Aimee is at Cherie and Ernesto’s house three days after the election.
Cherie: I still don’t understand why you have to go back to DC, the House is out of session for another week.
Aimee: I have orientation.
Kimmy: Orientation? Like you’re entering middle school or something?
Aimee: Orientation, as in being taught the procedures of the Senate, getting my office, being shown around the place. You’ll learn about workplace orientation when you finally get a real job.
Kimmy: You people always have to bring that up!
Ernesto: Well, you refuse to take the hint!
Victoria: Go easy on her, you guys. I didn’t get my first job until I was even older than Kimmy. We all mature at different rates. Look where I am now!
Cherie: Kimmy, we’re looking for a job for you tomorrow. I am not letting my favorite daughter turn into an eccentric retiree who dresses like she works at Disney’s Animal Kingdom and only eats at restaurants she has coupons for.
Victoria: It’s an easy way to save money!
Aimee: Favorite daughter?
Cherie: Other than you, of course?
Kimmy: What?
Ernesto: You’re digging your hole deeper and deeper, my darling.
Dave: I think I’m the only one here she’s not insulted during today’s dinner.
Ernesto: Give it time.
Cherie: I’m not trying to insult anyone! I’m nice!
Kimmy: Eh…
Ernesto: Kimmy, don’t talk about your mother like that.
Kimmy: All I did was make a sound!
Cherie: How did we veer so hard off topic?
Victoria: I blame Dave.
Dave: I di-
Aimee: It’s okay, honey. We all make mistakes sometimes.
Ernesto: So, Aimee, are you excited for orientation? I’m sure that’ll help make this all feel a lot more real.
Aimee: It won’t feel fully real until I see that certificate of election, which Denise has told me will be officially printed out tomorrow.
Cherie: Tomorrow? Who works on a Sunday?
Kimmy: Many people, mom.
Cherie: Oh, like you’d know!
Kimmy: Wow!
Ernesto: She’s in rare form today! But don’t worry, she’s nice!
Victoria: So how long’s your orientation, Aimee? Are we going to be in DC all week next week? I need to know what to pack
Kimmy: You have a house there, do you not have clothes in it?
Victoria: Of course I do! What do you think I am, some sort of lunatic?
Ernesto: No one answer that.
Aimee: It should only last a couple days, and then I’ll be home. Then I have to go back because the recess ends the week after.
Cherie: This is socialism.
Kimmy: Look, another Republican who doesn’t have any idea what socialism is!
Cherie: It was a joke, lighten up!
Aimee: We always have such wholesome family fun.
Two days later, Aimee, Lynette and other senators-elect are at the Senate orientation event hosted by Majority Leader Kate Hagelin and Minority Leader Greg Sherwood.
Kate: Hello, everyone! I just want to start out by saying how sorry I am. I know Thanksgiving is in a few weeks and we, as politicians, believe we should get a solid month off for each holiday. I know you’re all worked tirelessly to win your seats. None of you wanted to brave that seemingly never-ending flight to DC just to hear us ramble.
Greg: But we’re mean, so here you all are!
Kate: Thirteen newly-elected senators, representing states across the country. From Washington to Pennsylvania, from Florida to Oregon. You are here to represent your states and make them proud. No matter what trail you decide to blaze here, you’ll have at least six years ahead of you -
Lynette: Four years for me!
Kate: Ah, yes. Special elections. Always fun!
Lynette: Not really, Kate. Not really.
Kate: You’ll have six or four years of senate service ahead of you, and it’s very important that you learn the ins and outs of senate service to make the best of that time. Serving the people should be your top priority. With that said, let’s bring in a few more faces to help us show you the ropes. Most of you know at least a few of them. Senator Milton Landfield, Senator Geraldine McAllister, Senator Janie Emmer, Senator Kylie Sylvan and Senator Liza Montgomery are all here to help you.
Greg: They’ve all been in your shoes, but they’ve been here a while and they’re experts on the Senate.
Milton: I’ve never been in their shoes, I won a special election so I didn’t get any fancy orientation here.
Lynette: I know the feeling!
Sharon: No, Lynette. No, you don’t.
Kylie: I was a freshman senator only four years ago. In that time, I’ve become one of America’s most well-known senat-
Kate: Today is not a guide to Senate fame, Kylie. We’re supposed to help them help their constituents.
Kylie: Okay, yeah, fine.
Geraldine: Is it time for the Q&A yet?
Liza: I’m sure senator-elect Rhinehoffer has a lot of questions, as he’s never been to DC before and is from a state no one lives in. I can make that joke, as I am from Alaska, the state that makes you go “Why is this not just Canada?”
Milton: Hold on, Kate hasn’t explained what the Senate is yet.
