Our House Season 2 Episode 3 - Our Phone Plan

 Our House Season 2, Episode 3
Our Phone Plan

Velma walks out to the mailbox and pulls out the family’s phone bill. She opens it in the kitchen.
Velma: What the hell is this?
Cindy: What’s the matter, Velma?
Velma: Our phone bill.
Cindy: What’s the matter?
Velma: It’s $200 more than it was last month. That’s what the matter is.
Cindy: I didn’t do anything.
Velma: We’ll see about that. Family meeting!
Cindy: Oh no.
Betty: What’s going on?
Velma: All will be revealed.
Five minutes family, the entire family arrives in the living room.
Tammi: Why are we having a family meeting? It's two o’clock on a Saturday, some of us have places to be.guys 
Velma: And yet, we’ve all been here all day. We aren’t busy. It’s a perfect time for the family meeting! But where is Frank?
Tammi: He’s working.
Velma: He works at a school. It’s the weekend, why would he be working?
Tammi: He got another job for the weekends. You haven’t noticed?
Velma: I’m going to be very honest with you. No.
Tammi: That’s very upsetting.
Velma: At least I noticed he wasn’t here. Teri would be five minutes into the meeting by now.
Teri: It’s true.
Jerry: Can we get to this meeting?
Velma: Now that everyone’s accounted for, I guess. So, I was recently checking out the phone bill and it was insanely high. Two hundred dollars more than last month. What are you guys doing?
Nobody says anything.
Velma: So that’s the game we’re playing. Just ignoring me entirely and pretending that this is totally fine. We might live in a freaking palace but none of us are rich. We can’t afford this. Changes have to be made, and they have to be made right now.
Cindy: What do you expect us to do about it?
Velma: Every single one of you went over on your data limits. And not just a little over. Some of you doubled your limits. And a certain Betty even tripled her limit.
Betty: In my defense, we were training for the fall run a lot in areas without cell service.
Velma: Bull. I don’t know what you guys are doing but it has to stop. I know pretty much everyone here works and your money is yours to do whatever you want with, but we split this bill evenly among us and I shouldn’t have to pay for you guys to go over your limit when I haven’t even used my cell phone in months.
Cindy: You’re angry today, Velma. Do you need a Snickers?
Velma: No, I do not need a Snickers. I can buy a whole bag of Snickers with the money I’d save if you people could just learn to not use all your data.
Cindy: It was only one month, I’m sure it’ll go down with the next bill.
Velma: That’s why I’m calling the phone company. If they can’t get this bill down by the next billing period, I’m canceling the phone plan and getting one for myself. You guys will be on your own.
The entire family starts yelling at Velma.
Teri: You can’t do this! I need Candy Crush!
Jerry: That’s just wrong! You’re going to put us through such a hassle just because you had to pay a little extra on a phone bill!
Velma: You know what was such a hassle? Having to set up this family-wide phone plan to begin with. Looking at the bill steadily climb every week because I keep track all of the family-wide finances in this house. Having to listen to excuses and angry comments from all of you people over having to get a new phone plan. Newsflash: I’ll need to get one too, and I’m gonna be the one canceling the current one. So no matter what, I’ll be doing more work than you guys regarding this bill. That’s the real hassle here. Sit down, shut up, and deal with the consequences of your actions. It’s not that hard. Maybe you should’ve thought about the mess it would cause when you all were running up the phone bills by using all of our data and making dozens of purchases in the app store!
Teri: I’m sorry, I just really wanted to finish this one level on Candy Crush and…
Velma: Shut. Up.
Cindy: I think she might be mad now, guys.
Velma: No, I was mad when I opened that bill up. I am infuriated. I can’t even call the phone company right now I’m so pissed. I am leaving and nobody should follow me. Not even you Mitchell. I need to cool off. See ya.
Velma storms out the front door and slams it shut.
Teri: Did she really think anyone would follow her?
Mitchell: Especially me! I’m busy reading the TV Guide, I’m on this couch until this is done.
Cindy: I can’t believe she acted like that. We made the bill slightly higher than normal, that isn’t anything to go crazy about.
Betty: She just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Tammi: When doesn’t she?
Karl: Maybe instead of everyone here playing the victim and acting like Velma is insane, you should think about it. None of us are ever careful not to use too much data. We don’t care about it. If we could just be mindful of it, we could save Velma some stress and save us all some money.
Mitchell: Now you’re sounding as crazy as Velma!
Karl: She’s your wife, Mitchell. I thought that you of all people would see my point.
Mitchell: Your point sucks!
Karl: My lord. You guys are all so thickheaded. We need to be kind to one another and help each other out when we’re struggling.
Cindy: How can we be kind when she’s screaming at us?
Karl: She was only screaming because we all gave her a hard time.
Cindy: She should have just kept her cool and we wouldn’t have screamed at her.
Karl: I can never get through to any of you. There’s no use even trying.
Four hours later, Velma returns home.
Karl: Velma, welcome back!
Velma: Am I still the devil?
Karl: I don’t know. Everyone went to a concert at Cindy and Jerry’s church. Everyone was mad when they left because they’re being ridiculous today.
Velma: At least someone doesn’t hate me today.
Karl: I think they’re just upset because you called them out. You called me out too but I can take it.
Velma: At least someone can.
Three days later, Velma calls the phone company.
