The group is at the Georgia Aquarium, swimming in the whale shark enclosure.
Diane: Is this not the coolest day of all of our lives?
Sam: No, the coolest day of my life is the day I met Ozzy, may the prince of darkness rest in peace.
Garry: For me it was the day I met Stevie Nicks.
Carly: Excuse me?
Nicolle: Yeah, excuse me?
Garry: Obviously I meant besides the day I met you!
Sam: I’m gonna be honest, Nicolle. Meeting Ozzy beats the day I met you.
Nicolle: Yeah, I know.
Diane: I think you’re all underestimating how freakin’ awesome it is to be swimming with a whale shark right now! A whale shark!
Leslie: I’m not presently married, so I can say with all certainty that petting a whale shark is the coolest thing I’ve ever done.
Melanie: It’s also the coolest thing I’ve ever done, though my marriage was not really tough competition.
Sam: Yes, we’re all very lonely and say, got it!
Charlotte: Winning an Oscar is and will always be the coolest day of my life.
Sam: So we must knock down the “days since Charlotte mentioned she has an Oscar” counter to zero.
Charlotte: I’ve accomplished something incredible, and it must be known by all.
Leslie: It is known by all!
Diane: Do we have to argue right here? We’re scaring the shark.
Garry: Yeah, I don’t want it to eat me!
Sam: Oh, how I wish it would.
Carly: Honey, I don’t think whale sharks eat people.
Diane: They don’t, or I wouldn’t be in here.
Sam: It’s true, she scans the pool looking for sharks before she jumps in.
Diane: I have to be safe!
Garry: I still don’t want to scare the poor thing. It’s already bad enough that a twenty-ton fish is in a giant tank in Georgia rather than the ocean, we don’t need to cause it any undue stress.
Sam: Having to be in your presence is extreme undue stress.
Frances: Do they have ears? They might not even know he’s here.
Sam: They do, sadly. These poor creatures can hear that they’re sharing a tank with Garry, and it’s despicable.
Paul: We should probably get going, anyway.
Diane: Don’t you ruin my special day!
Paul: I understand you’re having fun, and I don’t want to be the fun police, but we’re in Atlanta and we still have to fly into Savannah by the end of the day. This was just a detour, since Diane was so excited for it and I did’t want to hear her complain about having to miss it all week.
Diane: You’d have heard about it for much longer than a week!
Leslie: I think leaving now is the responsible thing to do, don’t want to overstimulate the sharks too much.
Sam: They’re sharks, why are you talking about them like they’re cats?
Leslie: They’re sort of like the cats of the sea.
Sam: Sure!
Diane: All right gang, I guess Shark Week really is over for us. Time to head to work!
Leslie: Yeah, we film tomorrow, time to get going!
Melanie: This was a good idea, Diane, thanks for arranging it.
Diane: It’s no problem! I’ve always wanted to swim with whale sharks. Not any other sharks, but definitely with whale sharks.
Sam: Of all the fish, I do have to admit, they are the coolest. Though, let’s not give Diane the impression she should plan more excursions like this for us. The less time I have to hang out with Paul, the better.
Paul: Thank you Sam, I appreciate the kind words.
Later, upon arriving in Savannah…
Leslie: Finally, Savannah!
Diane: That’s what I say when I turn the Today show on and see Savannah Guthrie’s returned from a break. She’s still MIA by the way, I don’t like it.
Sam: You’ll live.
Diane: Of course I’ll live, but I miss my lovable Today show family.
Garry: I watch CBS Mornings.
Sam: Absolute monster!
Frances: Is it okay to say I’m a Good Morning America fan?
Sam: That’s fine, that’s a show people do watch. But CBS Mornings… of course that’s what Gary watches!
Leslie: All right, enough TV talk. Let’s grab our bags and get to our hotel. Early day tomorrow!
Sam: You’re no fun.
Leslie: I know, I’m not meant to be any fun! I’m your boss!
Sam: And Paul’s your boss. You don’t see him bossing your around like this.
Paul: Don’t drag me into this.
Leslie: Paul’s not my boss anymore, remember? It’s Jacqueline, which is much worse, because she’s evil.
Paul: Aww, you just implied I’m not evil!
Leslie: I didn’t mean to.
Sam: Ha!
Nicolle: We all seem a little cranky today.
Diane: I miss the whale sharks. They were nice. Much nicer than the people here.
Frances: That’s damning the sharks with faint praise.
Charlotte: Does anyone know what the bakers are making tomorrow? I hope it’s better than that terrible pie with the saltine crackers.
Frances: We’re in Georgia - peaches, peaches, peaches!
Charlotte: Just all peach-flavored things?
Sam: It’s Georgia, what were you expecting?
Charlotte: Just a bit of variety’s all.
Frances: Peach cobbler, peach pie, peach tart, all classics.
Charlotte: It sounds like I’m not escaping peaches.
Sam: No one does in Georgia!
Charlotte: It’s sort of a mid fruit, no?
