Evergreen Aimee Season 2 Episode 3 - The Queen’s Gambit

Evergreen Aimee Season 2, Episode 3
The Queen's Gambit

Aimee is at Cherie and Ernesto’s house for dinner.

Aimee: I must say, mom, quail actually isn’t half-bad if you actually make enough for the entire family.

Kimmy: Also if you don’t burn it.

Cherie: That was somewhat backhanded, but I appreciate the compliment. I’m glad I finally got to show you how it’s supposed to be made.

Victoria: Well I, for one, think it’s horrible that you’re eating such a poor, defenseless creature.

Ernesto: It was already dead whens he bought it! Where’s the harm?

Cherie: Are you a vegan? No. You each chicken, you eat steak.

Victoria: That’s different.

Cherie: And how so?

Victoria: Those don’t actually look like the animal. This looks like a bird on a plate!

Ernesto: And that’s why you’re eating lentils and quinoa. 

Victoria: And it’s very good!

Ernesto: In quail broth!

Victoria: What?

Kimmy: He’s lying.

Ernesto: Or am I? You wouldn’t know the difference.

Aimee: Ah, would you look at that, a call from Denise! Gotta take it, sorry.

Kimmy: How convenient.

Dave: Clearly she set it up so Denise would call at this time because she knew the conversation would get annoying.

Kimmy: Dave, you haven’t been in this family long enough to get to call us annoying.

Dave: I’ve been in the family almost as long as you’ve been alive!

Kimmy: And I only just stopped getting punished for mocking my parents a few years ago.

Cherie: Once they hit eighteen… you gotta let them make their own mistakes.

Ernesto: Also, she grew enough that she could reach the circuit box and turn off the power on us when she got mad at us.

Aimee gets up and answers her phone.

Denise: Aimee! Finally you answered!

Aimee: This was the first time my phone r- never mind.

Denise: You had the ringer off, didn’t you?

Aimee: You know, Denise, I’m pregnant. Give me a break. So what’s this call about?

Denise: Have you seen the latest poll?

Aimee: I know this could have waited until Monday.

Denise: It’s not just about a poll.

Aimee: What does the poll have to do with it, then?

Denise: So,, you’re by by nine in the latest poll.

Aimee: That’s goo!

Denise: Eh… you’re only polling at 42%. A lot more people are undecided since the last poll.

Aimee: Well, the poll with me up twenty-four was clearly an outlier.

Denise: What I’m saying is we must be vigilant. We can’t ignore signs of slippage. If Democrats are reconsidering supporting Jankler, we’re in some real trouble.

Aimee: Denise, we’re doing fine. Nine points is nothing to sneeze at, this is no four-alarm fire! Can I please get back to my dinner with my weird family?

Denise: Speaker Peretti has reached out. She can’t publicly endorse you, but she is backing your campaign and wants to do something to help.

Aimee: Nanette, the most partisan woman I have ever met, is supporting me?

Denise: Hey, that rhymed.

Aimee: Not the point!

Denise: Yes, she hasn’t given any details, but she wants to assist in your outreach to Democratic voters.

Aimee: All right, tell her to get on her private jet and fly in to Seattle. I’ll meet with her tomorrow!

Denise: She wants to meet on Monday at her office.

Aimee: So this really could have waited until Monday?

Denise: I suppose. Go enjoy your dinner.

Aimee: See you Monday, Denise.

Aimee hangs up.

Victoria: Did I hear something about the Speaker of the House?

Aimee: You heard nothing.

Kimmy: You can gaslight Aunt Vic all you want, she’s senile and she’ll believe you. You can’t gaslight me, I know you said “Nanette.”

Aimee: Fine. I mentioned the SanFran socialist. What do you need to know about her?

Kimmy: Why were you talking about her? Is she making you fly back early to vote?

Aimee: Nanette wanting to work on the weekend? Are you crazy?

Victoria: What were you talking about, then?

Ernesto: You better share, because you’ve interrupted this dinner enough already! We were having a conversation!

Cherie: Were we?

Ernesto: I think so!

Kimmy: Denise doesn’t know just how, but Nanette wants to do something to help boost Democratic support for my campaign.

