Denise: Aimee, you know you don’t have to do this yourself, right? I can help you, your aunt Victoria offered to help, Lynette would help, Carolyn would help… you even have interns that could help. You are eight months pregnant!
Aimee: It’s my office, I want to clear it out myself. I don’t like being a burden on people.
Denise: A burden? We all need help sometimes, it doesn’t make us “burdens.” It makes us human!
Aimee: Trust me, I appreciate the offers. Particularly the ones you made on behalf of others. I don’t need the help, though. I’m just about done.
Denise: You don’t look just about done.
Aimee: Looks can be deceiving.
Alec: What is going on in here? It looks like a tornado ripped through here! And I’m from rural Illinois, I know a tornado when I see one.
Denise: She’s packing her office up. She insists that it be done on her own.
Alec: Are you insane? Lynette’s not fourteen months pregnant and she still had a whole team of people to move her into her new office.
Aimee: I’m far more independent than Lynette.
Alec: I know, I’ve seen your voting records. The media doesn’t give you nearly the credit you deserve.
Aimee: Oh my god!
Alec: Did your water just break?
Denise: I’ll call Dave!
Aimee: What good would that do? He’s across the country!
Denise: I think it’s important that he knows!
Aimee: My water didn’t break, so hold on a second there.
Alec: What did you yell about then? All the cobwebs in this closet?
Aimee: That was uncalled for. You know how many months I’ve spent pregnant during my ten years in this office?
Alec: Feels like about a hundred and twenty.
Aimee: Uncalled for!
Denise: Aimee! What did you find that’s so incredible?
Aimee: Sorry, pregnancy brain.
Alec: Can’t wait until that excuse is gone.
Aimee: Denise, did I ever tell you about the duck portrait?
Alec: Oh, that portrait…
Aimee: Well, it’s here!
Alec: It is?
Denise: You have a painting of a duck in your closet?
Aimee: Correct!
Denise: Any reason for that?
Aimee: It’s a long story.
Lynette: Oh, not a long story.
Aimee: You just walked in, you can walk back out if you want to.
Lynette: I’d rather not, I like stories.
Alec: You won’t like this one.
Lynette: I find that hard to believe.
Aimee: I don’t think Lynette knows this one.
Alec: Lucky her!
Denise: Someone please tell the story! I don’t care enough for the preamble to be this extensive!
Aimee: Back in 2013, I was given a painting. It’s a painting of a duck.
Denise: No way!
Aimee: Hush.
Lynette: Yeah, I didn’t know that! Hush!
Aimee: This duck painting is no ordinary duck painting.
Lynette: Gasp!
Aimee: It’s a painting that’s part of a fifty-year tradition among the Washington delegation. As part of this tradition, the newest member of the delegation will display the painting in their office until another new member is sworn in, whenever that may be.
Lynette: But… new members of the delegation have been sworn in since you.
Aimee: Really, Lynette? I didn’t notice that!
Alec: Thank god you have her here to help clarify things.
Denise: How’d the picture end up in your closet if it was meant to hang on your wall?
Aimee: Well, you see… I don’t like it. I find it tacky.
Alec: Tacky? What is tacky about this? It’s a majestic mallard!
Denise: With a beautiful bill!
Lynette: And, uh… um… I can’t think of any alliterative duck puns.
Aimee: Look at it, guys! It’s ugly! It looks like something you‘d win at a poker game or something you’d see in a therapist’s waiting room.
Alec: Someone’s been watching The Sopranos.
Aimee: Like I said, I didn't like it. So, after a few months, I took it down and put it in my closet. No harm, no foul. Right?
Denise: Why’s it still there?
Aimee: I’m getting to it!
Lynette: She’s grumpy when she’s preggers.
Aimee: I left it there until Doug was elected four years after me, and by that point, I couldn’t find it.
Denise: It’s not a terribly large closet, is it?
Lynette: How do you lose a painting?
Aimee: Stop bullying me! It’s bigger than it looks!
Alec: Keep telling the story, Aimee.
Aimee: I was getting to it.
Alec: This takes a turn.
Denise: I can hardly contain my excitement.
Aimee: Why are you all just standing there watching me? You could be helping a pregnant woman with packing!
Denise: You said -
Aimee: Don’t listen to me, I’m pregnant! It’s clouding my judgment. Anyway, so it’s November of 2016. Doug has just won his House seat, it’s right after orientation. Jerry McCarlen, who was the most-senior member of the delegation at that time, comes to me and asks for the painting. I tell him I’ll get it for him in time to present it to Doug. I go to my closet, I look for it… nowhere to be found.
Alec: Except for the fact that it clearly was in there.
Aimee: Enough out of you. Anyway, I start panicking. At that time, I had a really young intern named Delilah who was, like eighteen. I assume, ignorantly, that she’s young and careless and must have come across the painting and thrown it out, since it’s so ugly and looks like trash.
