Aimee is out for lunch with her friends.
Carolyn: Isn’t it nice to actually get out for once and not just meet in Aimee’s office?
Alec: Yeah, Aimee’s office depresses me. It’s so much nicer than mine.
Aimee: The perks of being the #3 in the most irrelevant minority part in the history of the United States Senate!
Carolyn: You know our party is cooked when they’re letting someone everyone thinks is a Democrat be one of the most senior party leaders!
Aimee: I’m not even addressing that.
Lynette: I actually had something I wanted to ask all of you guys.
Carolyn: No, I’m not coming to Wyoming. Victoria told me so many horror stories.
Lynette: She told me she loved it!
Carolyn: She lied to you to be polite.
Alec: Aimee, can you confirm?
Aimee: I plead the fifth.
Alec: So there we have it, Aimee and Victoria both despised that Wyoming ranch.
Aimee: I did not say that!
Alec: Not aloud. Your eyes, however, told a different story.
Aimee: You’re just making things up to get me in trouble.
Alec: I’d never!
Lynette: Luckily for all of you haters, this has nothing to do with my ranch.
Carolyn: Thank the lord above.
Lynette: A friend of mine organizing a marathon run for charity next month. All sorts of people can run it, and it’s sponsored by donors who are pledging $15,000 to a charity of one’s own choosing for anyone that competes in the race.
Alec: Can’t they just donate the money and eliminate the middle man?
Lynette: That’s, uh… that’s actually a good point, I hadn’t thought of it.
Alec: I have many such good points.
Lynette: I think they’re trying to encourage people to get active and healthier, as well. It has multiple benefits.
Gwen: Well, sign me up for the donating money part. I will not be taking part in any running. My body has its limits, and those are the limits.
Lynette: I respect that, and I appreciate the commitment to donate.
Gwen: I’m very charitable.
Carolyn: Do charitable people always go around pointing that out?
Gwen: In my experience, yes. How will anyone know I’m charitable if I don’t point it out?
Aimee: I don’t really run. It would be so embarrassing to sign up for this and then not finish.
Lynette: Just think about it. I think we can all finish a marathon if we strive to push ourselves.
Carolyn: I know I’m in. I love a good run.
Aimee: It’s one of my least-favorite things about you, actually.
Carolyn: Jealousy’s a bad look, dear.
Alec: I’ll run, too. I’m sure Sabrina would love a good day away from me.
Carolyn: That’s the perfect marriage, isn’t it? One where you get entire days without having to see your spouse.
Lynette: What kind of marriages do you guys have?
Gwen: Realistic ones. I can’t even express how many times I’ve dreamed of killing my husband.
Lynette: Doing what?
Gwen: Oh, nothing.
Lynette: Should you be a senator?
Carolyn: I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.
Aimee: So, and I never imagined saying this in my life, let’s circle back to the marathon.
Lynette: Yeah, who’s all in? I think it’ll be fun!
Carolyn: Aimee seems to be the holdout. Alec and I are committed to making this money for charity.
Aimee: You’re making me sound like I resent charity. I resent running!
Carolyn: Running is amazing for the heart. It keeps you young, it keeps you healthy.
Aimee: I know how this will sound. It’s not that I don’t care about staying healthy. But I much prefer binging Lay’s and coke while I work in my office to any form of exercise.
Alec: I need you to clarify what kind of coke you mean.
Aimee: Oh, come on! You know one snort of cocaine would kill me instantly! I’m like if “Just Say No” were a person!
Alec: That is true, you’re remarkably straight-laced.
Lynette: Aimee, it’s up to you entirely, but I’ve found it very rewarding when I ran marathons and half-marathons in the past. You’d have a month to train, you could condition yourself for it. You are, despite your disdain for exercise, in great shape.
Aimee: Thank you! And I’ll think about it.
Carolyn: So that’s what you need to do to get Aimee on your side, flatter her. Hopefully, the Democrats never find out.
Gwen: We already have!
Later that night, when Aimee gets into bed.
Aimee: I have something to ask you.
Dave: Oh, really? Tonight?
Aimee: No, not that, get your head out of the gutter.
Dave: I was going to say, you already have your mouth guard in and that face mask on.
Aimee: Is there something about a mouthguard and a skincare mask that isn’t sexy?
Dave: No, not at all, you’ve never looked better!
Aimee: Now I know you’re lying. It’s all right, I’ll forgive you because I desperately need help figuring something out.
Dave: Now I’m very curious, because you love a good grudge.
