The group is at breakfast in Germany.
Leslie: Well, gang, it’s here, our final show.
Frances: forever? Did they cancel us
Leslie: Why do you all keep thinking we got canceled?
Sam: Wishful thinking?
Garry: How is that wishful thinking?
Sam: I wouldn’t need to see you anymore, and I wish for that every day of my life.
Leslie: It’s our last show of the season, our last show in Europe. I assumed this much was obvious.
Sam: You really assumed that this group of individuals would be able to pick up on anything? They’re not smart people.
Charlotte: Hey!
Sam: Having a British accent doesn’t automatically make you smart, just look at Liz Truss!
Charlotte: That’s…a fair point.
Diane: I have to be honest, I’m glad we’re finally done. My body is ready for a rest.
Carly: I need a vacation from vacation.
Sam: You’re a trophy wife, aren’t you always on vacation?
Carly: I should take offense to that, but you still think I’m youthful enough to be a trophy, so it’s a bit flattering.
Leslie: I understand how you feel, Diane. It’s been exhausting.
Frances: Well, you’re the only one who’s actually been working.
Garry: Not true! Sam’s been working on my nerves!
Sam: Feeling’s mutual!
Frances: Actually, Melanie’s been working as well.
Melanie: I appreciate that, I feel seen. It’s good to feel seen.
Frances: Happy to help!
Garry: I’m ready to go home, too. I miss my kids.
Carly: Good, you can take care of them.
Sam: Smart lady! Well, aside from letting Garry knock you up twice to begin with.
Carly: Hey, don’t get me wrong, my kids re the greatest blessing in my life. However, they’re exhausting.
Diane: You should try raising two of them without a nanny or without any help from the husband. I had to have done something to anger God in order to be given such a curse.
Sam: All right, enough talk about kids. What is there to see here in Deutschland?
Frances: I want to go to the Black Forest.
Sam: Oh, I like their cake.
Leslie: Frances, honey… that’s eight hours away.
Frances: Are you serious? We never get to see what I want to see!
Leslie: I’m sorry. I’m sure there are… other forests.
Frances: It’s fine.
Melanie: What if we go see the Brandenburg Gate? That’s here!
Charlotte: That’s almost the exact same as a forest, yes!
Melanie: That’s not what I was implying, just that there’s plenty to see here.
Frances: You’re right, we’ll have a nice time wherever we do go.
Diane: I know I just said I’m ready to go home, but I’m going to miss this traveling with all of you. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience for us.
Sam: I’m good keeping it once-in-a-lifetime.
Diane: You are such a Debbie Downer!
Sam: I’m tired, and I miss my wife.
Garry: Well -
Sam: Garry, I don’t want to hear it.
Charlotte: I’ll miss this, too, Diane. We got to see the world together, that’s something I think we’ll all cherish.
Frances: Well, we saw Europe.
Leslie: Next year we get to tour the U.S. together.
Sam: My god, don’t remind me!
Leslie: Are you not excited for that?
Sam: We’re an inherently dumb country. That means we’re going to run into many very stupid people.
Garry: Is she crabbier than usual?
Diane: I think she really is going to miss us!
Sam: I’m personally wondering if I can get an earlier flight out of here!
Diane: She lashes out when she’s feeling emotional. She’s torn up inside over this. She loves us!
Sam: I do not!
Diane: You do.
Sam: Do not!
Leslie: You’re both making a scene.
Charlotte: Don’t worry, I’m very famous, they won’t kick us out.
Frances: I think we’re all famous.
Charlotte: Sure.
Later, on the set…
Jacqueline: Ah, Leslie! You ready for the last day?
Leslie: How do you beat us here every single day?
Sam: She leads a lonely existence. She has no one to delay her arrival, her work is her life.
Jacqueline: That was incredibly rude. Accurate, but incredibly rude.
Leslie: Speaking of work, what are you going to do once you’re done here?
