The Bake Your Heart Out team has just arrived at Heathrow Airport.
Charlotte: Ah, there’s no place like home!
Sam: You lived at the airport? I must say, that makes your rise to fame much more impressive!
Charlotte: Laugh all you want, you know what I meant.
Jacqueline: I know I do, because it’s home for me too! I haven’t been home in, gosh, five years. It’s good to be back.
Charlotte: I filmed a movie here last autumn, so it hasn’t been quite as long for me. Still wonderful to get back here.
Garry: I’ve never been to the UK.
Frances: Even I’ve been to the UK, and I’m not exactly known for being cultured.
Melanie: I haven’t been here either, but I think we all know about my lack of international traveling after my passport issues.
Sam: Don’t remind us.
Diane: Sam, don’t take that tone with her. It wasn’t her fault.
Sam: Nothing’s ever Melanie’s fault, I know.
Diane: I didn’t say that.
Melanie: It was my fault, and I apologize.
Diane: No, don’t give in to her bullying. She’s just cranky that the airline was out of red wine.
Sam: How does a major airline not even have a simple merlot? No one was able to tell me! It’s a simple question!
Frances: Can we just get our luggage? I’d rather not get stuck in London without anything to wear.
Charlotte: I’m sure my mum would lend you some of her clothes!
Frances: Your mother? How old do you think I am?
Charlotte: You have very similar styles!
Frances: I don’t even know what to say to that.
Sam: You know it’s true.
Frances: It is not true! I have the style of a young woman, not some elderly -
Marian (Charlotte’s mother): Dearie! Welcome home!
Charlotte: Mum! What are you doing here?
Marian: I called up your network to find out when you were flying in so I could surprise you!
Barry (Charlotte’s father): It was an extremely annoying process, as well. They connected us to some nitwit woman who left your mother all frazzled. Wouldn’t give her a straight answer for the longest time.
Jacqueline: ‘Ello, lovely to meet you! I’m the nitwit woman!
Barry: Oh, uh… in our part of London, “nitwit” is a term of endearment!
Jacqueline: What part would that be?
Barry: Chelsea!
Jacqueline: That’s where I’m from!
Sam: You guys don’t have to try to save face, none of us can stand her either. She represents the network, we hate the network.
Jacqueline: Excuse me?
Leslie: Ignore her, we love the network.
Frances: I don’t think we need to go that far.
Charlotte: So, do you two have any plans for us that you’ve come here or were you too focused on the big surprise?
Marian: I thought we could go back to the house, show your friends where you grew up.
Sam: Jacqueline excluded, of course.
Marian: No, she can come. I feel bad for saying what I did.
Jacqueline: You don’t need to, they’ve all said worse about me.
Charlotte: I’ve been very kind to you.
Jacqueline: To me, yes. Behind my back when you think I can’t hear… less so.
Charlotte: I’ve been kinder than the others.
Jacqueline: That much is true. Still, I won’t encroach on your time with your family and friends. Besides, I have many people In want to visit while I’m in town as well.
Marian: The door’s open if you change your mind!
Sam: But, please… don’t.
Jacqueline: She’s so welcoming.
Garry: You should try being me.
Jacqueline: No thank you. I’m going to get going now, my old pals are expecting me for lunch and I’d rather not keep them waiting. I’ll see you all at work tomorrow.
Charlotte: Darn, I forgot about work!
Leslie: Sort of a key reason for us being here, I’d say.
Charlotte: I guess we have a lot of catching up to cram in tonight.
Leslie: We’ve got a whole week here, no need to rush.
Sam: When are we going to our hotel? I want to drop these bags off, they’re holding very important cargo.
Leslie: I guess we could swing by there before we go to Charlotte’s parents, no?
Barry: Hotel? You’re staying with us!
Leslie: Oh, we’ve already got roo-
Barry: I insist! You’re like family, we don’t make family stay in a hotel.
Diane: Just how many bedrooms do you guys have?
Marian: Three!
