The group is sitting in Diane and Sam’s hotel room.
Frances: Wow, this room is way nicer than mine!
Sam: Well, these are the perks of being the face of the show.
Frances: I think that’s unfair. We’re all the face of the show.
Sam: Who’s on the poster?
Frances: Are we not on the poster, Leslie?
Leslie: You weren’t supposed to tell them.
Charlotte: I’m an Oscar winner!
Sam: We know!
Diane: I don’t think the room being nicer is any sign we’re more important to the network.
Garry: How do you figure that?
Diane: It could be that this is the only room they had this size.
Leslie: That’s true.
Frances: Why’d you guys get it, then?
Diane: We needed a room with two beds in two bedrooms, most of you don’t. That’s all, right?
Leslie: We’ll say that, if it stops the petty arguing.
Sam: Yeah, why’s no one congratulating us on our bitchin’ new room? No need for the negativity, man.
Frances: Why is she talking like she’s Tommy Chong?
Sam: Cheech and Chong are national treasures.
Leslie: Speaking of nations, what does everyone think of Spain?
Garry: I always thought it was in South America for some reason.
Sam: Idiot.
Garry: Well, they speak Spanish there!
Sam: Again… idiot.
Charlotte: I’m so glad to be here! This is like the fashion capital of the world, and I’ve been invited to sit in at a runway event.
Frances: Is that not Milan?
Leslie: It’s definitely Milan.
Charlotte: They still have great fashion here, which is good, because I need an updated wardrobe!
Sam: Updated wardrobe? You packed enough to fill an entire H&M!
Charlotte: That’s all last season’s fashion, I need an updated look.
Sam: This is mental illness.
Frances: Don’t insult the mentally ill.
Sam: You’re right, that was uncouth of me.
Charlotte: We’ll have a great time at Madrid Fashion Week!
Leslie: We? I’m not a fashion girl.
Charlotte: You don’t have to tell me! Look at those rags!
Leslie: Rags? This is my nicest blouse!
Charlotte: It sure is.
Garry: I’m down for a fashion week trip.
Sam: Of course you are!
Garry: We’ve been going non-stop, it’ll be nice to get a day to relax, especially since our beach day in Sicily got canceled.
Leslie: Thanks for remembering me, by the way!
Sam: Oh, you were fine!
Leslie: No thanks to any of you!
Charlotte: Why don you lot not want to go to fashion week?
Sam: It’s boring.
Frances: They have so much else to see here!
Leslie: I’m apparently not good enough for it!
Diane: Ooh, I’m getting a call from Melanie!
Leslie: Good, I’m finally getting my assistant, two weeks into our trip.
Garry: What happened to her, anyway?
Leslie: She got a terrible stomach bug and couldn’t travel, she had to stay back in Rome. Jacqueline was… unenthused.
Frances: Is Jacqueline ever enthused?
Diane: All right, I gotta go answer this.
Charlotte: This conversation’s not over! I will get you all to fashion week!
Garry: I’ll go with you!
Charlotte: You hear me, Diane? You are coming with!
Diane: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Diane answers her phone.
Diane: Melanie, hi! You make it to Madrid okay?
Melanie: It’s been a strange few weeks.
Diane: I know! I’m sorry we had to leave without you.
Melanie: It’s not your fault! I can’t believe I was down for so long with a stomach virus. It’s almost embarrassing.
Diane: It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, we all get sick.
Sam: Not me!
Diane: Shut up!
Melanie: I didn’t say anything.
Diane: I was talking to Sam.
Melanie: I should’ve known that.
Diane: So you never answered my question, did you make it here to Spain all right?
Melanie: Oh, right! Yes, I’m here and I’m fine. I need someone to let me know whose name my hotel room is booked in though, because they have no record of anyone under my name. I even got in a full-blown argument en español.
Diane: Whose name is Melanie’s room booked under?
Leslie: Jacqueline’s.
Diane: Does anyone know Jacqueline’s last name?
Leslie: I want to say… Johnson?
Diane: Johnson?
Leslie: Johnson.
Diane: Jacqueline Johnson.
Melanie: Got it, thanks!
Two minutes later…
Melanie: There’s no room booked under Jacqueline Johnson, I think the desk people are getting suspicious of me.
Diane: Her name’s not Jacqueline Johnson, Leslie!
Leslie: News to me.
Diane: We’re figuring it out, give us time.
Leslie: I’ll go find Jacqueline and ask her.
Diane: Don’t you have her number?
Leslie: No.
Diane: Then how will you find her?
Leslie: I don’t know! Stop bugging me!
Diane: Well, she’s waiting!
Leslie: Tell her to wait another five minutes, I’ll get her that answer.