Kimmy: Oh my god, Aimee’s a neoliberal now. Let us rejoice!

Cherie: At this rate, you’re gonna caucus with the Democrats.

Dave: Oh, come on, guys! She’d just be like Liza Montgomery, someone who wins because of Democratic support while remaining true to her maverick values.

Kimmy: Maverick? Come on, Dave.

Cherie: Are you going to take her help? That feels to me like you’d be betraying your values.

Aimee: My only values right now are wanting to keep a murderer out of the Senate.

Victoria: Attempted murderer!

Cherie: Just don’t change your views just to get endorsements from the Democrats. You can win based on your views alone and without their help

Kimmy: Can she? What Aimee views are popular in Washington? Overturning Roe v. Wade? Lowering taxes for the rich? Free guns for babies? You’re right, mom. She should run on those.

Dave: She’s feisty today.

Kimmy: Well, I feel disrespected. A Democrat is reaching out to help, and mom doesn’t want Time to take it. What about aunt Victoria and I?

Victoria: Preach it!

Cherie: I’m not having this conversation! I’m not trying to disrespect anyone. I like Democrats. Some of my best friends are Democrats.

Ernesto: They are?

Cherie: I’m only saying that I want Aimee to not compromise her beliefs to win an election.

Aimee: And I’m not. Some people understand that keeping the murder guy -

Victoria: Attempted murder guy!

Aimee: - out of the Senate is more important than lining up 100% on ideology. Nanette just happens to be one of them. She’s not endorsing me, anyway. I don’t know what her plan is, but it’s not like we’re going to do rallies together.

Ernesto: I can see the billboards now - “Radical Liberal Aimee Ferrera Donohue.”

Kimmy: That would probably help her win!

Cherie: Are you sure the jingle Lynette wrote for you isn’t enough to make sure you win?

Ernesto (singing): Aimee for you and me. I’m voting Donahue, and you should, too.

Aimee: Yeah, I might need that Nanette endorsement after all.

Monday, in Aimee’s office…

Aimee: Interesting development this weekend…

Lynette: Did Jankler put a hit out on you, too? I can show you how to fire a shotgun if you need me to! I can even lend you a gun, just let me get a few from my office.

Alec: All those words were just said, and yet, people still see her as one of the most bipartisan members of the House.

Lynette: It’s the Constitution, Alec! Don’t talk like a Democrat!

Carolyn: I’m sorry for these two absolute buffoons. What is the development?

Aimee: Nanette has offered to help me with my campaign.

Carolyn: Nanette? As in Speaker Peretti? That Nanette?

Lynette: People on twitter are always calling her a conservative corporatist.

Alec: Why do you know what people are saying on Twitter about Nanette Peretti?

Lynette: It’s a long train ride back to Wyoming!

Alec: Train ride?

Carolyn: How does she want to help? Name an abortion bill in your honor? Drop an atomic bomb on Seattle?

Aimee: I don’t know the answer to that yet, actually!

Aimee’s office door bursts open and Geraldine walks in.

Geraldine: You are doing WHAT? Aimee! We’re not running a Democrat campaign here!

Aimee: Hello, Gerry.

Geraldine: I need answers. Are you a plant? Did Kate Hagelin play the long game here?

Carolyn; Yes, Gerry. In 2012, North Carolina Senator Kate Hagelin installed a wildly popular pro-life conservative in a swing district in the off chance that she’d one day run for Senate in the sam cycle that the Democratic nominee committed murder-for-hire. That makes so much sense!

Geraldine: Well, I don’t see what’s going on here! Working with Nanette Peretti?

Aimee: How did you even find out about this?

Victor: Did I miss anything, Gerry?

Geraldine: No, you short, out-of-shape ignoramus.

Lynette: Victor…

Victor: Lynette…

Alec: My god, the sexual tension in here!

Lynette: I should gut you like a fish.

Alec: You can’t joke anymore in America without the radical left attacking you.

Aimee: Careful, Victor actually does think Lynette is part of the radical left.

Lynette: You have a lot of nerve showing up here after what you orchestrated, Mulcahy.

Victor: This isn’t your office, this is Aimee’s. You can leave if you don’t like me being here.

