Aimee is on the phone with Lynette.
Lynette: Aimee, honey… it’s the big day.
Aimee: I know, my fortieth birthday!
Lynette: You’re only forty? You bitch.
Aimee: You’re not that much older!
Lynette: Let’s change the subject.
Aimee: Thank you for the birthday wishes, by the way.
Lynette: Oh, happy birthday.
Aimee: So sincere.
Lynette: I’m sorry, my mind is elsewhere today. It’s sort of a big election, you know?
Aimee: There a race for tax commissioner today or something?
Lynette: Aimee!
Aimee: I know, I know. I hide my nerves with humor.
Lynette: It’s gonna be okay, we’re both going to win. No murderers in Congress!
Aimee: Well, no more murderers than there presently are, that is. I’m not convinced that Maurine Talbot Redford hasn’t taken a life before.
Lynette: Who would have thought this time last year that we’d be here?
Aimee: I barely even remembered what the Senate was this time last year.
Lynette: Can’t blame pregnancy brain for that!
Aimee: I only had Eddie a few years ago, it was the lingering effects of pregnancy brain.
Lynette: Sure it was.
Aimee: This is the last time we’re going to talk before we might become senators-elect!
Lynette: You never know, I may have to call you in a couple hours to ask you where I left my work computer. That happens sometimes!
Aimee: Well, just in case that doesn’t happen, good luck tonight.
Lynette: Aimee, I love ya, but if I need luck winning a Senate seat in Wyoming, then I’m beyond all hope. Good luck beating the murderer, though!
Aimee: Thanks, Lyn. Hopefully everyone in Seattle was too high to remember to turn in their ballots.
Lynette: Yeah, hopefully those ads you ran in Seattle about Election Day being moved to December work out for you.
Aimee: I did not do that! Carolyn only suggested I do it.
Later that day, in the car outside Aimee’s polling location…
Aimee: Dave, look at the press out there.
Victoria: There aren’t that many people out there!
Aimee: Are you serious?
Dave: Just breathe, honey. It’ll be fine.
Victoria: It’s only like six or seven reporters. That’s nothing!
Aimee: They’re from NBC, CBS, Fox News. This is nationwide, it’s not just appearing on the local news. Why does the national news care about watching me stick an envelope in a box?
Dave: If it bleeds it leads!
Aimee: Am I bleeding?
Dave: Your campaign’s been big news because your opponent is accused of attempted murder. That’s scandalous, the news networks love talking about that crap.
Aimee: Thank god they do, it’s gonna maybe get me elected.
Dave: You would’ve won without the scandal!
Victoria: Dave…
Dave: She would have!
Victoria: Let’s not go wild here.
Aimee: How much longer are my parents going to be? I’m so tired of having to wait to get my vote in!
Dave: Cherie said ten minutes ago that they were on their way out the door. Should only be another few minutes.
Aimee: That’s good. Any longer and a reporter’s gonna rip the door off our car.
Victoria: It depends on who drives. If it’s Ernesto, it’ll be a few minutes. If it’s Cherie, another half-hour or so.
Aimee: They live fifteen minutes away.
Victoria: Have you seen her drive?
Aimee: My mother is not a bad driver!
Dave: They could let Kimmy drive. That’s an unknown variable there.
Aimee: Kimmy’s a young rebel. She’d be here by now if she were driving.
Victoria: Oh, they’re here!
Aimee: Maybe she did drive!
Dave: You ready to get this day started?
Aimee: I suppose!
Aimee gets out of the car.
Cherie: Aimee! You look great!
Aimee: Good, I’m gonna be plastered all over CNN so I put on my Sunday best.
Cherie: I can’t believe my daughter is such a hotshot.
Ernesto: A weary nation turns its tired eyes to Aimee.
Kimmy: Will she beat the murder man? Will she blow a ten point lead? We find out tonight!
Dave: Of course she’ll beat him!
Kimmy: Polling has missed before.
Aimee: God, you sound like Carolyn.
Kimmy: I’m your sister, it’s my job to taunt you.
