Raymond Island Season 3 Episode 8 - Come See About Me

Raymond Island Season 2, Episode 8
Come See About Me

Jeanne and Hank are in Jeanne’s dressing room at the Dunkin’ Donuts Center, where the first Democratic gubernatorial primary debate is being held.

Hank: Is there any reason your family isn’t here with you?

Jeanne: They’re not big fans of the whole politics thing. My mom always thought I should get into pottery. My husband, well, he just couldn’t be bothered with politics.

Hank: My wife is the same way.

Jeanne: No, you just don’t let her come to any political events because you’re afraid she’ll run into that secretary you’re cheating on her with.

Hank: That is a disgusting lie! I fired that secretary!

Jeanne: Ah, wise move. You’re just chock full of those.

Hank: Are you insinuating that I have bad ideas? Why did you even ask me to come back to your dressing room with you? To insult me?

Jeanne: I’m not insulting you! I’m a nice person!

Hank: You’re being mean to me today.

Jeanne: I’m very stressed. I’m not used to having to debate. I’m always elected unopposed!

Hank: That, and no one cares enough about state senate races to have a televised debate for each one.

Jeanne: People care very much about the state senate!

Hank: Don’t kid yourself. I know you have too much respect for yourself to do that.

Jeanne: Now look who’s being mean!

Hank: I had to get back at you for earlier!

Jeanne: Can you at least help me with prep?

Hank: The debate is in fifteen minutes. You’ve not prepared yet?

Jeanne: You can never prepare too much!

Hank: You could prepare so much that you come across as robotic.

Jeanne: I am not robotic!

Hank: I didn’t say you were, I only said that over-preparedness could make someone appear robotic.

Jeanne: Stop getting in my head! Did Gretchen pay you off to sabotage me?

Hank: I am sensing your nerves.

Jeanne: I’m not nervous!

Hank: Of course not. You’re going to kill it out there.

Jeanne: You’re going to do what?

Hank: You’re going to have a great debate.

Meanwhile, in Gretchen’s dressing room…

Lucinda: Is there any reason you demanded we all be here for this? This is so -

Anthony: Must you do this today?

Gretchen: Let her complain, it’s the only thing that gives her any joy.

Lucinda: It’s just that this is so pointless. Who watches these? I could be watching Wheel of Fortune if it weren’t for this!

Christina: Some people spun a wheel, then they played hangman, and Pat Sajak was there. That’s what you missed. It’ll happen again tomorrow, too. What a concept.

Lucinda: You’re usually on my side in making fun of your mother, what happened?

Christina: Mom’s been nervous about tonight for a while, and unlike you, I actually want her to keep her job. So I’m not joining in on the mocking.

Gretchen: That’s so sweet!

Lucinda: What a disappointment.

Carol: Gretchen, ten minutes.

Gretchen: In ten minutes, I get to leave one bully to talk with two others. What a joy.

Susana: At least you can talk back to the other bullies!

Gretchen: I talk back to my mother all the time.

Susana: Do you think that might be why she’s so mean to you?

Gretchen: I never thought of it that way.

Lucinda: Thank you for being on my side. I don’t remember your name, but it’s good to have supporters.

Susana: I wasn’t taking sides.

Lucinda: Close enough.

Gretchen: Hey, mom. Remember who in this room has the power to send you to the retirement home.

Lucinda: You debate those idiots like that, you might not be done as governor after all!

Gretchen: That almost brought a tear to my eye.

Anthony: I always had faith in you, Gretchen.

Gretchen: Yeah, but that’s not news.

There is a knock at the door.

Carol: I’ll get it!

Gretchen: Please don’t. Somehow, every knock at the door ends up being Samantha.

Carol: It’s not Samantha. She’s your opponent, she’s not dumb enough to show up at your dressing room expecting a warm welcome.

Gretchen: Then who is it?

Carol: Would you let me check?

Gretchen: Fine.

Lucinda: You just let her walk all over you…

Gretchen: Mom, bud out.

Lucinda: That was uncalled for! Keep that spirit!

Anthony: You are a very confusing woman.

Lucinda: You’re right, I am confused as to why my daughter married you.

Carol: Gretchen…

Gretchen: Yes, Carol?

Carol: Um… so about Samantha.

Samantha: Hi, Gretchen!

Gretchen: Are you fu-

Carol: Maybe you should talk in the hallway?

Toby: Mom, who is it at the door?

Christina: It’s Ellen DeGeneres! Hide before she throws something at you!

Gretchen: It’s one of my colleagues, Toby. Nothing to be scared of.

Susana: She’s pretty scary, Gretchen.

Gretchen: She is not.

Samantha: We need to talk.

Gretchen: The hallway it is.

Carol: Should I come or…?

Gretchen: This is all your fault, I think it’s best if you stay in here to avoid me hitting you.

Carol: That’s doable.

Gretchen walks out into the hallway.

Gretchen: Lieutenant Governor Pratt, what is going on?

Samantha: I feel so lonely.

Gretchen: Oh, god.

Samantha: I have no one here to support me, and my campaign manager and comms director are stuck in traffic and I had to do my hair and makeup on my own… it’s a disaster! I have nothing!

