Our House Season 1 Episode 7 - Our Congressman

                                                       Our House Season 1, Episode 7
                                                                  Our Congressman 
Teri: Hey guys, did you see this?
Cindy: See what?
Teri: I just got this email. Apparently, Dan Brent is coming to town for a town hall. You guys are all crazy, so I figured you’d want to go.
Cindy: We’re not crazy because of our political beliefs, and that’s just rude to say.
Teri: Oh, get over yourself. I say you’re crazy because you guys have gone to these things before and I see it as a waste of time. It’s not like any politician is actually going to listen to their constituents.
Cindy: I believe in Dan Brent. We all do.
Ralph: We most certainly do not. Some of us are going to yet at him. Like the good American citizens we are.
Cindy: Ralph, just don’t let mom say anything to crazy. She’s already known as “that lady from the news report.” We don’t need her to be known as “that lady from the news report and that town hall.”
Ralph: I’ll try my best. She’s very dedicated to sounding as insane as possible.
Teri: I know. But she better act her best. After all, this is the only time anyone in this district has seen Dan Brent in two years. We need him to answer as many questions as possible.
Cindy: You seem to care a lot about this town hall, Teri. Maybe you should come along.
Teri: Oh, no. I’ve already made up my mind on who I’m voting for. I don’t have any use for him. In fact, you guys should look out on the yard.
Cindy and Ralph look out to the yard.
Cindy: Teri you didn’t!
Teri: I did!
Ralph: Mad respect.
Cindy: How could you put up an Alicia Spanheim sign? This is our house too!
Teri: First, I believe in her message. Second, it’s my name on the lease. I can do whatever the hell I want!
Cindy: I want it down. You know how much Jerry and I respect Dan Brent.
Teri: Then get your own damn sign, I don’t care. But mine isn’t coming down.
Cindy: Maybe we will tonight.
Teri: Cool.
One week later, some of the family is heading to Dan Brent’s town hall.
Cindy: Alright, who’s going to Dan Brent’s town hall with us?
Betty: Your father and I are. And so is Ralph.
Cindy: Nobody else in the middle or right side of the political spectrum wants to come? Velma?
Velma: Nope, can’t stand the man.
Cindy: Mitchell?
Mitchell: Who is Dan Brent?
Cindy: Tammi?
Tammi: Sorry Mom, Steven has a project due tomorrow. I need to help him with it.
Cindy: Danielle?
Danielle: Yeah, not in the center. And certainly not on the right.
Cindy: Learn something new every day! So nobody wants to come with?
Tammi: Frank probably would if you ask.
Cindy: Wow, so absolutely nobody wants to go.
Tammi: Come on, ask Frank!
Cindy: Must I?
Tammi: What’s your problem with Frank?
Cindy: I don’t have a problem with him. I just have a problem with him being anywhere public while I’m there.
Tammi: Why?
Cindy: He tends to… pass gas. Frequently.
Tammi: Oh, come on mom!
Cindy: My nose can’t take it sweetie! It’s bad enough I have to deal with it every Sunday at church. Mary Ellen McClaine probably thinks I carry a dead rat around in my purse.
Tammi: Well I doubt anyone would think that!
Cindy: I was using hyperbole, Tammi!
Tammi: Can you at least invite him? He’ll be home in ten minutes.
Cindy: No can do! We’re going right now! It starts in an hour and we want good seats.
Tammi: Can’t you wait for him?
One hour later
Cindy: Frank, we can’t begin to tell you how happy we are to have you with us!
Frank: I’m glad to be here. We’re going to talk to a true patriot.
Betty (whispering): Karl, I’m incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like this is a trap.
Karl (whispering): It’s not a trap Betty.
Betty (whispering): I feel like I’m doing something wrong. My fellow CNN fans on Facebook would not approve of this.
Ralph (whispering): Don’t worry, we’re fighting the good fight.
Cindy: We can hear you! You’re all HORRIBLE whisperers.
Betty: We weren’t trying to keep you from hearing us.
Cindy: Okay, sure. I completely believe you.
Ralph: Hey Frank.
Frank: Yes Ralph?
Ralph: Cindy didn’t want you to come with. She says you smell.
Frank: What?
Ralph: You heard me.
Cindy: Ralph!
Frank: I can’t believe you didn’t want me to come, Cindy.
Cindy: It’s not that I didn’t want you to come. It’s that I was afraid you’d embarrass us. Also, we’re already late because of you, and I really wanted to be on time for something for once.
Ralph: Why, so you and Jerry can get a picture with the nazi Dan Brent.
