Jacqueline is on the phone with Paul.
Paul: You’re a week into filming, how’s everything going so far?
Jacqueline: They hate me!
Paul: They hate everybody, that’s just how they work.
Jacqueline: I’d expect that from Sam, but you’re telling me Leslie hates everybody?
Paul: God, what did you do to Leslie?
Jacqueline: Nothing! Well… she may disagree. I wasn’t trying to do anything, though
Paul: What did you do?
Jacqueline: I was a little bossy on our first filming day. I may have tried to make a few executive decisions, tried to shut down filming, sent home Garry…
Paul: What was wrong with Garry?
Jacqueline: Nothing, just a minor hangover. It did impact his ability to film, but I should’ve let Leslie make that decision, and she put me in my place the next day. That sort of thing isn’t going to happen again, but it did put me on shaky ground to start. You know, they have four days of downtime between filming each episode, and I know they’ve spent it together sightseeing. I’ve been very lonely.
Paul: It’ll get better. They’ll welcome you in eventually.
Jacqueline: You just said they have everyone!
Paul: That’s true, but they aren’t malicious. They’ll include you once they feel comfortable, so just keep breaking the ice. And, heck, they might even start to somewhat tolerate you by the end. I think they may have felt that way about me!
Jacqueline: I sure hope you’re right. This is going to be a very long three months if not.
Paul: Even if they never do warm up to you, at least you’re getting a free vacation out of it.
Jacqueline: I’d much rather be in LA, with the other executives. This really takes me out of the loop, I don’t know what’s going on.
Paul: Trust me, it’s nothing interesting. Just a bunch of boring business meetings and administrative nonsense. The most compelling thing to happen since you’ve been gone is us getting a pitch for a sitcom based on the life of some viral TikTok meme.
Jacqueline: Well, are you ordering it?
Paul: I’m going to need someone to explain to me how to log on to TikTok so I can watch it before I give that one the green light.
Jacqueline: How did you ever get the Bakle Your Heart Out gang to like you, then?
Paul: I never said they liked me! I said they tolerated me. Te way I accomplished that was simply by chilling out.
Jacqueline “Chilling?” I don’t “chill.” I’m a serious businesswoman.
Paul: You can’t be such a hard-ass all the time. You have to let them have some fun, give them freedom, be less strict.
Jacqueline: So I have to treat them kindergarteners?
Paul: That’s how you need to treat any celebrity! Egos bruise easily, if there’s anyone who you need to appease, just be easy-going with them. I learned that the hard way, I almost lost my #1 show by being too business-minded and not human enough.
Jacqueline: You? Not human? Hard to believe!
Paul: Look who’s talking! Now, I have a meeting to get to about the new streaming service numbers, you enjoy Italy and just try to let the Bake Your Heart Out gang be the Bake Your Heart Out gang. No controlling, just cooperation.
Jacqueline: They’re so very weird, that’s going to be difficult.
Paul: I believe in you.
Jacqueline: I don’t think I believe you.
Meanwhile, the rest of the group is at dinner.
Leslie: So, Sicily! How is everyone liking it so far?
Garry: I have to be honest, I prefer the mainland. I’m not big on islands.
Charlotte: Well you’re going to love the UK, then.
Frances: How can anyone not like an island?
Garry: It’s not that I dislike them, they just frighten me a bit. What if there’s a hurricane or something? You’re trapped on there! No way off!
Diane: I don’t think a hurricane is much of a worry in Italy.
Garry: There could still be some other sort of disaster, so I’m still on edge a bit.
Sam: How are you a real person?
Leslie: Garry, have you been hitting the sauce again? Jacqueline’s going to flip.
Garry: I’m not drunk! Why does everyone keep asking me that?
Charlotte: You must admit, it would be better if last week’s incident were never repeated.
Garry: Of course it would be, but that doesn’t mean I have a problem or anything. It was a one-time thing, no one needs to worry about me.
Leslie: I say this respectfully, Garry… the island phobia is far more worrisome than the hangover.
Garry: It’s not a big deal, I’ll get over it! Diane’s fear of knives is far worse!
