Claude and Christine are relaxing in the siting room.
Christine: Is this not nice? A quiet night, just us, no chaos, no crowds, no family.
Claude: It’s wonderful, but it feel a bit surreal.
Christine: That’s because you’re not used to it at all. This is the first quiet night we’ve had to ourselves since you ascended to the throne.
Claude: That can’t be.
Christine: It is. Every other night, we’ve had some other member of the family hanging around. Usually your mother.
Claude: Where is she, by the way?
Christine: She’s in France for the Olympics.
Claude: We sent her?
Christine: What else does she have to do?
Claude: Good question. Annoy me?
Christine: Exactly. This was the best way to get her out of our hair. Thankfully, she took Mandy with her.
Claude: Why would she do that?
Christine: I threatened not to take care of her if she left her alone with us.
Claude: That’d do it.
The phone rings.
Christine: Don’t answer that.
Claude: I wasn’t planning on it.
Christine: I hope it’s not your mother. Or worse, the prime minister.
Claude: Would she call this late?
Christine: Of course she would, she’s clueless on how normal humans behave.
Ten minutes later…
Claude: It’s still ringing, what if something is the matter?
Christine: Fine, answer it. Interrupt our peaceful night.
Claude: Is it peaceful if we have to listen to a phone ring all night?
Christine: Don’t bring logic into this!
Claude answers the phone.
Claude: What’s up?
Arthur: Father, finally!
Claude: What’s wrong? You sound panicked.
Arthur: It’s Claire, she’s been in a car crash.
Claude: What? When?
Arthur: Roughly twenty minutes before I first called. I’m in Portsmouth still, I’m about to head back to London though.
Claude: Is she all right? How bad was it?
Christine: What’s going on?
Claude: Claire was in some sort of accident.
Christine: Oh, that’s terrible!
Arthur: She’s alive, she was well enough to speak to me over the phone, but she’s on her way to hospital. I believe it was just her and her driver traveling home from an event, they hit a tree or something on a country rode when another car tried to pass them.
Claude: The private wing, correct?
Arthur: Of course. I spoke to an officer about item they said that this will only be made public if we want it to be. I said I’d rather keep it private.
Claude: That’s a good choice. We can’t all go visit her then, though. The whole family flocking to hospital would make it into a news story.
Arthur: I know. Just let everyone know, all right?
Claude: Will do. Keep up updated.
Arthur: Will do.
Claude: Stay strong, we love you and Claire will get through this.
Arthur: You know what? Could you ask Gigi or Todd or something to go visit? I doubt they’d draw much media attention for visiting. I just want someone there with her for now.
Claude: I’ll call Gigi right now. I’d rather not ask Todd due to his connections to a certain yapper.
Arthur: That’s a good point. We tell him, the prime minister will be in Parliament tomorrow asking for prayers. I’ll get going now, thank you for letting everyone know. I’ll do my best to hurry and get to her.
Claude: Just stay safe! Do you have a driver?
Arthur: I do.
Claude: Good. We don’t need you driving right now. I will see you soon, I love you.
Arthur: I love you, too. Bye.
Claude hangs up.
Christine: I can’t believe this!
Claude: It’ll be all right.
Christine: Will it?
Claude: It will be.
Christine: I hoe you’re right. This is terribly upsetting.
Meanwhile, at Olivia’s house…
Olivia: Does this not feel great?
Fred: Does what feel great? We’re not doing anything!
Olivia: Being home!
Fred: We were away for twelve months, not twelve years. We came back every once in a while, too.
Olivia: But we’re home now. No going back to London, no nothing. I’ve been really struggling with my writing lately and I think that’s why, I need the good, clean, country air and the comforts of my own home.
Fred: It’s no different for me. I do enjoy not being so close to the prime minister, though. Her popping in was getting a bit annoying.
Olivia: How about my family? Some distance between us and them is almost as great as distance between us and Trayman.
Fred: Think of it this way, though: every time Claude calls a family meeting, you’ve got to drive over an hour to get to Buckingham.
Olivia: That is true. Still, I think it’s worth it in all. It also gives me an excuse to skip out on things. Having to babysit Mandy last week was hell.
Fred: Well, I’m going to make some tea. You reintroduce yourself to the house, clearly you’re very excited to be reunited.
Olivia: Don’t ridicule me for being happy to be home.
Fred: I’m not ridiculing, I’m encouraging you to reconnect with all that you’ve missed this last year!
Olivia: You irritate me sometimes.
Fred: I’m aware.
Olivia’s phone rings.
Fred: Are you going to answer that?
Olivia: It’s been a long day, I have no desire to be bothered by something stupid with no impact on my life.
Fred: How do you know for sure it’s stupid and insignificant?
