Our House Season 1, Episode 9
Our Atlantic City, Part 1
It’s the night before Teri, Danielle, and Cindy are going to a concert in Atlantic City.
Teri: Cindy, what in the hell is wrong with you? You look like Casper the unfriendly ghost!
Cindy: Do I really look that bad?
Teri: Yes.
Cindy: Really?
Teri: I honestly can’t even tell that you’re alive right now. You look like a corpse.
Cindy: Can you get me the thermometer?
Teri: No. I’m asking mom.
Cindy: Why?
Teri: Because I have a concert to go to tomorrow and I don’t want to get your germs all over me. Who cares if mom gets covered in Cindy germs?
Cindy: I think mom would care.
Teri (shouting): Mom, bring the thermometer here! Cindy needs it!
Betty (shouting): On my way!
Cindy: You treat her so terribly sometimes.
Teri: She’s fine with it.
Cindy: But she shouldn’t need to be. She’s on crutches and you’re making her hobble in here because you don’t want to take the risk of getting sick!
Teri: I have to be honest. I totally forgot that she was on crutches. I’ve been so worried about the concert.
Cindy: You should worry about mom too.
Teri: Come on Cindy, it’s not like you’ve been focusing mainly on mom either. You’ve barely even been home lately.
Cindy: I’ve been volunteering at the church for the past few weeks since the school’s been dealing with that black mold-asbestos double punch. I can’t help it that I lose track of time when I’m helping the needy!
Teri: Bull. You and Helen McCreedy are just gossiping all night.
Cindy: I’m sick, you shouldn’t be so hostile to me.
Teri: Oh, so you're playing that card.
Betty: Help me!
Cindy: Go help her. I’m sick.
Teri: I’m coming mom!
Teri rushes into the bathroom to find Betty on the floor.
Teri: What happened, mom?
Betty: I came in here to get the thermometer, and I think I set one of the crutches in some water and slipped.
Teri: Someone didn’t clean up their mess after they showered. Family meeting!
Cindy: Can you at least bring me the thermometer first?
Teri: No time! Mom, I’m taking you up to bed quickly. You need some rest.
Betty: I could use that.
The entire family gathers in the family room while Betty rests upstairs.
Teri: Alright guys, who took a shower today?
Jerry: Why, do you smell something funky?
Danielle: If that’s why you’re asking, that smell is just Frank.
Teri: No, that’s not it. This is really serious. Mom fell on the bathroom floor.
Tammi: That’s awful! Is grandma okay?
Teri: She’s fine. A little bruised, but fine. The worst part of it all is that the only reason she fell is because someone didn’t clean up the bathroom after they showered and there was water everywhere. So who used the shower today?
Jerry: I did.
Teri: When?
Jerry: Six AM.
Teri: Yeah, it wasn’t you.
Tammi: I used it.
Teri: And when was that?
Tammi: Noon.
Teri: I can’t completely eliminate you, but you’re probably innocent.
Tammi: I’m innocent for sure! I would never be that messy!
Teri: Alright, I’m not gonna go around asking everyone if they showered today, so I’ll re-word the question: Who showered today after noon?
Nobody speaks up.
Teri: Come on, someone must’ve.
Steven: It was me. I ran in to clean myself up after soccer practice and then I heard mom calling for me and I never got to chance to clean up the water from the floor. Please don’t be mad at me, I didn’t mean to hurt grandma Betty.
Steven starts to cry.
Teri: Oh sweetie, don’t cry. Nobody’s mad at you. You didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Just try to be more careful next time, your grandma Betty is very fragile right now.
Steven: Okay Aunt Teri, I’ll try.
Teri: I feel so bad for you right now that I’m not even get mad that you called me that.
Cindy: Can someone please bring me the thermometer?
Teri: We are having a teaching moment right now, Cindy!
Cindy: I don’t hear Frank talking, can’t he bring it to me?
Teri: Frank can’t do anything right, he’d certainly met up a task as complex as picking up a thermometer and walking it ten feet into your room.
Frank: Hey! I’ll help you Cindy.
Frank brings Cindy the thermometer.
Cindy: Thank you Frank.
Teri: We’ll never hear those words uttered again in this house!
Cindy: Oh my god! 102.3! Teri, can you come here really quickly?
Teri: Pass.
Cindy: Teri!
Teri: Fine.
Teri walks to Cindy’s room and shuts the door.
Teri: So, what did you want?
Cindy: I don’t think I can go to the concert tomorrow.
Teri: What? But we’ve been excited for this for months! We were gonna have a fun girls weekend!
Cindy: I know. But I’m too sick to go.