Aimee (whispering): Are they doing some sort of comedy sketch? I feel like I’m watching one of those weird SNL episodes where they let a politician host.
Lynette: I think they’re about to break out Who’s On First?
Geraldine: Congresswoman Chafee, is there something you’d like to share with everyone?
Lynette: No, not particularly, no.
Geraldine: Then let’s refrain from talking during the orientation. I promise you will have many opportunities to speak during the event.
Lynette: She’s pretty harsh, ain’t she, Aimee?
Aimee: Don’t drag me into this Lynette.
Kate: Let’s get back on-topic. The Senate - what does it do?
Lynette: Kill me now.
Aimee: Lynette!
Lynette: I can’t help myself!
Later that day, at the congressional cafeteria…
Carolyn: How’s is going, girls? You learning a lot?
Aimee: I didn’t realize you’d be here this week. Why are you here?
Victor: I asked her to help with the House orientation.
Lynette: Are you even invited to take part in that, Victor? How many new Republicans were elected to the House this year, two?
Victor: Why must you always insist on talking like a Democrat?
Lynette: I’m a realist. If that means I sound like a Democrat, so be it.
Carolyn: Victor thought I could give the Republican members-elect some guidance, as I was also elected in a year that was a wave for the other party.
Lynette: You have a mighty task, so many people to advise.
Victor: Remember when Lynette got forty percent of the vote as a Wyoming Republican? I do! That sure was something else!
Lynette: Remember when your bullshit, combined with the most incompetent dumbass we’ve ever elected, made our party lose eighty seats? That sure was something else!
Aimee: How do I always find myself in the middle of these spats?
Carolyn: You won’t for much longer! Lynette’s moving on to the Senate, she won’t ever have to see Victor again.
Lynette: That’s a crying shame.
Victor: The feeling is assuredly mutual.
Alec: We’ve still got a few weeks, I think we can still patch this relationship up if we try hard enough.
Lynette: I’d rather eat a steady diet of arsenic.
Alec: Technically, you wouldn’t be able to eat a steady diet of arsenic… you’d be dead just about instantly.
Lynette: Cool.
Aimee: What are you even doing here, Alec? And where’d you come from?
Alec: Rockford, Illinois.
Aimee: You know what I meant.
Aimee: So many Republicans got voted out of office, I’m getting a nice new office.
Victor: That’s right, we have to reward some of our longest-serving members.
Nanette: You don’t have too many of those left! Value them dearly!
Aimee: God, the whole Brady Bunch is here.
Nanette: Nice to see you, Aimee! Not sure why you’re here for the House orientation, though.
Aimee: It’s also the Senate orientation. You know, the body I was recently elected to.
Nanette: Oh, right. I rarely keep up with what the Senate is doing.
Aimee: I’m not gonna see you much anymore after I become a senator, am I?
Nanette: Not unless you stop by to see me yourself. You know I like you a lot, but the Senate is a special kind of hell I avoid at all costs. All. Costs.
Victor: I’m with you, Nan. That’s why I’ve never run.
Lynette: Also, you’re from California and you’d be smashed like a bug.
Victor: You mean like you nearly were while running as a Republican in Wyoming?
Nanette: Are you two still fighting like two teenaged pageant queens? Get over it!
Alec: Three things in life are constant: death, taxes, and Lynette and Victor trying to pull each other’s hair out.
Nanette: Thankfully, they - and their hair - won’t ever need to see each other again after the December break. Lynette won’t even need to worry about seeing Victor on TV, considering, well…
Victor: You’re not getting rid of me that easily!
Aimee: Okay, Lynette. I think it’s time we get back to orientation.
Victor: Leaving so soon?
Lynette: Not nearly soon enough.
Nanette: Send Kate and Ellie our love. Because God knows I avoid that chamber like the plague.
Lynette: Will do, Nanette!
Victor: Guess I’m not here.
Lynette: Wish you weren’t!
Nanette: How I’ll miss this!
Aimee: Lynette, am I going to have to pull you out of here like a child?
Victor: You always have to, it’s because she is a child.
Lynette: A child is about to slap you!
Nanette: Someone get a camera, I want to get this on America’s Funniest Home Videos!
Carolyn: They wouldn’t take it. This is more sad than funny.
Aimee: Lynette, Kate’s gonna kill us!
Nanette: She will, she runs a tight ship!
Lynette: Fine. You got lucky this time, Mulcahy.
Aimee: God, why did I have to win?
Later that night, when Aimee returns home to Victoria’s apartment…
Victoria: So, how was your first day?
Aimee: Ugh…
Victoria: That good, huh?
Aimee: It was so boring. Aside from when Lynette made an ass out of herself. And when Lynette threatened Victor.