Gretchen: No need to speak like you’re Whitney Houston.

Samantha: I don’t know what to do! I feel betrayed, and sad, and hopeless, and I’m polling in the dumps.

Gretchen: That is sad.

Samantha: You’re the only one I can think of to talk to.

Gretchen: You had no one else? You’re sure? No one to call?

Samantha: No one’s answering my calls.

Gretchen: I must admit, I find that a bit funny.

Samantha: Funny?

Gretchen: I’m not used to seeing you like this. You’re usually an uptight bitch, not a ball of anxiety who looks like she’s about to devour a tub of Ben & Jerry’s because her boyfriend broke up with her.

Samantha: He did?

Gretchen: How would I know?

Samantha: Well, why would you say that?

Gretchen: Samantha, get your crap together. We’re about to go off to debate, and I’m not your therapist.

Samantha: My therapist is in Cabo!

Gretchen: That’s apparent.

Samantha: So I’ll see you out on the stage, I guess.

Gretchen: Yeah. And… uh… fix your eyeliner.

Samantha: Is it bad?

Gretchen: You look like a sitcom character.

Fifteen minutes later, on the stage…

Dina Mack: Hello everyone, and welcome to the first Democratic primary debate for governor here in Rhode Island. I’m Dina Mack and I’ll be your moderator tonight. Now, let’s welcome the candidates. Up first is the sitting lieutenant governor of Rhode Island, Samantha Pratt. And up next, Seante Majority Leader Jeanne Rivero! And, finally, incumbent governor Gretchen Raymond. Thank you all joining us today. We’re going to start with opening statements and kick it off with Lieutenant Governor Pratt.

Samantha: Rhode Island, I pose a question to you. Are you happy? It’s a simple question. Are you happy with the direction of our state? If you’re like me, you’re tired of the in-fighting that’s stalling progress. You’re tired of politicians being unable to put their egos aside to work for the people. You’re tired of being let down by our leaders in Providence. I will be a leader that makes you proud. I’ll work with everyone to get the bills passed that our state needs to thrive. I’m not in it for me, I’m in it for us. Let’s get to work.

Dina: Leader Rivero, you're up.

Jeanne: Look, I’m a career politician. I know the stigma behind that, but let me talk about that career. It’s one that’s been defined by working for the people. I’m known in Providence for my productivity. I’ve authored bills to get the homeless off the street and back on their feet, and bills to increase protections for women and minorities. I’ve worked with everyone, including Republican governors, to benefit Rhode Island. So, while my opponents will attack me for a lengthy career, I want you to know my career has stood for. It’s been a long fight for Rhode Island, and I don’t plan to be done anytime soon.

Dina: And Governor Raymond.

Gretchen: My opponents are both dead-set on making sure that you see me as an incompetent, ego-driven political who refuses to work with others, doesn’t care about Rhode Island and can’t get along with my colleagues. That’s not a line of attack that makes a lick of sense to me. My life has bene dedicated to this state. I’ve always put it first. I’m willing to work with anyone to improve this state and deliver for it. Unfortunately, the state legislature seems dead-set on blocking progress and stonewalling me. That is their only priority. They don’t care about working for the people, just for themselves and their donors. They’ve blocked advances in healthcare, attempts to slow climate change, heck, Leader Rivero blocked a bill to fix our roads because she thought it would help my campaign. She’s right, she is a career politician, one who embodies all the negative qualities of that phrase. Only one candidate in this race truly cares about making the big changes Rhode Island needs to advance, and that’s me.

Dina: Thank you, Governor Raymond. Now, onto our first question.

Jeanne: Dina, can I respond, as I was called out by name?

Dina: Go ahead, but make it quick.

Jeanne: Governor, you’re quick to blame everyone else for your shortcomings, but I think you’re forgetting something. You’re the governor! At some point, the buck has to stop with you and not, as you seem to believe, anyone but!

Gretchen: I don’t hear a denial about blocking the road repair bill.

Jeanne: There you go again.

Gretchen: It’s true!

Dina: Okay, ladies. That’s enough.

Samantha: I’ll say it’s enough! Jeez! Some people don’t know how to beh-

Dina: The first question goes to Lieutenant Governor Pratt. Many have questioned what differentiates you from Leader Rivero as an alternative to Governor Raymond. Though you’ve been in the race longer, Leader Rivero has overtaken you in the polls. Why should people vote for you over her?

Samantha: You know, Jeanne, as Olivia Rodrigo says, you betrayed me!

Jeanne: Oh, lord…

Dina: We don’t have the rights for music or the money to get the rights, let’s not sing live on the air.

Samantha: I’ll rephrase it, then. Leader Rivero jumped into this race with the sole intention of sabotaging me. I had a vision for Rhode Island and she copied it.

Dina: The question was less about Leader Rivero and more about what make you stand out in this pack.

Samantha: I have unique experience that Leader Rivero doesn't have. I’ve spent four years as lieutenant governor, gaining valuable experience in the executive branch. Before that, I served in the state legislature, and before that, I was a public defender. I have the experienced to know how to get things done.

