Evergreen Aimee Season 3 Episode 5 - Carbs Against Humanity

Evergreen Aimee Season 3 Episode 5
Carbs Against Humanity

Victoria: Aimee! You look upset.

Aimee: I am upset!

Victoria: I always say I’m very intuitive, just goes to show how right I am.

Dave: I mean, she was crying. Honey, what’s wrong?

Victoria: It still ta-

Aimee: It’s nothing terrible.

Victoria: So you won’t be mad at me if I go for my run before we work this out? Actually, never mind, I need some elaboration before I go. I’m invested now.

Aimee: You do not respect my privacy, do you?

Victoria: We’re family, privacy doesn’t exist for us.

Dave: I really hope there are limitations to that statement.

Aimee: This might sound stupid, but I’ll say it anyway. I weighed myself for the first time since I had Isabel. I’ve gained twenty pounds that I haven’t lost.

Dave: Were you upset with your figure before you weighed yourself? Because you look beautiful!

Aimee: I felt fine before, but then I saw that damn number and now it’s the only thing I can think about, especially because I’ve been working very hard to shed that baby weight! It’s discouraging!

Victoria: Weight is just a number, Aimee.

Aimee: You can say that, but it doesn’t make it true!

Victoria: It is true. I would never lie.

Aimee: I’m not saying you’re lying, I’m just saying you’re wrong on this.

Victoria: If there’s one word that describes me even less than “liar,” it’s “wrong.”

Aimee: We can agree to disagree.

Dave: You have nothing to worry about with your weight. Not only do you look phenomenal, but you only gave birth ten months ago, and you’ve been really busy in that time. Moving to a stressful new job would make anyone gain weight, and you had a baby on top of it! You’re doing fine!

Aimee: You know who is back to being thin as a rail? Melody Choi.

Dave: She’s an Olympian, Aimee. That’s not a terrible shock.

Aimee: She was gigantic when she was sworn in, looked like she swallowed a watermelon. I think she’s even thinner now than after she won that freakin’ gold medal!

Victoria: That damn Ozempic…

Aimee: It’s not Ozempic! Though, that could be good for me…

Dave: Don’t take Ozempic!

Victoria: How do you know how she lost that weight, Aimee? I find it rather suspicious!

Aimee: She’s a world-class athlete, I don’t think she needed pills to shed the pounds.

Victoria: A retired world-class athlete. She’s not still hitting up the rinks. She’s hitting up the pharmacy.

Aimee: This conversation is insanity.

Victoria: You know it’s a possibility! People will do anything these days to be thin!

Aimee: That’s true, but I feel like if anyone can do it naturally, it’s a professional athlete. I need to figure out how she did it, because I sure can use the help.

Victoria: Liposuction!

Dave: Oh my god…

Aimee: It’s twenty pounds, I think I’ll pass on the lipo.

Victoria: So, does anyone want pie?

Aimee: What? No!

Dave: Weren’t you going for a run?

Victoria: Yeah, but all this talking made me hungry.

Dave: I’ll take some pie.

Aimee: Ah, hell, what’s another pound?

The next day…

Aimee: Denise!

Denise: My god, Aimee, you don’t have to yell. I’m right here!

Alec: Yeah, Aimee! We’re right here!

Aimee: How are you always here?

Alec: I have so much free time.

Aimee: That’s what happens when your party leader hates you!

Alec: You seem quite busy.

Aimee: Greg and I have a very complicated relationship, but he does not hate me!

Greg: That’s right!

Aimee: Ah! The hell did you come from?

Greg: I was walking by and heard my name. You know our offices are across from one another, right?

Aimee: That is true, I hadn’t thought of that.

Greg: I always thought we had a pretty good relationship. A good rapport.

Aimee: You drive me nuts sometimes, Greg. Nothing wrong with that, but, you know… it’s true.

Geraldine: Sherwood! Come on!

Greg: I’m being called away to a meeting. Don’t trash talk me while I’m gone.