Lynette: It’s nice!
Aimee: Eek…
Lynette: It is!
Aimee: I confront her about it. She says she’s never seen it, but in a way that makes me doubt her. Silly me, I keep pushing. She gets annoyed, tells me this is too much trouble for a job the doesn’t pay. I take this as a sign of admitting guilt. I report her to the House internship program -
Lynette: You didn’t.
Alec: She did.
Aimee: They fire her and instruct her college not to award her the credits she had earned for the past nine months.
Lynette: You’re, like, evil.
Aimee: Your dad is Don Chaffee, you’d know evil!
Lynette: Excuse me?
Aimee: I’m sorry, I lash out when I’m being accused of things unfairly.
Denise: So, who is the rightful owner of the duck portrait now?
Aimee: Margo.
Denise: How about we move on past this and take the portrait to Margo.
Lynette: I’m a little afraid of Aimee right now, so I will gladly go and take that painting to Margo right now if she wants me to!
Aimee: You go ahead and do that, Lynette.
Alec: I’m going, too. I’m afraid Lynette will misplace it and then Aimee will try to get her fired, too.
Aimee: Very funny!
That night, at Victoria’s apartment…
Victoria: So, how was your day?
Aimee: You ask that every time I get home. The answer’s always the same.
Victoria: I’m hoping it’ll change one day.
Aimee: Well, here’s a different answer.
Victoria: Yay!
Aimee: I screwed up today.
Victoria: Oh…
Aimee: It wasn’t really “today,” I guess. But I did screw up.
Victoria: What went wrong?
Aimee: I got someone fired for what turned out to not be their fault. I found out today that it was actually my fault when I was cleaning out my office.
Victoria: That’s unfortunate. Do you need some ice cream?
Aimee: I don’t know if that would solve it.
Victoria: But it can’t help.
Aimee: But dinner…
Victoria: You’re pregnant, you have to eat for two. It won’t spoil dinner.
Aimee: Okay, all right. I’ll take some ice cream.
Victoria: Ice cream can cheer anyone up!
Aimee: I love how eccentric you are.
Victoria: Not everyone does. It’s a real shame.
The next day, in Carolyn’s office…
Victor: Aimee, nice seeing you. I need to get going before Lynette ultimately follows you in, as is customary.
Aimee: Don’t worry, she’s not here today.
Victor: Oh, thank god. Don’t have the energy to be yelled at her today. I have so many outgoing members to visit with today.
Aimee: I would like some privacy with Carolyn, though. I need to ask her a question that’s on a touchy subject.
Victor: Is it a pregnancy issue? I’ll let you be, I don’t need to know nearly that much about how it all works.
Aimee: Aren’t you a father?
Victor: But I’m not a mother.
Aimee: Don’t you just hate when men aren’t hands-on with their wives during pregnancy, Carolyn?
Victor: Aren’t you across the country from your husband right now?
Carolyn: Victor, time to go before Aimee turns into your next Lynette.
Victor: Okay, see you later!
Aimee: Goodbye, Victor.
Victor leaves.
Aimee: God, he’s so weird.
Carolyn: Always has been, always will be. So, what’s up? You said you have a personal matter? Or was that a lie to get rid of him and you just want to talk about the latest episode of Chicago Fire?
Aimee: No, I have a question.
Carolyn: Lay it on me. I’m ready!
Aimee: Do you remember the duck painting?
Carolyn: Of course! I loved that thing, so sad that it got misplaced.
Aimee: Yeah… about that.
Carolyn: Did you destroy it? Are you finally coming clean because you’re leaving the House and don’t plan on seeing me again? i know you didn’t like it.
Aimee: It’s not that. I mean, I loathed it, but I didn’t ruin it. I was the one who misplaced it, though. Not Delilah.
Carolyn: Delilah?
Aimee: The intern I accused of throwing it away and then reported to the internship board.
Carolyn: I forgot you did that.
Aimee: She’s innocent, so, wasn’t my finest hour.
Carolyn: We’re politicians, it’s not like any of us haven’t made mistakes before. Some of us bigger than others.
Aimee: Yeah, you did vote for the war.
Carolyn: That’s a lie! I wasn’t in Congress then! I just supported it, and I regret that now.
Aimee: What should I do?
Carolyn: Give Margo the painting. She deserves to have it until Claire gets sworn in in January.
Aimee: About Delilah! It’s weighing on me! Also, Lynette and Alec already took the painting to Margo. Margo sent me pictures via Instagram DM. Horrible. That’s the worst painting I’ve ever seen.
Carolyn: It’s nice! A little gaudy, but nice! Poor Doug never got to display it.
Aimee: He’ll live.
Carolyn: Anyhow, regarding Delilah… I think you need to find some way to get in contact with her. Apologize, try to make it right. Make some sort of effort.
Aimee: What if she’s mad at me?
Carolyn: If?
