costume should always tell something about your personality. For example, I’m going to order you an Elsa costume. It works because you’re an ice queen and she’s also played by Adele Dazeem -
Marietta: Did you just do an Adele Dazeem joke in 2019?
Tammy: What? It’s timeless.
Marietta: You are just rotten.
Tammy: Thank you!
Marietta: So, when is trick-or-treat night?
Tammy: It’s in five days. Which is why you really need to find something soon.
Marietta: I’m fine. I will get a costume, don't you worry.
Tammy: Don’t just brush me off. I know you aren’t going to look for a costume.
Marietta: I will.
Tammy: You better. And don’t forget about trick-or-treat night. Milton really wants you to be at the mayor’s mansion for the celebration. He says it’s tradition for the incoming mayor and the outgoing one to pass out candy together to show a peaceful transition of power.
Marietta: I will be there. Don’t you worry.
Tammy: Alright. I’ll trust you. One more quick thing. Since she’s going to be your press secretary, I decided to invite Amy to the party.
Marietta: Oh. Thanks.
Tammy: I was expecting a bigger reaction.
Marietta: Yeah.
Tammy: You sound thrilled!
Marietta: I am. I promise.
Tammy: Alright, I’m gonna let you go. Remember that I’ll be out of town visiting Ralph for the next two days and I won’t get them until late on Monday, so this will probably be the last we talk until then.
Three days later, Tammy knocks on Marietta’s door…
Tammy: Marietta! It’s Tammy!
Marietta opens the door.
Tammy: So, how have you been? Getting excited for your inauguration? I planned some great stuff while I was on the plane, I’d love to run some ideas past you.
Marietta: I’ve just been getting ready for Halloween.
Tammy: Did that include getting a costume?
Marietta: It did indeed. It also included me getting all of my Halloween decorations down and watching my favorite Halloween movies. I even had some time to stop and get Kyle and Maria some stuff for the baby.
Tammy: I’m so proud of you! You were actually productive in the two days that I left you alone.
Marietta: Don’t be so surprised. I’m not a child.
Tammy: So, can I see your costume?
Marietta: Um… I’m washing it at the moment. You’ll see it on Thursday though!
Tammy: Can I see the package at least?
Marietta: Didn’t come with one unfortunately.
Tammy: You didn’t get a costume.
Marietta: I want to go as Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show! Is that too much to ask?
Tammy: Just pick something family friendly. It’s not that hard.
Marietta: The costume itself isn’t inappropriate. Who cares if the kids don’t have a clue who I am?
Tammy: Marietta…
Marietta: Tammy…
Tammy: You know, sometimes I really feel like I’m your mother.
Marietta: You’re not my mother and you never will be!
Tammy: I think if you just look at some costumes online you’ll be very happy with the selection.
Marietta: Fine. My movie can wait a little longer, I guess.
Tammy: Oh, what movie are you watching?
Marietta: I think you know the answer to that.
Tammy: How are you always watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Marietta: I only watch it in October, I need to get enough viewings in this month so that I’m good for the rest of the year.
Tammy: Alright then.
Marietta: So, where are we looking online for these costumes? We only have two days until trick-or-treat.
Tammy: Trust me, I know. I have Amazon Prime for a reason.
Marietta opens her laptop and they begin searching for costumes. Fifteen minutes later…
Tammy: See Marietta? This is what I was telling you about.
Marietta: There are lots of costumes that I like, I’ll give you that.
Tammy: Tammy knows best, you know it.
Marietta: Don’t refer to yourself in the third person. It’s off-putting.
Tammy: Which costume do you want to get? We need to order within an hour to make sure it gets here by trick-or-treat.
Marietta: I like that cat costume and the Little Shop of Horrors one and the Wicked Witch one.
Tammy: You can’t be the Wicked Witch, it’s too similar to mine.
Marietta: How about the other two?
Tammy: I don’t know if kids will know what Little Shop of Horrors is, but it’s more family friendly than Rocky Horror so I guess that’s one’s fine. A cat is pretty generic but it’s cute if you want to go that route.
Marietta: I don’t know what about a man-eating plant says “family friendly” but I think you for your permission. I’m going to dress as Audrey.
Tammy: Thank god you finally made a decision. I’ll order it now.
Marietta: This was so much less painful than I expected it to be.
Tammy: That’s because we make such a good team.
