Our House Season 1, Episode 3 - Our Christmas

                                                   Our House Season 1, Episode 3
                                                              Our Christmas

It’s November 24, and the family is having their weekly family meeting.
Betty: Alright guys, I think it’s time to start discussing Christmas plans.
Teri: Mom, it’s two days after Thanksgiving. We have time.
Betty: This is a pressing issue and it will be dealt with now.
Teri: Why?
Betty: Because I know all of you, and most of you don’t even put out decorations until December 20th.
Karl: It’s true.
Betty: And some of you don’t do it at all. And some of you really don’t even try. Velma, I’m lookin’ at you, kid.
Velma: That is a lie and you know it! I put out a beautiful laser lights display and my old neighborhood loved it.
Betty: Did they?
Velma: No… It was basic.
Betty: Exactly. Not this year! We have a ton of Christmas stuff to work with! Between my decorations, and Teri’s, and Cindy and Jerry’s, we have a lot. The rest of you also have decorations, I think. Maybe we’ll use them.
Frank: So, what are you getting at here exactly?
Betty: I made this diagram. It’s the front of our house. And I’ve sketched out where I want every decoration. I also ordered some new stuff at The Home Depot, with Steven’s help.
Steven: I did help her!
Betty: Thanks, sweetie. The computer confuses me. Oogle and Ding are so hard to use.
Teri: It’s actually… never mind.
Jerry: So, who is doing this decorating? And when? Because that’s a lot of lights.
Betty: I will supervise, as always. Jerry, Frank and Karl are gonna be putting them up. You’re all big and strong. You can get it done!
Jerry: Why don’t Ralph and Mitchell have to do anything? And what’s everyone else doing?
Betty: Here’s the beauty of my plan! While you guys decorate outside, everyone else gets to decorate inside! And we need Ralph and Mitchell to carry those boxes around for us.
Mitchell: This plan just soured for me.
Betty: It’s my plan and I’m sticking to it.
Mitchell: As long as I don’t need to deal with the cold, I guess I’ll be okay.
Karl: You guys should be excited! We get to do such a fun thing together!
Cindy: Did mom tell you to say that?
Karl: I can not tell a lie, yes.
Cindy: Mom…
Betty: I was afraid you’d need convincing. But you’re all rational people, so I don’t know why I thought that. Also, I forgot to mention, I want to do this tomorrow!
Jerry: Are you kiddin’ me?
Tammi: Grandma, tomorrow is SUNDAY.
Betty: And what’s so special about Sunday?
Tammi: Church and football!
Betty: We can go to church and be home by noon. We’ll start decorating immediately after, and you can leave on the football in the background. It’s a perfect plan.
Ralph: I guess we can try to get it done tomorrow. We do have enough decorations for 10 houses, but we can at least make an attempt. You’re all being so negative.
Betty: Alright, let’s vote. All in favor raise your hand. All opposed. And it passes unanimously, because you are all scared of me.
Jerry: I am not.
Betty: You sure are.
Cindy: Alright, I’d like to introduce a resolution. We can’t buy each other Christmas presents this year. A lot of us just don’t have the money after buying the house, and nobody wants to feel funny about receiving and not giving. I think Steven’s the only one who really needs anything this year.
Tammi: Well that’s not fair, if nobody else gets presents I don’t think Steven needs any either. I’ll just buy for him and everyone else can forget it.
Steven: Mom…
Tammi: Okay fine, everyone can buy for Steven if you want. But I want to make it up to anyone that does.
Cindy: I guess we should vote on this. All in favor? All opposed? It passes 10-2. Teri, Mom may I ask why you voted no?
Teri: Cindy, I like presents. I buy presents. Presents are what I’m best at. Cindy, you won’t take presents from me.
Cindy: Okay…
Betty: Yeah, what she said.
Cindy: Please just don’t buy presents. Save up your money.
Betty: I won’t. I promise.
The next day.
Betty: Alright guys, let’s get to work. You guys got your church, now I get my lights.
Jerry: We just pulled into the driveway. Give us a minute.
Tammi: Yeah, Clara Montclair just made Christmas cookies and she gave us a tin. I have to take it into the house.
Betty: Those are mine now.
Tammi: She made enough for us to all have two.
Betty: I decide who gets what. You’re 7 minutes late.
Cindy: Mom. Stop.
Betty: I’m just having a little fun. Now get in the house, Ralph and Mitch already brought down 5 boxes of decorations from the attic. You girls need to help Velma, Teri and Danielle, they’ve been working for three hours straight while you were sitting in church.
Cindy: In our defense, Pastor Gerry’s sermon was wonderful today. She even talked about the War on Christmas.
Betty: That’s not a real thing.
Cindy: I’m just messing with you! It’s too easy to get under your skin.