Jacqueline: I’ll go back to work at the network, thankfully. I’m fully aware of why Paul deployed me here, he wanted to keep me away so I didn’t take his job. I’ve got a lot of work to do to get back all the ground I lost being sent over here.
Leslie: Does this mean we’re not going to see you anymore?
Jacqueline: I intend to be running the network, and you’re the number one show, so we’re going to have a long working relationship.
Sam: Oh, so she’s delusional.
Jacqueline: I am not!
Sam: Paul’s not going anywhere. If him fumbling the bag on our contract negotiations didn’t cause them to fire him, there’s nothing you can do to get him kicked out.
Jacqueline: Are you sure about that?
Charlotte: That sounded a bit threatening.
Jacqueline: It’s not a threat against anyone but Paul.
Sam: Well, I don’t like you, but I also don’t like Paul, so this is none of my business.
Leslie: This has gotten a bit awkward, but like true professionals, we’re going to breeze past this and enjoy the last day of filming.
Garry: Second-last day.
Leslie: Oh, right.
Garry: Don’t worry, Leslie, it’s a reasonable mistake.
Leslie: Clearly, I’m just ready for my vacation!
Jacqueline: Has this not been enough of a vacation?
Leslie: Beachside, a week of relaxation, no work. That’s a vacation.
Sam: She schooled you!
Leslie: All right, everyone to hair and makeup! This is the finale, it’s all been leading up to this moment!
Sam: Some people wait a lifetime, for a moment like this!
Diane: Oh, I hope they let us go on The Kelly Clarkson Show to promote this season!
Leslie: Yeah, she’s gonna be our only fun mom left on daytime TV now that Hoda’s leaving.
Diane: Don’t remind me.
One hour later…
Jacqueline: Has anyone seen Leslie?
Melanie: I haven’t, no.
Jacqueline: We have a show to do, she’d better show up soon.
Sam: Who is “we?” You observe, you do nothing.
Jacqueline: As evidenced by what’s currently happening, you all can use the guidance.
Charlotte: I think we do just fine! We’re a responsible bunch.
Jacqueline: Your producer has just gone AWOL and delayed filming your finale, that’s not responsible to me.
Garry: I’m sure she’s got a very good reason for not being here.
Jacqueline: I doubt that very much.
Sam: Is there a reason you’re being such a hard-ass today? You won’t be able to boss anyone around anymore at work once you go back to working at the network HQ so you’re getting one last rush? It’s unbecoming, but then again, so is everything else you do.
Leslie: I’m here, I’m here! I’m so sorry to make you all wait, I was just a bit under the weather.
Sam: Oh no, like Diane last week? Stay away!
Leslie: No, not like that.
Sam: Thank god. That was gross.
Diane: I couldn’t help it.
Sam: I didn’t say you could. Didn’t make it less gross.
Frances: It made me nauseous just hearing about it.
Charlotte: And now we’re talking about the vomiting just before we eat desserts. Lovely.
Jacqueline: Not just before. You’e still got hours until the baking will be done and you can start judging, which means…
Leslie: Yes, we know, we’re starting. You do know you don’t always have to be so stuck-up, right? Let loose, it’s a show about making cake!
Sam: That’s what I said!
Jaqueline: And it was just as wrong then. It’s a business.
Diane: She was starting to thaw a bit before she was reminded that she has to go back to work in Hollywood. All the work we did on her has been reversed!
Sam: They call it “Hollyweird” for a reason! Makes people act nutty, looking for power and fame.
Jacqueline: You do realize I can hear all of you, right?
Sam: I don’t care. Everything I’m saying is true.
Leslie: Okay, everyone to the set, we need to start before Jacqueline has a stroke.
Frances: Besides, I’m hungry.
Later that night, Leslie calls Paul.
Paul: Hey, Leslie! You ready to come home? I know it’s been a long shoot over there.
Leslie: We’re all ready, I think they’re all just desperate for a bit of space. And to stop with all the flying. I think I finally know what it’s like to be a pop star with all this traveling.