Dina: Leader Rivero, care to respond?

Jeanne: I don’t appreciate the implication that I’m unqualified. just because I’ve not served as lieutenant governor. You and the governor never meet, you don’t get along, so I don’t think you have much sway in that job. Meanwhile, I have actual influence and wield real power. No one on this stage lacks the qualifications for the job.

Dina: Governor Raymond, you were mentioned, so you can respond if you'd like.

Gretchen: I have nothing to add here. Let them attack each other all they want. It’s telling quite the story.

Dina: Moving on, then. Governor Raymond, unemployment has risen in Rhode Island over the past year. What is your plan to combat this?

Gretchen: Look, I inherited a fiscal disaster as governor. Unemployment was the highest in the country. How did we fix that? Well, a couple ways. One, we raised the minimum wage. We can do that again. We also offered incentives for companies to bring jobs to Rhode Island. In the last few months, unemployment has mildly risen. That’s a concern, yes, but it’s important to look at the bigger picture. It’s still heavily down from when I took the reigns, and there hasn’t been a major uptick in the unemployment rate. This isn’t a crisis by any means.

Dina: Okay. Keeping on the subject of the economy, Governor Raymond has heavily referenced her bailout of the seafood in campaign ads, going so far as to label herself the “calamari comeback candidate.” Leader Rivero, would you continue the same practices under your administration if you were to win?

Jeanne: I think anyone would be a fool to remove the safeguard that governor put in place to ensure the fishing industry doesn’t go under. I’m not a fan of bailouts, but this one was necessary and did a lot of good for our state. I was proud to support the bill and usher it through the senate last year, and I’ll always be an ally of our state’s fishermen. And fisherwomen!

Samantha: I would do the same! I love fish!

Dina: Lieutenant Governor Pratt, please don’t speak out of turn.

Samantha: Well, I wouldn’t have to if you give me some time to talk.

Gretchen: We’ve all gotten one question each, Samantha.

Samantha: Yours was longer.

Gretchen: No, it wasn’t!

Dina: Can you both wait until it’s your turn to speak.

Gretchen: Yes, I apologize.

One hour later…

Dina: We are running over time, so let’s get to closing remarks. We’ll begin with Governor Raymond.

Gretchen: It’s been a night of intense debate, and not a lot of plans. You heard both of my opponents talk about just how awful I am at my job, but not at all about why they’d be better at the job. I will admit, my first term has not been perfect. I don’t think anyone would say it has been. I’ve made mistakes, and yes, bickered with other politicians. But I have worked so hard for this state. I’ve put it above all else, and I have fixed a lot of problems that were left behind for me. There’s work to be done, and I am going to try to get that work done myself. It won’t be easy, but I have a plan for it all, and that’s more than my opponents can say. I’ve laid out my plans for this state tonight, I want to move us forward, and if you want Rhode Island to move forward, well, come see about me.

Fifteen minutes later, in Gretchen’s dressing room…

Gretchen: So… how’d I do?

Carol: You didn’t blow it! That’s great!

Susana: Samantha did, though. Yikes.

Gretchen: Was that not the funniest thing ever? A bit sad, though. It’s always sad to see someone with potential wither away like that under all the added pressure.

Susana: Needless to say, I don’t think she’ll be much of a problem.

Carol: Jeanne had a pretty good night, though. Got a few effective jabs in, claimed credit for some of your more popular measures. You got her with that closing remark though. You knocked that out of the park.

Christina: I thought you were going to strangle them live on the stage at one point.

Anthony: Samantha was the one I was really worried about.

Christina: Nah, she just looked like she was gonna pull out a guitar and start singing breakup songs.

Anthony: I think she threatened to at one point.

Lucinda (singing): You betrayed me!

Christina: That’s gonna be a TikTok, I bet.

Gretchen: I’m glad you’re all finding this so entertaining. And that you’re not laughing at me this time.

Christina: What can I say, mom? You work with some really weird people.

Gretchen: Not for much longer!

Lucinda: Wow, even she thinks she’s going to lose.

Gretchen: I mean that Jeanne and Samantha are both going to be out of office soon.

Lucinda: Oh, yes. That’s definitely true, you are so right.

Susana: I’ve been thinking, maybe we should run some of Samantha’s attack lines from the debate in an ad targeting Jeanne.

Carol: Honey, it’s late. Let’s go home.

Susana: It was just a thought!

Gretchen: Stop thinking for tonight. Save that for tomorrow! Tonight, let’s just relax and enjoy the afterglow.

Susana: Okay, sounds fine to me. Remember, though, we have two more of these debates before the primary. Let’s not celebrate too hard.

Gretchen: Really? Why would I agree to that?

Susana: You said something about wanting to be “transparent.”

Carol: You were gullible. Happens to us all.

Gretchen: I hope Samantha quotes a teen pop star again next time. That was such fun, and so weird. Maybe she can sing Bad Guy!

Lucinda: You quoted the Supremes, you don’t have much room to talk.

Gretchen: No one watching knew it was a Supremes song, that doesn’t count.

What did you think of this episode of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to return for a new episode next week!

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