Betty: Just get in the house and stop messing around. Even Steven’s already in there. Look at him, decorating the tree terribly.
Cindy: What’s he doing wrong?
Betty: He’s putting his mother’s ornaments in the front. There will be no Dallas Cowboys ornaments on my tree.
Cindy: What? Why not?
Betty: We’re an Eagles family!
Cindy: Since when?
Betty: Forever!
Cindy: I’m not okay with that.
Betty: What, are you afraid of the Iggles?
Cindy: Umm… no. I’m gonna go decorate now.
Betty: You do that. Jerry, Frank, go help Karl.
Frank: I’m going up now. I don’t know where Jerry is.
Betty: His car isn’t here. Where could he even go?
Frank: Anywhere that isn’t here. Ole’ Jerry is not a fan of decorating.
Betty: But he always decorated the house for Christmas.
Frank: He paid the neighbor kid to do it. Ten bucks an hour for 3 hours, it kept Cindy happy, it was worth it for him.
Betty: Well he’s not getting out of this.
Frank: What do you suppose we do?
Betty: You go help Karl. I’m going to find him. Karl, where are your keys???
Karl: On the counter.
Betty: Okay, I’m goin’ for a ride.
Karl: Just don’t get arrested.
Betty: Don’t be an idiot Karl.
Betty drives off.
Betty: Ooooh, I see you, Jerry. McDonald’s is a terrible hiding place.
Betty gets out of the car at McDonald’s and runs in.
Jerry: Oh crap.
Betty: Let’s go home, you idiot. Your father-in-law and son-in-law are doing it all by themselves.
Jerry: I hate decorating. As a kid, my dad made me do it and I ended up falling and getting a concussion.
Betty: That’s not gonna happen again. And besides, I’ll give you my cut of the Christmas cookies if you come back.
Jerry: Fine, I’ll help. But not before I get my Big Mac.
Betty: Alright. But make it quick. I don’t trust Karl to stick to my plan if I’m not there.
Betty and Jerry drive home and discover an ugly sight.
Jerry: What happened here?
Frank: I fell from the roof. Karl tried to help me but he wasn't strong enough to hold me up. I think I broke my leg.
Jerry: I told you this would happen, Betty!
Betty: Technically, you were afraid you’d get a concussion. Frank broke his leg. Much different situation.
Frank: Someone just get me to a hospital!
Tammi: I’ll drive! Dad and Grandpa, please help me lift him into the car.
Jerry: No, you just get in the car. I don’t want you hurting yourself.
Frank: I’m actually hurt! Please worry about me!
Jerry: Betty, can you ask Mitchell to come help us?
Betty runs into the house.
Betty: Frank broke his leg, we need your help lifting him into the car.
Mitchell: Sure, let’s go.
Frank: Tammi! Can you get me some hot cocoa?
Tammi: Frank, you can walk with the crutches. I took off work for four days to take care of you, I think you can do some things for yourself now.
Frank: But… Rudolph is on.
Tammi: I don’t care if Rudolph is in our living room, get up and get your own hot chocolate.
Frank: Fine.
Betty: Teri, come on! We need to get to the store now.
Cindy: Where are you going?
Betty: Target. We want to get some new boxes of Christmas cards and we also have to pick up some new decorations and presents for Steven but nobody else.
Cindy: That was… very specific.
Betty: I do like specificity.
Cindy: You’re being suspicious.
Betty: Me? Suspicious?
Teri: Alright mom, I have your Christmas CDs, let’s go!
Betty: See you Cindy, enjoy your day. We’ll be back soon.
Cindy: You too, mom.
In the car…
Betty: I think Cindy may be onto us.
Teri: What, how?
Betty: I kinda gave her an overly-suspicious answer to her question and I think she knows we’re buying presents for everyone now.
Teri: I hope not. But there isn’t much we can do. Let’s just get to the store and out really quickly.
At Target…
Teri: Okay, so what are we getting for everyone?
Betty: I thought you made a list.
Teri: I thought you were. Welp, guess we wing it.
Betty: This trip is going to take forever. They’re gonna know.
Teri: Well if freakin’ Cindy didn’t have to take charge and demand we didn’t buy presents, we could have just done this part on Amazon.
Betty: But she’s Cindy. She always does something like this and we have to suffer.
Teri: We should split up. You take Dad, Velma, Mitchell, Tammi, Frank and Steven. I’ll take Cindy, Jerry, Ralph, Zeke and Danielle. And we should get each other something. Let’s not show each other though. We’ll meet up in the movie section an hour. Agreed? And remember, two gifts per person. They aren’t getting anything else so we better just give everyone two.
Betty: Aww, I wanted to shop for Ralph.
Teri: Alright, you can have him. I’ll just shop for Jerry instead.
