Our House Season 1 Episode 10 - Our Fleetwood Mac, Part 2

 Our House Season 1, Episode 10
Our Fleetwood Mac, Part 2

Danielle, Teri and Betty sit in traffic for an hour exit before Danielle spots a new route to take.
Danielle: Betty, I have good news and bad news.
Betty: What is it?
Danielle: The good news is that I can finally get us out of here and get you to a bathroom.
Betty: Yay!
Danielle: The bad news is that it’s on a ferry. Taking the ferry is the quickest way out of this traffic. I’ve taken the ferry before, it’s quick and easy.
Betty: What? 
Teri: It’s okay mom, it’s a trip from Delaware to Cape May, New Jersey. It’s not a ride on the Titanic!
Betty: I still can’t go on a ferry! I’m terrified of going over the open water.
Teri: Mom, it’s either that or we don’t go at all. This traffic is never going to clear in time.
Betty: Well then, I guess we aren’t going. It’s been a fun ride!
Teri: That’s not an option.
Betty: Why did you say it then?
Teri: I thought it would make you realize how ridiculous you were being!
Betty: It didn’t.
Danielle: If only we took the way we were supposed to, we never would have needed to take a ferry.
Teri: I said I was sorry!
Danielle: And I accepted your apology. I just needed to make sure Betty doesn’t blame me for her inevitable panic attack.
Ten minutes later, Danielle parks the car outside the Lewes Ferry Terminal.
Danielle: We’re at the ferry terminal, let’s just hope that there’s a ferry leaving in time.
Betty: I still have to go to the bathroom, can someone help me find it?
Teri: There’s a sign right there, mom. But I don’t want you going alone. Let’s go.
Betty: No, I’m fine. You don’t need to baby me, I can use these crutches all on my own.
Teri: Alright, you go ahead. Me and Danielle are going inside to get tickets.
Five minutes later…
Danielle: Hello there Janice, we’d like three tickets to the ferry, and also a ticket to take our car onboard with us.
Janice (ferry terminal terminal employee): That’ll be $44. The last admittance for cars on the 4:15 ferry is in five minutes. Please hurry and make your way to the loading dock.
Danielle: Alright, will do. Teri, go get your mom.
Teri rushes off to the bathroom to get Betty.
Teri: Mom! Where are you?
Betty: I dropped one of my crutches coming out of the stall. I haven’t been able to wash my hands.
Teri: Who cares, I have hand sanitizer. Let’s go.
Betty: Why the rush?
Teri: Because we have five minutes to get on the ferry.
Betty: Oh. We better hurry then. It would be a real shame to miss it.
Teri: Okay… You sound like you’re up to no good.
Betty: I’m not, I swear.
Teri: Mom!
Betty: Alright, fine. I was going to drop one of my crutches and fake a fall so I could delay us long enough to miss the ferry.
Teri: Don’t do that.
Betty: I won’t. Promise.
Thirty minutes later…
Teri: Mom, you need to open your eyes. The boat left twenty minutes ago.
Betty: I can’t. It’s too scary.
Teri: Mom, we’re safe. It’s just a boat.
Betty: Boats are scary, Teri! Did you ever watch Jaws? Or Shark Week?
Teri: Mom, we’re in New Jersey! No shark would ever come here!
Betty: Yes they would! You just never know.
Teri: We used to go whale watching every year in Maine. How were you fine then?
Betty: I was young and foolish then! I didn’t know the dangers of it!
Teri: You were 40!
Betty: And now I’m 70! I’ve grown up so much! Hey, I haven’t heard Danielle in awhile.
Teri: She’s not here right now.
Betty: Oh my god, why would she get out of the car?
Teri: She needed to use the bathroom.
Betty: In the ocean?
Teri: They have bathrooms on the boat, mom.
Betty: Oh. Maybe I should go.
Teri: You won’t even open your eyes.
Betty: You can help me get there.
Teri: Not if you won’t open your eyes. That’s far too dangerous.
Betty: Alright, I’ll open my eyes.
Teri: Progress! Finally!
Just then, Danielle arrives at the car.
Teri: Danielle! It’s been awhile!
Danielle: I have been to hell and back.
Teri: What?
Danielle: I have lived in Brooklyn. I have lived in Philadelphia. I have lived in Utica, New York. My family went on vacation to Wildwood every year when I was a child. I have never seen horrors as terrifying as that bathroom.
Teri: That bad?
Danielle: I need therapy.
Betty: Guess I’m not going. I opened my eyes for nothing!