Dianne: I’m not afraid of knives!
Charlotte: You shout every time one of our contestants uses one.
Diane: That’s a lie.
Frances: All right, so you don’t mind me carving up my chicken with thi-
Diane: Ah! No! You’re going to hurt yourself! What if it slips!
Sam: So we’re all weird, that’s not news to anyone.
Charlotte: We are a strange group, you’re right.
Leslie: How’d you ever get group into this, you’re only weird in the “typical vain celebrity” sort of way. You’re otherwise sane.
Charlotte: Dear, no one sane would stick around this show.
Leslie: That is true.
Carly: I have to say, I’m very to see Sicily. I wanted to come here ever since I saw the White Lotus season set here.
Frances: You’re lucky, you get to spend the next two days exploring here. We have to work. With Jacqueline. Ugh!
Leslie: I don’t even want to think about it.
Sam: It’s bad when even Leslie isn’t trying to convince us that someone “isn’t that bad.” She tried that lie on us with Paul for almost ten years!
Leslie: Paul is a nice guy, really. He just wants to fit in.
Sam: He’s a sixty year-old man! He’s not in elementary school!
Diane: Everyone, no matter their age, just wants to find somewhere to fit in in life. Paul is an odd fella, I’ve had my differences with him, but on that aspect, I can relate to him.
Sam: I’m not going to debate Paul’s strangeness with anyone, I’m just saying Leslie is more open to giving people chances than anyone I’ve ever met, and even she is sick of trying with Jacqueline.
Leslie: I’m not going to be rude to her, I’ll speak with her, I’ll do all of that, but I won’t hesitate to lay down the law again. This is my show, if she has a problem with that, go cry to someone who cares. That person ain’t me!
Frances: Yeah, you hate her.
Leslie: I don’t hate anyone. Well, I hate that one guy. But he knows what he did. Jacqueline, though, she’s just a thorn in my side. Not nearly important enough to waste my time hating her.
Diane: That’s the spirit! Hate just hurts the heart. Focus on love instead.
Sam: You sound like Marianne Williamson.
Diane: Well maybe Marianne Williamson has some ideas worth considering!
Sam: Nah.
The next day, on the set…
Leslie: Okay, everyone get ready, the contestants are going to be here in twenty minutes!
Diane: Can someone tell Sam to stop hogging my mirror?
Sam: It’s not my fault someone booked us in the shittiest set in the country!
Leslie: Hey, there isn’t exactly a burgeoning television production market here in Sicily, they had to just go with whatever they had to work with. I think this place is just fine.
Sam: Yeah, you don’t have to worry about being on camera.
Leslie: What’s that supposed to mean?
Sam: You can do your hair and makeup at the hotel, in your own personal mirror, without the risk of the wind or some rain making you look unpresentable for work.
Leslie: I put great care into the way I look.
Sam: I never claimed differently, I’m just saying that you don’t actually have to appear on camera so you don’t have to look perfect on the set.
Charlotte: I don’t know why she’s going on about hair so much, even Garry’s got longer hair than her!
Sam: It’s not easy to keep this hair looking good. I don’t just wake up like this!
Jacqueline: Hey, Leslie, do you think I could speak to you for a moment?
Leslie: Anything to get me out of this conversation.
Sam: Such a nasty woman.
Leslie and Jacquline step aside to talk.
Leslie: So, what’s up? Did you get news from the network or something? Is there a problem with one of the filming locations?
Jacqueline: No, no issues. I just wanted to feel out the mood here. I know you weren’t happy with me at all during the filming of the first episode. I hope there aren’t any lingering hard feelings.
Leslie: No, I don’t hold grudges. We had a little spat, we worked it out, it is what it is. We’re both professionals, we can brush this off.
Jacqueline: I’m glad you feel that way. I do want to be friends with you and with this cast. We’ll be together for another few months, so I really do want to bond.
Leslie: This group takes a while to really mesh with, but if you make an effort, you treat everyone with kindness and respect, they will warm up to you. Well, maybe not Sam, but she doesn’t warm up to anyone.
Jacqueline: So you’d want to be friends?
