RODNEY is sitting alone in his apartment when he hears a knock at his door. When he opens the door, he sees EARL and GERALD standing in the hallway.
RODNEY
Alright, what do you guys want?
EARL
Did you check today’s schedule?
RODNEY
Only to see how I’d rearrange it to maximize attendance at each event.
GERALD
You really need to stop thinking like a network executive and try to enjoy retirement for once.
RODNEY
And how do you suggest I do that when I accidentally moved back in with my ex-wife?
EARL
That’s why we’re here. We were wondering if you wanted to join us on the field trip. You know, take your mind off Sharon for a bit.
RODNEY sighs.
RODNEY
Not really, but it’s better than having to run into Sharon.
RODNEY leaves his apartment and follows EARL and GERALD outside, where he sees a large bus parked. RODNEY takes a window seat, and GERALD sits down next to him.
RODNEY
What do you think you’re doing?
GERALD
Taking a seat…
RODNEY
I’ll have my own row, thank you very much.
GERALD gets up and sits next to EARL in the row behind RODNEY instead. The bus quickly fills up, yet RODNEY still manages to keep his row empty. As the doors are just about to close, two more people make their way onto the bus: SHARON and RUSSELL. RUSSELL looks around and takes the first empty seat, leaving SHARON to find the last remaining seat. She looks around frantically when realizing the only open seat is next to RODNEY. She looks to GERALD and asks if he’ll switch.
GERALD
I would, but Rodney already told me I can’t sit there.
SHARON
Come on, you’re gonna leave me to sit there?
GERALD doesn’t say anything. As SHARON maintains stern eye contact, GERALD starts to get up to switch seats. Right then, the bus jerks forward and GERALD falls back down into his seat. SHARON takes the seat next to RODNEY. They sit in silence for about 30 minutes before RODNEY can’t help but ask a question.
RODNEY
How long is this damn bus ride?
Right then, the bus pulls up to its stop: a botanical garden. RODNEY wonders to himself why the bus is pulling over, and if they’ll ever reach their destination. He sees people exiting the bus and wonders if there has been some kind of emergency. Eventually, he realizes this is their destination. CINDY, the retirement home events director, stands in front of the group to give directions.
CINDY
Welcome one and all! You’re free to roam about, just consider whoever you sat next to on the bus as your buddy for the day. We ask you stay near them at all times to make sure nobody wanders off.
CINDY gets several looks from the group.
CINDY
That was not meant as an ageist remark and I sincerely apologize to anyone who took it that way.
RODNEY walks up to CINDY
RODNEY
How do we request a buddy change, I need a buddy change.
CINDY
That’s above my pay grade.
RODNEY
You’re the damn events director!
CINDY
Just stay with your buddy, I don’t want anyone getting confused.
RODNEY keeps looking at CINDY.
CINDY
Again, not an ageist remark.
RODNEY walks away and reluctantly returns to SHARON.
RODNEY
I guess we’re “buddies” for the day. Effing ridiculous.
RODNEY and SHARON walk over to the botanical gardens and start to explore. They are silent for a while before SHARON speaks up for the first time.
SHARON
This garden’s beautiful.
RODNEY
Better than yours ever was, that’s for sure.
SHARON
Oh, so we’re gonna go there?
RODNEY
The rabbits ate all the vegetables, there was no use.
SHARON
At least someone was helping me eat them.
RODNEY
You know, wandering off and getting lost doesn’t sound like such a bad idea right now. Kind of like what you did at the end of our marriage.
SHARON
Give me a break, I don’t have one regret.
RODNEY
None at all?
SHARON pauses.
SHARON
I mean…I guess one regret, but I still did the right thing.
RODNEY
One regret? What is it?
SHARON
What do you think?
RODNEY
I don’t know.
SHARON
Why are you in a retirement home?
RODNEY
Well, my wife left me and I have no family so instead of living retired life alone I moved in with a group of elderly people.
SHARON doesn’t say anything.
RODNEY
You didn’t have any kids?
SHARON
Nope.
RODNEY
But that’s the reason why you left me, to have kids.
SHARON
I KNOW THAT, DON’T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT!
Everyone around them turns and looks at SHARON. RODNEY and SHARON spend the rest of the day in an awkward silence.