Our House Season 1, Episode 11
Our Neighbor
Cindy: Alright guys, I’m gonna run to McDonald’s before I go Easter shopping at Target. Does anyone want anything?
Teri: Mom’s making lasagna.
Cindy: Since when does mom make lasagna?
Teri: Since her friend Sheryl brought lasagna to book club and mom loved it. She’s talked about it every day since last week.
Cindy: I hope she didn’t bake it in a plastic containe this time.
Teri: She didn’t, I checked. But at least when she made that green bean casserole in Tupperware, Frank was the one that dug in first. Nobody cared about Frank eating food coated in plastic.
Cindy: That’s true. It was pretty funny actually. Anyway, I still think I’m gonna pick up a chocolate shake, so if anyone wants anything, now’s the time to speak up.
Betty: I want a Shamrock Shake!
Cindy: Oh mom. First, Teri told me you drank about ten of them during your four-day trip to Atlantic City. It’s not healthy to drink that many Shamrock Shakes as you did. It probably took five years off your life.
Betty: But it’s so good!
Cindy: Second, it’s April. Shamrock Shakes are gone. Pumpkin Spice Latte season is closer than Shamrock Shake season.
Betty: But…
Cindy: I will get you anything else from McDonalds. Just not that.
Betty: I want a McRib.
Cindy: Anything other than that.
Betty: Chicken McNuggets with Szechuan Sauce.
Cindy: Okay, are you only naming things you know they don’t have?
Betty: I am. But I do want that Shamrock Shake!
Cindy: Alright, does anyone seriously want something from McDonald’s?
Steven: I do! Can I come with you grandma?
Cindy: I’m going right to Target after, are you okay with that?
Steven: Yes! I really want to spend the day with you.
Cindy: Aww, that’s sweet. Go throw your shoes on, we’re gonna go right now.
Ten minutes later…
Cindy: Alright Steven, what do you want?
Steven: A McFlurry with Oreos, if that’s okay.
Cindy: Your mother wouldn’t want you to spoil your dinner like that. But I’m not your mother.
Steven: Does that mean?
Cindy: Yep! You can have it.
Steven: Thank you so much grandma!
Cindy: You’re welcome. Hey, do you see that bumper sticker on that car?
Steven: What bumper sticker?
Cindy: The one on that Mazda Miata.
Steven: What’s a Mazda Miata?
Cindy: The ugly one!
Steven: None of them look that ugly to me.
Cindy: Oh come on Steven, do your eyes even work?
Steven: That was mean!
Cindy: I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated because now that car is getting away and I won’t get to find out what it says.
Steven: I’m sorry grandma.
Cindy: I’m following that car.
Steven: What about our ice cream?
Cindy: Just like Kevin James in that terrible CBS sitcom, it can wait.
Steven: I don’t know what any of that meant, but for some reason I don’t think we’re getting any ice cream right now.
Cindy: You have that correct.
Cindy and Steven follow the car for five minutes, all the way back to their neighborhood.
Cindy: I still can’t see what that bumper sticker says, but we’re getting closer.
Steven: Why are we back in our neighborhood?
Cindy: I’m fairly certain that the driver in front of us is one of our neighbors. I hope he doesn’t think we’re following him.
Steven: Aren’t we?
Cindy: Yes, but I don’t want him to know that.
Steven: Are we doing something illegal?
Cindy: Probably, Steven.
While Cindy is talking, the car they are following stops at a stop sign and Cindy crashes into him.
Cindy: Yeah, this is not good.
Steven: You can see the bumper sticker now, at least.
Cindy: Does that say “Protect Our Arts?”
Steven: I think so.
Cindy: How boring!
The driver jumps out of his car. Cindy also gets out of her car.
Cindy: Hi sir, I am so sorry.
Driver: What the hell is the matter with you?
Cindy: Please don’t use that word!
Driver: What word? Hell?
Cindy: Yes, that one.
Driver: Would you rather if I used f***?
Cindy: Actually, yes.
Driver: Alright. What the f*** is the matter with you?
Cindy: I was explaining something to my grandson, and I got distracted and didn’t realize that you stopped.
Driver: Not that. Why were you following me?
Cindy: I live here!
Driver: You live here? You’re driving a 1980s station wagon. Clearly you do not live here.