Leslie: Jacqueline, if you really are willing to drop this boss woman schtick and act like a peer, I think we’ll have a very happy working relationship.
Jacqueline: I can do that! I’ll just provide my advice on how I feel the show can be better without demanding anything of you.
Leslie: Thank you, that’s all I ask of you. Now, I’m going to check on my cast, because I have a bad feeling they’re not doing what they’re supposed to be.
Jacqueline: I could always -
Leslie: I’d really rather you didn’t.
Jacqueline: Yeah, that’s fair.
The next day…
Sam: Andrea, Janie, Marcus, the judges were wowed by how all three of you recreated classic Sicilian desserts, but only one of you can be Top Baker, and that is… Janie!
Diane: Janie, come grab your badge!
Sam: Sadly, not everyone was as successful this week.
Diane: J.C., your cassata in the Grand Challenge didn’t set properly, and your marzipan was cracking.
Sam: Art, your cassatelles in the Specialty Challenge were underbaked, and the judges felt they weren’t filled nearly enough. On top of that, your attempt at gelato in the Judge’s Challenge resembled some sort of flavorless ice cream.
Diane: Alex, you went from one of the judges’ favorite bakers last week to one of the most troubled this week. None of your bakes were disastrous, but all three lacked some sort of element to make them truly special, with all three just tasting a bit bland in comparison to some of the other bakes.
Sam: Frank, your cassata from the Grand Challenge was far from grand. It was underdone, and you barely put any fruit on it, with the fruit that did make it on there being fresh fruit and not the proper candied fruit that is traditional.
Diane: J.C., Alex, you are both safe.
Sam: Art and Frank, unfortunately you are in the bottom two. Both of you had glaring issues this week that the judges simply couldn’t ignore.
Diane: Sadly, we have to say goodbye to… Art. Art, we’re sorry.
Sam: Thank you for watching Bake Your Heart Out! Make sure to tune in next week as we head to beautiful Spain!
Leslie: And… cut! Perfect, guys! Great show this week!
Frances: Finally, we get to go home!
Leslie: And why are you in such a hurry to get out of here?
Frances: I have a big day tomorrow at the beach! It’s our only day of downtime here, I’m getting full use of it.
Charlotte: It’s not like you’re the only one going to the beach tomorrow. We’re all going.
Frances: Yeah, but you are used to going all day. I’m not. I live a simple life. Therefore, I need plenty of time to recharge.
Diane: I still don’t know why we have to fly out of here in two days, we have a while before we film episode three.
Garry: The faster we’re off this island, the better!
Charlotte: There’s no danger in being on an island! You’re so weird!
Leslie: We’re flying to Spain early because that’s just how the flights worked out best. It does suck to cut our Sicilian adventure short, but we have to make do with it.
Jacqueline: Did I overhear you all talking about going to the beach tomorrow?
Sam: No, certainly not!
Leslie: You did.
Sam: You’re an idiot!
Leslie: I’m aware.
Jacqueline: If you don’t mind, could I come with? I think it’ll be a good morale booster.
Leslie: Uh… sure.
Jacqueline: Thank you! I’ll have to go buy a bathing suit, I haven’t gone to the beach in, wow, maybe fifteen years.
Diane: You live in Hollywood and haven’t gone to the beach?
Jacqueline: I spend nearly all of my time on business, there’s very little time in my schedule for beach.
Charlotte: Ken can’t relate. Beach is his entire job.
Jacqueline: Ken?
Charlotte: Oh my god, she’s never seen Barbie.
Jacqueline: No time!
Sam: No wonder she’s such a stuck-up, hard-ass bitch. She doesn’t feel joy.
Garry: I’ll tell you, she’s one person I sure do miss. My day’s not the same without kicking it off with The View.
Sam: You make it too easy to mock you.
The next day…
Frances: Charlotte, have I ever told you how much I hate you?
Charlotte: That was uncalled for.
Frances: You knew what you were doing, flaunting around in that little two-piece.
Carly: I’m wearing one too, why don’t you hate me?
Frances: I didn’t notice, you bitch!
Diane: Frances, you look great! You have no need to be jealous of anyone else.
