COLLEGE
SEASON 1 EPISODE 5
WRITTEN BY
WILLIAM X. FRY
NUMB HUMOR STUDIOS
INT. SCIENCE
LAB - DAY
Edison sits at
a lab table. He is surrounded by other students at other lab tables. He is on
his phone watching and laughing at epic fail videos. Brittaney comes over and
sits across from him.
BRITTANEY
Hey.
Edison looks
up. He looks shocked, surprised, and nervous at the sight of his crush
EDISON
Hey! What’re
doing here?
BRITTANEY
I dropped my
chemistry class and enrolled in biology.
EDISON
Oh cool. Why?
BRITTANEY
Too boring.
EDISON
Well of course
it’s boring it’s science.
Brittaney
laughs.
The BIOLOGY
TEACHER enters the classroom.
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Ok class today
we’re gonna be dissecting frogs. Partner up.
BRITTANEY
You wanna be
partners?
EDISON
Yeah! I mean
yeah sure.
Each pair of
students gets a frog. Edison and Brittaney begin dissecting theirs.
EDISON
So how’s your
semester been?
BRITTANEY
Good. My
classes are easy. You?
EDISON
Same. How’re
you and your boyfriend?
BRITTANEY
We’re good. We
haven't been able to see each other though. Paul says he’s busy with his
classes. Also he goes to school an hour away.
EDISON
Huh.
BRITTANEY
Do you have a
girlfriend?
EDISON
No. No I've
just you know… been focusing on classes. Also I’m helping Andrew with his love
life.
BRITTANEY
He likes Sarah
doesn’t he?
EDISON
It’s that
obvious, isn't it?
BRITTANEY
And yet Sarah
is oblivious to it.
Edison and
Brittney laugh. They continue dissecting their frog. Brittaney is about to cut
a part of the frog but stops because her hand is shaking.
BRITTANEY
Ugh my hand
won’t stop shaking.
EDISON
Here let me.
Edison holds
Brittany's hand still and helps her cut the frog. They look at each other for a
moment. Edison lets go of her hand.
EDISON
I think we can
do the lab questions now.
INT. ANDREW
AND EDISON’S DORM - DAY
Edison enters
his and Andrew’s dorm. Andrew is sitting at his desk doing homework.
ANDREW
Hey how was
Bio?
EDISON
Uh it was
good. Brittaney joined my class.
ANDREW
How did you
react?
EDISON
What do you
mean how did I react?
ANDREW
Well it’s just
the last time you saw her you asked her out and got rejected.
EDISON
I handled it fine.
We did hold hands though.
ANDREW
What?
EDISON
I held her
hand so we could cut up a frog.
ANDREW
That’s uh…
very romantic.
EDISON
At least I’m
doing more than you are with Sarah, Mr. Friendzone.
ANDREW
So what if
we’re friends? Lot’s of friends end up getting together. Ross and Rachel or Pam
and Jim for instance.
EDISON
Ross and
Rachel were a toxic couple who got together as fast as they broke up and Pam
and Jim actually told each other how they felt.
ANDREW
Point taken.
Look, like I said before you’re just gonna have to wait for them to break up.
EDISON
You are
horrible at giving dating advice.
ANDREW
Actually, I
think I’m the most qualified in this room.
EDISON
Hah!
ANDREW
Just do what
I’m doing and just be her friend.
INT. SCIENCE
LAB - DAY
Edison and
Brittany look at cells under a microscope.
EDISON
Hey uh sorry
about the whole asking out thing.
BRITTANEY
You didn't
know I have a boyfriend. There’s nothing to apologize for.
EDISON
I know it’s
just… I hope we can be friends.
BRITTANEY
I’d like that.
Brittaney
continues looking at the cells. Edison looks at Brittaney with longing and pain
at just friendzoning himself.
EDISON
Hey Andrew and
Sarah are doing some stupid studying thing. You wanna go to The College Club
tonight. You know as friends.
BRITTANEY
I would love
to… friend.
Edison and
Brittaney smile at each other.
INT. THE
COLLEGE CLUB - NIGHT
Edison and
Brittaney are sitting on stools at a table in The College Club. Each of them
has a chocolate milkshake.
EDISON
So Andrew has
this idea to ask Sarah out.
BRITTANEY
What is it?
EDISON
He’s thinking
of paying a plane to fly a “Will you go out with me Sarah” banner.
BRITTANEY
Noooo. Oh my
goodness that is so cheesy.
EDISON
It’s better
than his original idea of doing it in fireworks.
Brittaney
chuckles.
BRITTANEY
So have you
ever had a girlfriend.
EDISON
I've had quite
a few.
BRITTANEY
I’m not
talking about make out sessions. I’m talking about you know… real love.
EDISON
Well, there
was this one girl.
BRITTANEY
Tell me more.
EDISON
I told her how
I felt, she rejected me, and I moved on.
BRITTANEY
So you've
never had a real relationship.
EDISON
Have you?
BRITTANEY
I have a
boyfriend remember. Paul?
EDISON
Do you love Paul?
BRITTANEY
Well that’s a
stupid question.
EDISON
Why?
Brittaney
hesitates.
BRITTANEY
Paul and I met
my Sophomore year of high school. I had already dated a few other guys but they
were all jerks. Paul… Paul was nice. He listened. We’ve been together since.
Even when we’re miles apart.
EDISON
You really
like Paul.
BRITTANEY
I’m sure your
Paul is somewhere out there.
EDISON
Maybe her
name’s Paula.
Brittaney
laughs and Edison smiles.
INT. ANDREW
& EDISON’S DORM - NIGHT
Edison bursts
into the dorm and slams the door behind him waking Andrew who was asleep at his
desk using a textbook as a pillow.
EDISON
I can’t do it
man.
ANDREW
You can’t be
quieter?
EDISON
I can’t be her
friend.
ANDREW
What happened?
EDISON
I love her
Andrew. Like you love Sarah. Except I’m gonna act on my feelings.
Edison gets
ready to leave the dorm. Andrew gets up and grabs him.
ANDREW
Edison you
need to wait.
EDISON
I’m done
waiting.
ANDREW
I know.
EDISON
What does Paul
have that I don’t.
ANDREW
Well he has Brittaney
for one.
Edison gives
Andrew a death stare.
ANDREW
Sorry. Look
you just gotta keep doing what I’m doing. Be her friend.
Edison rolls
his eyes.
ANDREW
Sarah and I
are going to the game tomorrow. Why don’t you invite Brittaney.
EDISON
Fine.
INT. SCIENCE
LAB - DAY
Edison and
Brittaney look at more cells.
EDISON
Hey Andrew,
Sarah, and I are going to the game tomorrow. You wanna join us.
BRITTANEY
Yeah. That
sounds fun. Paul’s coming tomorrow anyway. Y’all can finally meet him.
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Ok class we’re
out of time. I’ll see you next class.
BRITTANEY
See you
tomorrow. I can’t wait for you to meet Paul.
Brittaney
leaves
EDISON
Stupid Paul.