Aimee walks into Lynette’s office and lays down on her couch.
Aimee: Thanksgiving has me so exhausted and I’m still across the country from where I’ll be spending it. I hate this wretched holiday.
Lynette: Nice to see you, too, Aimee!
Carolyn: Yeah, what a nice start to Friendsgiving!
Gwen: Can I just say, I find it very sweet that you all invited me?
Carolyn: It was for Aimee’s sake. You terrify Lynette.
Lynette: It’s true. I can’t even look you in the eye.
Gwen: Good.
Alec: What’s going on, Aimee?
Aimee: I hate this holiday.
Lynette: You hate America? Because that’s the same thing as saying you hate Thanksgiving.
Carolyn: Would you shut up?
Alec: What did Thanksgiving do to you, Aimee?
Gwen: Gloss over several centuries of genocide against the Native peoples?
Lynette: You’re so lucky Janie Emmer isn’t here to call you woke.
Gwen: I know I’m woke, I’m proud of it.
Lynette: Noted.
Aimee: My mother, bane of my existence -
Carolyn: This’ll be good.
Aimee: She asked me to make Thanksgiving dinner.
Carolyn: That’s it?
Lynette: Yeah, we’re all making our Thanksgiving dinners.
Aimee: Don’t defend it.
Carolyn: Honey, you’re mom… she’s old.
Aimee: I get that, but could we not collaborate on this? I’ll make a few sides, Victoria can make a few, Kimmy can a few, let’s even get wild and have the men cook! That’d be fun!
Carolyn: You’ve been spending too much time with the Democrats.
Alec: I agree with her!
Carolyn: Of course you do!
Alec: What does that mean?
Carolyn: You always side with Aimee over us.
Alec: You’re sounding like a female misogynist.
Gwen: This is amazing to witness.
Carolyn: I am not a misogynist! I just think it’s no big ask to put together a Thanksgiving meal for your family.
Alec: Yes it is! The amount of different meals you have to put together for one meal is just nuts. I try to help the best I can, I think your families should, too.
Gwen: Oh, he’s a feminist! I’m proud of him!
Alec: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a left-winger now.
Gwen: Not yet! My impact is already showing.
Alec: We barely know each other!
Gwen: I’m just that good!
Carolyn: Okay, miss feminist. What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Gwen: Oh, I’m making everything. You expect me to let my husband cook? I want to be able to get out of bed on Friday! Don’t even get me started on my daughter-in-law’s cooking! We let her make the sweet potato casserole, that crap’s gross.
Carolyn: My point’s made. The best cook, cooks.
Aimee: My mother’s the better cook!
Carolyn: Did you ask her why she wants you to do it?
Lynette: Or push back at all?
Aimee: It’s my mother! She gave me life, I’m not going to talk back to her!
Carolyn: That’s what we say about children, not forty year-old US senators.
Aimee: I have to respect her and her wishes. I’ll get it done on my own. I just wish I didn’t have to.
Carolyn: I know you’re terrified of your mother… have you considered asking Dave or Victoria for help? How about Kimmy?
Aimee: I agreed to do it myself. I can’t be handing it off to anyone else.
Carolyn: It’s cooking, not fulfilling the last wishes of a dead relative. You can pass some responsibilities off.
Aimee: It goes against my moral code to lie to her.
Gwen: Lie? Just tell her you needed help! Jesus, Aimee, I though I was teaching you how to grow a backbone!
Alec: She has a backbone!
Gwen: Where?
Carolyn: Okay, we need to stop bullying Aimee.
Aimee: Exactly! I needed support from my friends, instead you’re all telling me to suck it up!
Carolyn: No, we told you to ask for help if you want it.
Aimee: After I guilted you into saying it.
Carolyn: Honey, I love you, but you’re exhausting when you’re in a mood.
Lynette: Thankfully, I am always a delight.
Alec: In what way?
Lynette: Excuse me?
Alec: You just gave Aimee hell for not being happy about doing Thanksgiving on her own even though she works on the other side of the country and isn’t getting home until Sunday!
Lynette: I was offering advice to a friend from the heart.
Greg: Knock knock.
Gwen: You don’t say “knock knock,” you freak! You just knock!
Greg: Oh, lovely, Senator Gardenia.
Gwen: Greg.
Greg: Aimee, am I interrupting anything?
Aimee: Nothing important. Just people telling me to suck it up and cook everything for my family Thanksgiving while everyone else does nothing.
Greg: Okay, good to hear.