Carolyn: That won’t be necessary! We can be civil.

Lynette: Civil my ass.

Carolyn: Or perhaps not.

Aimee: If there’s a murder in my office, I’m not cleaning it up!

Carolyn: I’m not either! Let Lynette or Victor do it, depending on who kills who.

Lynette: You’re really throwing me to the wolves, girls. Thanks!

Geraldine: This is distracting from why I came here. Leader Mulcahy, perhaps go back into the hallway if you can’t control yourself?

Victor: You’re throwing me out? I’m the one who told you -

Aimee: Everyone, shut up!

Victor: I’m still your lead-

Aimee: I said NOW!

Carolyn: Those pregnancy hormones are a-ragin’!

Aimee: Victor, out.

Victor: But!

Aimee: Out!

Victor: I’ll talk to you later.

Aimee: We’ll see.

Victor: Cold!

Lynette: Not as cold as you!

Victor: Okay, ice queen.

Lynette: Braying ass.

Victor: Communist.

Lynette: Insurrectionist.

Victor: Traitor.

Lynette: Hold on, I’m trying to think of a different Olivia Rodrigo song that fits this context.

Aimee: Lynette, quiet or I’m sending your ass back to the Cannon Building.

Lynette: No… anywhere but there. That’s where Marlo Thomas is!

Carolyn: You mean Margo Shaffer?

Lynette: Close enough.

Margo: Did I hear my name?

Aimee: My god, today has been a day…

Lynette: jealousy, jealousy!

Aimee: Huh?

Lynette: An Olivia Rodrigo song that fits the situation.

Aimee: Out.

Margo: Does that include me?

Aimee: Obviously yes.

Carolyn: I agree, that’s the best course of action here.

Aimee: You can go too, if you want.

Carolyn: My mouth will be sealed tighter than a Ziploc bag.

Aimee: Good.

Lynette: This is tyranny.

Geraldine: Congresswoman Donahue, I’m a bit concerned about you cozying up with Nanette Peretti two weeks before the election. A lot of Republican money is being funneled into this race, our donors aren’t going to be happy that you’re courting the endorsement of one of their biggest political rivals.

Aimee: Did Victor not tell you she reached out to me?

Geraldine: You’re entertaining the idea! Shoot her down!

Alec: What is with all the shooting talk today?

Carolyn: Lynette didn’t say she wants to shoot you, she said she wants to gut you. There’s a difference.

Aimee: I need Democrats to vote for me. I’m not going to run with her endorsement, that’s not something that was ever offered to me. All I’m doing is meeting with her to see what sort of help she’s willing to offer.

Geraldine: I suppose you’re free to do so. Just don’t go dreaming of yourself as some sort of maverick.

Alec: She already sort of is.

Aimee: Why does everyone keep throwing that word around? Do you all have the same word-of-the-day calendars?

Geraldine: Don’t betray us is all I’m asking.

Lynette (singing): You betrayed me!

Aimee swings her office door open and hits Lynette.

Lynette: Ouch!

Aimee: That’s what you get for eavesdropping!

Lynette: No one cares when the NSA does it! Or Alexa!

Alec: Alexa?

Lynette: The evil Amazon thing that listens in on your conversations!

Aimee: I have a headache. I hope it’s life-threatening.

Geraldine: You have calmed my fears a bit. Don’t screw me over!

Alec: She wouldn’t dream of it! Right, Aimee?

Aimee: I think I’m gonna take a nap. I miss sleeping on my office couch.

Alec: Do you want an Advil?

Aimee: I’m pregnant, you idiot!

Carolyn: Like I said, pregnancy hormones…

Alec: Feel better, Aimee!

Lynette: Am I allowed to come in now?

Alec: Do you have a death wish?

Three hours later, in Nanette’s office…

Nanette: Congresswoman Ferrera Donahue! Welcome to my office! Care for a La Croix?

Aimee: I’m good, but thanks. And you can call me Aimee, we’ve been over this.

Nanette: I’m glad you agreed to meet with me. I don’t usually offer help to Senate candidates, especially Republicans. But these are unique circumstances.

Denise: What ever could you mean?

Nanette: She’s running against a living, breathing liability.

Denise: I was being facetious.