Marietta: Now can I please get back to my movie/
Tammy: Yes, go watch your movie. My trip was great by the way.
Two days later, Marietta is searching through a box of old Halloween costumes.
Marietta: Come on, where is my Janet costume? I know it’s in here somewhere. A ha, there it is!
Marietta pulls her costume out of a plastic bag.
Marietta: That is… not how I remembered it. The wig is so messy and the dress is stained and the jacket is missing. I guess I’ll have to just wear the costume Tammy ordered for me.
Two hours later, Marietta arrives at the mayor’s mansion.
Tammy: Marietta! I can’t believe you’re here a half hour early and you’re wearing the costume we ordered and not the one you’ve been begging to wear all week.
Marietta: I loved this one so much, I would never consider wearing something other than this.
Tammy: I’m proud of you.
Marietta: Thank you. Now for the rest of the night, the name’s Audrey. Like my New York accent?
Tammy: No, don’t do that.
Marietta: That bad?
Tammy: That bad.
Milton: Marietta’s here already? I haven’t even filled up the cauldron with candy!
Marietta: I’m about to be the mayor, I have to start showing up to things on time.
Milton: How did you ever survive the Senate?
Marietta: Everyone there was so old they barely noticed when I wasn’t there.
Tammy: Oh, we noticed. We just thought you’d change your ways eventually. You were a young mother when you first took office so tardiness was almost to be expected. It just never went away and we all felt too awkward saying anything about it.
Marietta: Oh.
Milton: Anywho, do you like my costume?
Marietta: What is it?
Milton: I’m David Pumpkins!
Marietta: Is he from something?
Milton: Saturday Night Live!
Marietta: I know. I was doing a bit.
Milton: Very funny.
Marietta: Any questions?
Tammy: Yeah, where are your parents? They’re always early.
Marietta: There they are!
Patty Lynn: Marietta, you look divine! It’s been forever since I’ve seen you dress up for Halloween.
Marietta: This is a new era of Marietta. I’m more fun now!
Tammy: Martin, I just want to say that your Charlie Brown costume is great, no matter how unexpected of a choice it is.
Martin: Thank you. Patty Lynn picked it out. I told her she should go as Lucy but she said she wanted to go as someone more likable.
Tammy: That could have been anyone. The devil is more likable.
Martin: She ultimately decided on Scarlett O’Hara because she got to dress fancy.
Patty Lynn: My dress has almost caught fire five times today but it’s worth it!
Marietta: How did that happen?
Patty Lynn: I knocked over a few jack-o’-lanterns on my walk here and they had lit candles in them.
Marietta: Oh mom, you need to be more careful.
Patty Lynn: I’m sorry, I was just so excited. I love Halloween almost as much as I love Christmas.
Marietta: I know you do, mom. I lived with you for two decades.
Patty Lynn: I’m so glad you got in the Halloween spirit this year, too.
Marietta: I’m glad, too. This is going to be a fun night!
Milton: Trick-or-treat starts in ten minutes, we better all get inside and get the candy ready.
Marietta: Ooh, what kind of candy did you get?
Milton: Reese’s, Hershey bars, pralines, M&Ms, Snickers, everything you could possibly imagine.
Marietta: That sounds expensive.
Milton: It doesn’t matter, it’s worth it if it makes the kids happy. Plus, I had to buy a bunch of candy anyway to send to Sarah at boarding school. She had a full list of candy s2he wanted and  I just bought all of it, sent her some of it and kept the rest for trick-or-treat.
Marietta: Very crafty of you!
Milton: Thank you, I like to think of myself as being pretty crafty, at least.
The gang dump all of the candy Milton bought into a big cauldron and wait for the first trick-or-treaters. A half hour later, they head a familiar voice and Milton opens the door.
Eliza: Trick-or-treat!
Milton: Eliza! I can’t believe you came!
Eliza: Neither can I. I’m eight months pregnant but Henrietta wanted to take Charlotte trick-or-treating for the first time tonight so I couldn’t just stay home.
Marietta: You look great!
Eliza: Thanks. I didn’t think I’d be able to walk around the entire night so I had to go in a wheelchair. Elena pointed out that Bette Midler has a character that’s a mermaid in a wheelchair, I like mermaids and Bette Midler, here we are.
Marietta: Where’s everyone else?