Carly: All right, one of ‘em’s for me and Garry. We need the private room, I get cranky when I can’t sleep and you’re all noisy!
Leslie: I think, with great appreciation for the offer, we’re going to have to stick with the plans to stay at the Ritz.
Sam: Oh my god, you wanted us to give up a week at the Ritz? No wonder Charlotte’s so -
Diane: Lovely. Charlotte, like both of you, is so lovely
Marian: All right, how about this? You guys swing by our place for a bit so we can catch up and then you can go to your hotel. We have plenty of space for your bags, so don’t worry about them.
Leslie: That would be lovely.
Marian: I’m just so excited to have you all. We’ve met before, of course, but we never had enough time to catch up. We’ve heard so much about all of you!
Garry: All good?
Marian: Most good.
Sam: The bad was you, Garry.
Marian: No, not that I recall.
Sam: It certainly wasn’t me, I’m a peach!
Diane: It was for sure you.
Sam: What did you say about me to your lovely parents?
Charlotte: We’re not getting into that now.
Frances: Oh, it was bad bad!
Charlotte: No one said that.
Frances: I can read between the lines.
Later that night, at the hotel…
Melanie: That was nice! I didn’t think I’d ever got to visit the house where an Oscar-winning actress grew up!
Frances: I can’t say it was on my bucket list, but it was still nice. Charlotte, your parents are lovely people.
Charlotte: I’m glad you think so, we’re going to see a lot of them this week!
Diane: You’re still going to give us that full tour of London, correct?
Charlotte: Of course! You’re getting the full London experience with me. You’re going to become so familiar with London, you’ll be speaking with an accent and using all our slang terms by the time you’re leaving.
Garry: Bob’s your uncle.
Charlotte: That’s… actually not a terrible misuse of that phrase. You have potential, Garry!
Garry: Thank you!
Sam: No one has EVER said that to him before.
Leslie: All right, we have an early shoot tomorrow, I’m heading up to my room to take a shower and wash all of today’s funk off of me.
Frances: The way you said that makes it sound like you think Charlotte’s parents’ house is dirty.
Leslie: No, not at all! The airplane we were on? A bit more so.
Melanie: In retrospect, today was a bad day to wear flip-flops.
Sam: There’s a special place in hell for people who wear open-toed shoes on an airplane.
Diane: That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?
Sam: No. I mean nothing against Melanie, but that is funky.
Melanie: I agree, I didn’t even realize we were flying out today when I threw them on. Now they’ve been on for roughly twelve hours and my feet are in horrible pain, so that’s karma.
Frances: Yeah, I think we’re all turning in early tonight. The excitement of London just tuckered us out.
Sam: Yeah, nothing more exhausting than having tea and biscuits with two elderly people while talking about your colleague’s childhood. That is a strenuous day.
Diane: I’m sorry, guys. You know how cranky she gets when she’s tired.
Sam: It’s eight o’clock!
Diane: Let’s get you to bed.
Sam: I’m not tired!
Garry: She looks like she’s about to bite.
Leslie: Don’t do that in public, you’ll get us banned from the Ritz.
The next day…
Diane: Charlotte, I didn’t realize your parents were coming to the taping, too.
Charlotte: Uh… neither did I.
Garry: How did they get the address?
Jacqueline: Me!
Leslie: And we’re so glad you did! Melanie, would you grab them a chair and something to drink? They can sit right next to me, we’re giving them the VIP treatment.
Diane: The rest of us should go get ready, right?
Leslie: Uh, yes? Why do any of you ever mess around when you get here? This is a workplace!
Frances: I think Leslie’s cranky today.
Leslie: Leslie was kept awake by her roommate watching TV until roughly eleven o’clock while Leslie did’t have earplugs because she lost them in her hotel room in Madrid.
Frances: You don’t have to be so mean about it.
Leslie: Yes I do.
Frances: All right, I won’t watch TV so loud tonight.
Leslie: All I ask. Well, that and for us to get to a convenience store that sells earplugs before we go back to the hotel today.
