The Bullpen Season 1 Episode 1–Starter #1


Kurt: long-term reliever 
Lorenzo: middle relief pitcher
Jason: left-handed specialist
Robert: 8th inning pitcher/setup man
Bryan: closer
Eli: various relief positions
Garry: Bullpen coach


Kurt: Got any threes?
Bryan: Go fish.
Kurt: *pulls a three* Nice! I win again.
Bryan: Wanna go watch the real game now?
*Bryan and Kurt walk over to the other end of the bench, where Jason and Robert are playing Battleship.*
Robert: *looks up* Missed it guys, I just sunk Jason’s battleship. Mark that as my 100th win of the season!
Jason: *whispers under his breath* Cheater.
Bryan: Alright then what do we do now?
Garry: Maybe watch the actual baseball game like the tens of thousands of other people here? You all do remember where you are, right?
*Everyone looks at him for a few seconds, then breaks out into laughter, Garry included.*
Eli: I have an idea. Dodgeball.
Robert: I don’t know, what if one of us gets hurt?
Eli: Well our starters are so good that none of us have pitched in 22 games. 
Robert: True. *yells* Hey Lorenzo, did you bring your dodgeball today? And also why do you ever bring a dodgeball?
Lorenzo: Hold on. *quickly eats three chicken wings*. I knew you guys would get sick of Go Fish and Battleship eventually, why else would I bring a dodgeball? *Tosses the dodgeball toward Robert.*
Garry: I call making teams! 
Eli: Trying to feel your biweekly sense of entitlement? 
Garry: Well I have to manage something. Kurt Lorenzo Jason versus Robert Bryan Eli. Try not to throw the ball towards me, time for my 3rd inning nap.

*Bryan throws the ball toward Lorenzo and hears a scream.*
Anonymous Fan #1: Hey watch where you throw that ball, you just hit my child!
*Eli throws the ball toward Jason and hears a scream.*
Anonymous Fan #2: That hurt! Jerk. 
*Kurt throws the ball toward Robert and hears a scream.*
Anonymous Fan #3: That ball just spilled my beer all over my girlfriend! 
*The three fans start booing, which soon makes its way through the entire stadium. The bullpen pitchers wave awkwardly when they see themselves on the giant outfield screen behind them. The boo continues for minutes as the game continues.*
Lorenzo: All these people booing and none of them threw food at us. Unbelievable. *Walks back to the bench in angry disbelief.*
Garry: Nice going guys, we three runs scored and the fans still booed through the inning. There goes my 3rd inning nap.
Jason: Anyone down for a collective 4th inning nap?
Garry: Well someone should probably stay up and watch the game to see if someone will need to start warming up.
*Blank stares from the pitchers, then all laugh.*
*The 4th inning nap ends up lasting until the bottom of the ninth.*
Garry: Quickly, someone start warming up, we gotta make it look like we’re doing something over here.
Eli: Who?
Garry: Why should I care?
*Bryan, the closer, starts warming up. He looks up to the outfield and sees himself on the big screen.*
Anonymous Fan #4: Try to keep this one in the bullpen! *people around him laugh. For the rest of the inning, highlights from the bullpen’s big nap are shown.*

Announcer: And that does it for today’s game. Mark that 23 games in a row without a bullpen.

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