Cindy: I don’t drive it because I need to, I drive it because I like it.
Driver: Whatever lady.
Cindy: Could I have your name for insurance purposes, or -
Driver: No. You clearly have a few loose screws and you’re clearly poor. I can pay for my repairs on my own.
Cindy: I’m not poor! I live here. My name is Cindy Delacroix and I moved in a few months ago.
Driver: Oh my god, I know who you are now. You’re part of that wacko family that moved into the same house together.
Cindy: That’s me! Not poor!
Driver: Alright. Then the name is Ron Stein. I’m the president of the HOA here, and I’m going to make your life a living hell.
Cindy: Uh oh.
Ten minutes later, Cindy arrives home.
Teri: Cindy, what are you doing home so early?
Cindy: Can I talk to you for a minute?
Teri: What did you do?
Cindy: Lower your voice for a minute.
Teri: Cindy…
Cindy: Okay, so I was at McDonald’s.
Teri: I’m gonna need you to hurry this story up, mom’s lasagna is almost ready.
Cindy: Alright, so I saw a bumper sticker on a car, and I followed the car.
Teri: You did what?
Cindy: I followed it all the way back to our neighborhood. But I didn’t realize it stopped at a stop sign and I ran into it.
Teri: Cindy!
Cindy: The guy driving the car is the president of the HOA. He said he was going to make my life a living hell!
Teri: Did you at least mind out what him bumper sticker said?
Cindy: Yes.
Teri: Well that’s something.
The next morning…
Danielle: What is this?
Teri: It appears to be a letter from the Homeowners Association. Cindy, have anything to share with the family?
Cindy: Alright everyone, I may have gotten into a minor fender bender yesterday with the president of the HOA, and now he’s out to get us.
Tammi: You were in a car accident yesterday with my son in the car and you didn’t tell me?
Cindy: In hindsight, that was irresponsible and I am sorry.
Tammi: Sorry? Mom, you need to be more than sorry. He could have been hurt!
Steven: I was fine, mom! The worst thing that happened yesterday was me not getting the McFlurry grandma promised me.
Tammi: A McFlurry? Mom, what got into you yesterday.
Cindy: I made a series of unfortunate choices.
Jerry: I can’t believe you crashed our car and didn't even tell me. I’m your husband!
Cindy: It was a very minor incident. You can barely notice the dent.
Jerry: There’s a dent?
Cindy: Barely.
Jerry: Are you okay?
Cindy: Yes, I’m fine.
Jerry: I was talking to Steven!
Cindy: I feel like everyone’s mad at me and I really don’t like this.
Betty: I’m not angry with you.
Danielle: Look at this letter.
Betty: Oh my god!
Cindy: What does it say?
Danielle:: It’s a bill for $500. Because our yard apparently doesn’t meet the standards that the HOA requires.
Cindy: Other than this minor hiccup, I think we're gonna be alright.
Danielle: I doubt it.
Cindy: Alright, so how do we want to pay for this? Split it evenly among us all?
Velma: It’s your mess, you clean it up.
Cindy: Frank’s the one in charge of the grass!
Frank: What? No I’m not! I have a job. Mitchell’s the one that’s supposed to do it.
Cindy: Then I think it’s only fair that Mitchell pays for it.
Mitchell: Yeah, no.
Cindy: Alright, whatever. I will pay it on my low salary.
Teri: You’re a principal, Cindy. Don’t act like you flip burgers at McDonald’s.
Cindy: Don’t even mention McDonald’s right now to me.
Karl: Cindy, I'll help you pay the bill. We’ll go half and half.
Cindy: Actually, we might not have to pay it at all. Zeke’s girlfriend Amelia has an uncle on the HOA board. If she can convince him to get our bill thrown out, we’ll be golden!
Tammi: But wouldn't you going to Amelia and asking for help require you to see Zeke? Isn't he mad at you for not standing up for him when I kicked him out.
Cindy: Yeah, but this is worth it. Jerry, can you come with me.
Jerry: I have to take the car to the repair show. Take your sister.
Cindy: Teri?
Teri: I think mom would love to go.
Cindy: Please no.
Teri: Mom, want to go with Cindy?
Betty: Of course! This is going to be so much fun!
Cindy: Alright, let’s go mom. Teri, you will feel my wrath for this.