Paul: It is a lot, but this season has really come together nicely. You should all be so proud with what you put together.
Leslie: We are. I am, at least. I have something to talk to you about, though.
Paul: Did Sam do something again?
Leslie: No, it’s not my cast. They’ve been mostly all right. I tried texting you earlier about this, but I couldn’t find the words. It didn’t feel like something to text.
Paul: Oh, Leslie, I’m flattered, but I’m married.
Leslie: Excuse me?
Paul: Never mind. Continue.
Leslie: Paul, Jacqueline is scheming.
Paul: That’s nothing new.
Leslie: She wants your job, and she’s so sure she’ll get it, she’s already told us that she’s planning on it.
Paul: She’s been plotting for over a year, that’s why I sent her with all of you. I had to get rid of her.
Leslie: She was well aware.
Paul: She’d have to be an idiot not to be aware, but it’s not happening. Leslie, I really do appreciate you looking out for me, but I’m not scared of Jacqueline. I’ve been in charge for over a decade at this network, I have a winning track record. What does she have?
Leslie: I don’t know the inner-network politics of it all.
Paul: And that’s fine, but I don’t need you worrying about me. Just focus on your show, I can fend off a challenge from a lightweight traitor. This network knows I’m a proven winner.
Leslie: Just beware. She’s very sneaky, she spent months with us and never once let it slip that this was her plan.
Paul: I’ll beware. Thanks for the call, now go enjoy your last week in Europe.
Leslie: Will do!
The next day…
Leslie: Last day on set, kids!
Frances: You don’t have to call us kids to flatter us, it’s a bit demeaning. We all know we’re older than you.
Charlotte: I’m not!
Frances: Of course you’re not.
Sam: I have to say, filming on twelve different sets over the last few months has made that declaration a bit less impactful. We’ve had twelve separate instances of a “last day on set.”
Leslie: But this is the last day on the set of anywhere in Europe!
Sam: And we thank god for that.
Diane: I was okay with you being unkind yesterday, but don’t put a damper on our last day of filming for the season.
Sam: I’m not trying to, I’m just tired and ready for some time off.
Charlotte: That we can all agree with.
Melanie: I don’t know what I’m going to do with time off.
Charlotte: I don’t mean to be intrusive, but does this job pay enough for you to have off until we go back to filming in a few months?
Melanie: Are you kidding? One season of this show pays more than that old hotel job! Leslie and Paul set me up very well, I so appreciate it.
Leslie: Rumor has it you’re in line for a producer’s credit next season!
Melanie: Are you kidding?
Leslie: You’ve been of great assistance on the set, and I wanted to thank you somehow. It’s not much, but it does bring a bonus of about five thousand dollars per episode.
Melanie: This is unreal!
Leslie: I was planning to surprise you with it at dinner, but it came out naturally. Congratulations, you really deserve it.
Melanie: You’re sure about this? The network’s gonna approve it?
Leslie: I own that network, okay? Paul is my bitch.
Frances: I don’t ever want to hear Leslie say those words again.
Jacqueline: Gang, let’s go. The bakers are waiting. Last bake of the season, it’ll be a long one.
Sam: Bossy b-
Leslie: We’ll get right on that, Jacqueline!
Five hours later….
Sam: My bakers, the time has come. After twelve weeks of competition, it’s time to name our champion.
Diane: Andrea, you’ve had ups and downs in this competition, but the judges felt you really hit your stride towards the end of the competition. This week, your Black Forest cake was a highlight, with remarkable cherry flavor and a moist, rich chocolate cake. However, your stollen was overbaked, and the judges felt there weren’t enough nuts in it. However, we tasked you to bake five different German cookies and pastries for the final grand challenge of the season, and you masterfully delivered on all five.