Olivia: It’s very likely someone in my family calling me, and that’s the only thing they ever call me about.
Fred: It’s Claude, I just looked.
Olivia: Will it make you feel better if I answered?
Fred: Yes.
Olivia: Hand me the phone.
Fred hands Olivia her phone and she answers.
Olivia: Claude, I just got home, what do you want?
Claude: Olivia, I’m sorry to have to bother you.
Olivia: You didn’t have to.
Claude: Claire’s been involved in a car accident, she’s in hospital.
Olivia: Are you serious?
Claude: Unfortunately.
Olivia: Is she all right?
Claude: We’re still waiting. Gigi went to go see her.
Olivia: Gigi? As in my daughter?
Claude: Yes. Arthur’s a ways away yet and he wanted someone with her that wouldn’t draw much media attention and he could trust.
Olivia: Well, she’s a good pick so long as she doesn’t flash anyone on her way into that hospital.
Claude: I talked to her, she wasn’t partying or anything tonight. She’s very sober.
Olivia: She’s good at faking it.
Claude: I have to call some more people, we’re all gathering at Buckingham. You don’t have to come, I know you just -
Olivia: No, I’ll be there. I’m leaving right now.
Claude: Are you sure?
Olivia: Of course I’m sure, this is about family. I’ll see you in a little while.
Claude: All right, see you soon.
Olivia hangs up.
Olivia: Get off the couch, we gotta go.
Fred: What? You were just saying how nice it is to be home.
Olivia: Claire’s been in a car crash, we have to go to Buckingham.
Fred: That’s awful! Oh my gosh, is she okay?
Olivia: We don’t really know. Gigi’s at hospital with her I believe.
Fred: Gigi?
Gigi: They don’t want to draw much attention from the paparazzi. This should be a private affair.
Fred: That’s a novel idea, no one else needs to know.
Gigi: Exactly.
At Buckingham…
Olivia: We got here as soon as we could! Is there any news? Where is everybody?
Nathan: Father is on the phone with Arthur, everyone else is trying to eavesdrop.
Olivia: That sounds about right for this family.
Alicia: This whole thing is so jarring, we just saw her earlier tonight at a charity banquet. To think that could be… I can’t even say it.
Nathan: Don’t say it.
Fred: She’s a very strong person, she’ll get through this.
Nathan: We still don’t know how severe it is, the doctors wouldn’t tell Gigi much.
Olivia: Is Gigi still there? I tried calling her, but nothing.
Claude: All right, everyone!
Ethan: Ouch, you hit me in the face!
Claude: Then don’t stand in the doorway!
Selina: You don’t sound upset, it must be good news.
Claude: It is good news.
Olivia: Ah, wonderful to hear!
Claude: Olivia! I didn’t see you there!
Olivia: No one ever does.
Seline: Oh, we do.
Nathan: So what’s the news?
Claude: The damage to the car made everyone think it was much worse than it was. She has a few broken bones, and her face was terribly bruised and scratched by glass fragments, but none of the injuries are life-threatening.
Ethan: Great news!
Alicia: Well, as great as you could expect after an accident.
Ethan: Yes, being in a car crash is obviously not ideal.
Olivia: Will she be staying in hospital overnight?
Claude: They do have to do a surgery on one of the broken bones, so yes. I’m not sure how long she’ll be in there, but I doubt it’ll be a major stay, which is good.
Olivia: So, that begs the question… it’s very late, I’m very far from home… where will I be staying overnight?
Claude: You still have the apartment at St. James’s Palace.
Olivia: It’s such a far walk, and so late at night…
Claude: Do you want me to offer you a room here?
Olivia: That’d be so wonderful! Thank you, you’re too kind!
Claude: I know I am.
One month later…
Olivia: Fred…
Fred: What? That tone, it scares me.
Olivia: I’m not happy here.
Fred: What do you mean?
Olivia: I miss the city.
Fred: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.
Olivia: I wish I were! I think I turned into a city person!
Fred: You are unbelievable.
Olivia: I’m so far away from my family, and much to my surprise, I see that as a negative! I’ve barely gotten any writing done since we moved back, I think the hustle and bustle of the city actually helped my creativity. Poor Elsa, bless her heart, I think she’s panicking over me not getting much done in this last month.
Fred: Well, we can always go back to the city if you’d like.
Olivia: I’m really in disbelief over it, but that is what I’d like.
Fred: There’s no shame in wanting to be near your family.
Olivia: Stop! You make me sound like a loser!
Fred: Oh my god…
Meanwhile, at Buckingham Palace…
Claire: Claude, I really didn’t want any of you to see me like this.
Eleanor: That’s silly! You have nothing to be ashamed of!