Danielle: You weren’t planning on opening your eyes for this entire boat ride?
Betty: Nope. I was too afraid. But now that I’ve opened my eyes, it looks nice!
Teri: Lord, give me the strength.
Betty: What’s wrong, Teri?
Teri: Nothing’s wrong, mom.
Danielle: Hey, since we’re all stuck in this car with nothing to do, how about we just sing a bit of Fleetwood Mac? We are going to see them, after all.
Teri: Ooh, let’s sing Don’t Stop.
Betty: I’ll follow you girls, I don’t know any of the lyrics.
Teri (off-key): If you wake up and don’t want to smile,
Danielle (even more off-key): If it takes just awhile,
Teri: Open your eyes
Danielle: and look at the day,
Betty: On second thought, maybe a shark attack wouldn't be so bad.
One hour later…
Danielle: Looks like we’re here!
Teri: We most certainly are here! You can smell it in the air! That’s New Jersey!
Danielle: We’re only fifteen minutes away from WIldwood. Oh, the memories. Mama would sit on the beach reading. Daddy would try to make us go in the ocean with him, but nobody would go in because it’s New Jersey and everything about it is repulsive. Six thousand other families were within a 100 feet radius.
Teri: Were your vacations really that bad?
Danielle: Bad? Those are some of the best times of my life!
Teri: Well, we’re here for four days. Maybe we can recreate some of that magic this time!
Danielle: You really think so?
Teri: Sure. It’s cold as hell outside, but we’re in New Jersey so that’s not gonna make matters any worse. If anything, maybe we’ll forget we’re in this cesspool and we’ll think we’re somewhere nicer, like Alaska. Or Antarctica.
Betty: I’m going to pass on that, I could never walk on the beach like this.
Teri: Ah, well. Guess you can stay in Atlantic City.
Betty: Can I at least have money for gambling?
Teri: I’ll give you twenty dollars.
Betty: I can make that work!
Danielle: It’s only 6 o’clock, and we’re an hour away. I think we might actually make it!
Teri: Let’s stop to eat, we’ve got time!
Danielle: That’s a good idea, I’ll stop at the first fast food place I see.
Betty: I want McDonald’s!
Teri: You just got McDonald’s four hours ago. We should go somewhere else.
Betty: But I want another Shamrock Shake!
Danielle: Whatever the next restaurant is, we’re stopping there. I don’t care which chain it is.
Betty: Fine.
Ten minutes later…
Danielle: Looks like we’re going to Wendy’s. Is everyone fine with that?
Betty: I like their frosties, that will work.
Teri: Mom, do you only care about frozen drinks?
Betty: Yes.
Danielle: At least she’s honest, Teri.
Everyone runs into Wendy’s, and Betty rushes straight to the bathroom.
Danielle: So, how are you enjoying the ride?
Teri: If she needs to use the bathroom one more time, I think I’ll lose my mind.
Danielle: It’s okay, we’ve only added a half hour to our trip. It’s alright.
Teri: I just hope she doesn’t keep forcing us to stop. We really don’t have that much time.
Betty: What are you girls talking about?
Teri: We need to eat really quickly.
Betty: Alright!
Forty-five minutes later…
Danielle: Okay, we really need to hurry now. We’re looking a 7:30 arrival in AC at the moment. We don’t have any wiggle room.
Betty: Alright, if I have to pee, I’ll just have to hold it.
Danielle: Good job, Betty! That’s the spirit!
Betty: Ooh, look! A sign for Sea Isle City! I want to go to there!
Teri: We’re in New Jersey for four days. We can come here another day.
Betty: Sounds like a plan! Oh look, Velma’s calling again!
Teri: Do not -
Betty: Hey Velma!
Velma: What’s going on? Are you there?
Betty: No, we’re on the road still. We just passed Sea Isle City!
Velma: Ooh, I’ve been there before!
Betty: I want to go there while we’re here!
Velma: It’s nice. For New Jersey, at least.
Danielle: Hey Betty, can I have your phone?
Betty: Here Danielle.
Danielle: Bye Velma!
Danielle hangs up the phone.
Betty: Why did you do that?
Danielle: It’s so hard to focus on the road with you and Velma yapping in the background.
Betty: Sorry.
Danielle: It’s fine.
Teri: Why do they call it the Garden State Expressway? No plants would ever grow here.
Danielle: They want to trick people into thinking this state isn’t what would happen if an armpit and a landfill had a baby.
Betty: It’s not that bad here! It’s actually kind of nice.
