The Bullpen 2018 Holiday Episode: The Paper Clip Boxes

Kurt: long-term reliever 
Lorenzo: middle relief pitcher
Jason: left-handed specialist
Robert: 8th inning pitcher/setup man
Bryan: closer
Eli: various relief positions
Garry: Bullpen coach

[Scene: The Bullpen. All six pitchers are there.]
Kurt: Why are we doing this in the bullpen again?
Jason: Where else would we do a Christmas gift swap? Plus now that it’s the offseason we don’t have 40,000 people paying to see us.
Robert: Yeah Jason that’s exactly what they do, they pay $10 to watch us. Not the people actually playing the game.
Jason: Think it’s more like $100.
Kurt: Is it $100? I thought it’s like $90 for seats in the middle and $135 for seats up front, but you can buy them cheaper in a resale.
Lorenzo: Whatever I want to open my presents.
Bryan: One present, Lorenzo. 
Lorenzo: Those aren’t all for me?
Bryan: No...
Lorenzo: Eh, I know. Figured I’d try at least.
Garry: Alright guys let’s get this over with, everyone take a present and open it.
Kurt: Coach what’s the point of this again?
Garry: Team bonding and whatnot. They say it’s good for morale God forbid any of you have to go on the field again.
Kurt: It’s OK coach, if we ever come into the game we’re losing by so much that the batters don’t even care. I think they might feel bad for us.
Lorenzo: Can I open my present or what?
Garry: What did I tell you when you asked if you could go home in the 2nd inning in July?
Lorenzo: Yeah whatever?
Garry: Same answer this time. 
Lorenzo: *opens present* Oh awesome! I got...this.
Bryan: It’s a box where you can put in paper clips! 
Jason: Did you find it on the ground on your way here?
Bryan: Oh because your present is so much better I bet.
Jason: That was MY paper clip box! I was looking for it.
Lorenzo: Want it?
Kurt: *Suddenly paying attention* Someone has a paper clip box?
Eli: Look everyone, Lorenzo has a paper clip box! 
Lorenzo: If you actually want it...
*Everyone goes after Lorenzo for the paper clip box*
Robert: Yeah he’s right everyone, let’s just open up the other stuff and fight over it later.
*Everyone else picks a present*
Jason: So it looks like we all got paper clip boxes, didn’t we?
Kurt: Did anyone at least leave some paper clips in there?
Jason: Then how would you put more in? Wait, Kurt, how come you didn’t open up yours?
Kurt: I think I know what a paper clip box looks like judging by the six in front of my own eyes right now. *Happily opens up present* OK who purchased tickets to one of our own games from three months ago?
Lorenzo: I found it by one of the popcorn stands. Now you can officially have a souvenir from one of our games. You’re welcome.
Garry: Guys, why are there stadium security guards walking towards us?
Lorenzo: Oh they must be lost. *Shouts to them*THERE’S NO GAME TODAY!
Security Guard #1: Yeah I think you’ve had enough fun here, this place is only to be used by the players.
Garry: Oh sorry sir, you see...these actually are the players. I’m the coach.
Security Guard #2: Likely story. If you’re the actual bullpen, name 5 players on your team.
Security Guard #1: *To Security Guard #2* You know I think this might mean they actually are the guys in the bullpen. Any fan caring enough to come to this place in December would surely know the names of some of the players.
Security Guard #2: *To players* Sorry everyone, our mistake. Carry on. that a paper clip box?
Security Guard #2: You didn’t hear? They’re letting whoever shows up with the most of these throw out the ceremonial first pitch on Opening Day! These boxes are being donated to charity.
Lorenzo: Oh...yeah, not interested.
Bryan: I thought these were immunity for not going into the game.
Eli: Yeah you can have mine too *hands it to Security Guard #2*
Security Guard #1: And I thought the whole you not wanting to come into the game thing was a joke.
Garry: Hey, as I keep telling them, the less they pitch, the better their stats look. *Pause* Merry Christmas everyone.
Eli: Merry Christmas coach.
Garry: OK thanks Eli...was expecting more people to join in on that one.

Lorenzo: I thought we were here for New Years’. 

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