Claire: I look like Frankenstein. I still have all these stitches and scars and I’m still so bruised. No one wants to look at me in this condition.
Claude: That’s the thing. I’ve been told - and I know I’m not the one to speak on social media, because I’ve got no idea how it works - that the people on social media are very concerned about you.
Claire: Why would they be concerned?
Eleanor: They seem to believe you’re missing.
Claude: Yes, mother, I was getting to that.
Eleanor: Not fast enough!
Claire: Why would they think that? Can’t a woman go a month without being in public without some grand conspiracy?
Claude: Not a woman with such a large public profile such as yourself.
Eleanor: It’s very unfair, but true.
Claude: There are some theories as to why you’re missing. One is that you’ve been killed.
Claire: These people are deranged.
Eleanor: They’re on social media, of course they are.
Claude: Another is that you’ve fled with the children after learning about an affair Arthur had.
Claire: Preposterous! You’d never let me flee with the future heir to the throne!
Claude: Exactly. Now a third one, and this is my favorite theory, is that you’ve been kidnapped by a hostile government.
Claire: And they think this makes sense?
Claude: They have “evidence.”
Claire: Evidence I’m in a North Korean prison?
Claude: Apparently.
Claire: Any other grand ideas?
Claude: Some say you’re sick.
Claire: I kind of am.
Claude: Yeah, that’s why that one’s not my favorite. Another says - remember Scientology?
Claire: They think I’ve joined Scientology?
Claude: Apparently.
Claire: My god!
Eleanor: Tell her about the theory that she’s in jail!
Claude: Oh, yeah. They think we’ve thrown you in prison for threatening to whistleblow against the family.
Eleanor: They called you Claire Boleyn!
Claire: I don’t find that one funny.
Claude: Neither did Anne Boleyn.
Claire: So what do you want me to do about this? I can’t be seen like this!
Claude: You? Nothing. We just need your permission to send Arthur out with a body double who looks like you to try and douse these theories.
Claire: A body double?
Arthur: I won’t do it!
Eleanor: You have to.
Arthur: Why would I have to?
Eleanor: All of these theories undermine the family.
Arthur: Just put out a written statement!
Eleanor: Why did we not think of that?
Claude: We thought a bit too big.
Claire: I’ll write you a statement. Now, I want to go home and rest. The more I sleep, the faster this all heals, no?
Eleanor: I believe so.
Claire: Then nap time it is.
Two weeks later…
Olivia: I just don’t know why Claude’s screwup had to result in a family meeting.
Christine: He’s the head of the family, his screwup is our screwup!
Olivia: Like hell it is!
Nathan: Yeah, I don’t subscribe to the theory that papa getting us into a PR nightmare is the fault of anyone but him.
Ethan: When he makes the general public believe a beloved family member is dead, it reflects upon the entire institution. Simple as.
Claude: I’ve made some errors.
Claire: We didn’t release the proper letter. People can tell my writing from a fake!
Claude: I agree. I just misplaced the letter you wrote.
Gigi: You edited a photo of Claire using an old photo from Easter and tried to pass it off as new!
Claude: That was the social media team’s error, I would’ve never approved that photo if I knew it was so easy to detect that it’s a phony.
Todd: Am I the only one just now finding out Claire was injured?
Gigi: It’s not always about you, Todd!
Todd: That seems to be a yes!
Olivia: Todd, just be glad you got invited to this meeting at all. I really had to vouch for you.
Arthur: I begged you not to make me appear with those body doubles!
Claude: What more do you all want from me? I’ve made errors and I admit to them!
Selina: How do we get out of this? How do we regain the trust with the public that we’ve lost?
Claude: I wish I had that answer, but I don’t. That’s why I’m consulting with all of you.
Gigi: As if this motley crew has any idea!
Nathan: Speak for yourself! I…’ve got nothing.
Claire: I know.
Claude: See! She’s got an idea! AI? Deepfake?
Claire: No. I’ll make a proper video and explain everything. We regain the trust with honesty.
Selina: That seems far-fetched.
Alicia: I don’t know, I think it could work.
Olivia: I do, too.
Arthur: Darling, your face. You’ve said so often you don’t want to be seen until you’re healed.
Claire: I need to do this. I think it can remove a stigma, say that it’s okay to sometimes not look your best. Sometimes you get knocked down, getting back up again is what’s important.
Claude: Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t have to, we can just dodge the questions until you’re healed.
Claire: No, I’ll do it. I have to do it for the family, and for me. I can’t keep hiding.
Gigi: I won’t lie, as inspirational as that is, I’d rather you didn’t give Todd any ideas. Some people should hide a bit more.
What did you think of this episode of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