Danielle: Are you really defending New Jersey? Is that the hill you want to die on?
Betty: Oh my god, are you going to kill me for saying it’s not that bad here?
Danielle: What? No! That’s just an expression.
Betty: I’m sorry Danielle, I’ve had a lot of sugar today. I’m not thinking straight.
Teri: When are you?
Betty: That’s mean!
Danielle: Oh my god! What is that smell? Does this state just smell worse and worse the longer you’re in it?
Teri: Yes. That’s kind of its thing.
Twenty minutes later…
Danielle: Welcome to Atlantic City, everyone!
Teri: Does that sign say “DO AC?” That sound wrong.
Danielle: Everything about this city is wrong. It’s why I love it!
Betty: How long until we’re at the concert?
Danielle: Five minutes.
Betty: I’m gonna call Karl then.
Teri: Please don’t bother dad. It’s bad enough he has to see Frank on his weekend away from us, we shouldn’t try and make it any worse.
Betty: Alright, fine.
Five minutes later…
Danielle: Where is the parking garage? Why is the GPS telling us that we’re there? We clearly are not there!
Teri: Calm down Danielle, there’s a sign right here. Keep driving straight and we’re there.
Danielle: Oh, alright.
Danielle pulls into the parking garage, and the entire family hops out of the car.
Danielle: 7:35. We have 25 minutes until the show starts, we’re gonna make it. Probably!
Betty: Can you guys help me up there? I don’t think I can ride the escalator by myself.
Teri: We’ll help you. Don’t worry.
They make their way over to the escalator to enter the concert hall.
Betty: Oh my god, this is so scary!
Danielle: Betty, it’s barely even moving.
Betty: Wait, it goes faster than this?
Danielle: I’ve seen many faster than this. You’re going to be fine.
Teri: Look mom, we’re already halfway up!
Betty: That’s good.
Danielle: ….Aaaand we’re already off. Was that so bad?
Betty: No, not really.
Danielle: Okay, the show is starting in fifteen minutes and we still have to find our seats. Plus, I’m sure Betty has to go to the bathroom again.
Betty: I do. I really do!
Danielle: Take her to the bathroom, Teri. I’m gonna quickly see if I can get a t-shirt.
Teri and Betty quickly go to the bathroom. While waiting in line, a woman cuts in front of Betty.
Teri: What the hell do you think you’re doing?
Woman: I’m getting in line.
Teri: The line is back there!
Woman: I have special tickets -
Teri: I don’t CARE what special tickets you have. You are not about to cut in front of a woman in crutches!
Woman: Fine… I’ll go to the back.
Teri: Good!
Betty: Wow Teri, you really lost it on that lady.
Teri: She deserved it. She doesn’t get to cut just because she thinks she’s better than us.
Betty: Thank you.
Meanwhile, Danielle waits in line for ten minutes to get a t-shirt.
Danielle: I’d like the cream-colored Rumours shirt in a medium. 
Attendant: We’re all out of that shirt in that size.
Danielle: Okay, then the one with a penguin on it.
Attendant: We’re out of that too.
Danielle: Okay, the one that says You Make Loving Fun.
Attendant: We have that! It’ll be $40.
Danielle: For a shirt? My god!
Danielle gets her t-shirt and walks over to the bathroom, where Teri is waiting.
Danielle: What was all that yelling about?
Teri: Some idiot tried to cut in front of mom. I did not appreciate that.
Betty walks out of the bathroom.
Danielle: Hold that story Teri. It’s 7:59 and we have to haul!
They make it to their seats just in time for the concert to start, and people stand up in front of them to dance during the first song.
Danielle: Are you f***ing kidding me? These motherf***ing a****** are going to ruin our concert! After all that we’ve been through! I’m gonna f***ing kill someone.
Betty: Here, tap them with my crutch and tell them to sit down.
Danielle: That is assault, and I’m not going to do it.
Betty: Then I’ll do it!
Danielle: No! Sit down!
Betty: Fine.
Danielle: Now if you excuse me, The Chain is my favorite song and I’m going to at least try and enjoy listening to it. Even if I can’t see a damn thing and my blood pressure is through the roof.
Five songs later…
Teri: Listen gypsies, tramps and view thieves! Sit the hell down! We’re five songs into the show and nobody behind you could see any of them. If I don’t get to see Rhiannon, I will murder all of you.
Woman: I paid a lot of money for this seat, I’ll do whatever I won't to!
Teri: You paid to sit in the seat, sit in it!
Danielle: Ah Betty, aren’t you glad you came?

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