Frances: “Mid?”
Diane: I’m hip, Frances. It’s what the kids say. It means mediocre, or middling.
Frances: I miss when people spoke English.
Diane: That would sound so racist out of context.
Frances: Oh my god, I don’t mean it like that, I just hate the youth of today!
Sam: We all do.
Paul: Your show is a big hit on TikTok, the kids love you.
Sam: And we love the kids!
Later that night…
Leslie: Frances, I’m going to the bar. You want to go? Want me to grab anything for you?
Frances: I just brushed my teeth!
Leslie: Frances, it’s eight o’clock!
Frances: I know, I brush early. I like a clean mouth, it only stays dirty as long as it has to. I eat my little dessert and brush.
Leslie: Oh my god, you’re a lunatic.
Frances: And this is news to you?
Leslie: I guess it shouldn’t be, this is a full crew of lunatics and morons.
Frances: Exactly. Me brushing my teeth at eight o’clock is probably the most normal bedtime habit of anyone in this cast. Garry can probably only brush his teeth on a recumbent bicycle or something, and Charlotte probably uses her Oscar as a toothbrush.
Frances: That does seem like something she’d at least try to do once. She does need to remind herself that she’s an Oscar winner both just before bed and as soon as she opens her eyes.
Leslie: As if she’d ever forget.
Frances: Yeah, that was a dumb thing for me to say.
Leslie: This is a woman who tells anyone she just meets that she’s an Oscar winner before she tells them her name.
Frances: Yeah, well she’s very offended if someone doesn’t know her name to begin with, so she has to point out the impressive accolades to woo them.
Leslie: All right, I’m gonna get going. You, uh, enjoy bed?
Frances: I’m not going to bed yet! I’m not that old! I’m just ready for whenever it hits me.
Leslie: Yup, got it!
Down at the bar…
Leslie: I’ll have a martini, please. On the rocks. You know what? Peach martini, I’m feeling the Georgia spirit.
Herb (bartender): Coming right up! And, hey, you look familiar! Did I see you on TV?
Leslie: Oh my gosh, no! I do, uh, work on a TV show, though.
Herb: I guess you just have one of those faces.
Leslie: Familiar?
Herb: Beautiful.
Leslie: Aww, that’s too sweet. Don’t worry, you don’t need to flirt to get a tip.
Herb: No, I’m being serious! You are as beautiful as any TV star.
Leslie: You’re not so bad yourself!
Herb: I sure do appreciate that. Now, let me grab you that drink.
Leslie: You know what? This may be a bit presumptuous of me, but you are clearly flirting, and I don’t see a ring, and I’m liking this vibe… if you don’t get off of work too late, you want to grab a drink?
Herb: That would be wonderful. I clock out at nine.
Leslie: Then I’ll stick around until then!
Herb: What’s your name, darlin’?
Leslie: Leslie.
Herb: Nice to meet you, Leslie. I’m Herbert. Everyone just calls me Herb.
Leslie: Herbert, like our thirty-first president.
Herb: I guess!
Leslie: I sure hope you don’t cause a Great Depression within me.
Herb: Good one!
Leslie: No, I mean it. My love life is… rank.
The next day, on the set…
Leslie: Oh my god, I’m so hungover.
Sam: Good to see you, boss!
Diane: What happened to you last night?
Leslie: I don’t want to talk about it. Too salacious for the workplace.
Sam: Oh. My god, congratulations!
Leslie: On what?
Sam: You finally got some!
Leslie: You are so embarrassing.
Melanie: I think we were all thinking it, no?
Diane: We were.
Garry: I don’t ever think of you like that, Leslie. I have the utmost respect for my boss.
Sam: Yeah, you only ever think that way about Frances.
Frances: Oh my god, we sang one song together drunk at a party and you never hear the end of it.
Sam: Yes, because it was incredibly funny and is forever seared in my brain.
Paul: Leslie, good to see you! It’s unlike you to be the last to show up.
Frances: I told you all she’d be late.
Diane: We knew when she didn’t show up for breakfast.
Leslie: I wasn’t even awake.
Diane: So, wild night, huh?
Leslie: I guess I’m talking about it! Well, I met a wonderful guy at the bar, the bartender, actually.
Sam: Oh, honey, it’s not bad enough to sink to that yet!
Frances: I’m in my room watching the Shark Week and she’s god knows where with Moe the bartender! Ah, god!
Leslie: No, he wasn’t some sleazy creep! He’s really handsome, sweet, funny.
Diane: I’ve felt that many times and then realized it was the booze talking and I hooked up with a man who looked like Ed Aster.
Frances: Elderly Ed Asner or middle-aged Ed Asner? It’s a crucial difference.
Diane: This was back before I got married, I barely drink anymore.
Sam: Ha! Good one!
Leslie: Look, we had drinks, too many of them -
Garry: Did he take advantage of you? I’ll kill him!
Leslie: Let me talk!
Melanie: They don’t ever do that, why start now?