Aimee: Do you really think I’m about to lose tonight, though?
Kimmy: Of course not, Aimee. Have you seen your opponent?
Aimee: Funny you should ask. I don’t remember if I ever met him.
Kimmy: Look at Aimee trying to distance herself from a controversial figure! Typical politician!
Aimee: Oh, shut up.
Ernesto: That’s the proper response!
Cherie: Nesto! Don’t egg them on.
Ernesto: I’m only having some fun, lighten up.
Dave: Oy…
Cherie: Lighten up?
Aimee: Okay, let’s vote! Remember, we’re on Candid Camera!
Victoria: Sometimes, with this family, it does feel like that.
Kimmy: What’s Candid Camera?
Victoria: God, I’m old.
Ernesto: Want me to grab your walker from the trunk?
Victoria: I should hit you.
Kimmy: Do it!
Dave: I think we should go get our votes in, we do have a lot of last-minute campaigning to get to today after this.
Aimee: Okay then, let’s light this candle.
Kimmy: Mom, does my hair look okay?
Cherie: No one’s going to be focusing on you, don’t you worry.
Kimmy: People are always focusing on me. Look at me!
Ernesto: I am looking. You should out a jacket on. Those things don’t need to be on display.
Kimmy: What things?
Ernesto: How do I phrase this… the whole world doesn’t need to be able to see Thelma and Louise.
Kimmy: It’s so rude to say that about mom and aunt Victoria! They’re people, too!
Aimee: I’m gonna be drunk by the end of this night.
Cherie: You’re pregnant!
Ernesto: Let her live, Cherie!
Cherie: Is that all you know how to say?
Ernesto: Is nagging all you know how to do?
Dave: We’ll stop at the next bar and get you a beer, Aimee.
Later that night, backstage at Aimee’s victory party…
Aimee: Ah, finally. Some rest.
Alec: Don’t get too comfortable! That crowd is fired up and they can’t wait to see you.
Aimee: Alec! Why did you come all the way out here for this?
Alec: My race isn’t competitive, I thought I should be here for my friend.
Carolyn: My race is competitive, but I still insisted on being here. That’s the kind of friend I am.
Aimee: How did you two both sneak in without me seeing?
Alec: Dave.
Aimee: What a sneak.
Dave: What can I say?
Aimee: This is a lovely surprise.
Alec: Speaking of surprises, what time is it? The polls should have closed in some states by now.
Carolyn: It’s best we not talk about it.
Alec: That good?
Carolyn: We’re on track to lose Kansas!
Alec: That good.
Carolyn: At least we’re up two points in Missouri… with Kansas City yet to report.
Alec: Great night.
Aimee: A Republican loss in Kansas doesn’t feel like a great sign for an insurgent campaign in Washington state, does it?
Denise: Aimee, you have nothing to fret about. Your campaign is already so disconnected from national politics at this point because of your unique coalition. Republicans underperforming expectations isn’t going to doom you. Frankly, quite a few of those Republicans that lost in red states deserved to lose. They’re extremists.
Carolyn: I always forget Denise is a “moderate.”
Denise: I’m a realist.
Carolyn: Whatever you need to tell yourself.
Kimmy: My god I just found my way in here. Whatever you do, do NOT go out in that room. I’ve never seen so many old white people in one room ever before, it’s like a Michael Bublé concert out there.
Cherie: It wasn’t that bad, Kimberly.
Kimmy: I thought they were about to start interrogating me over my views on tax reform.
Cherie: It’s an important question.
Kimmy: God, you’re one of them.
Aimee: Where is my father?
Cherie: He got caught up out there. Sweet-talking the attendees.
Aimee: That’s dad for ya.
Carolyn: They just called Iowa for the Democrats. Iowa! Get me a Dos Equis!
Alec: You’re being very insensitive to Aimee right now.
Aimee: Let her get drunk, she’s the one that’s probably going to have to deliver a concession speech in an hour.
Carolyn: Oh god, I didn’t even think of that! The way things are going…
Alec: You can be Aimee’s chief of staff!