Teri: Are you sure? I’ll feel guilty guilty going without you and ing a ticker.wast
Cindy: Yes. Just go enjoy the concert, don’t worry about me. See if you can find someone else to go. It’s too much money to lose.
Teri: Who would go? I don’t want to take mom, she’s a disaster right now with her broken leg. She would never let dad go without her. Tammi and Frank are going to that church summit. Me and Danielle would murder Jerry if we had to be alone with him for four days. Jerry has that huge catering order that he won’t shut up about.
Cindy: Ask Velma! Who wouldn’t want to go to a free concert with a free room for four days?
Teri: Have you been to Atlantic City before? Getting to spend four days there isn’t exactly a selling point.
Cindy: It’s… nice there.
Teri: No, it really is not. But I’ll ask her.
Cindy: Good. And if she can't go, then I’ll push myself to go.
Teri walks out to the living room to talk to Velma.
Teri: Hey Velma, can we talk?
Velma: Sure, what do you want to talk about?
Teri: Alright, do you know about the Fleetwood Mac concert that me, Danielle and Cindy are going to tomorrow?
Velma: Yeah. Do you want me to take care of your fish?
Teri: No. Cindy is probably too sick to go. We wanted you to takeover place so the ticked doesn’t want to go.
Velma: No.
Teri: What? But it’s free!
Velma: Nah.
Teri: Why not? It’ll be a fun girls weekend for us!
Velma: I just… don’t really like Fleetwood Mac all that much.
Teri: Who the hell cares? It’s free for you. And it’s not like you’ve got anything going on.
Velma: I just really don’t want to go. It’s not a concert I really care about seeing.
Teri: But it’s free.
Velma: But I don’t want to go.
Teri: Why don’t you like them?
Velma: I don’t know.
Teri: Alright, fine. Stay home. I’ll try to make Cindy go.
Velma: Alright.
Teri: Can you at least take care of my fish?
Velma: Yeah!
The next morning…
Teri: Alright Danielle, let’s pack our stuff up.
Danielle: What about Cindy?
Teri: She’s coming. She’s just relaxing. Trying to feel better.
Danielle: Well, I hope she gets up soon. Atlantic City is five hours away and the concert starts in nine.
Teri: We have plenty of time, it’s alright.
Danielle: You never know what kind of traffic we’ll hit near DC or Baltimore. We should wake her up.
Teri: Oh god, I forgot about that. You should go get her up, to I need teach Velma how to feed my fish. She thought it would be more fun to spend the weekend doing that than going on a free trip.
Danielle: You need to teach someone that? How hard is it?
Teri: Not at all hard. But you know Velma.
Danielle: Unfortunately.
Danielle runs in to Cindy’s room and wakes her up.
Cindy: What’s going on?
Danielle: It’s almost time to go. You need to hurry and finish packing.
Cindy: I can’t go Danielle. I know I said I’d try but I’m miserable. I’ll never make it.
Danielle: What’s wrong.
Cindy: I think I’m gonna puke my guts out.
Danielle: Well that is not good.
Cindy: I know. Maybe ask Velma again.
Danielle: Eh, maybe. You just rest and don’t worry about it.
Cindy: Oh god! It’s coming!
Cindy runs to the bathroom, while Danielle runs in to Teri’s room to tell her the news
Danielle: Teri! I have bad news.
Teri: What is it?
Danielle: Cindy is currently hurling in the bathroom.
Teri: What?
Danielle: I know. It’s a complete disaster.
Teri: I think I’m gonna have a panic attack.
Danielle: Calm down, we’ll get there.
Teri: No we won’t, we’re gonna waste one ticket for sure and if we screw around here for much longer, we’re gonna waste two more.
Danielle: Teri, we’re gonna get there.
Teri: I wish you were right, but we don’t have time. I’m not even bothering.
Teri rushes out of the room to sit on the front porch alone.
Velma: What is her problem?
Danielle: Oh, shut it Velma. You’re the reason we’re not already on the road! If you just would have agreed to a fun weekend together, we’d already be halfway there and this freakout wouldn’t have even happened.
Velma: That is not fair. I’m agreeing to watch her fish. I’m a good person!
Danielle: Come on.
Just then, Betty walks by.
Betty: What’s going on?
Danielle: Cindy is throwing up and now she can’t go to the concert with us.
Betty: I’ll go!
Danielle: Um, let me go ask Teri.
Danielle walks out to the porch to talk to Teri.
Danielle: What’s going on?
Teri (crying hysterically): I just… I just want to go see my favorite band one last time. And now I’m not gonna.