Frances: I don’t look bikini good.
Diane: I just think we, as women and feminists, need to move past commenting on anyone else’s bodies.
Frances: Fine. I won’t tell them they look good anymore and that I’m jealous of the fact that they can still fit into a bikini while I’m wearing this hideous thing.
Sam: I’m practically wearing a scuba suit, so you’re not the one that’s covered up the most.
Frances: Yeah, Sam, what the hell is that that you’ve got on?
Sam: We’re big stars, the paparazzi is sure to be hanging around somewhere. They’re not getting one centimeter of skin, I know what the Enquirer publishes about women of a certain age.
Frances: Oh my god, you’re right! Where’s my cover-up?
Charlotte: Leslie appears to be sleeping on it.
Frances: This is why I rested up last night. She’s got one day at the beaches of Sicily and she’s spending it in dreamland.
Garry: Is that a black cloud in the sky?
Sam: No, that’s just Jacqueline.
Jacqueline: Sorry I’m late! I couldn’t find anything to cut the tag off my new bathing suit. I had to file it off with a nail file!
Diane: We’re glad you made it! You’re not even that late.
Jacqueline: Late enough to give Leslie time to fall asleep I see.
Frances: She lives a stressful life..
Jacqueline: Do you think she fell asleep on purpose so she wouldn’t have to see me? I’m still not sure she’s a big fan of me.
Sam: Who is?
Jacqueline: That was a bit mean.
Garry: Guys! That was thunder!
Sam: Big whoop, you’re not a dog.
Garry: You’re not supposed to swim in thunder! You’re under a beat umbrella with a metal top! That’s a conductor.
Charlotte: Why is he like this?
Sam: No one knows!
Carly: There’s the rain!
Sam: This is Jacqueline’s fault! It was fine before she got here!
Jacqueline: I… admit the timing is poor.
Frances: I’m under an umbrella, I’m fine.
Garry: Not with the thunder! Come on, we gotta go!
Frances: We have one day in Sicily!
Garry: What if it’s not just a thunderstorm, what if it’s some sort of superstorm? Or a hurricane?
Sam: It doesn’t thunder in a hurricane!
Diane: That being said, I don’t want to be out in this. How about we find shelter?
Sam: How about we just enjoy the beach like normal people?
Diane: Stop being so damn stubborn!
Garry: I’m frightened!
Frances: Carly, get your man.
Carly: I’m sorry, he’s really bad during storms.
Garry: I said we’d get stuck on this island! I told you all something bad would happen!
Sam: It’s a thunderstorm!
Garry: Let’s just get to shelter!
Sam: You know what? If it’ll shut you up, I’m fine with taking cover. Let’s get out of here.
Five minutes later…
Charlotte: There’s no way you actually wanted to stay on that beach and get rained on, Sam.
Sam: Of course not! I just like getting Garry going.
Charlotte: You’re a vile one.
Sam: I know.
Diane: Oh my god!
Frances: What happened now?
Diane: We forgot Leslie out there!
Jacqueline: I’ll go get her!
Sam: She’s not gonna like you just because you woke her up from her nap.
Diane: Her nap happening in the middle of a torrential downpour slash thunderstorm…
Sam: She’s living life to the fullest! Let her go!
Jacqueline: I’m going. See you all on the other side!
Garry: She’s gonna die!
Frances: You know, we barely got to see anything and now this has ruined the whole day. I’m not leaving tomorrow, I’m staying right here until I get to see some of Sicily.
Gary: None of us are leaving, this is the big one!
Sam: You sound insane.
Charlotte: Sound? He is insane!
Carly: I have to say, the two extra days I got to explore this island were lovely. I got to see so much of it!
Frances: In the words of Diane’s favorite singer, good for you.
Meanwhile, on the beach…
Jacqueline: Leslie! Wake up! There’s an awful storm and they evacuated the beach?
Leslie: Where the hell is everyone?
Jacqueline: Not the point. Let’s just get to some cover.
Leslie: Did they all leave me here?
Jacqueline: It was an accident, but I came back for you!
Leslie: I guess that’s a start.
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