Denise: Excuse me?
Carolyn: I wonder if Lynette’s winning. Aimee would give her the chief of staff job over me.
Denise: Again… excuse me?
Carolyn: Oh, sorry. I’m being insensitive.
Aimee: Why do you act like this?
Carolyn: I’m just nervous and making up scenarios in my head. It’s a big night!
Aimee: Well, we’ll start to get an idea of how it’s going to go in about an hour.
Alec: What should we do until then? Mingle with the guests?
Cherie: I think my husband has that covered. He’s probably managed to sell them all Mary Kay by now.
Alec: So we’ll sit here and wait?
Kimmy: Let’s watch TV! It’s been a really entertaining night so far!
Victoria: I agree!
Carolyn: Must you rub it in? I thought we were friends, Vic!
One hour later…
Aimee: Quarter after eight. Moment of truth.
Alec: It’s going to be fine!
Denise: From what I’m hearing, the first drop of votes will be from Seattle, which means you’ll be heavily behind. We just need to watch that margin. The state was sixty percent Democrat in 2020, King County as a whole was 77% Democrat… we can prognosticate a lot from those heavy-blue votes.
Aimee: I know you just said words, but I’ll be damned if I know what words those are. I can’t focus on anything but… well, you know.
Denise: And that’s fair!
Cherie: Turn the volume up, Aimee. I like Dan and Vanessa.
Aimee: Who?
Cherie: The hosts of The Spin Zone!
Ernesto: She has a crush on Dan.
Cherie: That is a lie!
Aimee: Shh!
Dan: Welcome back to The Spin Zone, polls have closed now in three states, but the nation is watching just one of them. Washington has emerged as a key swing state in this election, following a shocking scandal involving Democratic nominee Evan Jankler. Aimee Ferrera Donahue is favored to win this race, but doubts loom amid a disastrous night for Republicans. Results have just begun to pour in, let’s take a look, Vanessa.
Vanessa: Dan, we’re at 2% polls reporting right now, but things are not looking good for the Jankler camp.
Aimee: Yes!
Vanessa: You may be wondering why I say that, as polls show a twenty-two point Jankler lead. That’s because these results are from deep-blue King County, and it’s a massive swing from what the Democrats usually get out of that county.
Dan: That’s right, centrist Republican Aimee Ferrera Donahue, who has ridden a wave of moderate support in this election, does appear to be well on her way to the US Senate in what would be the first Republican victory in the Evergreen State in 25 years, and the only Republican gain of the night in the United States Senate.
Vanessa: If the others races shake out as we expect them to, this would take the Democrats to only a net eight pickups, denying them a filibuster-proof majority in the US Senate by a single seat.
Carolyn: We did it Aimee!
Aimee: Not yet we didn’t!
Denise: Who is this “we?”
Alec: She’s really angling for that job .
Carolyn: I am not!
Kimmy: I’m gonna push you left, Aimee. You’ll be a Democratic senator by 2024.
Aimee: Your current attempts haven’t bee successful. And you know what they say about trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Ernesto: Whoever that MacKenzie Roy person is, they’re down 63-37. Yikes!
Carolyn: That’s me…
Ernesto: Ah, better luck next time, honey.
Cherie: It’s only 7% in!
Denise: It’s just Whitman County reporting, don’t set your sights on my job just yet.
Aimee: Look, Aimee! Only down 20%!
Denise: That’s with King 25% in, too. We’re in good shape.
Dan: We just got another data drop from Washington. What’s up there, Vanessa?
Vanessa: Yeah, Dan. Aimee Ferrera Donahue was catching up and then Seattle dropped another batch of votes and brought her back down. But she’s still on a path to win, that’s by far the largest and bluest area of the state San Juan and Jefferson counties are both nearly as blue, but don’t have anywhere near the population. There are a lot of counties that vote around 60% Democratic that could swing either way but shouldn’t hurt her too badly. There are enough red and purple counties to make up any losses there if the swings we’re seeing keep up.
Dan: It looks like Clark just reported.