Aimee: Wouldn’t dream of it.

Geraldine: Oh, hey Aimee!

Aimee: Hi, Gerry. Have fun in your meeting.

Geraldine: Oh, I won’t.

Aimee: Denise, do I look fat?

Alec: Don’t answer that. There’s no way to win.

Denise: You don’t look fat.

Aimee: Liar!

Alec: I told you! Did I not tell you?

Denise: Alec, bud out.

Alec: I told you!

Aimee: I think Victor is calling for you, Alec.

Alec: He would never.

Aimee: I. Need to talk to Denise alone.

Alec: Got it! Going!

Aimee: Do you got it? I’ve been hinting for a while…

Alec: Hey, I don’t always pick up on context clues.

Aimee: No kidding.

Alec: I’ll see you later!

Aimee: So, you really don’t think I’m fat?

Denise: You’re still on this?

Aimee: I’m up twenty pounds on my pre-pregnancy weight. Twenty!

Denise: That makes a lot of sense, actually.

Aimee: Oh, so you see it too?

Denise: I didn’t know you pre-pregnancy.

Aimee: You’re dodging.

Denise: You look fine! I wish people didn’t freak about their weight so much!

Aimee: That’s easy for you to say, you’re in excellent shape!

Denise: So are you! You have nothing to worry about. If you want to lose weight, great, but don’t fret about it. Have you seen the rest of the Senate? Half of them were born before sliced bread was invented. You look incredible compared to them!

Aimee: That’s damning me with faint praise. Anyhow, I want to lose some of this baby weight, and I want you to get me a meeting with Melody Choi.

Denise: Can’t you just go to her office? I don’t think that’s something that requires official office hours. Maybe I’m wrong, I’m not the senator here.

Aimee: I just want to make sure I can talk with her. I need that workout routine.

Denise: Put on skates, slide on ice, try not to fatally hit your head against said ice. That’s really it.

Aimee: You sure about that?

Denise: She’s a skater, that’s all there is to it, right?

Aimee: This is why I need to meet with her. I have to know!

Denise: You’re not turning into some fitness freak, okay? I can’t deal with you counting calories, eating kale, wearing Lululemon…

Aimee: Lululemon? I’m a senator.

Denise: That hasn’t stopped Melody.

Aimee: She doesn’t dress like that! Not on the floor, at least. There was a whole thing about that with one of the other members, actually.

Denise: I’ll get you your meeting. Now, I have bills on your desk for you to read. Could you -

Aimee: Already planning on it! I’m a very diligent worker!

Denise: If only every senator felt the same. My goodness, I’m not even sure half of them CAN read!

Aimee: That’s why I’m the best, isn’t it?

Denise: Let’s not get crazy. We can’t have you getting a big head, that’s when you guys start to slip!

Three hours later…

Gwen: Aimee! Good to see you!

Aimee: What are you doing in here?

Gwen: You’re not my only mentee! I actually do mentor some people from my own party!

Aimee: That’s crazy to me. I thought what we had was special.

Gwen: Don’t be so melodramatic. You sound like Bernadette Peters.

Aimee: Don’t tell Denise you said that, she won’t give me a minute’s peace. That’s her queen.

Gwen: I thought I was her queen?

Melody: Hey, Aimee! I’m over here!

Aimee: Right, that’s why I’m here!

Melody: I know, you’re not used to being on Democratic turf.

Aimee: Are you kidding? Half my party is convinced I secretly am a Democrat.

Melody: Wow, five people really think that?

Gwen: Come on… they have at least a dozen senators. Six people think that.

Aimee: Oh, you guys have jokes!

Gwen: You do, too! He’s in the Oval Office!

Aimee: I think my thoughts on Delphy are pretty well-documented!

Gwen: That doesn’t mean I won’t bust your balls! I need to get out of here, though. I was warned about your to-secret meeting, I won’t keep you from that.

Aimee: It was nice seeing you!