Marian: Charlotte, dearie, could you come here for a moment?
Charlotte: Leslie, can I?
Leslie: It’s your mother, of course you can go speak to her. The rest of you, go get ready.
Sam: Yes, commander!
Leslie: Knock it off.
Sam: I don’t think I will!
Jacqueline: Leslie, may I speak to you?
Leslie: Just don’t annoy me.
Jacqueline: I’ll try my best.
Leslie: I’ve seen you try your best. Try harder.
Jacqueline: I had a wonderful idea.
Leslie: I’ll believe that when I hear it.
Jacqueline: So, this entire season is about exploring all that Europe has to offer, no?
Leslie: Sure.
Jacqueline: We’re in London, and you have a judge from London, and her parents are in the studio today. Why not have them appear on the show? I think viewers will appreciate getting to know Charlotte a bit better.
Leslie: I can ask them. What kind of appearance are you expecting, though? Just a walk-on?
Jacqueline: Just a short segment. Maybe they can appear at the top of the show or join you guys for your walk-through with the contestants.
Leslie: I’m gonna be honest, this is actually a pretty good idea from you. Consider me both impressed and surprised.
Jacqueline: I think that’s a compliment.
Leslie: Somewhat.
Leslie walks over to Marian and Barry.
Leslie: Hey, guys! I have a question to ask!
Marian: Oh, are we in the way? We’ll move!
Leslie: No, actually we want you on the show!
Marian: Oh, really?
Barry: What’s this? I wasn’t listening, I was playing Candy Crush.
Marian: They want us to guest judge!
Leslie: Well, actually -
Barry: Wow, that’s great!
Marian: It’s always been my dream to get to appear on the show.
Leslie: Well, you get to live it today. I have to go talk to my cast now, let them know about the big shakeup!
Marian: I have some great recipes if you need any ideas! My sticky toffee pudding recipe is famous!
Leslie: The challenges are planned for the week already, but I appreciate the enthusiasm!
Leslie rushes to hair and makeup.
Diane: Hey! You’re not supposed to see us like this!
Leslie: Emergency, sorry!
Sam: What did Garry do now?
Garry: I didn’t do anything!
Sam: I don’t believe you!
Leslie: It’s something I did. Well, really, I think at the end of the day we’ll blame Jacqueline.
Frances: What happened?
Leslie: Charlotte, your parents are going to be guest judges this week!
Charlotte: My parents? I have to work with my overbearing mother? Why?
Leslie: Jacqueline suggested they be invited to make a guest appearance, they took it as me inviting them to judge, I didn’t have the heart to tell them it was just a short walk-on.
Charlotte: I have the heart, let me tell them.
Leslie: I want them to like me, they’ll hate me for leading them on.
Charlotte: Ah, well, they can’t be that bad. This is a workplace, I know they’ll act professionally here.
Leslie: That’s what I thought.
Sam: Famous last words.
Diane: I think it’s sweet letting them be part of the show.
Sam: You’ll eat those words.
Frances: Why are you so negative?
Sam: It’s my thing!
Frances: Could it cease to be?
Sam: No.
The next day…
Leslie: Charlotte, we need to talk.
Charlotte: I know what this is about.
Leslie: You sure?
Charlotte: They’re annoying.
Leslie: Yeah.
Charlotte: Mum talks over the rest of us judges and thinks she knows better.
Frances: I don’t like that woman.
Garry: That’s extreme.
Frances: She questioned my culinary knowledge. That’s not okay!
Diane: She didn’t personally insult you.
Frances: I’d rather she did! What am I, if not an expert on food?
Sam: That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.
Melanie: This is like a food-themed version of Barbie. What was she made for?
Frances: What was I made for?
Garry: You’re our friend.
Frances: Oh, yeah, like that’s enough.
Charlotte: So what do you want me to say to them?
Leslie: Just gently tell them to dial it back a bit today.
Charlotte: I don’t think that’ll end well for us.