Diane: Oh my god…
Frances: What a gift this job is for our dear Melanie, getting to deal with all of us and our idiocy for three months straight.
Sam: She can always quit. I’d recommend it.
Five minutes later…
Leslie: We’re here!
Melanie: Oh my god, I didn’t expect you to come down for me.
Leslie: Well, I forgot my phone and I didn’t feel like going back to the room.
Jacqueline: I had no choice, I was dragged out of my room. I thought I was being kidnapped, it was terrifying.
Leslie: Yeah, it really was like the last thing you’d see of someone on security camera footage before they disappear. I promise, it was all for a good reason.
Jacqueline: So what’s going on?
Leslie: Tell the kind people at the desk that you booked the room for Melanie so they’ll give her her key.
Jacqueline: All you needed was my name.
Leslie: That was the problem, we don’t know your last name.
Jacqueline: You don’t know my last name?
Melanie: In fairness, I’ve only met you the once.
Jacqueline: Well, she hasn’t! It’s Fletcher! It’s a room booked to Jacqueline Fletcher.
Melanie: Thank you.
Jacqueline: It’s no bother. Now, I’ll head back to my room if that’s all right with Leslie.
Leslie: It’s fine! See ya around!
Melanie: Leslie, can you help me with my bags? I’d rather not make two trips if it’s not absolutely necessary.
Leslie: Of course I will! We’re going up to see the others after you drop this off in your room, though. They’re all very excited to see you!
Melanie: Is that a work order?
Leslie: We’ll say so.
Melanie: Good, now I can get paid for today. I’m way behind on my salary.
Leslie: It’s not coming out of my pocket, I’m fine with that!
The next day…
Charlotte: All right, gang, after we’re done filming, we’re going to that fashion show.
Sam: Who ever agreed to that?
Charlotte: No one ever said we couldn’t!
Frances: That feels like faulty logic, but who am I to tell?
Leslie: It’s extremely faulty logic.
Sam: Charlotte needs to learn what “consent” is. A lack of a no does not mean yes!
Charlotte: What’s wrong with going to a fashion show?
Frances: It’s fine for you to go, we just don’t have interest in it. Don’t worry about us, just go and enjoy your day.
Melanie: I’ll go with you!
Diane: Oh, Melanie, we wanted to show you around the city! There’s so much to see!
Charlotte: When did you all become experts on Spain? We’ve been here one day longer than she has.
Melanie: We have plenty off time here, I don’t want to make Charlotte go to her fashion show all on her own.
Jacqueline: What’s this about a fashion show?
Leslie: Oh, Charlotte loves fashion. Say, Sam?
Sam: Yeah, she sure does! You do too, right?
Jacqueline: I’m not exactly a fashion icon myself, but I do love a good fashion show every now and then. It makes me feel special.
Leslie: Charlotte, you want to bring her along?
Charlotte: Sure, why not?
Jacqueline: Oh, this is terribly exciting! I finally get to connect with my fellow countrywoman!
Charlotte: Yay…
Leslie: All right, gang. I know how exciting this new connection is, but we need to get this show on the road. Melanie, would you mind prepping the stations for the contestants? They’re making churros first, so make sure all of the ingredients for churros are moved to the front of the pantry so they can find them easily.
Melanie: Uh, sure!
Jacqueline: I’d hope she has no problem with it, it is her jo-
Leslie: Jacqueline…
Jacqueline: Sorry! I can’t help myself sometimes.
Leslie: We’ve noticed. Now, the rest of you, what are you doing standing around? We have business to do!
Charlotte: So it’s a date for the fashion show? It starts tonight at five, we can not be late.
Leslie: I know a good way to make sure you’re not late!
Garry: I’m going right now. This is not getting blamed on me. It’s always blamed on me.
Frances: When is it ever blamed on you?
Garry: Are you kidding?
Frances: Yeah, I know we always blame you for everything. In fairness, it is usually your fault.
Sam: Always his fault.
Garry: See!
Leslie: Well, Garry, I’m not seeing those legs moving towards hair and makeup!
Garry: I’m going!
Leslie: That’s more like it!
Sam: I’m going, too. It takes a lot of work to look this good, so I’ll give them a good head start.
Later that day…
Leslie: Cut! Good job today, everyone! We’ll wrap this one up tomorrow.
Charlotte: Leslie, what time is it?
Leslie: That’s the first thing on your mind?
Charlotte: We have a show to get to!
Leslie: It’s four thirty.
Charlotte: We have to go right now!
Melanie: Look at me! I’m not dressed to go to a fashion show! I need to change.
Charlotte: You look fine, let’s go.