Leslie: We got really drunk, because we kept ordering drinks to reserve the table. We were three three hours, just learning all about each other. Then, he knew I was too drunk and he walked me up to my room to make sure I was safe. Then he left, and I slept for the next eight hours.
Sam: So nothing happened? Man, and I was so happy for you, too!
Leslie: I’m a classy lady, I don’t do one-night stands.
Sam: Hence the… drought.
Diane: You’re saying you do one-night stands?
Sam: I’m a married woman, of course not! But before? Absolutely! Girls just want have fun!
Frances: So, do you like this guy?
Melanie: Yeah! Tell me more, tell me more! Was it love at first sight?
Leslie: Love? No. But I quite like him! I’ll see him again while I’m here, maybe, you know…
Sam: S-E-X?
Leslie: You are like a child!
Diane: A very old child.
Paul: I don’t think I should be hearing this, you’re like a daughter to me.
Sam: None of us even like you! Go!
Garry: She didn’t mean that.
Sam: Yes, she did!
Charlotte: Did I miss something while I was in hair and makeup?
Diane: Leslie’s in love, maybe.
Leslie: Not love! I just found a man who actually is human and decent.
Charlotte: That’s what they all say.
Leslie: This time, it’s for real!
Charlotte: Good one!
Leslie: We’re going out tonight again, this time for a night on the town. He’s taking me to dinner!
Sam: Oh, he wants you. Get it!
Leslie: I think this is officially sexual harassment.
Sam: Leave me be! I’m just having fun with my so-called friend!
Diane: Aww, Leslie, you hurt her feelings.
Garry: She has feelings?
The next day…
Sam: All right, who we think’s going home today?
Frances: Well, I mean… you saw Vicki’s cobbler.
Sam: Oh, but she’s been so good before!
Frances: But everyone else put out actual food that was edible. I son’t see her catching up.
Sam: Don’t count my girl out.
Charlotte: Sam bet on her to win, so that’s why she’s her cheerleader.
Sam: No one ever said I couldn’t! Just a small pool with me, Nicolle, Carly, Diane, and Paul, people who have no say in the judging or production.
Garry: You’re executive producers!
Sam: That’s just a vanity credit and you know it!
Diane: Speaking of producers, I’m curious how Leslie’s second date with whatshisface went.
Frances: His name is Herb. Are we sure he’s not ninety? What man do you know named Herb?
Sam: Herb Alpert… that’s it.
Frances: Well, he’s young!
Garry: Is he alive?
Frances: I don’t know, but he’s surely not lively.
Diane: Herb is a lovely name, you guys are just mean!
Frances: We are, but also, no it is not.
Melanie: Look who’s here!
Leslie: I know I’m late again, I’m sorry. I woke up at Herb’s.
Sam: Oh my god, Leslie! You did it, didn’t you?
Leslie: You are so ridiculous.
Diane: You hired her!
Leslie: I’ll let you draw your own conclusions, but I feel wonderful.
Frances: Here’s the problem, Leslie. You don’t live in Georgia.
Leslie: I know! I finally find the perfect guy and he lives across the country from me, in a state I’d never dream of moving to!
Diane: You got your groove back, at least!
Leslie: I just feel bad about, you know…
Sam: I don’t know. What do you feel bad about?
Leslie: This is just a fling. I don’t know if he expects it to be more, but for me, that’s all it is.
Sam: You’ve known him two days, I don’t think he’s planning a life with you in his mind.
Leslie: I just hate thinking I even possible could be leading someone on.
Frances: You could just tell him how you feel tonight.
Leslie: I guess. I really am enjoying his company, though. I don’t want to miss out spending more time with him by breaking it off immediately.
Frances: It’s the right thing to do. He probably just sees it as a casual thing anyway.
Diane: Casual by Chappell Roan, now that’s a song.
Charlotte: We get it Diane, you’re hip. Shush.
Diane: I get abused on this show!
Sam: Deservedly so.
Later that night…
Leslie: Herb! So wonderful to see you again!
Herb: You too! You look incredible, once again!
Leslie: Yeah…
Herb: You look like you’ve got something on your mind.
Leslie: Herb, I don’t know how to say this.
Herb: Say whatever’s on your mind.
Leslie: It’s things like that that really make it even harder to say this! You’re just too good of a guy.
Herb: I don’t understand.
Leslie: Herb, I live in LA. I’m here a week, and that’s it. I’ve had a blast the last few nights, but this can’t be anything more that a week-long fling. I just don’t think this is the basis for anything lasting. I see them try it on the Bachelor, but that’s not realistic.
Herb: I get it. I’ve had fun, but I didn’t expect anything more than a bit of fun. It’s okay.
Leslie: You’re just lovely, Herb.
Herb: Hey, we’ve got three more nights until you leave, and you have my number. If you’re ever in town…
Leslie: I’ll keep that in mind.
Herb: Now, how about that dinner we talked about?
Leslie: I’d like that!
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
