Marietta Season 7 Premiere - Trail Mix

Marietta Season 7 Episode 1

Trail Mix


Marietta is on her private campaign plane flying to Iowa.

Tammy: First stop of the campaign, feeling nervous?

Karen: She better not be! We’re down in the polls and we need to make a good impression on every voter we meet! We’ve got a packed schedule today. The national media will be at the kickoff rally tomorrow, this is your chance to make a strong first impression. We did lock down a special guest that I’m very excited about, that should help us.

Marietta: Did we get that lady basketball player everyone loves? She’s from Iowa

Tammy: You mean Caitlin Clark?

Henrietta: Love her, worship her, want to be her, or at the very least as tall as her.

Amy: You’re fine at just the height you are now.

Henrietta: Appreciate that!

Karen: What is this banter? Are we distracted?

Marietta: Yes, I did mean Caitlin Clark.

Amy: Oh, she said no. Well, her agent did. Busy with basketball, I suppose.

Marietta: Did we at least get Iowa's senator?

Tammy: Wendy Winger.

Karen: We’ll be meeting with her, but she’s meeting with all the candidates, so it’s not much of a big deal. She says she won’t make any endorsement before she talks to everyone.

Marietta: So no Caitlin Clark, no Wendy Winger… who is this big surprise guest.

Karen: You’re quite familiar with them, they’re huge names in Washington!

Marietta: Oh, its Kate and Ellie. Those endorsements aren’t new.

Karen: It’s still good to remind everyone that the people they trust are on your side.

Marietta: I’d rather have Caitlin Clark.

Karen: Well, you’re not getting Caitlin Clark, so drop that idea.

Amy: O Caitlin Clark, where art thou?

Marietta: We’d win Iowa for sure if we got Caitlin Clark. Kate and Ellie aren’t big deals in Iowa, in fact, Iowa probably doesn’t like them very much.

Karen: We just need to charm Iowans to win them over, and I know you’re capable of that. 

Amy: I don’t know if she is.

Tammy: Don’t be an ass!

Karen: We have to believe in her. She’s got a tough, tough road ahead of her. She’s well-liked within the party, and she has some national notability, but not to the level of a former late-night host-turned-senator or the star of the confirmation hearings for Delphy’s justices. The only way she can make an impact is showing people what makes her special. Retail politics can still win in this day and age. We don't need celebrities, even though getting the only one from the whole state to endorse would be a big benefit.

Marietta: Look, I’m no stranger to tough races. I’m a Democrat who won three terms as a senator from Louisiana! I believe in me, and even if Amy doesn’t, well… I’m mayor and she’s not for a reason!

Amy: You did not need to rub that in.

Tammy: I think she did. Get her, Marietta!

Marietta: So what’s on the docket today? Tomorrow’s rally, obviously, but what else?

Karen: We’re filming the first ads of our big seven-figure ad campaign, and then we’re canvassing in Des Moines.

Marietta: Oh no.

Karen: What’s wrong?

Marietta: I haven’t been in Des Moines since…

Tammy: The Koobach campaign.

Amy: We don’t need to talk about that.

Karen: If her campaign had taken my advice, they won’t won. They were one state away from victory, and they’d have won if it they listened!

Amy: I find unsolicited advice from an insane person is rarely ever considered.

Marietta: Amy, that’s not right.

Amy: I’m sorry, Marietta, but I don’t think this woman is entirely sane. She’s not going to lead you to victory.

Karen: You have no right to speak to me that way!

Amy: I’m telling my friend, who I desperately want to become president, that I don’t think you can get the job done.

Henrietta: Amy, you were the one who doubted Marietta, not Karen.

Amy: It was good-natured ribbing!

Marietta: I know Karen does things a bit differently, but she’s experienced and she’s good at what she does.

Karen: I appreciate that.

Amy: I’ll give her a shot, but the ad campaign seems ill-advised. We can’t burn so much cast upfront in just one state.

Karen: We need to introduce her to Iowa!

Amy: You don’t seem to have a coherent strategy. Dumping millions into ads is not retail politics, it’s just reckless spending. I’m no conservative Republican, I love to spend, but we don’t have infinite cash.

Marietta: I trust she knows what she’s doing.

Amy: If you trust her, then I will have to trust her, too.

