Marietta Season 1, Episode 13 - Landfielding the Big Endorsement

 Marietta Season 1, Episode 13
 Landfielding the Big Endorsement

Noon, the day after the Jackson Square Picnic. Marietta is on the phone with Martin.
Marietta: Dad, Tammy left.
Martin: What do you mean she left? Where’d she go?
Marietta: She quit the campaign. She went back to New York.
Martin: You're kidding!
Marietta: This is not good! She was doing all of the managing of my campaign!
Martin: Is that the only reason you’re upset?
Marietta: Yes, why do you ask?
Martin: Are you sure there’s no other reason? You can talk to me. I’m your dear old dad.
Marietta: Don’t remind me that you’re old. Everyone is leaving me! My husband left for Africa! My best friend left me to go back home to be with her husband! You and mom are old and you’re going to die soon! Milton claims he’s retiring from public life but’s he’ll leave me to become a cabinet secretary like a good Landfield! Kyle and Maria are starting a family and don’t need me anymore! Eliza and Elena haven’t spent more than a year in one home, they’ll leave me too! Aunt Kathleen hasn’t set foot in New Orleans in ten years! I have nobody that I can rely on being here.
Martin: You could have said that in a less insulting way, but I’m glad you’re opening up. Please come on over so we can talk. Eliza and Elena are here, it’ll be nice for you guys to all chat.
Marietta: That'll be nice. But I also have to talk to you alone, I have something really important to ask you.
Martin: Sounds good! See you then!
Marietta heads over to Martin and Patty Lynn’s.
Patty Lynn: Marietta! It’s nice to see you! Your dad told me about Tammy, come get a hug!
Marietta: Mom…
Patty Lynn: Hug! Come and get it!
Marietta: Alright, bring it in.
Patty Lynn: It’s all going to be okay, sweetie.
Marietta: Mom, you’re hurting me.
Patty Lynn: I’m so sorry! I didn't mean to squeeze so tightly!
Marietta: It’s fine. I don’t need a spleen.
Patty Lynn: Yes you do!
Marietta: Mom, that was sarcasm. I’m really okay. You are so tiny, I’m not even hurt.
Patty Lynn: Then don't act like you are! I was afraid I hurt you!
Marietta: I won’t, mom.
Patty Lynn: Good, now should I get you a cup of coffee?
Marietta: Sure, mom. We have a lot to talk about.
Patty Lynn: Yes we do! But Eliza and Elena have some news and they have to get going, so come say hello!
Marietta and Patty Lynn walk into the living room, where Martin is chatting with Eliza and Elena.
Eliza: Marietta! It’s only been a few weeks since we last saw you! It must be a special occasion or something!
Marietta: Special isn’t the word.
Eliza: We heard about your innocent. Don’t worry, you still have our votes.
Marietta: I would hope so. Wait, are you even registered here?
Eliza: I am.
Elena: And I am not. But I will be! I’m still registered in Virginia.
Marietta: Oh Virginia, the only state in the country that gives Florida a run for its messy money.
Eliza: Anyways, mom said you had news.
Martin: They were just about to tell me before you came in. You’re just in time.
Patty Lynn: I’m dying to know what it is, girls. What do you need to tell us?
Eliza: We’ve been waiting to tell anyone, and mom and dad are the only ones we’ve told.
Patty Lynn: What is it?
Eliza: I’m pregnant!
Marietta: I have so many questions!
Eliza: Fire away!
Marietta: First of all, I know Elena did NOT do that to you, so who did?
Eliza: IVF.
Marietta: Oh! Because I wasn’t sure if there was some freaky cheating stuff going on and Elena was just fine with it.
Eliza: Lord no!
Marietta: Okay, second question. Didn’t Henrietta just have a daughter? That’s gonna make for some interesting conversations.
Eliza: We thought about that, and we decided that we just really wanted another child. Henrietta grew up so fast and has her own family now, I just want to enjoy motherhood again. I guess that’s the one perk of becoming a mom at 16. You can go through the full process before deciding if you want to do it again. And I really do!
Marietta: That’s great. I almost consider it a blessing that I only had Kyle. I don’t think I could have handled a second with my career in the Senate.