Vanessa: Ah, yes. That and a few red-leaning rural counties reporting have now narrowed the gap to 11 percent.
Cherie: It’s getting closer!
Kimmy: In the words of The Weeknd, I feel it coming.
Dave: One of us should go talk to the crowd, they have to be excited right now.
Ernesto: Not me. I’ve talked to enough of those people today to last a lifetime. I felt like I was the one running for office!
Vanessa: Ferrera Donahue is running up incredible margins in Clark County. It usually votes Democrat for President, but she’s leading the county by about 25%.
Dan: So, once again, clearly on the road to victory.
Vanessa: This is her home county, she lives in Battle Ground, so the swings there are likely more extreme than in other counties. But yes, still easily on a path to win.
Denise: Aimee, get ready. The margin is closing fast, this will probably be called soon.
Kimmy: I was banking on this being a long night. I brought a book and everything!
Cherie: When do you ever read?
Kimmy: Sometimes!
Cherie: The website of the New York Times doesn’t count.
Thirty minutes later…
Carolyn: Woo hoo!
Victoria: Has Amy pulled ahead?
Carolyn: No, but I have.
Victoria: Oh…
Carolyn: Those Whitman County communists thought they could drag me down, but no! Not I!
Kimmy: You just dropped behind again.
Carolyn: So I did.
Aimee: It’s funny, I’m winning Whitman County by ten points.
Carolyn: You’re running against a murderer!
Victoria: Attempted murderer!
Cherie: Everyone shush! They’re giving an update!
Denise: We’re getting immediate updates online, it’s okay if we miss some TV coverage..
Cherie: I don’t trust it until I’ve heard it from them.
Denise: Okay then!
Aimee: I need a Xanax.
Victoria: I have several. What color you want?
Aimee: I was joking.
Dan: Please stand by for a projection in one of tonight’s key races.
Carolyn: I guess we’ve officially lost Kansas.
Vanessa: It’s a stunning win amid a night of utter ruin for her party, a night in which the district she currently holds has flipped by double digits, but we can now officially project that in Washington state, Republican congresswoman Aimee Ferrera Donahue has been elected to the United States Senate.
Cherie: Ahhhh!!!!!
Kimmy: God, my ears are bleeding.
Aimee: We did it! We did it Dave!
Denise: Dave?
Ernesto: Where is Dave, actually?
Alec: Talking to the crowd. And, right now, probably leading a pro-Aimee chant.
Aimee: I really am gonna be a US Senator.
Kimmy: I can’t believe this!
Aimee: I can’t believe I’m happy about it!
Cherie: I always knew you had it in you.
Aimee: You’re delusional, though.
Vanessa: I know a lot of our viewers are wondering how we came about making this call.
Cherie: No, don't look a gift horse in the mouth!
Vanessa: While Congresswoman Ferrera Donahue is only up two tenths of a percent at this moment, our decision desk has determined that there care far more votes out there in territories friendly to her than in the Democrats base of King County and other Democrat-heavy areas. We expect the congresswoman’s lead to only grow larger over the course of this night, and we’re comfortable enough in that assessment to call this election for her.
Aimee: Do I need to go out and make a victory speech?
Dave: Aimee! You won!
Aimee: I’m aware.
Victoria: She’s a bit… in shock.
Aimee: I’m fine!
Kimmy: You’re shaking. Is Aimee having a stroke? Or a seizure?
Carolyn: She’s fine! I’m the one we all have to worry about! I’m in panic mode! Help me!
Alec: What are you being so overdramatic about?
Carolyn: I’m not sure if I’m going to win re-election. What am I without my job?
Aimee: I wish Lynette were here to shut her up.
Carolyn: Wow!
Alec: Speaking of Lynette, did she win yet?
Kimmy: Nope! Too early to call!
Alec: Well, that’s an interesting result.
Denise: Aimee… it’s time.
Aimee: Time for?
Denise: Your victory speech.
Aimee: Oh, yeah. Forgot about that!
Kimmy: You just mentioned it like a minute ago.
Aimee: It’s a very emotional time!