Sam: Emily, you ran in the middle of the pack all season, with a strong performance each week until finally breaking through in Norway. The past few weeks haven’t been your best, but you showed up for this final. The judges were impressed with your remigration of the Black Forest cake, taking a familiar dessert and making it your own. Your stollen was also a highlight, and your adherence to the recipe showed that you also excel at traditional baking as well. Your grand challenge also impressed the judges, though they felt your zimtstern cookies were a bit messy and misshapen.
Diane: Janie, the judges have bene impressed by you all season, and that continued this week. Your consistency is what the judges were always impressed by, and your Black Forest cake, stollen, and your cookie and pastry tower all showcased that consistency, with all of the desserts being baked to perfection and all of them featuring rich flavor profiles.
Sam: While all three of you have delighted us this season with your bakes, only one of you can win Bake Your Heart Out.
Diane: The winner of this season of Bake Your Heart Out is… Janie!
Sam: Congratulations, Janie, and thank you to Emily and Andrea for baking with us this season. It’s been wonderful getting to know all three of you!
Diane: And that’s a wrap on Bake Your Heart Out: European Adventure! We’ll be back early next year with more bakers and more sweet treats! See you then!
Leslie: Cut! Good job, everyone! What a season!
The next day…
Garry: I just feel a freedom, knowing that we’re done filming. I don’t know, it’s just nice to not have to be anywhere in particular, to be able to go wherever.
Sam: Yes, I also enjoy vacation.
Frances: Not to the Black Forest, though.
Sam: Are you trying to become a witch or something? Why do you want to go there so bad?
Frances: It just seems pretty!
Sam: Sure.
Frances: It does!
Leslie: You know what the beautiful thing is? We’re all adults, we can all go wherever we want because our jobs are done! Frances is free to drive eight hours to a forest in the middle of nowhere.
Frances: No, it’s fine. We’ll all stick together, have one last week of exploration. Berlin seems nice.
Diane: I like their song in Top Gun.
Frances: Speaking of sticking together, has anyone seen Jacqueline?
Leslie: She texted me and said she was checking out early.
Sam: Seems a bit odd, no?
Carly: Why are we worrying about the British lady? We should be going out having fun!
Sam: Diane’s not even done with her waffles yet.
Diane: Almost!
Sam: I’ve heard that before. Thirty minutes later…
Leslie: I think Jacqueline was just ready to go home.
Sam: If true, it’s the only thing about her that’s relatable.
Melanie: I thought she didn’t have anyone at home.
Sam: She doesn’t, she’s a loser.
Diane: Excuse me?
Sam: You have me.
Diane: I could cry thinking about it.
Frances: I don’t have you.
Sam: Doesn’t your niece live in LA? You can go see her.
Leslie: I have no one.
Sam: We’ll find you someone.
Garry: I like how she’s adding so many qualifiers to try to avoid sounding like a heartless monster for saying that every lonely person is a loser.
Sam Not every lonely person. Just Jacqueline.
Frances: All right, is everyone ready? I’m very excited to get out of here and go see… some gate or something, I don’t know.
Carly: I think it’s prettier at night, no?
Frances: Then what is there to do here?
Sam: No one knows!
Four days later…
Diane: Home again. End of a journey.
Leslie: Don’t cry, we’ll be together again.
Diane: I just… you’re all so special to me.
Sam: Good god.
Charlotte: We could even see each other sometime, we all live in the same city.
Sam: Now you’re pushing it!
Melanie: I live across the country.
Charlotte: And we’ll really miss you, but getting out of a group function is your gain. These people are nuts!
Garry: I’m not nuts!
Sam: You are, but not as nuts as your wife. She actually agreed to marry you!
Leslie: Oh my god!
Diane: What? Did the flight get delayed? Do we get to stay? Oh, I’m so excited!
Leslie: Paul just sent me a text.
Diane: Are more ratings in? Did they go up even more?
Leslie: Jacqueline got the board together and convinced them to vote on whether or not to keep Paul as president of the network. She used the success of this season and her handling of it to show that she’s ready to lead the network, and they agreed. Paul’s out.
Diane: Well that’s a twist.
