Marietta Season 1 Episode 15 - Icy Landfields

  Marietta Season 1, Episode 15
 Icy Landfields

The Landfields are flying to New York for a campaign fundraiser held by Tammy.
Marietta: Hey Mom, what’s going on? I fell asleep for a few minutes.
Patty Lynn: Nothing. The pilot hasn’t given any updates and the flight attendants haven’t been around.
Marietta: Come to think of it, have you seen a single flight attendant on this flight?
Patty Lynn: Now that you mention it, I don’t think I did. We were in such a rush to catch the flight that I didn’t even realize it.
Marietta: That’s really strange.
Patty Lynn: It is. Martin, have you seen any flight attendants?
Martin: I don’t even see any passengers. Are we on an empty flight?
Milton: Don’t be ridi- Oh wow, there’s nobody else on here.
Marietta: Maybe our eyes are just playing tricks on us.
Just then, Tammy walks out from the cockpit.
Marietta: Tammy! I didn’t know you could fly!
Tammy: Do you really not know what’s happening here?
Marietta: No.
Tammy: You really hurt my image when you acted like such a fool at that picnic. That’s why I left! And I’ve been plotting my revenge ever since.
Marietta: Weren’t you in California?
Tammy: No, you idiot! I just told you that so you wouldn’t call. Not that you listened.
Marietta: I’m sorry about that, but what are you doing here?
Tammy: Is it not obvious? I’m going to kill you! This plane is going down!
Marietta: What?
Tammy: Did I stutter?
Patty Lynn: Tammy, I think this can all be resolved!
Milton: Yeah Tammy, we’re all good here. No need to kill all of us.
Tammy: Oh don’t you worry, I have parachutes for the three of you.
Milton: Okay! Bye Marietta!
Marietta: Milton!!!
Milton jumps out of the plane.
Patty Lynn: I’m not going anywhere without my baby!
Tammy: She’s not going to survive this. If you want to live, you’ll jump.
Patty Lynn: Martin, should we?
Martin: Yes! Marietta wouldn’t want us to die too!
Marietta: Dad! Don’t give up on me so quickly!
Tammy: Jump, Martin!
Martin: Come on Patty Lynn, say your goodbyes!
Patty Lynn: Goodbye Marietta, I love you very much. I’m gonna go gamble in Vegas and I’ll be thinking of you the whole time. Clearly I’m very lucky.
Marietta: Lucky?
Martin and Patty Lynn jump out of the plane.
Marietta: Tammy, don’t you think this will hurt your public image even more?
Tammy: Shut up! My plan is perfect! I’m grabbing this parachute and going. And there’s nothing you can do about it. I hope you enjoy West Virginia, it’ll be your final resting place.
Marietta: I don’t, I really don’t!
Tammy: Good!
Tammy jumps out of the plane. Marietta notices the plane starting to get closer and closer to the ground.
Marietta: AHHHH!!!!!!
Just then, Marietta wakes up.
Marietta: AHHHH!!!!!!
Patty Lynn: What’s the matter dear?
Marietta: I had a nightmare. Tammy was there, and she crashed the plane and killed me! But only me, you guys bailed on me and let my die by myself.
Patty Lynn: Are you angry?
Marietta: Little bit.
Patty Lynn: It was a dream, we would never.
Milton: Well…
Patty Lynn: Milton!
Milton: I’m kidding!
Marietta: I can’t help but think that this dream was a message from god, and she was clearly telling me that this fundraiser in New York is a bad idea.
Patty Lynn: Don’t be silly! It’s going to be great, you’re just working yourself up because you haven’t seen Tammy in awhile.
Marietta: No, something terrible is going to happen and it could all be avoided if I just go right back to New Orleans!
Patty Lynn: Martin, you need to talk to her!
Passenger in front of the Landfields: Can you shut up? You aren’t the only people on the plane!
Patty Lynn: We are in a crisis! Please let us deal with us and then you can get back to your complimentary viewing of Ocean’s 8.
Passenger in front of the Landfields: Whatever.
Martin: Marietta, everything will be alright. Don’t you worry. Tammy’s just going to be happy to see you again after so long!
Marietta: If you say so…
Plane Captain: This is your captain speaking. We have hit some unexpectedly harsh weather that has made it dangerous to fly. We will be making an emergency landing in St. Claire, Pennsylvania, the nearest airport. Please remain in your seats and keep your seatbelt buckled.
Marietta: We’re all gonna die! We’re all gonna die and the last movie I ever watched was a just-okay Sandra Bullock movie!
Patty Lynn: Marietta, don’t you dare disrespect Ocean’s 8 in this moment of crisis!
