Finally Apart Season 1 Episode 5: Mom Blog


CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
Welp, I'm still broke. I should get a job. A real one this time. I wonder if I ever got a paycheck from that museum. Probably not. Why don't I have apple juice? I should start a mom blog. Nate did say last night he likes reading them because he thinks they're stupid. 

CATHERINE (out loud)
Did I just have a great idea?

CATHERINE (thinking to herself)
Nah, those are a lot of work. I think? Do you actually have to be a mom to have one of those?


CATHERINE (out loud)
No, you don't have to be a mom Catherine, but you are one.

CATHERINE (thinking to herself)
How do you start one of those? I don't think I have any pictures of Britney 2 or Britney 3--I mean, Britney or Britney 2. Your kids are better than your favorite singer, Catherine.

CATHERINE (out loud)
Who am I kidding, no they're not.

CATHERINE (thinking to herself)
Maybe I should get a mom to help me out with my mom blog!

CATHERINE (out loud)
You don't know any moms, Catherine.

CATHERINE (thinking to herself)
Actually I do! I'll call my sister-in-law Mary!

CATHERINE calls MARY CROSS, after accidentally calling four other people.

MARY
Hello?

CATHERINE
What's up Mary, we're friends right?

MARY
Catherine! Good to hear from you, how are you doing after the separation?

CATHERINE
I'm starting up a mom blog. [long pause] Hello? Mary, you there?

MARY
That's a terrible idea.

CATHERINE
Can you help me?

MARY
Just post some pictures of your kids, pretend they're from now, and go on about how great they are.

CATHERINE
That's the thing, I have no pictures of my kids.

MARY
And you think I would?

CATHERINE
Is there anything about this you can help me with?

MARY
I just gave you my advice. Post pictures of your kids, call them great. Why do you want to start up a mom blog anyways, don't you hate being a mom?

CATHERINE
Yeah but Nate loves reading mom blogs, he thinks they're awful.


MARY
Who's Nate?


CATHERINE
Just some guy. Bye. [CATHERINE hangs up.]

CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
Nailed it. Now to start up catherinesmomblog.com. 

CATHERINE opens her computer to register the domain. She gets a call on her phone, with no name listed. She ignores it, then picks up on the second call.

CATHERINE
Hello?

BRITNEY 2
Mom! I heard you're starting up a mom blog.

CATHERINE
How the hell did you find out about that?!

BRITNEY 2
Aunt Mary told me. How are you?

CATHERINE
Eh. 

BRITNEY 2
I'm gonna send you some pictures of me and Britney so you can post some.

CATHERINE
You've never been to a Britney concert.

BRINEY 2
I'm talking about your daughter, Britney.

CATHERINE
Oh. 

BRITNEY 2
What's your email?

CATHERINE
It's noneofyourbusness@memail.com. Oops, I mean, britney@memail.com

BRITNEY 2
Of course it is. I'm attaching some pictures now.

CATHERINE
Thanks. 

BRITNEY 2
Anytime. Bye. 

After a long pause, CATHERINE hangs up. She takes a look at the pictures, laughs a bit, and then posts them on her new blog alongside words that her kids are great.

CATHERINE [thinking to herself as she posts]
Nate will find this hilarious. 

CATHERINE then looks back at the pictures with a small smile. She feels nostalgic and a little sad, yet also remembers why she became separated. 

CATHERINE [out loud]
Did I make a mistake moving out here?

CATHERINE hears her phone ringing. She looks down and sees that it's NATE calling.

NATE
Do you run catherinesmomblog.com?


CATHERINE
Yes! I just posted it, how did you find out so quickly? Were you searching for me?

NATE
Oh not at all, I was trying to go to catherinesmomlog.com. Funny stuff. 

CATHERINE
What did you think of my blog?

NATE
It's terrible, so it's hilarious! Gotta go now. [NATE hangs up.]

CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
I'm staying.

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