Gwen: I’m glad I got to see you without Denise. She’s sweet, but you can only tell someone about opening Company so many times before you get sick of it.

Aimee: Doesn’t she ask you about any other musicals?

Gwen: Of course she does, that’s just the only one I have any vivid memories of. I was too high for the rest of them.

Aimee: Ironic, you don’t have any memories of when you sung Memory in Cats.

Gwen: Don’t remind me of Cats. That almost ended my career. Anyway, I’m going. I have a dinner to get to, anyway. 

Gwen leaves.

Melody: So what’s up? I know it’s not about anything work-related, Denise said so.

Aimee: She’s such a narc.

Melody: I prefer it that way, honestly. I hate talking about work. This job is -

Aimee: Not great.

Melody: Not at all! I had a baby nine months ago and listening to those boring losers talk about the SALT reduction and agriculture funding is still the most excruciating thing I’ve been through all year!

Aimee: That’s actually sort of what I wanted to meet about.

Melody: SALT? That’s work-related, Aimee.

Aimee: No, being a mom!

Melody: Do you need tips?

Aimee: God, know. I’m on my third, I’m phoning it in at this point.

Melody: So what’s up?

Aimee: I need advice on how to shed the pregnancy weight. I’m still up twenty pounds and I hope this isn’t inappropriate to say, but you look better than ever!

Melody: No, I appreciate it! I worked very hard to shed that weight. It was sort of a nightmare.

Aimee: Tell me about it! I feel like a slob.

Melody: You’re not.

Aimee: Everyone keeps saying that, but I still feel the same way.

Melody: We’ll get you a fitness regimen. Jenny Ross and I will help.

Aimee: Jenny Ross? I don’t know her very well.

Melody: She’s a huge fitness buff. She helped me put together a workout regimen after my pregnancy.

Aimee: I didn’t think you’d need any help, considering -

Melody: That I’m an athlete? Yeah, it’s been a while.

Aimee: Not that long!

Melody: Long enough to fall out of those habits. Plus, I was always working out on ice, not land.

Aimee: You mean to tell me the road to the perfect post-baby body isn’t on the ice?

Melody: I love the ice more than anything, but the gym is a much better place to shed the pounds than an ice rink if you’re a newcomer. You burn more calories panicking about not falling on the ice than you do in actually moving on the ice.

Aimee: Okay, but down the line, you are going to teach me to skate. Right?

Melody: I’d love that! So, when you want to work out? I’m thinking six?

Aimee: Tonight?

Melody: No, silly! I have to get back home, my husband can’t be alone with the kid for much longer, he’ll lose it. Six tomorrow morning!

Aimee: Oh my.

Melody: Is that too late?

Aimee: Too late? I’m a new mom! I’m just getting to bet at four!

Melody: Just give it a chance, I think you’ll like it.

Aimee: Okay, but I’m nervous. I’m not a good driver when I’m tired.

Melody: Do you want me to pick you up?

Aimee: That would be awesome!

Melody: Okay, see you tomorrow morning! Wear something comfortable, not whatever that is.

Aimee: It’s my pantsuit.

Melody: Yeah, not gonna cut it. Workout gear.

Aimee: Lululemon?

Melody: That’d be fine.

Aimee: Denise is gonna kill me.

That night, Aimee is on the phone with Cherie.

Cherie: So how was your day?

Aimee: I’m starting a new fitness regimen with some of my fit new friends. So, pretty good!

Ernesto: Are they Democrats? Are they going to make you eat kale?

Kimmy: I’m a Democrat, I don’t eat kale.

Ernesto: That’s because you let Republicans shop for you!

Aimee: They are Democrats, they aren’t making me eat kale. I don’t think, anyway.

Cherie: Why are you starting that?

Aimee: I need to lose weight?

Cherie: Ha! You need to lose weight? You’re kidding?

Aimee: I’m not! That baby weight isn’t going away!

Cherie: Oh my god.

Ernesto: I still have the baby weight from when you were born!