Karen: Glad that’s settled! Now, let’s get ready to take on Iowa!

Tammy: Is your family joining us up here, perchance? I just find it odd that they’re not tagging along for the first stop.

Marietta: Dad wasn’t feeling too well, and Milton’s doing campaigning for his own race, so they’re staying back.

Tammy: Not even Kyle and Maria?

Marietta: They’re coming up, they just wanted to make it some sort of road trip. They’re weirdos, but they’re my weirdos.

Tammy: They must have gotten that from your mother.

Marietta: Hopefully that’s the only thing they got from her.

Tammy: I’ll be honest, I kinda miss her. It doesn’t feel like a Marietta campaign event without her.

Marietta: Most of those were disasters in some way, so this might be a good omen.

Henrietta: I think we’re landing.

Marietta: They didn’t tell us to put the seatbelts back on.

Amy: There it is!

Karen: Ladies, welcome to beautiful Iowa!

Marietta: My heart is palpitating.

Amy: Iowa is notoriously a thrill ride of a state.

Henrietta: Let’s keep the Iowa trash talking to a minimum, at least while we’re in Iowa.

Amy: That’s not trash talk! It’s honesty! I am absolutely thrilled to be here. It’s a wonderful place filled with people who can help me get a beautiful promotion.

Marietta: Get you a promotion?

Amy: I mean, I’ll be in your White House staff, no?

Marietta: I don’t think that’s ever been promised.

Amy: Oh, well in that case… pilot, get me the hell out of here!

The next day…

Tammy: Oh, Marietta! I had an awful sleep last night!

Marietta: Me too! I miss home already, that pillow in my room was just awful!

Tammy: The pillow was what kept you up?

Marietta: Yeah, what kept you up?

Tammy: It’s a big day!

Marietta: Oh, that. I’ve had a lot of big days lately, they stop feeling so big then.

Tammy: This is your first real event as a presidential candidate.

Marietta: The campaign announcement felt a bit more important, honestly.

Tammy: This is your first time speaking to the voters in the first primary state. They have such an outsized say in who will be the nominee. You bomb here, it’s over.

Marietta: Why are you even putting the idea out there that I could bomb?

Tammy: Marietta, I love you, but… you make gaffes.

Marietta: Gaffes?

Tammy: Lest we forget the keg stand?

Marietta: New Orleans loved that, they saw me as their fun aunt!

Tammy: America doesn’t want a fun aunt as president. They want someone who means business, but not too much business, or they’ll call them a square.

Marietta: Yes, voters are fickle, we know this.

Tammy: I just don’t want you to make a joke out of yourself.

Amy: That’s what I’m here for!

Tammy: Ah! Where’d you come from?

Amy: When a man loves a woman…

Tammy: Never mind. No time for your nonsense.

Marietta: Has anyone seen Karen yet this morning?

Amy: No, and it’s been lovely. Just a peaceful, serene morning in Iowa. This is life.

Tammy: Am I the only one nervous for today?

Amy: Why would you be nervous?

Marietta: Tammy’s convinced I’m going to bomb my rally and destroy my campaign today.

Amy: That’s incredibly rude.

Marietta: I know!

Tammy: It’s not what I said! Not at all! I just said I’m worried it could happen because today means a lot and it needs to be perfect.

Marietta: I believe the words were “you make gaffes.”

Tammy: Well, uh… I did say that, you’re right.

Amy: Today will be fine. Even if it’s not, it’ll only live on for a few days on TikTok and Twitter before the kids get tired of making fun of you and want to talk about whatever a Hawk Tuah is.

Marietta: Is that a bird?

Henrietta: Don’t ask. You don’t want to know.

Tammy: I think today will be fine, too. I just… I know the importance of the day.

Marietta: I get where you’re coming from. This is a big one, but there’s no use dwelling on it. I have to just go out there, be natural, be likable, connect with people. I’m capable of it, so no reason to worry about a fumble.

Amy: Besides, you know… Myrna Sommer’s campaign kickoff was far worse than yours could possibly be! She almost got in a fist fight with some farmer.

Henrietta: That was funny, I liked that.

Amy: We all did. Except her, I guess. She definitely won’t be president now.

Marietta: She wasn’t gonna be president before.