Gwen: He’s not good at listening, Aimee, that much has long been clear. He’s not good at speaking, either. Or legislating. In fact, he’s probably the rea-
Greg: I brought you the copy of the omnibus bill for you to read over the break. Denise said you were heading straight back to Washington from here so I had to track you down here.
Aimee: I appreciate it, Greg. I needed more to do over the break.
Greg: You’re… welcome.
Carolyn: I’ve never seen anyone worse at detecting tone.
The next day…
Dave: Honey, it’s five in the morning. Why are you sitting at the table staring into the abyss?
Aimee: What? Oh, morning honey!
Dave: Why are you up already?
Aimee: Why are you?
Dave: I was going to the bathroom and noticed you out here. I’m certainly not planning to stay up.
Victoria: My god! What a run that was! You two should try getting up earlier and feeling that morning air! Wait, why are you up, actually?
Dave: I was wondering the same.
Victoria: Oh, god, have you started sleepwalking? And Aimee came out to get you! That’s sweet!
Aimee: I woke up because I’m concerned about Thanksgiving, trying to figure out how I’m going to get all of this done.
Victoria: You’re that concerned about it? It’s supposed to be fun!
Aimee: Fun? Fun? Fun?
Dave: Oh, no. She’s malfunctioning. Honey, let’s go to bed, you can stress in a few hours when it’s a socially-acceptable time to wake up.
Aimee: I can’t. I can’t! I have so much to get done, I have to start now!
Dave: You really don’t! I know it’s a lot to do, but you’ll never be able to get anything done if you’re too exhausted to move!
Victoria: Exactly! That’s why I’m headed into the shower so I can lay back down.
Dave: Your morning routine confuses me.
Victoria: The roads are empty, it’s a perfect time to get out there!
Dave: It’s pitch dark out.
Victoria: Exactly! Pure bliss.
Dave: Okay.
Aimee: I feel overwhelmed. I feel… panicked.
Dave: I know, I know. You’ll still feel that way at eight. To bed you go.
Three hours later…
Aimee: Can I wake up now?
Dave: Eight on the nose. I guess so.
Aimee: Joke’s on you, I didn’t sleep a wink.
Dave: How is the joke on me?
Aimee: I don’t know, I’m so sad!
Dave: Oh, honey. It’s okay. Just make the classics, it’ll be fine. I’ll help!
Aimee: I didn’t even have to ask? I could jump on top of you right now.
Dave: Oh, um… I have a headache.
Aimee: Really?
Dave: I’m sorry, honey. It’s just… I know you aunt is right outside the door, it’s a real mood killer.
Aimee: She’s not listening in. In fact, she’s exactly where she usually is when this happens.
Dave: Don’t make me think about that!
Aimee: Fine, we’ll get up. I’m only letting you out of this bed if you agree to help me look for recipes, though. I have to get to the store today so I can start cooking tomorrow.
Dave: That sounds good to me.
Aimee: So you’re willing to look on a computer for hours? That headache’s fake!
Dave: I thought that’d been established already.
Aimee: I do appreciate help with the recipe hunt. Almost as much as I’m going to appreciate tomorrow’s help in the kitchen!
Dave: I’m not very good at cooking, but I’ll do what I can to help my wife.
Aimee: I feel bad about it, honestly. I told mom I’d do it, not that I’d dole out responsibilities to others to get it done in time. Still, I’m in way over my head.
Dave: Honey, you didn’t even volunteer yourself for this. She put it on you. Don’t feel bad about getting some help from your husband of all people. It’s not like you called Emeril in to help you out.
Aimee: Yeah, you’re right. You think Emeril would fly in on such short notice?
Dave: Let’s get up.
Aimee: You never say anything you think even may upset me.
Dave: Is that not good?
Aimee: Take some risks, man.
The next day…
Denise: How’s it coming along?
Aimee: I’m elbow-deep in squash.
Denise: Why? You know you can cut the whole squash, right? It’s not like a jack-o’-lantern where you just cut off the top and pull out the guts.
Aimee: I’m just exaggerating, Denise.
Denise: Okay, good. And how is Dave helping?
Dave: I’m on green bean casserole duty!
Denise: A thankless job. Mainly because everyone hates it, so no one ever thanks you.
Dave: I didn’t just get put I charge of the crap, I also made some mac and cheese.
Denise: Ah, good. I was worried you’d get stuck with garbage.
Victoria: You know, I’m here too! Shaving potatoes!
Denise: Every job is important.
Victoria: That’s what I said! I’m just happy to help!
Aimee: I think I might actually get done in time, Denise. For real!
Denise: I’m happy for you! I hear joy in your voice fore the first time in days!