Jerry: There you liberals go again. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you, they’re a nazi.
Ralph: If the shoe fits…
Jerry: At least I believe in the First Amendment.
Ralph: Only when it applies to you!
Betty: Everyone shut up! This was supposed to be a calm, normal family trip.
Ralph: Oh, since when do you care about normal?
Betty: When it tears my family apart. That’s when.
Jerry: You’re overreacting. We’re just having a disagreement.
Betty: I know an argument when I see one. I start them all the time. But we’re not doing this here. So everyone be quiet.
Cindy: I -
Betty: Only finish that thought if it’s something nice.
Cindy: I think you’re being ridiculous. We’re grown adults.
Betty: That wasn’t something nice.
Twenty minutes later, they arrive at the town hall and sneak in, finding the only seats left in the room.
Betty: Do you think they noticed us?
Cindy: I think so.
Betty: Why? We were really quite.
Jerry: Everyone’s staring at us. They noticed.
Dan Brent: Do any of the six rebels who got here late have a question for me?
Ralph: I do, congressman.
Dan: Let me hear it. I love my constituents, even the late ones!
Ralph: Alright. First, I was only late because I had to wait for one of your own supporters to be ready to go. Second, you haven’t had a town hall or any event to talk with your constituents in two years. Conveniently, that was also when you were running for re-election. How can you stand here saying you love constituents when you’re so clearly afraid of us?
Dan: I think that’s a very hostile question.
Ralph: We rely on you to be here for us and you won’t even listen to us! At least answer the question.
Dan: For your information, I have a website where you can send your concerns. I do care about my constituents and that’s a very effective way to contact me.
Ralph: You don’t listen too anyone. Especially not on there. You can just ignore us and nobody will know. I know you’ve ignored me.
Dan: That is a lie!
Ralph: You’re a professional liar! You only come back her every two years to pay us lip service and pretend you care what we think, and then you go back to DC for two years. The only way we ever get to see you is if you’re a loyal viewer of Fox & Friends. And you know that’s effective because all the people crazy enough to believe you and listen to you are watching Fox News all  day!
Dan: Security, can you remove him?
Ralph: Oh, you did not just go there!
Dan: I did, bye bye.
Betty: This is wrong. This is supposed to be an open forum for us to talk to our representative. You can’t just kick him out like that.
Dan: Please take the little old lady from Pasadena out too, please.
Betty: How dare you?
Dan: Does anyone else want to act like a fool?
Karl: F*** you!
Karl walks out.
Jerry: Those crazies are gone. Now can we get to the town hall?
Dan: Alright. Who has a real question for me?
Jerry: I do!
Dan: Alright. What is it?
Jerry: Could I please have your autograph? I’m such a fan!
Dan: Of course! Now these are the questions I was hoping for when I set this town hall. Not that earlier nonsense.
Outside the event, Ralph and Betty are being interviewed by Andrea Campbell from the Lakey Action News.
Andrea: I’m here with Ralph and oh boy… Betty Bellwood, who were both just kicked out of an explosive Dan Brent town hall. What went on in there?
Ralph: An elected official acted like a fool. He completely lost his marbles and screamed at me when I confronted him on being an absentee representative.
Betty: And I tried to defend my son. We both got kicked out for no reason.
Just then, Cindy, Jerry and Frank make their way outside.
Jerry: I got his autograph!
Betty: You did what?
Jerry: I asked a great man for his autograph.
Ralph: Well, you can’t fix stupid.
Twenty minutes later, the group arrives at home.
Teri: What the hell?
Betty: What is it Teri?
Teri: How do you always get on the news?
Betty: This wasn’t my fault! Dan Brent is just crazy.
Ralph: He really is, Teri. I confronted him about his record and he attacked me.
Jerry: You’re just a snowflake!
Betty: Cindy and Frank were silent the entire ride home. So this house is now an incredibly awkward one to live in and I’d prefer to just go to my room right now.
Teri: This is your house too, Mom. Don’t run away for no reason.
Velma: You guys know I’m all over the place politically, but I hate Dan Brent so good job sucking it to him. I saw the whole thing on Facebook.
Danielle: Why do you hate him again?
Velma: His face just disturbs me to be quite honest.
Danielle: Oh, that’s a good reason.
Betty: Oh god, look at the yard Teri. A freakin’ Dan Brent sign!
Teri: I did tell Cindy she could put it there if she got one. They have just as much of a right to put out a sign as we do.
Betty: I know, but it’s so gross. He kicked me out for being a good mother. I need to do whatever I can to take him down.
