The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 17: Top Of The Ninth
MANNY
Well since Lorenzo won’t say it, I will: you guys really blew that one.
ACE
We know, Manny.
VICTOR
Hey, in our defense, what were they thinking relying on us to pitch an entire game? This is a managerial problem, not a bullpen problem.
HARRY
I’d say the team should be able to rely on their bullpen to give up less than, what was it…
ROBERT
Don’t say it.
CARTER
23 runs in two innings.
LORENZO
Alright, so the Primates aren’t going to win the Championship Series this year, no big deal! We weren’t supposed to win anyways. We’ll get ‘em next time.
FELIX
At least Dave’s pitching well.
ROBERT
Yeah they probably should’ve just started the game off with Carter, what were they even thinking?
LORENZO notices the GENERAL MANAGER approach the area.
LORENZO
Uh oh. Now’s your chance to hide under the bench if you don’t wanna be seen!
The GENERAL MANAGER enters the bullpen and sits on the bench quietly.
DEVIN
What’s going on?
GENERAL MANAGER
Oh don’t mind me.
HARRY
Want a hot dog?
GENERAL MANAGER
Actually…sure.
HARRY
15 dollars.
MANNY
Harry!
HARRY
Fine. I’ll add in a drink and make it 23. One buck for every run these guys gave up today.
BRYAN
Not helping.
GENERAL MANAGER
I’m just here to monitor for any redundancies.
ROBERT
What’s that supposed to mean?
GENERAL MANAGER
You know, we can’t go on with a terrible bullpen. If I find you to be no use, you’re out. Simple as that.
Everyone becomes silent.
GENERAL MANAGER
Just a standard check, that’s all.
ROBERT
A standard check? If this was a standard check then how come I’ve never seen one before?
GENERAL MANAGER
Frankly, it’s because this is the first one. Get it, because my name is Frank?
MANNY
None of us knew that.
Everyone stares at MANNY in horror.
LORENZO
Manny’s joking, we totally all knew your name is Frank!
FRANK
Yeah whatever. Point is, just act like you normally do and I’ll evaluate.
LORENZO
Alright then…
Everyone sits on the bench quietly.
FRANK
This is how you all normally act?
ACE
Totally.
FRANK
Um…ok. So I guess it’s the guy on the mound causing all the antics?
FELIX
Not at all.
CARTER
Yeah Dave’s the most sane guy here.
ACE
I still have no idea what you mean by “monitor for any redundancies”.
FRANK
Simple. It means some of you provide no value to the team but I’m pretending like I’m giving you all a fair chance to prove me wrong.
LORENZO
Aren’t you doing stadium renovations in the offseason?
FRANK
Yep.
LORENZO
Give my guys another chance. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them. I think it’s our bullpen holding them back.
FRANK
Seriously? We have a standard bullpen!
LORENZO
These guys have so much pressure on themselves to entertain the crowd that they can’t focus on pitching well out here.
FRANK
I’ll give you that.
LORENZO
How about this: Give everyone one more chance with a renovated bullpen. I promise we won’t let you down.
FRANK
You let us down pretty badly today.
FELIX
Lorenzo is onto something. I was once a star pitcher.
CARTER
Me too. I mean, not here, but for another team. Say what we will about their antics, this is a good group of guys. Give them another chance.
FRANK
I mean we’re spending so much money on renovations that we hardly have money to buy new players anyways so…what do you guys want?
LORENZO
We want a brand new bullpen. But first, it’s the middle of the inning. I need a snack.
The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 18: Bottom Of The Ninth
FRANK
Alright, can we work out the details now? By the way Dave, nice pitching. You’re the one bright spot in this bullpen.
DAVE
Thank you, and I know. Also, details on what?
FRANK
Oh your coach over here convinced me to let you guys all stay another year if you got a brand new bullpen.
DAVE
I want an indoor bullpen.
FRANK
A what?
DAVE
Haven’t you seen them before? There’s a whole separate area underground solely for pitchers to warm up in. Finally, a relief pitcher can warm up with no distractions.
DEVIN
You mean to say this area we’re in right now would have no warmup areas?
DAVE
Nope, it’d all be indoors.
BRYAN
Oh I love this idea.
ACE
I have so many ideas of what we can do. We can put up a TV, put in more sand so we can turn it into a beach more often, bring in a bigger grill…
HARRY
The grill stays the same size.
VICTOR
Or how about a bench that wraps around the entire bullpen?
LORENZO
I like it! One side can be for napping!
CARTER
I like this indoor bullpen idea.
FELIX
Yeah me too, but I want giant TV screens in there where you can watch the game.
MANNY
Make that any game.
FELIX
Okay, one TV gets all the channels.
FRANK
So to sum up, an indoor actual bullpen to warm up and an outdoor space to hang out in?
LORENZO
Yes.
FRANK
Sounds expensive.
LORENZO
It does, but—
FRANK
Good, because we’re going to be relying a lot more on our bullpen next season.
DEVIN
We won’t let you down.
FRANK
We’re going to be rebuilding our bullpen around strong pitchers. If you guys can prove to us that you can step up to the challenge with a renovated bullpen, we’ll let you stay. Otherwise, it’s time for some new blood.
FRANK leaves the bullpen.
LORENZO
Alright everyone, I’m gonna need you to learn how to pitch in the offseason if you don’t already know how to do so. You know who you are.
ACE
I’m concerned about this, most of us are definitely getting wiped out.
BRYAN
Yeah the new bullpen will be cool but I doubt we’ll get to enjoy it much.
MANNY
Hey maybe we will. You never know.
ROBERT
I’m pretty sure I know. This is gonna be a disaster.
FELIX
Well I feel pretty confident that I’m sticking around.
CARTER
Yeah I’m hopeful as well.
DEVIN
Good for you guys, now if you don’t mind the rest of us are contemplating how we’re gonna keep our jobs.
LORENZO
It’ll be tough, but I bet you guys can do it. Plus, you have me as a coach!
HARRY
They’re doomed.
LORENZO
We can think about next season another time. For now, let’s just celebrate that we all got another season together!
DAVE
Oh yeah, that’s definitely something to celebrate. I wasn’t hopeful at all that the rebuilding would start right away.
LORENZO
Harry, would you like to do the honors?
HARRY opens up a bottle of champagne and starts spraying it around the bullpen in celebration. The crowd notices and starts booing, as the Indianapolis Primitives have just lost the Championship Series at the same time.
HARRY
I think we probably should’ve done this somewhere else.
ROBERT
Probably, but they’ll be forgiving when we’re good pitchers next season!
DAVE
Yeah that’s not happening, but keep telling yourself that!
As the crowd continues to boo, everyone quickly leaves.