Melanie: I’m wearing a t-shirt and jeans!
Charlotte: That’s… fashionable.
Melanie: Is it?
Diane: You can always come with us instead.
Melanie: No, I want to go with Charlotte. I don’t think she wants to be left alone with Jacqueline.
Jacqueline: Excuse me
Melanie: Oh, I didn’t see you there! Ignore me, I was just making a joke!
Jacqueline: Were you?
Melanie: No. Sorry.
Jacqueline: It’s fine, I know I’m not anyone’s favorite person here. That’s not a shock to me.
Charlotte: All right, that’s great. Let’s go.
Leslie: Now she can hurry? Where was that attitude when I needed her to speed up to get the show started?
Charlotte: We started on time, did we not?
Leslie: No thanks to you…
Diane: Okay, let them go. We can chastise Charlotte later tonight, I don’t want to make her late for her fashion show.
Sam: Besides, we have a tour of the Royal Place to get to, anyway.
Frances: Now that is experiencing the true culture of Madrid. Not some fashion show.
Charlotte: Okay, we’ll be going. See you all tonight. You can eat without us, too, I don’t want you to bother waiting up for us.
Sam: Sounds like a plan, see ya!
At the fashion show…
Charlotte: Ladies, this is my dear old friend, Adrian. He styled me many, many years ago for some of my red carpet events and now he’s fashion designer of his own. He works for Gucci, and a few of his designs are in the show today.
Adrian: I’m so glad you could make it! It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other!
Charlotte: Adrian, these are Melanie and Jacqueline, they work with me on the show.
Jacqueline: I’m actually a -
Charlotte: She talks a lot, I’m sorry.
Adrian: We’ll talk after the show, okay? I have to go get my models ready, you know how it is.
Charlotte: I do. I once starred in an BBC television movie in which I played a supermodel, so I know how this all works.
Melanie: What was it called?
Charlotte: Oh, that’s not important.
Jacqueline: Must’ve been bad!
Charlotte: It was misunderstood.
Adrian shows the ladies to their seats and then heads backstage.
Melanie: You didn’t tell us you wanted to come to see an old friend! The others might have been a little less judgmental if you said that!
Charlotte: Nothing will ever make those people less judgmental, it’s just how they are. It just comes with the territory.
Jacqueline: This is an odd fashion show. Why are there candles settling out? So close to flowing dresses and drapery, it’s a fire hazard!
Charlotte: It’s all about ambiance, Jacqueline.
Jacqueline: Well, that’s stupid.
Charlotte: You need to let loose a bit and just relax and have fun! You are so high-strung!
Jacqueline: It’s just who I am! I worry, I panic.
Melanie: I think it’s lovely here.
Charlotte: Thank you!
Thirty minutes later…
Jacqueline: Do you feel something warm?
Charlotte: Uh… no.
Melanie: Yes!
Jacqueline: Oh my god! Charlotte, the candle by your arm, you knocked it over! That dress is on fire and it’s spreading!
Charlotte: Stop messing with me!
Melanie: Fire! This room is on fire!
Charlotte: There’s no need to cause panic, it’s barely on fie.
Melanie: It’s on fire!
One hour later…
Sam: Well, well, well… I can’t say I’m surprised.
Charlotte: Just tell us, are they letting us out?
Frances: Well, we used our star power… apparently, Frances ion the Kitchen was HUGE here! Almost as huge as it was in Greenland!
Charlotte: Are we going to rot in here?
Diane: You’re free to go, thanks to Frances.
Frances: You’re welcome!
Jacqueline: I still think throwing us in jail was a bit harsh for an accident.
Melanie: Well, you know how these creative types are. You incinerate one of their own expensive creations, and almost set the whole building on fire, and for some reason, they get mad!
Charlotte: I’m starting to think maybe you were all right about the, uh, fashion show.
Sam: You couldn’t have figure that out before you called and interrupted our place tour so we could bail you out?
Charlotte: It won’t happen again.
Sam: Damn right it won’t, we’re going to keep watch on you 24/7.
Charlotte: That does feel appropriate.
Leslie: Melanie, I think I’m most disappointed in you.
Melanie: I’m sorry.
Charlotte: She did nothing, neither did Jacqueline. It was all me.
Sam: Well, I don’t believe that part about Jacqueline.
Jacqueline: What were we even charged with?
Leslie: Disturbance of the peace. The fashion house that made the dress dropped all the charges in exchange for having Frances appear in an ad campaign.
Frances: I’m gonna be a model!
Charlotte: Well, I guess it worked out after all.
Sam: Yeah…
Charlotte: Sorry about your tour.
Sam: I’ll get over it one day. Not today.
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