Eliza: Another plus of me being an underachiever that never graduated high school! No fun job opportunities to waste my time on!
Patty Lynn: Can you guys stop talking for one minute? I just want to give you girls a great big hug! Congratulations, this is so beautiful!
Eliza: Thank you, Aunt Patty Lynn. You’ve always been the sweetest.
Martin: Can I get in on that hug? I love a sweet family moment?
Eliza: Sure Uncle Martin, come right in!
Marietta: Wait, I never got to finish my questions! How does everyone around me keep getting pregnant? First Maria, now you! Who’s next? Mom?
Patty Lynn: No.
Marietta: Obviously not, it was just a joke.
Patty Lynn: Thank god.
Marietta: Wait, did nobody tell Milton to be here? He’s gonna be so jealous! I can’t wait to rub it in his face!
Patty Lynn: That’s childish, Marietta.
Eliza: Well guys, I think we have to had out.
Marietta: No! Don’t leave, you’re the only sane people I know!
Eliza: We have to get to IKEA.
Marietta: Good luck, and god bless you.
Eliza: Thank you. I love you all and I can’t wait to see you again. Don’t ever hesitate to call us if you need someone to chat to.
Martin: I wouldn’t recommend telling that to your Aunt Patty Lynn. She will call you every day.
Patty Lynn: He isn’t lying.
Eliza and Elena leave.
Martin: Alright Marietta, what’s going on with Tammy?
Marietta: You guys saw about the picnic, right?
Patty Lynn: It was on The View today, of course we saw it!
Marietta: Oh god. I don’t even want to know.
Patty Lynn: Melanie McVane said it wasn’t disqualifying. Just that you embarrassed yourself and the family.
Marietta: I worked with her father for twenty years, you’d think she’d be a bit nicer. 
Patty Lynn: Did she lie, though?
Marietta: Yes, politicians have done so much worse than a little keg stand!
Patty Lynn: Yes, but sex scandals and corruption are commonplace, so they get a pass. This isn’t usually in the news.
Marietta: Sure. Anyway, Tammy was really upset about it because she thought it would damage the campaign. And because I didn’t listen to her, she left me this note.
Marietta hands Martin and Patty Lynn Tammy’s note and they read it.
Patty Lynn: Well this is some bulls***.
Marietta: Mom!
Patty Lynn: It is! You made one mistake and she quits in a note? You’ve been friends for over twenty years!
Marietta: The quitting part isn’t what hurts. It’s the fact that she didn’t feel like she could talk to me and work things out before she left. And now I can’t even call her. And I don't have a campaign manager anymore!
Martin: Well, I have some experience as a campaign manager. And I’m not doing anything right now -
Patty Lynn: You can always go to Costco.
Martin: I’m doing something here, Patty Lynn.
Patty Lynn: Oh, sorry.
Martin: Anyway Marietta, I would be glad to be your campaign manager.
Marietta: Yes! That would be great, dad. We haven’t been able to spend enough time together with the campaign craziness going on, and now we can. It’ll be like old times!
Martin: Sound like a plan.
Patty Lynn: But who will keep me company? Who will take me to Costco whenever I want to? Who will drive me to my book clubs?
Martin: You know you still have a license, right?
Patty Lynn: Yes, but I don’t like driving. I like to have a chauffeur.
Marietta: Call Milton, he loves you more after all.
Patty Lynn: Did Tammy tell you I said that? What a snitch!
Marietta: And you just confirmed that you said it! I love you mom.
Patty Lynn: Aww, I love you too.
Martin: Marietta, speaking of the campaign, I hear the president is in town today. You should go try to talk to her and see if you can get her endorsement!
Marietta: Dad, you can’t just walk up to the president and have a talk with her.
Martin: You were a senator. I was governor and a cabinet secretary. And she’s in our hometown. They will let you in.
Marietta: I can try. But you have to come with. Surely they can’t turn you down.
Two hours later, Marietta and Martin head to the stadium that the president has just finished speaking at downtown.
Secret Service Agent: I’m sorry Senator Landfield, we can’t let you in.