Betty: Sounds like a plan.
Back at the house…
Frank: Can someone please get me hot cocoa? I’m very injured!
Cindy: If your wife won’t get it, surely we won’t. You’re just gonna have to get up.
Frank: But it’s so comfy on this couch! It’s making my leg feel better.
Cindy: Then you don’t need hot cocoa. Here’s a bottle of water.
Frank: But it’s cold and this will only make me cooler.
Cindy: Then take this blanket. But I’m not making your hot cocoa. You need to start doing things for yourself again.
Frank: But why????
Cindy: Your doctor said on Monday, and I quote, “you shouldn’t lay around all the time.” So don’t. You already have for six days straight.
Frank: Oh fine. I’ll try and get it.
Cindy: Here’s your crutches. Don’t hurt yourself more.
Frank: I won’t. I’m not an idiot.
Frank gets off the couch and immediately slips and falls onto the ground.
Cindy: What was that. Honestly, what was that?
Frank: Maybe I should have used the crutches to get up.
Cindy: Uh, yeah.
Frank: Can you help me up?
Cindy: It’s Christmas, I guess.
Frank: What does that mean?
Cindy: If I wasn’t in such a cheery mood, maybe I’d have left you there. But I am, so I’ll help. Frank: Thanks, I guess.
Cindy: You’re welcome.
Back at the store, after Teri and Betty have finished shopping…
Teri: Mom! What the heck is going on with your cart?
Betty: Well, I can explain. It looks like a lot, but I can explain. Most of the gifts that I got are really big. I promise that I stuck to our two gift limit.
Teri: Okay. But, I got everyone two 15 dollar presents and you got them two 50 dollar presents! We don’t have money for that!
Betty: We sure do!
Teri finds the price check and starts adding up the cost of the gifts.
Teri: No, mom. We don’t. And so much of this isn’t even stuff we need. Who’s this 50 dollar pocket knife for? And why would anyone need such an expensive knife?
Betty: It’s for your father. And Jerry told me that your dad wanted it
Teri: Are you sure Jerry didn’t just want it for himself?
Betty: Jerry would never lie about something as holy as Christmas presents.
Teri: I think that you really do believe that. You’re wrong, but I can tell you think it’s not a complete lie.
Betty: Anyway, I’ll go look for a cheap second present for everyone. You should look for a more expensive present for everyone you’re buying for. We don’t want to look like we’re playing favorites.
Teri: Oh boy. I really wanted to get home to watch It’s A Wonderful Life tonight. Maybe next week.
Back at the house…
Cindy: Steven, come on. You and your mom are gonna make cookies with me and cousin Velma.
Velma: I’ve always been told I make the best cookies. And chocolate chip muffins!
Cindy: We’re not making chocolate chip muffins.
Velma: You said we’d talk about it.
Cindy: I talked with myself, I decided against it. It’s not Christmassy. You don’t even have muffin wrappers with holly leaves or snowmen or anything Christmas-related on them.
Steven: Please stop arguing.
Cindy: Oh, Steven’s here! I forgot. We weren’t arguing sweetie. We were negotiating.
Velma: Yes, negotiating. We just wanted to figure out what we were making.
Cindy: Steven, you can do us a favor and go mix those ingredients on the counter over there in this bowl for the chocolate chip cookies. That’s all we can make for now until your mom gets home from the store.
Steven: Will do! I like helping.
Velma: Where is Tammi?
Cindy: I’d like to say I know. But it’s been two hours and we asked her to get baking supplies, not a whole grocery order. I’m worried.
Velma: Don’t be.
Cindy: I’m gonna call her.
Cindy picks up her cell phone and calls Tammi. Tammi picks up.
Tammi: Why haven’t you guys answered my calls?
Cindy: What do you mean?
Tammi: I’ve called six times and nobody answered!
Cindy walks over to the landline.
Cindy: Agh! Nobody hung up the phone. I’m a sorry sweetie, what were you calling for?
Tammi: My car broke down on the highway.
Cindy: Oh no! I’ll come pick you up.
Tammi: Please hurry. It’s so cold.
Cindy: I’ll get there as soon as I can.
Cindy hangs up the phone and grabs her coat.
Velma: What’s going on?
Cindy: Tammi’s car broke down. I’m gonna go pick her up. Just put the baking stuff away for tonight, we’ll do it next week.
Velma: Why?
Cindy: Because I’m gonna be so tired by the time I get back from picking Tammi up and it’s just too much.
Steven: Aww, I was really looking forward to baking cookies.
Cindy: I know Steven. We’ll do it next week, I promise.
Frank: No, you guys stay and make cookies. I’ll go pick Tammi up.
Cindy: But your foot is broken. You haven’t left the house in days.
Frank: I need to do this for her. I’ve been a burden, it’s the least I can do.