Aimee: You wer-

Ernesto: Called a joke, Aimes!

Cherie: Honey, you look great!

Aimee: I’m sick of people telling me that.

Cherie: Okay, you look like crap.

Aimee: I don’t want to hear that, either.

Cherie: Can’t win!

Aimee: I just want to feel better about myself.

Cherie: That’s a very respectable goal. However, you don’t need to lose weight to do so.

Aimee: Now you’re sounding like a Democrat.

Cherie: No, I’m a mom! Don’t worry about the extra weight, that’s a souvenir of parenthood.

Aimee: That’s a way to look at it.

Cherie: I didn’t even notice it, by the way.

Kimmy: That’s because you see all of us as perfect.

Cherie: Not all of you.

Kimmy: Wow.

Cherie: I didn’t specify.

Aimee: All right, that was a nice pep talk. I’m going to go, Aunt Victoria is calling me for dinner.

Cherie: Good luck! Hope you don’t get food poisoning!

Aimee: It’s takeout.

Cherie: She’ll find a way to ruin that, too.

The next morning…

Jenny: Aimee! It’s so nice to really meet you. We never really get to see each other.

Aimee: There are a hundred of us, it’s understandable.

Jenny: Melody told me a lot about you. She guessed your weight and height and stuff just so I could put a general fitness plan together for optimal weight loss.

Aimee: I’m scared to ask.

Jenny: Here, look. I won’t say it out loud just in case Fredham can somehow hear us.

Alma: Hey! Kate!

Melody: Aww, bless her heart.

Jenny: How do you put up with her?

Melody: What do you mean?

Jenny: She’s your senior senator, surely you have to work with her.

Melody: I try to avoid it.

Jenny: Anyway, back to Aimee. We’re going to start with some weight training.

Aimee: Oh boy.

Lynette: Aimee! Wha the heck are you doing here?

Aimee: Oh boy.

Carolyn: Caught red-handed! With Democrats!

Aimee: What are you two doing here? Do you go to the congressional gym without me?

Carolyn: You’re here without us!

Aimee: That’s different. I’m embarrassed by this.

Carolyn: Why?

Aimee: It’s hard to admit that you have a weight problem.

Carolyn: You? Weight problem?

Lynette: Are you kidding?

Aimee: I see it as a problem.

Lynette: You shouldn’t.

Aimee: Everyone keeps trying to tell me how great I look. Is it so bad to want to my body to be the way it was before I had Isabel? That’s all I want.

Lynette: I just want you to feel good in the skin you’re in. It’s not about the number on the scale, it’s about confidence in yourself. Don’t let that scale dictate your happiness.

Aimee: Okay, but I also want to get more fit. There is work to be done here.

Carolyn: Well, why didn’t you ask us about that? Don’t you think we’re fit?

Aimee: Uh…

Lynette: That’s a no.

Melody: I think she just wanted help from people that she didn’t know so well. Sometimes it’s harder to ask for help from the people we’re closest to.

Aimee: Yes, that!

Carolyn: Uh huh.

Aimee: Don’t uh huh me!

Lynette: How about we all work out together?

Jenny: I can make you fitness plans if you want!

Carolyn: No, we’re good. We have experience!

Jenny: Okay, well at least we can get some girl chat in, I suppose.

Aimee: You know what I could use first? A nap. I’m dead tired.

Carolyn: Us experienced athletes are used to this. You’ll learn to live with it.

Aimee: See, this is why I didn’t ask you.

Lynette: She got you!

Carolyn: Hey, she didn’t ask you, either!

Lynette: She sees us as a package deal, that’s why!

Carolyn: I have to change that perception.

Lynette: That is so rude.

Melody: Aimee! Wake up!

Aimee: Huh? Oh, right, back to work!

Melody: No, we’re starting our workout!

Aimee: Right! Can’t wait!

Carolyn: This is going to be a disaster.

Lynette: I know, isn’t it awesome? 

What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!

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