Marietta: And why not?
Secret Service Agent: The president said she doesn’t have time to speak.
Marietta: It’s two o’clock on a Monday, what’s she so busy with?
Secret Service Agent: I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.
Marietta: And why the hell not?
Secret Service Agent: That information is confidential.
Marietta: She’s watching cable news, isn’t she?
Secret Service Agent: Again, confidential.
Marietta: Just tell Sheryl that I worked with her for ten years in the Senate and she is no better than I am. And yes, I did just call her Sheryl because that is her name and she used to come over to my house for movie night before she was “elected president” and became “too busy.”
Secret Service Agent: I’m not a therapist, but I feel like you should talk to someone about all of your built-up rage.
Marietta: I. Am. FINE!
Martin: Marietta, calm down.
Marietta: Dad, don’t.
Martin: You just need to relax, it will be okay.
Marietta: Just… don’t. Getting the president’s endorsement has been my dream and now it’s not happening.
Martin: I only told you she was in town two hours ago.
Marietta: And it’s been my dream for all two of this hours!
Martin: Hey, is that Betty Benoit over there?
Marietta: Oh god, could today get any worse?
Betty: Oh hello Marietta! I saw about your little incident on the news. Absolutely hilarious! Why didn’t you do that during our campaign? I could have saved some money!
Marietta: Oh, please. We live in Louisiana, the only thing that would have done was boost my poll numbers. Might have even gotten me re-elected.
Betty: Are you really bashing the entire state of Louisiana right now? Still bitter dear?
Marietta: No, I’m just pointing out our state’s lengthy history of not having sticks shoved up our own -
Martin: Okay girls, let’s break this up and have a fun day!
Marietta: Why are you even here, Betty? Did you and the Republicans get bored of shutting down the government and decide to return home to terrorize the good people of their states?
Betty: You’re just as delusional as I remember you! Actually, the president invited the entire Louisiana delegation to be in attendance for her speech. You know, the delegation you’re no longer a part of because nobody wanted you to be.
Marietta: Actually it was 40% of Louisiana. So there.
Betty: How did I ever beat you? The great debater right here. Anyways, it’s been not at all great catching up with you but I gotta go.
Marietta: See ya, wouldn’t ever want to be anywhere near ya.
Martin: Now that that is over with, I think we should be getting home. This was clearly a bust. 
Marietta: Wait, I can call Sheryl! I have her phone number!
Martin: Why didn’t you do that an hour ago?
Marietta: I forgot! I’m somewhat off today.
Martin: You’re doing fine.
Marietta calls the president and gets an answer.
Marietta: Hello Madam President!
Sheryl: What’s going on Marietta?
Marietta: So I know you’re in town.
Sheryl: I know you know. Secret Service told me about it.
Marietta: Can I please just quick stop by so I can get you to record and endorsement video for my campaign?
Sheryl: No. Betty Benoit was already here on behalf of Amy Applewhite to lobby for my endorsement and I said I’d think about it.
Marietta: I knew she was up to no good!
Sheryl: And anyway, I wouldn’t give you my endorsement anyway. You begged me not to endorse you in your Senate campaign.
Marietta: Oh come on, you know that wasn’t personal. It was just politics! You're a toxic brand here. They all think you’re part of the liberal elite.
Sheryl: But I’m not! And you ARE!
Marietta: I know! But I couldn’t let Louisiana think otherwise. I knew I needed to win if we had any hope of holding the Senate and passing your agenda.
Sheryl: Fine, I’ll endorse you. But make it quick.
Marietta: Oh my god! That was so easy, thank you!
Marietta goes back to the Secret Service agent and he lets her backstage.
Sheryl: Oh Marietta, its been too long!
Marietta: I never knew you were mad! I’m sorry!
Sheryl: It’s okay. Now what do you need me to say?
Marietta: Say whatever you want to. I’ll film it on my phone. And if you could send out a tweet as well, that would be great.
Sheryl: Sounds good.
Martin: What’s a tweet?
Marietta: Something not worth explaining.

What did you think of the episode? Comment your thoughts and listen to the playlist below. Catch a new episode next week!


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