Aimee: This won’t be fun.
Carolyn: Apologies aren’t meant to be.
Aimee: You’re so philosophical.
Carolyn: It’s a gift.
Later that night, Aimee calls Kimmy.
Kimmy: Aimee! What’s up?
Aimee: Kimmy! I was half-expecting mom to answer again.
Kimmy: I got my phone back. Ain’t it funny?
Aimee: I need you to do me a favor.
Ernesto: Who is it, Kimmy? We’re watching TV!
Cherie: You know you’re not supposed to interrupt SVU!
Kimmy: Aimee, if you could make this quick before I get my phone confiscated again, that’d be great.
Ernesto: Aimee! Honey, how are you?
Cherie: I can pause Olivia for you. Not Stabler, though. I gotta watch him live.
Ernesto: Your mother is in love with Christopher Meloni.
Cherie: What can I say, I have a type!
Kimmy: It is physically impossible for two people to look less alike than dad and Chris Meloni do.
Aimee: You guys are always so excited when I call. Do none of the others ever call home?
Cherie: Not really, no.
Kimmy: They’re wise enough to know not to.
Aimee: So, that favor. I need you to help me find the contact information for a woman named Delilah Montclaire. She should be in her mid-twenties, lives in Vancouver. I figure you can find it easier than me, being in Washington and all.
Ernesto: I’ll check the phone books!
Kimmy: The what?
Cherie: So back in the stone ages -
Kimmy: Suddenly, I’ve lost all interest.
Cherie: Where’d we go wrong with you?
Ernesto: In-utero.
Kimmy: I was never in her utero.
Cherie: Uterus!
Kimmy: Same thing!
Aimee: Is anyone… is anyone finding that for me?
Kimmy: I’m gonna look it up online quickly while dad looks in his old person book. You could’ve done that yourself, but then we wouldn’t have gotten to experience this glorious conversation.
Aimee: Thank you, you’re a doll!
Ernesto: Found it!
Kimmy: So did I! I’ll email it to you, Aimee.
Aimee: Thank you!
Kimmy: Who is she, by the way? Are you stalking her?
Cherie: Don’t be ridiculous!
Ernesto: Seriously, though. Are you? Did I just take part in a felony?
Cherie: Why would you say that? Had you no faith in our parenting skills?
Aimee: She’s an old intern. I’m making amends.
Kimmy: What did ya do?
Aimee: None of your business. Talk later!
Cherie: Goodbye, honey! Ignore those two, I know you’d never stalk anyone other than Jonathan Taylor Thomas!
Two days later, at Delilah’s apartment…
Aimee: Hello! Is anyone home?
Delilah: No way this is real.
Aimee: Delilah!
Delilah: I repeat… no way.
Aimee: Can I please come in for a chat?
Delilah: Are you going to try to get me fired from Subway?
Aimee: Of course not! Though, you need to aim higher than that, so being fired from there wou-
Delilah: Come on in.
Aimee: Thank you!
In Delilah’s apartment…
Aimee: You have a lovely place.
Delilah: Small, too.
Aimee: Homey.
Delilah: My bedroom is also a living room and a kitchen.
Aimee: At least it’s not a bathroom, though!
Delilah: It is for my cat. Can’t afford a litter box.
Aimee: That feels untrue.
Delilah: Why are you here?
Aimee: I found the duck painting. I am so truly sorry for the suffering I’ve caused.
Delilah: You found it? And you thought I’d care why?
Aimee: I have to apologize. I truly thought it was your fault it went missing, and I thought you were too careless to do the job. I now see the error of my ways. You don’t have to accept my apology, but it’s my duty to offer it to you.
Delilah: I flunked out of college because I was so upset about what you did.
Aimee: Again, so sorry! I was pregnant then, I wasn’t thinking straight!
Delilah: I see you’re bringing another into his world. Poor child, it’ll always be blamed for the mistakes you made.
Aimee: I’m in Congress, that was going to happen to them either way.
Delilah: You know, I resent you so much, I voted for the murderer guy over you. First time I have ever voted Democrat.
Aimee: I deserved that.
Delilah: If that’s all you’re here for, I think you can head on out.
Aimee: Wait! Before you kick me out, I’m looking for staff. I’m heading to the Senate and most of my staff left me months ago.
Delilah: Wonder why!
Aimee: I need good workers in paying positions and I know you’re good at your job. Come work for my office, I can make it up to you this way.
Delilah: Eat dirt.
Aimee: I’ll pay you twenty-five percent more than the position of your choosing would regularly start at.
Delilah: So, do I start January 3rd?
Aimee: You’ll take it!
Delilah: I won’t like it, but how can I turn down that pay? You’ve seen my apartment!
Aimee: this is going to be fun for us, Delilah! We’re going to have fun!
Delilah: You’re my boss again so I’ll refrain from insulting you here like I want to.
Aimee: Ah, I’m a good person!
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
