Raymond Island Season 3 Episode 11 - Touch of Grey

Raymond Island Season 3, Episode 11
Touch of Grey

Gretchen walks into the lobby of the Rhode Island State House.

Gretchen: Jeanne, why are you in front of my eyes?

Jeanne: Must you say that every time we run into one another?

Gretchen: Yes, I find it quite funny.

Jeanne: I find it unprofessional.

Gretchen: Get the stick out of your a-

Hank: Jeanne, do you have a minute?

Jeanne: I don’t know if I can spare the time, I’m in a very conversation with our toddler governor.

Gretchen: You think I look that young? Thank you

Jeanne: I never said you looked young. I said you act it.

Gretchen: You are so humorless!

Hank: That is not true! She’s very funny! Tell a joke, Jeanne.

Jeanne: Gretchen’s going to be re-elected.

Hank: See! Funny!

Carol: Gretchen, can you come here? I’ve been waiting to tell you something for fifteen minutes! You said you were stepping out to buy a coffee!

Hank: Is she providing cover fro you because you’re afraid of talking to us for too long? She’s a good friend, sacrificing her sanity for yours.

Gretchen: I can not stand you.

Hank: Racist.

Jeanne: Yeah, you tell her!

Gretchen: Tell me what?

Hank: Jeanne and I are the only people you refuse to speak to and we’re both people of color.

Gretchen: Jeanne is Italian!

Jeanne: We’ve suffered so much discrimination.

Gretchen: I’m Italian!

Jeanne: You're a rant traitor.

Gretchen: Not a race!

Hank: I’m black. That’s a race. 

Gretchen: I don’t hate you because you’re black! I hate you because you’re an asshole! There’s a key difference.

Susana: Gretchen! Come here before this ends up on Twitter!

Gretchen: Oh, god. They’re gonna call me “Governor Karen.”

Jeanne: Write that down, Hank. That’s a pretty good one.

Samantha: What is the ruckus out here?

Gretchen: Okay, girls, I’m on my way. Can not handle three of them.

Samantha: Handle three of what? Strong-minded professionals?

Gretchen: Lunatics.

Jeanne: What a nasty woman.

In Gretchen’s office…

Carol: What was that all about?

Gretchen: Eh, same old nonsense. They always harass me.

Susana: You need to learn to just walk on by.

Gretchen: Ah, like Dionne Warwick says.

Susana: Everyone’s twitter aunt Dionne Warwick? When did she say that?

Gretchen: Carol, you need to do a better job of educating her on our pop culture legends.

Carol: She’s in her twenties. That’s up to her now!

Susana: I think we have something to educate Gretchen about thats a bit more important.

Gretchen: More important than Dionne? I think not.

Carol: So, Gretchen. You know how your campaign is -

Gretchen: A disaster? Yes, I’m well aware.

Carol: It isn't that bad!

Gretchen: I’m leading by two points, and that’s after being endorsed by someone most people in this state seem to think is the second coming of Christ. It’s bad!

Susana: A win is a win!

Gretchen: Leading by two as an incumbent when seventeen percent of voters are undecided is not what I call a “win.”

Carol: Anyway, we need a bit of help. That’s something I recognized a while ago and decided to rectify, so I started looking for a new campaign advisor to help us get a fresh perspective. I’ve settled on someone I think you'll like.

Gretchen: Is it my mother? As good as it’d be for her to get out of the house, this is just going to be a pain in the ass for me.

Susana: Her name i-

Carol: Her name’s Wendy Daley.

Gretchen: Can’t say I’ve heard of her.

Carol: She’s a Democratic operative, she worked on a few campaigns here over the past few decades. She was a DNC delegate a few times.

Gretchen: And she’s good?

Carol: I can’t really say, I haven’t worked with her before.

Gretchen: So you may have hired some hack for my campaign?

Carol: She came highly recommended.

Gretchen: By…?

Carol: People that work in state politics.

Gretchen: People supporting Jeanne? It could be sabotage!

Carol: Gretchen, I don’t think many people care enough about this to be committing sabotage. It’s a mid-level campaign hire.

Gretchen: Fine. If you aren’t worried about it, I’m not worried.

Susana: You sound worried.

Gretchen: I’m not! I’m not! I trust your mother.

Carol: Thank you.

Two nights later…

Lucinda: So, Gretchen. You look chipper today. A positive development at work?

Gretchen: Well, sort of. It’s about the campaign.

Lucinda: I know it couldn’t be anything related to her actual job. That’s not something she tends to care about.

Anthony: Why must you bully her?

Lucinda: It makes her work harder! I’m doing a service for my state.

Christina: So what happened with the campaign, mom?

Gretchen: Thank you for asking!