Victoria: I don’t agree with Lynette on much, but I can never not side with someone who would threaten Victor Mulcahy.
Aimee: It was such an exhausting day. I’m starting to think I’ve made a mistake.
Victoria: You didn’t! You just had a bad day, that happens to all of us. I was supposed to be at Woodstock and then I got a stomach bug. It was just a bad day, I let go of that anger. You dig?
Aimee: I dig.
Victoria: So, are you going to try to have a better day tomorrow?
Aimee: I’ll try. But I’m still going to call Kimmy to complain. She’ll love getting to hear me bash Republicans.
Victoria: That is her favorite thing. Mine, too.
Aimee calls Kimmy, but Cherie answers.
Cherie: Hello! What’s going on, Aimee?
Aimee: Mom! What are you doing with Kimmy’s cell?
Cherie: She got in trouble. I took her phone as punishment.
Aimee: She’s in her twenties.
Cherie: I pay for it, I can take it if need be.
Aimee: Oh, mom. That’s such an old-fashioned point of view.
Cherie: You’re turning into a bleeding heart already, my goodness. This is not how I raised you!
Ernesto: Cherie, stop giving her a hard time. I want to know how her day went!
Kimmy: Me too! Give me my phone!
Cherie: Nice try!
Aimee: Can you put me on speakerphone? I want to talk to all of you about it.
Kimmy: See! I’m important!
Ernesto: No one would ever imply you aren’t!
Cherie: I sometimes do.
Ernesto: Well, you’re mean, honey.
Aimee: I need some motivation. The day was stressful. It was a mixture of information I already know, secondhand embarrassment for Lynette, and talking with a bunch of people I’ve never met before. All while heavily pregnant. It’s been a lot.
Kimmy: You should just tell them off. It’s not like they can fire you.
Aimee: I’m not going to do that, but it’s funny to think about.
Kimmy: Are you sure you’re not going to?
Aimee: I’m sure.
Ernesto: I’m sorry you had a stressful day. Maybe you should’ve brought tamales to make fast friends with everyone.
Aimee: If this is your way to hint that you want tamales on Thanksgiving, point taken.
Cherie: Just grin and bear it, Aimee. I was a news station manager for ten years -
Kimmy: Really? You never talk about it…
Cherie: I was in a ton of boring meetings. You get over it eventually. Maybe play a sudoku to pass the time.
Aimee: I think they’d notice that.
Cherie: I was simply offering a potential solution. I never said it was fool-proof.
Ernesto: Just think, Aimee. It’s only a week. Then you
Aimee: I have at least six years of making excuses for Lynette’s behavior ahead of me.
Ernesto: She’s only your friend, you don't have to be her keeper.
Aimee: Have you seen her? Who else is going to defend that?
Ernesto: You’re always so kind and gracious.
Kimmy: She sure doesn’t take after mom.
Cherie: I should slap you.
Kimmy: Case in point…
Aimee: Okay, I’m going to let you guys hash this out. Thanks for letting me vent.
Kimmy: We’re always here to hear your complaints!
The next day…
Geraldine: All right, y’all. Senators Hagelin and Sherwood are meeting with the President to discuss the debt ceiling. They’ve asked me to take over the orientation for today.
Milton: They asked us.
Liza: All of us.
Geraldine: I’m certain they didn’t put Kylie in charge.
Kylie: What did I do?
Geraldine: Look in the mirror.
Lynette: She looks like Millie Bobby Brown in Stranger Things.
Kylie: I don’t know what that means because I only watch shows on Peacock.
Liza: Now, I know that’s a lie.
Kylie: I like chaos! Peacock is chaos!
Geraldine: Shut up!
Janie: They couldn’t have put any of you in charge, you’re all acting childish! I’m in line to be leader, I’m the only one mature enough for this.
Liza: You’re in line to maybe lead a party nearly locked in a superminority right now. You sure have a bright political future ahead of you!
Geraldine: Shut up, everyone! We’re trying to show the new class what it’s like to be in the Senate.
Liza: Well, I’d say this is a pretty good depiction of it.
Kylie: We don’t usually have nearly this much fun on a day-to-day basis.
Milton: Fun?
Geraldine: She’s crazy, Landfield. How have you not learned that by now?
Milton: I guess I’m just holding out hope she’ll be sane again.
Geraldine: Look at her wig. That hope should be gone.
Aimee (whispering): Sharon, is this a bit?
Sharon (whispering): No, I think we’re just lucky to get to experience this in-person.
Aimee (whispering): I guess this is more exciting than I’d thought. And Lynett's not looking so embarrassing anymore after all!
Lynette (whispering): I’m not what?
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