Leslie: They’re adults, they can take it.
Charlotte: You don’t know them like I do!
Leslie: Trust me, it’ll be okay.
Charlotte: You sure are a dreamer. I envy you.
Leslie: Could you do it now? The sooner it gets cleared up, the better.
Sam: We should have Jacqueline do it, it was her stupid idea.
Charlotte: No, they’re my parents, I’ll do it.
Charlotte walks out to her parents.
Marian: Where have you all been? It’s so lonely out here, even the short hi-
Charlotte: Don’t talk any more, you’re going to say something offensive.
Marian: Is it offensive now to point out that she’s hispanic?
Charlotte: Good lord.
Barry: I’m sorry about her, she’s just very excited about being on TV.
Charlotte: Yeah, the thing about that…,
Marian: What’s wrong? What did I do? Whatever it is, I can fix it, don’t fire us!
Charlotte: We just need you guys to dial it back a bit. You’re a little too excited.
Marian: Too excited?
Charlotte: You’re really argumentative, authoritative, uh… controlling. You act like you know best.
Marian: It’s British cuisine, I do know best!
Charlotte: You have to at least have some respect for my fellow judges. This is their show.
Marian: They shouldn’t be so sensitive.
Charlotte: Mum, please! This isn’t an attack on you, Leslie just wants to keep the others happy. They feel undermined.
Marian: Fine. I’ll be silent, even when these so-called bakers are butchering the desserts I’ve been making my entire life.
Charlotte: Glad you could understand!
The next day…
Frances: All right, where to next?
Marian: You know better than anyone, why don’t you tell us?
Frances: Excuse me?
Marian: You heard me. You guys are the experts.
Frances: I don’t understand what you’re say-
Sam: You know what, lady? Your daughter is wonderful, and a great part of our family, so I bit my tongue, and that’s really hard for me.
Diane: It really is.
Garry: She abuses me constantly, being cruel is her favorite pastime.
Sam: However, I’ve spent all day listening to you attack Frances and Garry and Leslie, and only I can do that. You make underhanded comments, you’re rude, you have no respect for them, and that really pisses me off. You heard me, you piss me off. You came onto our show and you really, quite frankly, overdid it and got on our nerves by talking over us. Your daughter politely told you to dial it back and ever since, you saw it as some sort of personal attack, so you’ve attacked us. I’m not standing for it. Just because this is the country you live in, it doesn’t give you a right to trash us. Knock it off with the attitude, you’re not the damn Queen of England!
Charlotte: Actually, there’s no such “Queen of England.”
Sam: Like I care!
Marian: Charlotte, are you going to let her talk to me like that?
Barry: She’s right, Marian. We were annoying! This is their show, and we had no right to talk over them or question their authority on it.
Marian: I can’t believe you’re siding with her over your own wife!
Barry: I believe in respect and decency, and we owed them respect. To all of you, I’m sorry we hijacked your show, and I’m sorry she’s lashing out on you. It’s childish.
Charlotte: He’s right. Mum, at Westminster Abbey you rolled your eyes at anything they said. In a place of God! At Buckingham Palace, you ridiculed them for how they were posing. Now, asking the location of our next stop is a problem. It’s not fun when you’re so upset. Please, drop it.
Marian: I suppose you’re both right. I’m sorry, I was just excited about being on the show and I felt insulted when you guys didn’t seem to appreciate my contribution.
Diane: We appreciate excitement, it just could sometimes be dialed back a bit. This is a finely-oiled machine, we’re all set in our ways.
Garry: You should see how annoyed Frances got when Charlotte guest judged!
Charlotte: Oh, she was awful!
Frances: I wasn’t so bad.
Leslie: You were pretty bad.
Melanie: It was legendarily bad, I’ve heard the retellings.
Frances: Yeah, I was.
Marian: So you all forgive me?
Sam: Yes…
Charlotte: Yay, one big happy family again!
Frances: Seriously, though, where are we going next?
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