Amy: That’s the spirit, no one else will be president because it’ll be you!

Marietta: I wasn’t even being full of myself there, she’s just not terribly impressive.

Tammy: Aww, I always got along great with her.

Marietta: She’s a neat lady. A star, she is not.

Amy: Someone’s sassy today.

Karen: Marietta!

Amy: Ah, shit.

Karen: You ready to hit the road? I want to get to the venue with plenty of time to spare! We have to practice!

Amy: What the hell does she have to practice?

Karen: It’s just good to be prepared for such a major event.

Amy: Yeah, you do want to make sure she’s as robotic and rehearsed as possible, voters love that!

Karen: Do you question my methods?

Amy: Do I need to answer that?

Marietta: I’m waiting for Kyle and Maria. Whenever they get here, we can all go.

Karen: Hope it’s soon.

Amy: Yeah, we might be late for the rally that’s happening in three hours.

Later that night, Marietta returns to the hotel and calls Patty Lynn.

Marietta: Mom, you there?

Patty Lynn: Yes! Oh, you did so great today!

Marietta: You were watching?

Patty Lynn: Of courser father was, too. Your aunt was not.

Marietta: That’s fine, she’s not in trouble.

Kathleen: Good, I don’t want the next president mad at you!

Marietta: Am I on speaker?

Kathleen: She doesn’t know how to turn it off!

Patty Lynn: She’s not wrong, can someone help me with that?

Marietta: Is Sarah not around?

Patty Lynn: She’s with your brother and Moira.

Marietta: That does make sense. I forgot he was going to be in Louisiana this weekend.

Patty Lynn: He’s working his tail off trying to get re-elected. I’m so nervous for him, he’s got a real fight ahead of him.

Marietta: Well, the governor’s race from a. Few years back bodes well for him. The state doesn’t hate all Democrats, just me.

Patty Lynn: The state loves you! I haven’t seen Louisiana so fired up about a political campaign in decades!

Marietta: I choose to believe that, though deep down, I know it’s from a biased source.

Patty Lynn: I’m an honest source. The energy on the ground here is electric, I think it can even help Milton get re-elected.

Marietta: That’d be something, if I was indirectly responsible for Milton winning not one but two terms in the senate!

Patty Lynn: Technically, the car that hit Betty was most responsible for him winning that first term.

Marietta: Mom!

Patty Lynn: I tell it like it is.

Marietta: So, how is dad? Feeling better?

Martin: Feeling fine, sweetheart!

Patty Lynn: We’re thinking of flying up to join you sometime this week. We don’t want to miss any of the fun.

Marietta: Oh, mom, it’s Iowa. It’s not really “fun.”

Martin: Come on, Iowa’s great! They have corn, and… the Field of Dreams, and Caitlin Clark! Lots to love from Iowa!

Marietta: Don’t say that name to me!

Martin: What, are you a UConn fan?

Marietta: Don’t mention Connecticut to me, either! 

Patty Lynn: What’s wrong with Connecticut?

Marietta: Eleanor Baum, she’s kicking my ass!

Patty Lynn: She’s been in it a few more months than you, you’ll need time to catch up.

Martin: Not to mention, we all loved her late night show.

Kathleen: I was planning to vote for her before you jumped in, she’s very charming.

Marietta: This is the sort of crap I heard all day! The people of Iowa love her! Somehow, Kate and Ellie weren’t enough to help convince Iowans that I’m on their side.

Martin: Well, I think you need Mitch Yarborough’s former Transportation Secretary to really win them over.

Marietta: I already have his wife campaigning for me, no one cares!

Patty Lynn: So today didn’t go well?

Marietta: It went fine, it’s just gonna be a lot of work.

Kathleen: I say this respectfully… you are running for president, you know? Of the United States, not the local country club.

Marietta: I’m fully aware, trust me.

Kathleen: It’s famously a hard job to win.

Patty Lynn: Yeah, Kathleen couldn’t even hold onto a House seat!

Kathleen: Ah, screw you!

Marietta: I sense it’s been another lovely, peaceful day back at home.

Martin: This isn’t as bad as it usually is, this is good-natured ribbing by their standards. 

Marietta: Yeah, that’s a good point.