Martin: Everyone stay calm, we’re going to be okay.
Marietta: Move dad, I have to go to the bathroom! I’m going to be sick.
Flight Attendant: Ma’am, please remain seated. The captain has given us strict instructions to keep all passengers in their seats.
Marietta: Then I need a bag. I’m gonna throw up right now!
Flight Attendant: Here’s a trash bag. Now if you excuse me, I also must make my way to a seat, we’ll be landing momentarily.
Marietta: Than-
Marietta throws up.
Passenger in front of the Landfields: Seriously?
Patty Lynn: Stop being rude!
The plane lands, and the family runs off the plane and quickly grabs their bags before walking to the welcome desk.
Patty Lynn: Hey, we were just on the plane from New Orleans. You know, the one that barely fits on your runway.
Receptionist: Yes, I know. What is your concern?
Patty Lynn: We’d like to know if you have a Hertz Rent a Car here at your facility.
Receptionist: A what?
Patty Lynn (yelling): A Hertz car rental!
Receptionist: Look at this place, you really think we have that here?
Patty Lynn: Are we even in America right now?
Receptionist: Obviously, yes.
Martin: Patty Lynn, I think you should just go sit with Marietta. I’ll talk to the kind lady here.
Patty Lynn: Fine.
Martin: Alright, is there any place we could go to rent a car?
Receptionist: It’s about a ten minute walk but you can walk down Sullivan Street to Mikey’s Auto Rentals. They probably don’t have many cars left after this big influx of people, but it's worth a shot. It’s the only place in town.
Martin: Thank you very much.
Martin walks over to the other Landfields, who are all sitting at a table, miserable.
Patty Lynn: What did she say?
Martin: There's a car rental shop about ten minutes up the road. We’ll have to walk there.
Patty Lynn: There’s a blizzard outside, Martin! It’s dangerous to drive, let alone walk.
Martin: Well, we have to get to Albany by tomorrow morning, and there’s no way a plane is taking off anytime soon.
Patty Lynn: It’s too dangerous. We should find a hotel somewhere and just head back to New Orleans. We won’t make it to Albany by tomorrow.
Milton: No, this is important to Marietta and to the campaign. I’ll go.
Patty Lynn: No! You’re gonna get sick, it’s so cold outside!
Milton: Unlike you, I actually packed for this weather, Mom. I’ll be okay.
Martin: I have to go with you. I can’t send you out on your own.
Milton: Dad, no. I’m fine. You aren’t gonna be able to walk in the snow for that long. Especially since you didn’t even pack a coat.
Martin: I have a windbreaker, that’s enough.
Milton: No, it’s not. Have you ever been in snow before?
Martin: Your mother and I went to Colorado three years ago, of course we’ve been in snow.
Milton: Then you should know that a windbreaker isn’t going to cut it. I’ll go on my own.
Marietta: I’ll go with. I spent a minute or two in DC, I packed for winter weather.
Milton: Marietta, you can’t go. You just hurled on an airplane and you’re still green. You look like The Grinch!
Marietta: I’m fine, I’m fine! Just trust me. That was all nerves, not a real sickness. Just let me go to the bathroom really quick and I’ll throw on my boots and coat and we’ll go.
Milton: Alright. I guess I could use some company.
Marietta: Cool. I’ll be right out.
Twenty minutes later…
Marietta: I’m ready to go!
Milton: You were in there for twenty minutes!
Marietta: I couldn’t find my wool socks.
Milton: Did you at least find them?
Marietta: No. I just put on a second pair of regular socks.
Milton: Lord, give me the strength.
Marietta (fake crying) I’ve had a really tough day, don’t yell at me!
Milton: Let’s get going.
Patty Lynn: Be safe!
Marietta and Milton depart, and a man, named Stuart, approaches Patty Lynn.
Patty Lynn: Do you have something to say to me?
Stuart: Do you know who that woman was that you were just talking to?
Patty Lynn: She’s my daughter.
Stuart: Marietta Landfield is your daughter? Ugh.
Patty Lynn: Excuse me?
Stuart: I hear about her all the time on Lion News.
Patty Lynn: Oh, yea mean Lyin’ News.
Stuart: No, Lion News. They’re the only REAL news out there.
Patty Lynn: Okay…
Stuart: Your daughter should be in jail!
Patty Lynn: For what?
Stuart: Stupidity.
Patty Lynn: You might not know this, but that actually isn’t an offense punishable by law.
Stuart: I don’t care, she’s awful and a crook.
Patty Lynn: You’re just lucky that you caught me after taking my anti-anxiety medication for plane rides, because otherwise I would probably be screaming at you by now.
Stuart: You should be ashamed of raising such a b-
Martin: I wouldn’t finish that if I were you.