Lucinda: I asked first. Sort of.

Gretchen: Carol hired a new campaign advisor and she’s doing an amazing job so far. Two days on the job thus far and already so many interesting ideas that i think can really help us reach new voters.

Lucinda: Have you tried paying people to vote for you?

Gretchen: That’s illegal, mother.

Lucinda: Only if you get caught!

Gretchen: I’m pretty sure I’d get caught.

Lucinda: It’s worth a trial run.

Toby: When is it okay to break the law, grandma?

Anthony: Look, now she’s poisoning young minds. is there any low Lucinda won’t sink to?

Lucinda: I’m just saying, it’s an idea to keep in mind if things get that desperate.

Anthony: Kids, don’t listen to her.

Christina: I already don’t.

Gretchen: No one cares that I have a new campaign advisor?

Anthony: I’m sorry, honey. I was too worried about making sure our kids knew bribery was wrong.

Lucinda: I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for bribery!

Anthony: You’re not helping your case.

Christina: I’m very happy you found a new friend, mom. You usually feud with new people at work, so this is nice.

Gretchen: I only feud with a few people. Jeanne, Hank, Samantha -

Christina: Half the recent state house freshman class…

Gretchen: Are you expecting me to work with Republicans? Get real.

Christina: There were only two Republicans that got elected to the state last year.

Gretchen: And there were only five new members in total. I like three of them.

Toby: I’m confused. What are we talking about?

Christina: It’s usually hard for mom to make friends.

Gretchen: That was not at all what we were talking about.

Two days later…

Gretchen: Carol, are we meeting with Wendy again tonight? I had some ideas to bounce off of her. She’s really done a lot to get my gears turning. I’m excited!

Susana: Oh, this should be fun…

Gretchen: Why are you talking like that? Is something wrong? Is it impossible for you to just come out and say it?

Carol: Wendy was arrested last night for a DUI.

Gretchen: Wendy was what? On a Wednesday?

Carol: She was at a bar and drank too much and insisted on driving home instead of calling for help and got busted.

Gretchen: In the middle of the week?

Carol: It’s bad no matter what day of the week it happens, Gretchen!

Susana: This should come as no shock, but the media is eating this up. It was top story on the Providence news morning broadcast and it’s trending on Twitter.

Carol: It’s a PR disaster for us.

Gretchen: People get DUIs, it’s not my fault I couldn’t detect that in advance.

Carol: They’re claiming it’s a lapse in judgment for you to hire someone with such poor decision-making skills as an advisor.

Gretchen: Well, that’s a load of bull.

Susana: Obviously, we have to put out a statement.

Carol: And we have to fire her.

Gretchen: I think that’s a bit extreme.

Carol: Extreme? She’s a liability.

Gretchen: You’re the one who insisted she would be good for the campaign!

Carol: How was I to know she’d get wild and go on a binge?

Gretchen: How was I to know? I’m the one who’s being blamed for it.

Carol: Hence why we need to cut ties and move on. We can’t have her on the payroll.

Susana: I can call her and let her know.

Gretchen: I’m not a coward, I have to do it myself.

Susana: Will you be capable of it? I know you’ve taken a liking to her.

Gretchen: I’ve known her five days, I can handle it. It’s not like I’m firing my own mother.

Carol: You’d love to fire your own mother.

Gretchen: You’re right, I really would. Even thinking about kicking out of her house sends my heart racing.

Susana: You have a strange relationship with your mom.

Gretchen: Well, not all of us can have the perfect relationship the two of you have.

Carol: Stop buttering us up. Start thinking about how you’re gonna break the news to Wendy.

Gretchen: You never let me have any fun.

Later that night…

Lucinda: Gretchen! Finally you join us!

Gretchen: Mary, I didn’t realize you were coming over today.

Mary: Just a last-minute stop to see mom. And you! You matter, too!

Gretchen: You sure you didn’t come here to hear more about the Wendy Daley fiasco?

Christina: Good job, mom. Your new friend is really boosting your public image.

Mary: I did hear about your situation, but I really don’t care enough about silly gossip to drive over here for it. I’d just call if that’s what I wanted.

Gretchen: I wouldn’t mind if that was why you were here. I need advice.

Mary: Mom’s always doling that out.

Anthony: It’s always unsolicited, too.

Gretchen: Carol is telling me I have to fire Wendy.

Lucinda: I love a good firing.

Anthony: You are a sociopath!

Lucinda: Now you sound like that girl who sings that song the kids listen to. The one Toby’s in love with.

Toby: What? I am not in love with Olivia Rodrigo!

Christina: Who do you think you’re fooling?

Anthony: Stop harassing your brother.

Christina: I know, I can’t distract from mom’s ranting. She’s the only one in the house that gets to do that.