Eliza: I thought they were right behind me. Looks like they all got caught up at the last house.
Elena: Happy Halloween, everybody!
Eliza: Oh there you guys are!
Marietta: How are you, Elena? Getting excited for the twins to come.
Elena: Excited and nervous. But mostly excited.
Henrietta: Trick-or-treat! That’s from Charlotte, but she’s being shy right now.
Marietta: You guys look so cute? Are those Toy Story costumes?
Henrietta: Exactly correct. I’m Jessie, and Charlotte is Bo Peep.
Elena: And I’m Forky, because the folks at Pixar could only make the two female characters and we were going for a theme here..
Marietta: I think you all look wonderful. You’re probably all too young to know who I’m dressed as, though.
Henrietta: You’re Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors!
Marietta: How did you know that? You’re so young!
Henrietta: My school back in Virginia put on a production of it a few years ago. I played Chiffon, one of the chorus girls. It was a very white school.
Marietta: I’m glad someone knows who I am. All of these five year-olds just think that this is how their mayor dresses. And, to be honest, I could get used to dressing this way.
Eliza: You do look pretty good in it. Though maybe that’s just because I’ve become so used to seeing you dress in a pantsuit that anything different looks good.
Tammy: Marietta wears blazers. I wear the pantsuits around here.
Eliza: Oh my god, Tammy! I didn’t even recognize you in that costume. You look so… green.
Tammy: Thank you. It’s my little way of paying homage to my home state even though I’ve moved away.
Martin: Why did nobody tell me Eliza and her family were here?
Eliza: Uncle Martin! You blockhead!
Martin: Why are you calling me that?
Eliza: Because you’re dressed as Charlie Brown, Uncle Martin.
Martin: Oh, right.
Eliza: Where’s Aunt Patty Lynn?
Martin: She’s sitting on the couch sipping a pumpkin spice martini and watching Hocus Pocus. She’s trying to relax until the party starts in a few hours.
Eliza: You’re having a Halloween party?
Marietta: Sure are! Stop by later if you want to!
Milton: I would’ve invited you sooner if I knew you were going to be out tonight.
Eliza: If I’m feeling up to it, we’ll drop Charlotte off at home with her dad and stop by later tonight. Now if you excuse us, we should probably get back to trick-or-treating.
Marietta: Have fun!
Eliza and her family head off and get back to trick-or-treating. The Landfields and Tammy continue to pass out candy as children knock on their doors. 45 minutes later, they hear another familiar voice at the door say “trick-or-treat.”
Patty Lynn: Oh god, is that -
Marietta: Unfortunately.
Tammy: Why is she here?
Marietta: I don’t know, maybe I should go ask her.
Milton: Don’t ruin our night.
Martin: Just go open the door, Marietta. It’ll be over soon.
Marietta opens the door to see Betty standing there with her children.
Marietta: Happy Halloween, Betty.
Betty: Marietta, I just wanted to stop by while we were trick-or-treating to congratulate you on becoming mayor!
Marietta: Thank you, Betty. I don’t quite know why you’re trick-or-treating in the French Quarter when you live in Metairie, but I still hope you’re having a nice night with your kids.
Betty: I should introduce you to my little angels. This is my daughter Clara and my son Eddie.
Marietta: Hello little ones. I hope you’re having a nice night.
Betty: I just opened up an office down here in the French Quarter, so I think we’ll be seeing a lot more of one another in the future.
Marietta: Oh, what a joy.
Betty: Your costume looks… nice, I guess.
Marietta: Yours also looks nice.
Betty: I decided to go as Laurie Strode, because I’m always the final girl.
Marietta: Sure are. Have a nice night, now!
Betty: Are you closing the door o-
Marietta shuts the door.
Tammy: Good job!
Patty Lynn: I would’ve done it as soon as I dropped candy in her brats’ bags.
Marietta: I’m a nice person now. I had to give her a reason to slam a door in her face.
One hour later, after trick-or-treat ends, there’s another knock at the door and Marietta answers.
Marietta: Oh my goodness, everyone’s here. Milton, time to party!
Amy (singing): Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night -
Marietta: We get it Amy, you’re supposed to be Stevie Nicks. My favorite witch.
Tammy: Hey!

This episode is dedicated in loving memory of Senator Kay Hagan, who inspired one of the show's characters. May she rest in everlasting peace.

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