Danielle: We’re gonna go. Your mom offered to go.
Teri: Oh god no. That’s so much worse.
Danielle: Why would that be worse?
Teri: Because I’m going to spend my whole weekend worrying about her. She’s on crutches, and she’s mildly insane, and I’m just afraid that it’s too much for her so soon after she broke her leg.
Danielle: I’ll be there to help you. We can both manage her crazy together. Plus, we don’t have many other options.
Teri: Alright. Let’s get going.
Teri and Danielle walk back inside.
Teri: Mom, get your bags packed so we can go. You’re coming with.
Betty: Oh, I’ve had my bags packed for weeks. Just in case something like this happens.
Teri: Oh mom. You never cease to amaze me. Let’s get going.
Danielle: I’m driving, Teri. Your heart nearly burst out of your chest about 15 minutes ago.
Teri: Fair.
Two hours later…
Danielle: Alright Teri. Explain to me why we’re about to go on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel.
Teri: Okay, so, remember how you were complaining about having to go to DC and Baltimore.
Danielle: Yeah.
Teri: Well, I figured we could avoid them both if we went through the Chesapeake Bay and Delaware.
Danielle: That just made this trip two hours longer!
Betty: I don’t mean to interrupt this conversation, but I really have to pee.
Danielle: Betty, we’re on a bridge.
Betty: We’re on a bridge? Oh god no!
Danielle: What’s she freaking out about?
Teri: Mom is deathly afraid of bridges.
Danielle: Don’t worry Betty. We’re about to go in a tunnel!
Betty: Oh, that’s great!
Danielle: The tunnel underwater, but at least it’s not a bridge!
Betty: An underwater tunnel? That’s so much worse!
Danielle: Teri, has your mother ever gone anywhere before?
Teri: Yes. Not that you could tell based on how insane she's been acting.
Danielle: Speaking of insane…
Teri: I’m sorry for making our drive longer! I thought it would help.
Danielle: Well it doesn’t, but what’s done is done.
Fifteen minutes later…
Betty: Now that we’re off the bridge, can we find a bathroom?
Danielle: Oh crap! Sorry Betty, I completely forgot about that. Yes, we’ll find a bathroom.
Teri: Can’t you wait another five hours? Atlantic City is one giant bathroom, you can go anywhere there!
Betty: That’s not funny Teri. I have to go now!
Teri: I thought it was pretty funny.
Danielle: Yeah, it was funny.
Twenty minutes later…
Teri (singing, badly): ‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play play, and the haters gonna -
Danielle: Shut up!
Teri: Don’t you care what the haters are gonna do?
Danielle: No! No, I really do not.
Teri: That’s because you’re just a hater.
Betty: I still have to use the bathroom!
Danielle: I’m getting off the road now, there’s a McDonald’s just off the highway.
Teri: Maybe we should eat something while we’re there.
Danielle: No, it’s too early. We only have the time for one food stop and there’s no way we’ll make it through the rest of the day if we eat now. It’s only 2.
Teri: Alright, but I’m hungry so I’m gonna get a bag of chips out of the trunk if nobody minds.
Danielle: You know, I don’t usually let anyone eat in my car, but go ahead.
Thirty minutes later …
Teri: Oh crap!
Danielle: What did you do?
Teri: I spilled some chips on the floor.
Danielle: How many?
Teri: Most of the bag. You hit that pothole and everything just flew.
Betty: Danielle?
Danielle: What is it Betty?
Betty: I think I have to pee again.
Danielle: Hold it.
Betty: I can’t! I just drank a whole Shamrock Shake!
Danielle: Maybe that wasn’t a great idea to buy.
Betty: I agree.
Danielle: Guys, the chips on the floor aren’t our biggest concern anymore.
Teri: What’s going on?
Danielle: Look ahead of us.
Teri: What is that mess?
Danielle: Traffic. Just, regular traffic. Didn’t think we’d hit that since we’re in Delaware, and who the hell comes to Delaware in March, but we’re gonna be here for awhile.
Teri: Are you gonna make it to the concert?
Danielle: I really don’t know.
Betty: Velma is calling!
Teri: Can I see your phone, mom?
Betty: Here ya go.
Teri throws Betty’s phone in the glove compartment.
Betty: Hey! What was that for?
Teri: That’s what I think about Velma’s phone call.
Betty: Can I have it back?
Teri: No.
Danielle: Just give her the phone. This is gonna be a long, long time.
Teri: Please lord, just let us make it to Atlantic City in time.
Danielle: Never thought I’d hear someone pray to the lord for them to make it to Atlantic City, but first time for everything.
TO BE CONTINUED