Nanette: I know, I just wanted to get a dig in against the world’s biggest pain in the ass.

Aimee: I know you say you want to help with my campaign, but you also don’t want to endorse me officially. I appreciate any help, but I’m a bit confused as to what that’s supposed to mean.

Nanette: I’d endorse if I could. It’s just, the party would be so upset with me for wading in.

Aimee: I can imagine.

Nanette: I’ve been doing this a long time, Aimee. When I was first elected, the President was an unqualified celebrity. Look how far we’ve come!

Aimee: John Glenn was never President!

Nanette: Keep his name out of your mouth!

Aimee: Just a bit of fun!

Denise: She’s grumpy today, Madam Speaker. I interrupted her nap.

Nanette: I know this may not sound like all that much, but I have somewhat of a large following and some major sway among Democrats. I want to stage a photo op with the two of us. We can be out in a park or something, where we know the press is, and we can be laughing, talking, you know, having a grand ole’ time. We can even hug to seal the deal. I’ll make sure I have a photographer take pictures just in case CNN isn’t stalking me for once. Those pictures can show off our strong working relationship and beef up your bipartisan credentials.

Aimee: I don’t hate it.

Nanette: Ah, good! You’ve always been smart.

Denise: Do we really think that will be enough to shore up Democratic support for Aimee’s campaign? People are pictured with members of the other party all the time.

Nanette: We’ll make sure to play it up. I can personally fund some attack ads using the picture to paint Aimee as a puppet for the left.

Denise: That’s a bit sneaky.

Nanette: It’s politics! I’ve done worse!

Aimee: Care to explain?

Nanette: No comment.

Aimee: Okay, that worries me.

Nanette: Nothing illegal. I don’t think.

Denise: What if people know you paid for the ad? Would that not backfire?

Nanette: As I’ve said, I’ve been in politics a long time. No one will find out. This will all go according to plan.

Aimee: What will Geraldine say about these ads? She’s already giving me a hard time about meeting with you. She’s really going to think I’m a lefty once those ads run.

Nanette: She won’t connect the dots. She’s a bit slow.

Aimee: That’s mean.

Nanette: True, though!

Aimee: So, when’s the photo shoot, Anna Wintour?

Nanette: Does tomorrow work? We have to get these ads up since you guys vote by mail, which I’ve been told is communism.

Aimee: Tomorrow works. Just send Denise the meet-up location and we’ll be there. And thank you for you help.

Nanette: I know I do have a reputation as a bit of a hardcore partisan, but I’m still human. I want to help out humanity while I still can.

Aimee: Well, in Whoville, they say that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day.

Nanette: Victor had better get that checked out.

The next day, at the National Mall…

Nanette: Okay, ladies! Change of plans!

Aimee: Oh no…

Nanette: So, my photographer sort of had a prior engagement today. Something about jury duty or some crap. Denise, you’re going to be taking the pictures. Sound good?

Denise: I’m not a photographer, Speaker Peretti.

Nanette: How hard can it be to take a picture? Those kids on The Instantgram are doing it all the time!

Aimee: The Instantgram?

Nanette: Here’s the camera, just make sure you get some good shots. It’ll all be fine!

Aimee: All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.

Nanette: She okay?

Denise: She’s pregnant…

Later that night, when Aimee returns to Victoria’s apartment, she gets a call.

Kimmy: Radical Liberal AFD? Peretti Puppet? Socialist? I am so proud of you!

Aimee: Wow, she’s quick! I didn’t know you even could get ads on the air that quickly.

Kimmy: Who is quick?

Aimee: Nanette.

Kimmy: Was this a setup? Are you trying to trick my fellow Democrats? That’s brilliant!

Aimee: It was all Nanette’s idea.

Kimmy: No wonder it’s such a good plan!

Aimee: Let’s just hope it doesn’t alienate all the Republican voters in Washington.

Kimmy: All twelve of them? You’re fine, Aimee. You keep it up with the socialism and you’ll be carrying Seattle in no time!

Aimee: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Kimmy: Hey, I’m backing a Republican for the first time. Let me really hype you up!

Aimee: First time?

Kimmy: Umm…

What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the new episode next week!

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