STATION MARKET HH RATINGS (+/- LAST WEEK)
RSN Los Angeles: 7.0 (+0.2)
RSN Indianapolis: 5.9 (+0.1)
RSN Santa Fe: 0.7 (=)
RSN Bridgeport: 0.6 (+0.1)
RSN Anchorage: 0.2 (=)
SASHA, KYLIE, TREVOR, NICOLE, BLAKE, AUSTIN, and BENNY are in RSN’s headquarters’ conference room. BENNY has called a team meeting, which is about to begin.
BENNY
Alright everyone, I called you in here today because I have a very important announcement to make.
BENNY INTERVIEW
It’s about DEI. Something I made up. I’m gonna tell them I’m getting rid of DEI in our hiring and see how they react. My theory is these six will oppose anything I say.
NICOLE
Please don’t be a sixth station.
BENNY
Let’s face it: RSN is failing. Our station count is dwindling and only two of our stations are doing well.
BLAKE
You called us in to point out the obvious?
BENNY
No, I called you all in because I have a plan for how we can fix it. You see, in order to beat the best, RSN needs to be like the rest.
KYLIE
What’s that supposed to mean?
BENNY
We’re gonna make some changes around here. To start, we’re gonna be watching how we spend our money. We’re not made of cash anymore. We need to invest in what’s working for us and leave behind what’s not.
AUSTIN
Don’t tell me Anchorage is gone, I need a job!
BENNY
No. We’re going to change how we hire. We’re getting rid of our DEI hiring practices and switching to uh…non-DEI hiring standards.
SASHA INTERVIEW
This is the first time Benny’s ever mentioned DEI. Or hiring standards. I’m absolutely certain he doesn’t know what either of those are.
SASHA
Respectfully Benny, some would actually say…you’re a DEI hire.
SASHA INTERVIEW
Trolling. Again, he’s got no idea. [SASHA stifles a laugh, amused at the whole situation]
BENNY pauses, looking confused.
BENNY
Maybe. But the way forward is non-DEI.
AUSTIN
Benny, first off I’d like to applaud you for that great idea.
AUSTIN INTERVIEW
[AUSTIN slow claps sarcastically]
AUSTIN
One thing though…we don’t hire.
BENNY
Maybe not today. But when we do, it’ll be without DEI.
TREVOR
Benny, what is the point of this? We’re a barebones operation. I don’t even…
TREVOR stops talking to avoid reminding BENNY of his lack of real responsibilities.
BLAKE
What Trevor’s trying to say is this is pointless. We’re not even organized enough to incorporate DEI in our hiring.
BENNY
I knew it!
BENNY storms out of the conference room.
NICOLE
Where do we all think he’s going?
AUSTIN
Probably trying to find Devin. Poor guy. Anyway, guess the meeting’s over?
AUSTIN, NICOLE, BLAKE, TREVOR, SASHA, and KYLIE all leave the conference room.
BENNY INTERVIEW
Those six just want to push back at ANY order I make. They gotta learn I’m no longer gonna sit back and watch as our stations lose all their viewers. I’m gonna do something about it, whether they like it or not!
BENNY returns to his office, where he instructed DEVIN to remain.
DEVIN
How did eliminating DEI go?
BENNY
Not great. As I suspected, they’ll push back on my plans, even when they’re made up.
DEVIN
So you’re not actually gonna get rid of DEI?
BENNY
You too?? How can I get rid of something that doesn’t exist?!
DEVIN
Benny…DEI exists. You didn’t know that.
BENNY
Excuse me?
DEVIN
DEI exists. And a lot of companies are getting rid of it in their hiring practices.
BENNY
Oh not you too. Get out.
DEVIN leaves BENNY’s office. He finds TREVOR at his cubicle.
DEVIN
Sorry to interrupt.
TREVOR
I’m doing absolutely nothing. What is it?
DEVIN
Does Benny really not know what DEI is or is he playing with me?
TREVOR
He doesn’t know. He really thinks he made it up.
DEVIN
Alright, I’ll tell him.
DEVIN runs back to BENNY’s office.
TREVOR
DEVIN, WAIT!
DEVON does not hear TREVOR.
TREVOR INTERVIEW
So close. I was gonna introduce Benny to the idea of the DEI fire. I was gonna tell him we had to get rid of DEI firings to be like everyone else or whatever. Then I was gonna say I would have been a DEI fire. It was a foolproof plan.