Velma: Hi, my name is Velma Bellwood and I’m calling in regards to my most recent phone bill. It was over $200 more than the previous month and I was wondering if there was anything we could do to keep the price under control in future months.
Tina: Hi Velma, this is Tina. I’m going to look into any ways to get your phone bill down.
Velma: Thank you. It’s nice to finally have someone li-
Tina: Yeah, Velma, I’m really sorry but there’s nothing I can do.
Velma: What? I asked you like twenty seconds ago.
Tina: I’m sorry, you have promotions and the lowest possible price on everything. The only way to bring your bill down is for the people on your plan to not go over your data limits.
Velma: That’s not going to happen apparently. So just cancel the family plan. Right now. Then I’d like one plan for me and my husband. His name is Mitchell.
Tina: I can do that. Would you like me to shut off service now or wait until everyone else on your plan can find something else?
Velma: Now, please.
Tina: Alright, thanks for calling and for continuing to be a customer. Have a nice day.
Velma: You t-
Four hours later…
Tammi: VELMA!!!
Velma: What is it, Tammi?
Tammi: I placed an order at Walmart to pick up on my way home from work. I pulled out my phone to show them proof I made the order. It didn’t work. It said there was no service. What did you do?
Velma: I didn’t do a thing that I didn’t already say I’d do.
Tammi: You were serious? I thought you were joking!
Betty: What’s wrong with my phone?
Tammi: Velma canceled our phone plan.
Betty: What were you thinking?
Velma: I was thinking you all needed to be taught a lesson. I gave you a warning, maybe if you’d have talked to me since Saturday this wouldn’t have happened.
Jerry: What if someone in the family would have needed their phone for an emergency?
Velma: In my defense, I didn’t think of that. But nothing happened!
Jerry: You don’t know that. Tammi’s the only one home from work so far.
Velma: The cops would’ve called us by now if someone was in serious trouble.
Betty: What if Teri got kidnapped? Or Danielle drove off the road and nobody found her? Or a moose attacked Cindy and dragged her off into the woods?
Velma: Really Betty? You’re going there?
Betty: They could all happen!
Velma: Betty we live in Virginia! There aren’t even any moose here!
Betty: One could have wandered.
Velma: So the only moose to ever travel on down to Virginia just happened to end up in Lakey and just happened to jump through Cindy’s window, pull her out and take her to the woods? That’s what you’re going with?
Betty: Yes.
Velma: My god. Everyone’s going to be fine. Just calm down.
Teri rushes through the door.
Teri: What the hell, Velma?
Velma: This is about the phones.
Teri: I can’t believe you just canceled our phone plan with no warning.
Velma: I did warn you! You guys were just all so busy being angry that you didn’t listen!
Karl: Everyone needs to just calm down. I’ve been home for an hour and I already called and set up a phone plan for Betty and me. You guys are spending all of your time being angry when you could spend a third of that time calling and use the other two-thirds doing something productive. I know you didn’t like not having service for a few hours, I didn’t love it either, but instead of complaining about it I just fixed the problem. You guys can, too. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to read the newspaper on the porch where it’s quiet.
Fifteen minutes later, the entire family is home from work and school.
Teri: Okay, now that everyone is here. We should really start taking dad’s advice and get to work on setting up our own phone plans. Would anyone like to partner up with me? Most of you already have someone to pair up with and you can save some money that way. Zeke?
Zeke: Mom and dad already asked me.
Teri: Damn you, Cindy.
Danielle: I’ll do it. After all, you’re the reason I’m in this family to begin with.
Teri: That’s true, you owe me.
Ralph: Well can I join in?
Teri: Sure, as long as you don’t go crazy with your data like we did last time.
Velma: What? How are you people being mindful of this now? It took a full-on mental breakdown by me for you guys to see that I was right?
Teri: Oh Velma. No. We just can’t rely on anyone else picking up the slack on our bills anymore so we’re gonna watch our spending now.
Velma: You people…
Teri: I love us so I take that as a compliment.
Steven: Mom, all of this talk about phones makes me want a cell phone now. Billy just got one, he even showed me it on the bus.
Tammi: Velma, I’m gonna get you. If you wouldn’t have flipped out then I wouldn’t be going through this right now.
Steven: Well can I get one?
Tammi: Sweetie, no. You aren’t old enough. When you’re thirteen you can get one. No sooner. You need to be a teenager.
Steven: But Mom!
Tammi: No whining. You aren’t getting one, end of story.
Steven runs off to his bedroom and slams his door.
Tammi: Great. Now I get to deal with this. I wanted to watch The Kelly Clarkson Show but I guess that’s not happening. Freakin’ Velma.
Velma: This is not my fault.
Mitchell: Yes it is, you dummy.
Velma: Mitchell! You’re my husband, you should be standing by me!
Mitchell: You were a drama queen, I can’t.
Frank: Why didn't nobody ask me my thoughts on a phone plan?
Teri: Because you’re obviously getting one with your wife, you blubbering ignoramus.
Frank: That’s not very nice.
Teri: Having to look at you every day isn’t very nice but I do it.
Velma: I just want to apologize to everyone for freaking out. I still think I was justified to be upset but I could’ve gone about it in a better way and I apologize.
Teri: You know what? I actually accept your apology. Mainly because your apology allowed my conversation with Frank to end so suddenly.
Frank: Why do you all hate me so much? I’ve been in this family for so long.
Teri: You ask the same thing every week. Shut up.

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