Aimee: I do, but I’m very conflicted and need help. Lynette has asked me to do something horrible.
Dave: Aimee, you can’t murder anyone! Certainly not the president!
Aimee: Oh my god, why did your mind jump there?
Dave: You said it was “horrible,” my mind jumped to the worst thing I could imagine.
Aimee: Imagine something slightly less horrifying. Something a US Senator would conceivably consider doing.
Dave: Hey, Evan Jankler was almost a US Senator, and he almost killed someone!
Aimee: And he’s not a US Senator, because of yours truly. So, Lynette asked me to do possibly the worst thing imaginable that is entirely legal: run a marathon!
Dave: Oh, that’d be great!
Aimee: Great?
Dave: Running is incredible exercise, and so much fun! I run all the time.
Aimee: Is that where you go off to in the morning?
Dave: Yes!
Aimee: I always figured you were having an affair and just couldn’t ever figure out how to get home in time before I woke up.
Dave: You thought I was having an affair and you didn’t mention it?
Aimee: Hey, what I don’t know can’t hurt me.
Dave: That’s not a great way to look at it.
Aimee: You’re not having an affair, though. So that’s nice.
Dave: True.
Aimee: So about the marathon… what should I do?
Dave: We should do it! Together!
Aimee: Together?
Dave: Yeah, it would be fun!
Aimee: What if we go to dinner instead and just donate the money to charity?
Dave: How much money?
Aimee: Well, sponsors are donating $15,000 for everyone who runs the marathon.
Dave: We might have thirty dollars to donate. Not thirty thousand.
Aimee: We could ask aunt Vic!
Dave: Or we could run and feel good about doing it!
Aimee: What if I die?
Dave: From exercise?
Aimee: I rarely do it.
Dave: I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.
Aimee: Exercise is how I lost the baby weight. I hated every second of it, I haven’t exercised since. I walk a lot, it’s not like I don’t move. I just don’t actively seek out a run around the park.
Dave: We’ll do it together. If we try it and you just can’t finish it, we can both drop out. I’ll be by your side.
Aimee: You’re so supportive, it’s so upsetting.
Dave: Upsetting?
Aimee: Yeah, you make me feel so guilty for wanting to be lazy.
Dave: No need to feel guilty, a marathon is a lot for anyone, it’s normal not to want to jump right into it. I’ll help you through it, though. We can train!
Aimee: Great, I get to run even more in the month leading up to it. Phenomenal! Better get to sleep now, gotta get that rest in!
The next day, Lynette calls the house.
Victoria: Lynette, what’s up? Is Aimee supposed to be at work now?
Lynette: No, not really, it’s only seven, nothing happening in the Senate for another few hours. I’m calling to ask her a question.
Victoria: She’s in the shower, actually.
Lynette: All right, that does make sense. I forgot she tends to run a bit late.
Victoria: I try my best to get her moving, but she’s pretty sluggish in the morning. You’d assume she’d be used to it, but some people just aren’t made for mornings I suppose.
Lynette: Yeah. So, if you could, ask Aimee to let me know if she’s going to do the marathon. I don’t think we’re scheduled to be at any of the same hearings, and we have no floor votes today, so I doubt I’ll see her today and I’d like to get a headcount.
Victoria: What’s this about a marathon?
Lynette: Oh, one of my friends is organizing a marathon for charity. It’s going to be pretty fun, a lot of DC types all running together for a good cause.
Victoria: Why has no one mentioned this to me?
Lynette: Well, Aimee wasn’t even sure that she was going to do it herself. I think she just hates running, I get it.
Victoria: I don’t! I used to be quite the competitive runner in my day. I could’ve gone to the Olympics. Me and Marina Flaherty down the block used to race each other, we were the fastest girls in school. I usually beat her, too.
Lynette: Well, this isn’t a race. It can be a leisurely stroll, the main goal is having fun together and raising the money for charity.
Victoria: Well, you can count me in.
Lynette: You sure?
Victoria: What, you scared a little old lady like me isn’t fit to run anymore?
Lynette: No, not at all. I just didn’t think you’d want to do a marathon.
Victoria: Well, I’m in!
Lynette: I’m excited to run with you! And again, don’t forget to ask Aimee to -
Victoria: Hey, Aimee! Lynette’s on the phone for you.
Aimee: Oh god.
Victoria: Here ya go!
Aimee: Lynette, is this about you-know-what?
Lynette: It is. Your aunt’s participating, are you?
Aimee: My aunt? Vic, you’re running the marathon?
Victoria: I sure am!