Dave: The crowd is fired up, I told them you'd be out soon!
Aimee: That’s… great.
Erensto: My little girl is about to be a senator!
Cherie: Old news, Ernesto!
Ernesto: I couldn’t get a word in before!
Aimee: Well, here goes nothing. Se you guys on the other side. Actually, come stand with me during the speech. Not you, Carolyn. You look as pale as Morticia Addams.
Carolyn: Carolyn Jones’ Morticia or Anjelica Huston’s Morticia?
Aimee: Yes.
Carolyn: Is she even listening to me?
Alec: No.
The next morning, Aimee receives a phone call.
Aimee: Hello!
Geraldine: Hello, Senator-Elect Ferrera Donahue!
Aimee: Oh, you don’t have to call me that! It feels so good to hear, though.
Geraldine: I’m going to add Victor to our call, okay?
Aimee: You go right ahead!
Victor: Hi Aimee! Congratulations!
Aimee: Thank you, Victor! My condolences on… you know.
Victor: Hey, parties have come back from eighty seat losses before. Right?
Aimee: So, anyway…
Victor: Know know, at least our buddy Carolyn held on!
Aimee: We think. Still gotta count some absentees. She’s been very stressed about that. So many texts.
Victor: My phone has been blowing up with texts from panicked members who either lost their jobs, are about to, or almost will. As you can imagine, not too fun. I have to make calls to all the members who lost their seats to thank them for their service and give my sympathy. I’ve decided to start with calls to the members who were elected to the Senate and other offices. I think you can understand why I called you before Lynette.
Aimee: No, why? You two have such a warm relationship. You’re the best of friends.
Victor: I’m going to ignore that. Congratulations on your big win! I’m very proud of you, now, I have to get to my next call.
Aimee: Thanks, Victor. Talk soon.
Geraldine: All right, Aimee. Now that it’s just us, I want to ask you for a favor.
Aimee: Do you want me to do a big press tour. It’ll be a hassle but I can manage.
Geraldine: Actually, I wanted to tell you that the party doesn’t really want you to do too much national press.
Aimee: You’re kidding.
Geraldine: Not quite. Look, we’re all very happy about your win, but the national party is concerned about raising your profile too much at this moment. Your speech last night was great - for Washington. The President doesn’t want you to become a face of the party, he thinks you’re far too moderate. The RNC board agreed with him.
Aimee: Of course they did, they bend over backwards for him.
Geraldine: I’m sorry, Aimee. Do your press tour in Washington, but don’t do anything to boost your profile too much.
Aimee: My profile was already raised by flipping a Senate seat in Washington by eight points in a Democrat plus eleven nationwide environment.
Geraldine: Don’t shoot the messenger, please. I disagree with their decision wholeheartedly.
Aimee: I know, Gerry. I’m just annoyed these people throw this on you. You have my back. I’m just worried about what this means down the line.
Geraldine: I always have your back. I’m gonna be there for you, okay? I won’t let them sabotage your career in the Senate.
Aimee: Thanks.
Geraldine: Congrats, again. I hope I didn’t wake you, I forgot you’re two hours behind me.
Aimee: You’re fine. I have two kids, they’re always waking me up.
Geraldine: I’ll talk to you soon, then. I’m gonna let you enjoy this family time, it’s the calm before the storm.
Aimee: Bye, Gerry.
Geraldine: Bye, Aimee!
Aimee hangs up and turns on the TV, where she sees Nanette holding a press conference.
Nanette: We had a great night, we gained a historic number of seats in the House, we expanded our majority in the Senate, we showed President Delphy that America isn’t happy with the direction he’s taking us in. I don’t think it could have gone better.
Reporter: What about the Washington Senate race?
Nanette: A wonderful member of Congress, a friend of mine, won a Senate seat. She’s a bipartisan person who will vote with her conscience. I wish we didn’t lose that seat, but she’ll be a great senator. I won’t lose sleep over her victory.
Aimee: Wow, more support from the Democratic Speaker than from my own party. Ain’t that a kick in the head?
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