Just then, Betty and Teri burst into the house.
Betty: Frank’s standing? Never thought I’d see that again.
Teri: Mom!
Cindy: He’s going to pick Tammi up. Her car broke down.
Betty: That was Tammi?
Cindy: What was Tammi?
Teri: We saw a car on the side of the road on our way back from the store. It looked like Tammi’s car, but we figured it was just a coincidence. It… wasn’t.
Cindy: I wish you would’ve stopped. But it’s fine. Frank can pick her up.
Frank: I’m gonna go now. She’s been waiting long enough.
Cindy: I do have to ask though, Mom. Where were you?
Betty: Target! Getting Steven’s presents and cards and decorations.
Cindy: For five hours? It’s almost 1 and you left at 8!
Betty: The cards were really hard to pick out.
Cindy: So, where are the cards? I’d like to see them.
Betty: I forgot them. In the car.
Cindy: Sure. The Christmas cards that took five hours to pick up just got forgotten. Suspicious.
Betty: Not suspicious! We certainly weren’t doing anything we weren’t supposed to!
Teri: Come on mom. Let’s go write out some cards.
Cindy: Yeah, me and Velma have to get to work on baking these cookies.
Betty: Cookies? I love cookies!
Cindy: And you can eat some when we’re done.
Betty: I love making cookies!
Cindy: Make some with Teri.
Betty: Why are you being mean to me?
Cindy: I’m not, mom. It’s just that whenever you’re in the kitchen, you get very controlling. It has to be your way. We want to have fun.
Betty: We always had fun when we baked.
Cindy: No, we didn’t. Unless you enjoyed the sound of crying children.
Betty: Teri, is that true?
Teri: I’m not getting involved in this weirdness.
Cindy: Teri was ten years younger than me and Ralph, she wouldn’t remember our baking disasters.
Betty: Fine, I’ll go write cards with Teri.
Teri: Hey, I’m right here! Maybe try and hide the disappointment in your voice.
Betty: Oh, sorry dear.
Cindy: Y’know what, fine. Mom, you can bake with us. But it’s still our kitchen, not yours. We work as equals. Except for Steven.
Two hours later…
Cindy: MOM!!! Stop grabbing the mixer from me. We’re working as equals.
Tammi: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’d rather be back on the highway.
Velma: This really is an experience.
Betty: Oh quiet, Velma. You already burned enough cookies.
Velma: It was only the one batch!
Tammi: I think I’m just gonna go write out cards with Aunt Teri.
Velma: Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
Teri, from the other room: Looks like everything’s coming up Teri!
Betty: Shut up Teri!
Teri: Wow Mom.
Steven: When will Grandma and Nana stop fighting?
Tammi: Never, honey. C’mon, let’s go write cards to a bunch of people that we barely even know and no longer speak to. There’s even a chance that some of them are dead! Fun!
Teri: None of these people are dead, Tammi. I checked the obituaries. Nana Sarah’s old friend Marie from the retirement home is still alive and kickin’ at the age of 102.
Tammi: Are we sure?
Teri: I think so.
Cindy: Mom, you put too much butter in the peanut butter batter. You’re messing up constantly.
Betty: If I didn’t have someone criticizing everything I do, maybe I’d be able to focus!
Cindy: You’re being ridiculous today!
Betty: Not as ridiculous as you. You wouldn’t even let us buy presents! It’s Christmas!
Cindy: We don’t have money!
Betty: But I love buying presents! It makes me happy!
Cindy: I don’t care, you shouldn’t buy them!
Betty and Cindy start throwing flour at each other.
Teri: Oh stop it, you’re both being insane.
Betty and Cindy throw flour at Teri.
Teri: Come on!
Betty: We’re being completely sane.
Teri: Hey Cindy, Mom bought presents. If you excuse me, I have to take a shower. Velma, finish the cards.
Cindy: Mom, why did you buy presents?
Betty: Because I love all of you guys and I want to give you a good Christmas! It would be so disappointing for all of you if nobody bought any presents. I don’t care if I get anything, but I want everyone to have something to open.
Cindy: Oh mom! I’m so sorry, I’ve been so silly today. And I shouldn’t have banned gifts.
Betty: I’m sorry too. I should have just told you instead of going behind your back. And I never wanted to ruin your baking day. I just wanted to make memories.
Cindy: It’s okay. You didn’t ruin it. We ruined it, together.
Teri: Aww.
Four hours later, the family gathers together to watch It’s a Wonderful Life together.
Teri: I’m telling you, this is gonna be good. And you’re all gonna love it, even if it is like three hours long.
Steven: Three hours? Can’t we watch The Santa Clause instead?
Teri: NO!

What did you think of the episode? Comment your thoughts below and make sure to catch a new episode in early 2019!

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