Aimee: Is that, uh, healthy?
Victoria: Running is good for you! You should do it!
Aimee: Well, I actually -Lynette, you listening?
Lynette: Oh, I sure am!
Aimee: I’m going to run it with Dave. I decided it last night. I need to push myself to do something new and scary!
Lynette: Good for you! I’m proud of you for going outside your comfort zone.
Aimee: Thank you, it was really difficult for me to allow myself to do something that sounds so awful, but we’ll see how it goes!
Lynette: I’ll let you go, I don’t want you to get yelled at for being late,.
Aimee: Yeah, Denise will lay down the law!
Aimee hangs up.
Aimee: A marathon?
Victoria: Yeah!
Aimee: I think you’re incredible, and so fit for your age, and just so impressively resilient. I do worry that at seventy-five, you’re not, uh… how do I put this nicely?
Victoria: You doubt my ability to finish.
Aimee: I do. Also your ability to not die of cardiac arrest.
Victoria: You’re the one who never exercises! You’re more likely to drop dead than me!
Aimee: I just don’t want you pushing yourself too hard. I love you, I want you to be around for a long time.
Victoria: If I feel unwell, I’ll sit down.
Aimee: It’s your choice, so as long as you promise not to over-exert yourself, I won’t worry about you.
Victoria: Good, because I’m gonna beat you to the finish line.
Aimee: It’s not a race.
Victoria: You say that because you’re scared!
Later that day…
Lynette: Hey, guys!
Geraldine: Ugh, you.
Lynette: I wanted to ask you if you wan-
Greg: Lynette, the adults are talking.
Lynette: Okay, I’ll take that as a no then.
One month later…
Ernesto: I don’t know what’s more surprising, Aimee running a marathon or Victoria.
Kimmy: I wonder when they’re going to get here. I’m getting bored.
Cherie: A bunch of others keep crossing the finish line, they have to be here somewhere.
Ernesto: Well, they’re not exactly runners, it could be a while.
Kimmy: Why did we fly across the country to see this in person? Denise could’ve taken a picture for us.
Denise: Did something happen?
Ernesto: You woke her! She was sleeping so peacefully!
Denise: I’m going back to sleep, this is boring.
Kimmy: It is!
Cherie: Think of how excited they’ll be to see us, though.
Kimmy: They see us plenty.
Ernesto: I’m enjoying it. Mainly because I didn’t have to do it.
Kimmy: I can’t believe aunt Victoria did it. I mean, I know she’s insane, but insane enough to run a marathon at eighty? Is she going to live?
Ernesto: She’ll be fine, she’s a tough old broad.
Cherie: I see Aimee! Aimee! We’re here!
Kimmy: Thank god, it’s almost over.
Aimee and Dave cross the finish line, as Aimee falls to the ground.
Kimmy: Oh my god, did Aimee just die?
Aimee: Kimmy? Do I hear you?
Kimmy: Not dead, good!
Cherie: We’re all here!
Dave: Did we beat Lynette and Carolyn?
Alec: You did!
Aimee: I’m gonna kill her when she crosses that finish line. Worst experience of my life!
Dave: I had fun!
Aimee: How?
Kimmy: Denise, wake up, something finally happened.
Denise: What? Who? How? I was awake the whole time!
Aimee: You weren’t, but it’s fine. You came, that’s what matters.
Cherie: Have you seen your aunt?
Aimee: I have not.
Cherie: Should we call her?
Aimee: Just give her time. She’s almost twice my age, and I just finished. No need to be concerned.
Kimmy: I’m so impressed, I can’t believe you did it!
Gwen: I was your sponsor. Please pick a charity that’s good. No Republican nonsense.
Aimee: Do we need to do this right now?
Gwen: I can’t have a 15k donation to the NRA to my name.
Aimee: It’ll be apolitical.
Gwen: Thank god!
Ernesto: Do you guys believe in God?
Gwen: Some of us!
One hour later…
Cherie: I’m officially worried.
Aimee: I’m more concerned about Carolyn. Where on earth is she?
Alec: I’m just glad I beat her, she would’ve rubbed that in my face for a long time.
Victoria: I told you I could do it!
Aimee: Oh my god, there she is!
Victoria: Did I not prove you wrong?
Aimee: You definitely did!
Carolyn: Thanks to me!
Victoria: She did help keep me going.
Carolyn: How did I get stuck assisting your elderly aunt on her marathon run and not you?
Alec: Because out there, Aimee was practically the elderly aunt herself.
Aimee: Hey!
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