Anthony: She’s the governor, she has a lot more to rant about than any of us.

Gretchen: Y’all done or are you still going?

Anthony: We’re done you have the floor.

Gretchen: How am I going to fire this woman? I’m not good at this, it’s not something I do.

Mary: Have your campaign manager do it.

Gretchen: I have to do it myself. It’s my responsibility, you know?

Mary: I understand. You’re the one in charge, you have to assert dominance.

Lucinda: That’s why you need to just rip that bandaid off. Quickly. She walks in, you greet her, she greets you, then BAM! Scream “You’re fired.”

Gretchen: Like she’s on The Apprentice?

Lucinda: Yes!

Gretchen: I don’t think that’s right.

Anthony: No, you have to ease her into it. No one likes to be fired in such an uncaring manner.

Lucinda: No one likes to be fired. Period!

Gretchen: I love the mixed signals, keep ‘em coming.

Christina: I think you shouldn’t fire her for a mistake. Give her another shot!

Lucinda: Don’t be such a bleeding heart.

Christina: We’re supposed to be in favor of giving people second chances. Don’t cut them off for one mistake.

Gretchen: Do you know how bad that would look? I would get torched for it in the media? I’m barely winning this race so as it is. I can’t just ignore this.

Christina: Fine, fire her. She’s an elitist anyway, it’s not like she needs the job.

Lucinda: Well, that was a short fight you put up.

Christina: I just didn’t feel this one. Don’t care one way or another.

Gretchen: Why do I even ask you guys for advice?

Mary: Some of us gave good advice!

Gretchen: Sure.

The next day, at the Rhode Island State House…

Samantha: Gretchen, what are you doing in the conference room? aren’t you supposed to be rushing home to your “family?”

Gretchen: Caring about my family, what a chump I am.

Samantha: Why are you here though? I don’t usually see you in here.

Gretchen: Why are you here? Who ever has a conference with you?

Samantha: I like to come here to collect my thoughts.

Gretchen: All two of them?

Samantha: You’re a real bitch.

Gretchen: I’m having a meeting in here with someone. Couldn’t be done on state time.

Samantha: Oh, you’re talking to Wendy Daley.

Gretchen: I didn’t say that.

Samantha: Sometimes, you just know.

Gretchen: Can you go? I signed the room out, so time for you to leave me be!

Samantha: I suppose.

Gretchen: I mean now.

Samantha: Someone’s in a rush!

Fifteen minutes later, Wendy arrives.

Gretchen: Wendy, I’m so grateful you agreed to meet. It’s certainly been a whirlwind few days, hasn’t it?

Wendy: Guess you could say that.

Gretchen: I’m guessing you know why I wanted to meet with you.

Wendy: I have an inkling.

Gretchen: I know this has been a tough few days for you. It’s not easy being thrust into the spotlight and devoured by the media like this.

Wendy: I keep shifting between wanting to stop drinking entirely because of this and wanting to drink even more.

Gretchen: Yes, I can imagine.

Wendy: I want to spare you any awkwardness. I’m going to resign from the campaign effective immediately. It’s just the right thing to do.

Gretchen: Oh. You’re resigning?

Wendy: It’s unfair for you to get any further scrutiny for my poor actions. To think, I was only at the bar to celebrate the new gig.

Gretchen: On a Wednesday?

Wendy: Not my finest moment.

Gretchen: This does make things significantly less awkward between us.

Wendy: Why do you say that?

Gretchen: Well… I’d called you in here today to fire you. I had little desire to, but I was afraid it would reflect badly on me if I didn’t. The same reason you resigned, basically.

Wendy: You were going to fire me that easily?

Gretchen: It wasn’t a decision made lightly.

Wendy: I’m sure it wasn’t.

Gretchen: Please, don’t be mad. I had a great time working with you the few times we did get to work together.

Wendy: I’m not mad, I’m just sad I blew it.

Gretchen: It’ll all be okay. Just let this blow over for a while and you'll be back in politics in no time. So many people have done far worse than what you did!

Wendy: Ain’t that the truth?

Gretchen: The firing was Carol’s idea, by the way. I wanted you to stay on.

Wendy: That’s in the past now, no need to bring that back up.

Gretchen: You move on quite easily.

Wendy: You have to learn to roll with the changes. Like you said, I’ll get back on my feet before I know it. Now, I’d better get going. I’m sure you’re busy, I don’t want to hold you up any further.

Gretchen: Bye, Wendy. Take care of yourself!

Wendy: Will do. Good luck, Governor Raymond.

Wendy leaves.

Gretchen: Well, back to the drawing board, I guess.

What did you think of this episode of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to return for a new episode next week!

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