Teri: Volunteer for Alicia Spanheim’s campaign. She needs all the help she can get.
Betty: I think I might do that! 
Two weeks later. Betty is now volunteering for the Spanheim campaign, working under Spanheim’s chief of staff Margaret Towers.
Margaret: Alright Betty, we’re short staffed tonight, everyone has a stomach bug somehow. We’re gonna need you to drive Alicia to her debate.
Betty: Wait, what?
Margaret (borderline yelling) : You have to drive Alicia to the debate tonight.
Betty: I heard you, I’m just shocked! I get to meet her! I get to talk to her!
Margaret: Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. You haven’t been volunteering for long, but it’s clear that you’re very dedicated to this cause. Plus, you and your son really helped us in the polls after Brent made a fool out of himself at that town hall.
Betty: Wasn’t that great? He acted like such a fool!
Margaret: Alicia enjoyed it. It immediately put her in the lead and she hasn’t let go of it since.
Betty: I’m glad to help! Almost as glad as I am to drive her to the debate!
Margaret: Okay, Alicia is at home getting ready for the debate. I already put her address in this GPS, just put that up in your car and go pick her up.
Betty: I get to go to her house. Am I dreaming?
Margaret: No, you’re nto. But you better get going. It starts in two hours and they want to make sure her microphone, hair and makeup are all good. This debate’s a major deal, it’s gonna air on C-SPAN!
Betty: Whoa, that is a big deal!
Betty hurries to Alicia’s house to pick her up for the debate.
Alicia: Hello, you must be Betty. We’ve met before. You were starstruck and barely said anything to me.
Betty: Oh yes, that was me. Nice to meet you again!
Alicia: Same here. So, are you excited for the debate?
Betty: Of course! Can’t wait for you to kick Dan Brent’s a**!
Alicia: Wow, you really are a character! Glad to see someone on my team is letting loose a bit. Everyone else is too afraid that they’ll say the wrong thing to me.
Betty: Well that’s not me!
Alicia: Any debate advice for me? You seem like you’d be pretty experienced in dealing with bullies like Dan Brent.
Betty: I did think of a line. You probably won’t use it, but I have noticed that Dan Brent likes to talk more about Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama than he talks about you. SO maybe you can say something like “Do you even know who you’re running against? I’m not Nancy Pelosi, I’m not Barack Obama, my name is Alicia Spanheim!”
Alicia: That’s pretty good. Might make a good closing statement.
Betty: Ahh! Yo thought it was good! That’s just crazy! 
Alicia: I like your style Betty. Would you like to be with me at Spanheim HQ on election night? I’ll let you and all of my other top staff stand on stage during my victory speech.
Betty: I’m about to hyperventilate! I better focus on driving!
Ten minutes later, Betty drops Alicia off at the debate and drives home.
Betty: You guys will never guess what I just did!
Danielle: What is it?
Betty: I was just Alicia Spanheim’s personal chauffeur to the debate!
Danielle: That’s amazing Betty!
Betty: I know! She even asked me to be at her election party on election night!
Teri: Wow, you’re a true VIP!
Betty: I know! I’ve never been happier!
Karl: Wow.
One hour later, the debate is nearly over. The Bellwoods are watching it on television.
Alicia: You know, Representative Brent has said a lot of things tonight. Most of them involve Nancy Pelosi, or Barack Obama. He mentioned me by name once. Representative Brent, do you know which Democrat you’re running against in this race? I am not Nancy Pelosi, I am not Barack Obama, Alicia Spanheim is my name!
Betty: Oh my god, that’s my line!
Teri: Oh, sure it is.
Betty: It is, I told her in the car ride to the debate!
Two weeks later, the election is held. The Bellwoods are watching the results on TV.
Danielle: The polls just closed in Virginia! I wonder when we’ll find out about the race in our district!
Velma: Probably not for awhile, it’s supposed to be a pretty close ra-
Just then, Karen Whitman from the news interrupts the commentators with an election projection.
Karen: With only 5% of the vote reported, we can predict the second Democratic flip of the night and the second flip in Virginia overall. In Virginia’s 7th congressional district, Republican incumbent Dan Brent has lost his seat to Democratic challenger Alicia Spanheim by a fifteen point margin. She got a lot of publicity for her “Alicia Spanheim is my name” line at a debate, while Representative Brent’s most notable moment of the campaign was a leaked video of him kicking two constituents out of a town hall. Most political predictors agreed that this was one of the Democrats’ best pickup opportunities.
Jerry: Ah well, it’s only two years.
Ralph: Don’t you wish!

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