Patty Lynn: Tell us more about your day! We haven’t done anything interesting, but you have! Marietta: I wouldn’t call today interesting. I’ve been campaigning for over thirty years, doing it in Iowa didn’t add any sort of fun twist to it.

Patty Lynn: Come on, this is different! You’re running a presidential campaign, this is the big leagues!

Marietta: I thought the US Senate was pretty “big leagues” but I guess not to this level, you’re right. Still, it just feels like any old campaign to me. I guess the gravity of my situation hasn’t struck me yet.

Kathleen: As long as you’re still putting pound to pavement and making every minute count, then that’s what matters. What it is you’re actually doing can sink in later.

Patty Lynn: Maybe it’ll feel real once we get there!

Marietta: I hate to admit it, but it didn’t feel the same at all without you and dad.

Patty Lynn: That is the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me!

Kathleen: Am I chopped liver?

Marietta: It’s great when you campaign with me too, but you don’t usually practically stalk my campaigns like mom and dad.

Kathleen: I do have a life outside of this family, you know.

Marietta: Someone’s knocking at the door, I think I gotta go!

Patty Lynn: You’re very in-demand, so I understand! See you in a few days!

Marietta: See you then!

Marietta hangs up and opens the door.

Marietta: Oh, look, it’s everybody! 

Ellie: Don’t sound so enthused.

Marietta: Sorry, Ellie. Long day.

Ellie: Well, ya hungry?

Marietta: I could eat.

Amy: We gotta sneak out of her fast, before Karen sees us and ruins the fun!

Tammy: We are grown adults sneaking out of a hotel like children on a school field trip.

Ellie: Well, we’re not all grown.

Henrietta: I’m twenty-four years old. I’m a mother.

Ellie: Sure ya are.

Henrietta: I am!

Kate: I have to say, Amy, I was never a Karen fan myself, but I don’t know why you have such disdain for her. She’s not so awful.

Amy: She’s an irritating control freak! And so weird!

Marietta: Shh, she might hear you! That wouldn’t end well!

Kate: Let’s just get out of here, we need to unwind. We had a long day today.

Tammy: We? You two came in, spoke for like ten minutes, and were done.

Ellie: We canvassed with you!

Tammy: Barely.

Ellie: We’re very busy women.

Kate: We did fly in today, though. Planes tire me out.

Amy: Karen tires me.

Tammy: Marietta, this whole thing is exhausting. You sure about this?

Marietta: Of course I’m sure, we’re having fun!

Ellie: I won’t lie, you should probably improve your security team if you’re gonna keep having “fun.” We were allowed to come knock on your door and no one even tried to stop up. What if that was an assassin?

Marietta: I don’t think an assassin would know what room I’m staying in?

Ellie: You never know, what if they work at the hotel? Something to think about!

Marietta: Is it?

Ellie: I’m only worried about your safety!

Kate: You can ignore her. Her mind is twisted and doesn’t work the way the average person’s does.

Ellie: That’s what makes me special!

Kate: Yes, it sure is.

Three weeks later…

Marietta: Oh my god, I can’t wait to be home.

Patty Lynn: Just one plane ride away, sweetie.

Karen: I know you’re exhausted, and I get it fully, but this bus tour has been a huge success.

Milton: Of course it has, I wouldn’t take time off my re-election campaign to take part in a flop bus tour!

Martin: I’m glad you finally made it up here this week, it’s been a great family bonding experience!

Sarah: I’m bored. This state is boring.

Martin: It gave us Cloris Leachman and Johnny Carson, how can it be boring?

Sarah: Who are they?

Moira: Um… uh… how do I put this in a way you can un-

Milton: They’re dead people.

Moira: I was going to say it a bit more gently, say they’re “before her time.”

Kathleen: Cloris was still rocking the stage on Dancing with the stars well after Sarah was born.

Marietta: Amy, won’t you miss this?

Amy: We’re only home a couple weeks, then we’re right back on the trail.

Karen: The faster you get back, the better. The people are loving what they’re seeing, donations are way up, polling is up in Iowa, this is great for us.

Marietta: We’re going to New Hampshire soon, no?

Karen: That’s Baum’s home turf, no use wasting much time there. South Carolina will be big, though.

Marietta: So much excitement ahead! Now, get me back to New Orleans, I miss beignets.

What did you think of the season premiere of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!

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