Aimee: Don’t get me wrong, I never want to do this ever again. However, I feel weirdly satisfied about the whole affair. I accomplished something outside of work!
Denise: Save some leftovers for me, okay? I don’t have anywhere to go on Thursday. I’m getting Chinese.
Aimee: I’ll be sure to do that. You can come over if you want, you know.
Denise: I’m in DC, but I appreciate the offer.
Aimee: If you feel like making a cross-country trip, you know where home is.
Denise: I’ll let you get back to your squash. Have fun!
Aimee: I won’t, but thank you!
Two days later…
Cherie: Aimee, thank you for all this food! This is amazing!
Aimee: I couldn’t have done it without Dave and aunt Victoria!
Ernesto: Thank god they helped! I told your mother we should make something ourselves, but she insisted we were too busy and whatever you’d make would be enough.
Cherie: Well, I was right! And she had helpers, I’m so happy about that.
Victoria: That stuffing wouldn’t have been the same without me there to cut up the bread and potatoes!
Aimee: Yes, you were instrumental.
Dave: So what were you so busy with, if you don’t mind me asking? Bailing on Thanksgiving prep is unlike you.
Cherie: Yeah, this is your big surprise.
Kimmy: You’re gonna love it, Aimee! Love! It!
Cherie: So, the last week, we’ve been busy moving a special someone into the guest room.
Aimee: Patrick? Junior? Eloise? Dianna?
Cherie: No, none of your siblings. None of them even bothered to come.
Aimee: Can we unveil the special guest, please?
Ernesto: It’s your grandmother!
Aimee: Which one?
Cherie: The one making my life hell!
Aimee: Nana Manuela?
Manuela: In the flesh!
Aimee: Oh my god! It’s been years!
Manuela: Well, I was cooped up at some hellhole in Oregon!
Ernesto: Your house?
Manuela: It was a hellhole!
Ernesto: You resisted any offer to move you out of it!
Manuela: I’m ninety! I know what “move you into a new place” means nine out of ten times!
Ernesto: Moving somewhere more suitable?
Manuela: Moving into a retirement home! I can’t be retired, I’m too hip!
Cherie: I wish we did drop you off at one!
Manuela: You’ve always been a hateful little troll.
Kimmy: But when I say it, I get grounded!
Manuela: Respect your mother, Kimberly.
Kimmy: You don’t!
Manuela: That’s different, she didn’t give birth to me.
Kimmy: She didn’t give birth to me, either! I’m adopted!
Cherie: Deep breaths, Cherie. It’s one day. And then one more after that, and then surely she’s gotta die soon after that, right?
Manuela: It won’t be that easy!
Aimee: So I had to make Thanksgiving because you two were moving nana in? Wow, I really was the one having it easy.
Manuela: I’m a handful, but I’m worth it.
Aimee: I have to say, I was frustrated that I was left to handle this on my own, but I get it now.
Cherie: Frustrated?
Kimmy: Uh-oh.
Cherie: Why were you frustrated?
Ernesto: She’s not anymore, let’s focus on that.
Aimee: I felt like a lot was being put on my plate, and unfairly, too.
Cherie: I’ve ben doing Thanksgiving for fifty years, and you think it’s unfair to do it once?
Manuela: And this is the first one I’ve come to. Thank god I don’t have to eat your cooking.
Kimmy: Aimee’s is worse, nana.
Manuela: Hard to fathom. Your mother cooks like a white woman.
Kimmy: She is white.
Manuela: I know! I need some Latin flare!
Aimee: You didn’t explain the situation. I just thought you didn’t want to do it, so you threw it my lap. I’m very busy with work, so it felt unfair.
Cherie: I’m not mad, Aimee. I’m just disappointed with your lack of grace.
Ernesto: Here we go…
Manuela: I’m taking a nap. I’m old!
Victoria: So am I, I’m joining you.
Dave: I’m not, but it sounds good.
Kimmy: They’re all going down for the count before the tryptophan even set in. Gonna be a fun one!
Aimee: Mom, I don’t want to argue. I appreciate being able to prepare Thanksgiving for all of you, and I understand the situation now. Let’s eat!
Cherie: I get why you were upset, I just wish -
Ernesto: She said let’s eat!
Cherie: We’ll talk later.
Aimee: No, I have nothing left to say about this, really. I’ve explained myself.
Cherie: And I understand you, and I’m thankful for this meal you’ve made us.
Ernesto: Crisis averted?
Cherie: Crisis averted.
Kimmy: You know, dad, I think she was calling us out, too.
Aimee: I could slap you.
Kimmy: It’s not Thanksgiving without threats of violence!
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