Security Guard: Is this man bothering you?
Stuart: Yes, he is.
Security Guard: I wasn’t talking to you.
Martin: This “man” approached my wife and started harassing her about our daughter.
Security Guard: Sorry about that, I’ll deal with that. He does it a lot. Let’s go Stuart, I have yo kick you out for the third time this week.
Patty Lynn: Buh bye.
45 minutes later, Marietta and Milton arrive at the auto shop.
Marietta: I thought that was supposed to be a ten minute walk.
Milton: I think it usually is. But it’s f-f-freezing out h-h-here.
Marietta: I know, I can’t feel my toes. Or anything.
Milton: I only see one car here. And it’s covered in snow. I don’t think this is going to work out.
Marietta: It’s worth trying. Let’s knock on the door.
Milton: Alright.
Milton knocks on the door. When he does this, snow falls off the window and reveals a “Closed” sign.
Marietta: Well that is not good.
Milton: You think?
Marietta: What are we gonna do?
Milton: You walk back to the airport. I’ll stop at the inn on the way and try to get us rooms.
Marietta: Sound like a plan.
Meanwhile, Martin and Patty Lynn are waiting in the airport.
Patty Lynn: Did you ever notice that I’m the only one in this family whose name doesn’t start with an M? That’s wild.
Martin: You didn’t plan that?
Patty Lynn: Nope, just liked the names.
Martin: Wait, you didn’t just suggest the name Milton because you wanted another M name in the family?
Patty Lynn: No, I just liked the name.
Martin: Oh wow. I never would have agreed to it if that was the case.
Patty Lynn: Really?
Martin: Of course not! It makes our son sound like a 19th Century businessman!
Patty Lynn: He’s named after my great great uncle!
Martin: And he was…?
Patty Lynn: A 19th Century businessman.
Martin: My point stands.
Marietta rushes into the building.
Marietta: Mom! Dad!
Patty Lynn: Marietta! Where were you?
Marietta: It’s really cold out!
Martin: Did you get the car? Can we go?
Marietta: Well…
Patty Lynn: What is it?
Marietta: It was closed.
Patty Lynn: Oh no! What are we gonna do?
Marietta: Milton’s booking rooms for us right now at the inn up the street. We’re not leaving this place tonight.
Martin: Looks like we’re not getting to Albany by tomorrow.
Marietta: I better call Tammy. You guys start walking to the inn, I’m gonna go sit down and call her.
Patty Lynn: Alright, you hurry up though.
Martin: See you soon Marietta. And be safe!
Patty Lynn and Martin start walking to the inn, and Marietta pulls her cell phone out and calls Tammy.
Marietta: Hay Tammy! 
Tammy: Marietta! I wanted to talk to you, I’m really excited to see you tomorrow!
Marietta: Well…
Tammy: Is something wrong?
Marietta: We’re in Pennsylvania.
Tammy: Pennsylvania? What are you doing there?
Marietta: There was a blizzard, we had to land in some small town. I don’t think anyone here likes me very much.
Tammy: What part of Pennsylvania is it?
Marietta: Somewhere in the west.
Tammy: Oh yeah, they definitely all hate you.
Marietta: Comforting.
Tammy: So what’s going on? Will you be here in time?
Marietta: We tried. But we aren’t gonna make it. It’s a six hour drive, I don’t even know how long that would be in the snow. And the car rental place isn’t even open until tomorrow. So there’s no way we’ll make it.
Tammy: That’s a shame. We were all looking forward to see you at the fundraiser.
Marietta: I was looking forward to being there! I’ve been dreaming about it!
Tammy: Well, I hope you guys are able to stay in town for a few days.
Marietta: Why?
Tammy: Because I’m flying back down to New Orleans in two days! And I want to pick you guys up on my plane on the way!
Marietta: Huh?
Tammy: I’ve been away a month and I’ve been so bored for all of it. I miss politics and I miss my friends.
Marietta: Are you saying…
Tammy: I’d like to be your campaign manager again.
Marietta: Oh my god. I am… speechless.
Tammy: So what do you say?
Marietta: Uh…
Ten minutes later, Marietta runs in to the inn, where the other Landfields are waiting for her in the lobby.
Patty Lynn: Finally! We were worried sick!
Marietta: I have great news to share with you!
Milton: Well that’s great, because we’re all gonna have to share one room and it’s gonna be hell.
Marietta: I don’t care. Because Tammy’s coming back to New Orleans! She’s gonna be my campaign manager again!
Martin: Does this mean I’m fired?
Marietta: Oh dad… yes, yes it does.
Martin: It was fun while it lasted! Back to retirement I go!

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