Cindy and Betty walk over to Amelia’s and knock on her door.
Amelia: Cindy! Are you here to take Zeke back? Do you want to talk? Let’s talk on the porch!
Cindy: Wow, you’re in a chipper mood this morning.
Amelia shuts her door.
Amelia: Zeke is driving me crazy, Cindy.
Cindy: Sorry to hear that, Amelia.
Betty: Would some lasagna help? I brought lasagna.
Amelia: That would help, thanks Betty.
Betty: Anything to help!
Cindy: Well, I had a huge favor to ask of you.
Amelia: Hit me with your best shot. Fire away!
Cindy: Alright Ms. Benatar, I was wondering if you could talk to talk to your uncle on the HOA about some bill we got. I got into a car accident with the HOA president, who seriously needs to remove that stick from his rear end, and I think he’s just taking it out on my family now.
Amelia: Actually, my uncle is the HOA president. He’s the only reason I could afford this house, actually.
Cindy: By "he really needs to remove that stick from his rear end,” I was actually meaning to say that he seemed like a lovely man.
Amelia: I don’t think you did, but that’s fine. I’ll talk to Uncle Ron. You guys are my friends, I don’t want him to hate you. But only on one condition.
Cindy: What’s that?
Amelia: You need to let Zeke move back in. He hasn’t gone to work once in the entire month he’s been here, and he’s eating all of my food and drinking all of my alcohol and he’s just really a downer. By the way, I think there’s a slight chance he has a drinking problem.
Betty: Slight?
Cindy: We’ll take him back. I’m sure Tammi will be fine with it. And even if she isn’t who cares? It’s as much my house as it is her house.
Amelia: Alright, I’m gonna go tell Zeke the good news and then I’ll call Uncle Ron.
Cindy: Alright, sounds great!
Five minutes later, Zeke greets Cindy and Betty at the door.
Cindy: Alright Zeke, let's go home. Velma already converted your room into a craft room, but I’m sure she’ll give it up?
Ten minutes later, Cindy gets a call from Amelia.
Cindy: Hey Amelia, have any good news for me?
Amelia: I wish I did. Uncle Ron has never flat-out said no to one of my favors before, but he did this time. I’m sorry Cindy, I couldn’t do anything to help. You must have really pissed him off.
Cindy: Well, thanks for trying at least.
Amelia: I’ll see ya later. Have a good day Cindy!
Cindy: Same to you.
Cindy hangs up the phone.
Cindy: Jerry, it's time for Plan B!
Jerry: What’s Plan B?
Cindy: We’re going to go on the news and talk about how the HOA is harassing a veteran an his family.
Jerry: We are not doing that.
Cindy: Why not?
Jerry: Because it’s insane.
Cindy: What about it is insane?
Jerry: Using me being a veteran to try and get out of the consequences for your irresponsibility.
Cindy: What? Me being irresponsible? Never! Ron Stein is the one being irresponsible.
Jerry: You both are.
Cindy: Don’t be ridiculous.
Jerry: I’m not, you are. Just pay the fine and maybe read the HOA handbook so they can’t nail us for any other violations.
Cindy: Fine. I’ll go read it now.
The next day…
Jerry: Cindy, what are you doing with a can of paint?
Cindy: We need to paint our house number on the mailbox. It’s the one HOA rule we’re currently violating!
Danielle: Well…
Cindy: What is it?
Danielle: This came today.
Cindy: Don’t be what I think it is!
Danielle: Another fine. This one’s only $300 though, so that’s great.
Ralph: I know you ran into his car, but did you also murder his family by any chance? This guy seriously hates you.
Cindy: I know! Amelia said he wouldn’t even consider trowing out the fine. And he’s her uncle!
Ralph: At least you read the HOA handbook now. He won’t be able to fund us anymore if we follow the guidelines exactly. Are you still fixing the mailbox?
Cindy: Oh, I’m still painting the address on the mailbox. It’s not like he’s just gonna stop fining
us. But since they already fined us for it, I’m go Easter shopping at Target. I never ended up going last time after that whole fender bender.
Steven: Can we stop at McDonald’s? I never got my McFlurry, grandma.
Cindy: No. We’re a Wendy’s family now.
What did you think of the episode? Comment your thoughts below and make sure to catch a new episode next Thursday!
