The cast and crew of Bake Your Heart Out are on a plane to Seattle.
Diane: Can you believe this season’s almost over?
Sam: I can’t believe it’s not already over! I’m exhausted!
Garry: You don’t have to insult me like that.
Sam: I didn’t even mention you! Yet…
Garry: Carry on, then.
Sam: Don’t boss me around!
Garry: Noted.
Frances: Sam, go easy on Garry. It’s his anniversary!
Sam: I’m aware, he’s talked about it almost as much as Charlotte talks about her Oscar.
Charlotte: It’s a truly fabulous achievement, very few have done it.
Frances: Do you think Daniel Day-Lewis mentions his Oscars in every other sentence?
Charlotte: It’s an honor to be compared to Sir Daniel Day-Lewis. I so appreciate it.
Frances: I… don’t think I was doing that.
Sam: You had to know that’s how she was going to hear it.
Leslie: So anyway, are we all excited to see Seattle?
Sam: What’s there to be excited about? Rain?
Leslie: It doesn’t rain that much! It’s a beautiful city, so I’ve been told.
Sam: The weather is so bad that their WNBA team is called the “Seattle Storm.”
Leslie: Indiana’s is called the Fever, that doesn’t mean they all have the flu.
Sam: If you watch the team play, they might as well have the flu!
Charlotte: Enough about your American sports.
Sam: Yes, we get it — you have an Oscar, so you can boss us around.
Charlotte: I never claimed that! I simply said that I don’t care to discuss sports. To me, all of them are boring except for football.
Sam: Go Birds!
Charlotte: Birds?
Sam: Oh, you mean the traditional football…
Charlotte: Why would I be referring to American football? It’s barely even played with your feet, the name is ridiculous.
Diane: I’d like to note that complaining about sports talk has only led to further sports talk, which is why the logical response to sports talk is to simply tune it out if you don’t care to hear about it.
Garry: Can we circle back to my anniversary?
Charlotte: I’d rather talk about sports!
Sam: Very good. Keep bullying him, we’ll get him to shut up one of these days.
Garry: Let me get this out, I have to say it before Carly wakes up.
Sam: She’s probably just faking being asleep. I know I would do that a lot if I were married to you.
Leslie: Sam, give him a break. You taunt him far too much.
Sam: You say far too much, I say not enough!
Garry: Anyway, you guys might not know this, but Carly is from Seattle originally. So we are spending our anniversary in her hometown.
Sam: That’s great. If you’re going to keep talking, I’m going to nap. I won’t be subjected to this.
Garry: Be my guest!
Sam: Don’t boss me around!
Garry: Why do you keep saying that to me?
Diane: She’s a hater. A world champion hater. And you’re her favorite target.
Garry: I still don’t know how she came to hate me so much.
Sam: Look at the sweater you’re wearing.
Garry: What does that have to do with anything?
Sam: It represents everything wrong with you. It’s annoying, pretentious, and unpleasant, much like you.
Leslie: I just don’t understand why you have to antagonize him so much. You don’t care to keep the peace at all?
Sam: I have to keep it real.
Melanie: Garry, I care about your anniversary. Go ahead and share.
Garry: So, I’ve planned a beautiful dinner in the park. It’s the same meal we had on our first date - she had vegetarian lasagna, I had shrimp scampi. We shared a bottle of aged Riesling and for dessert, tiramisu. It was perfect, and the start of our perfect life together.
Sam: No comment.
Leslie: Finally.
Later that day…
Jacqueline: I understand none of you like me. However, if you could refrain from childishly hiding from me when you see me walking towards you in public, that’d be great.
Diane: I… don’t think anyone was doing that.
Jacqueline: Frances is still on the ground.
Frances: Trying to find my glasses!
Jacqueline: They’re on your head.
Frances: Of course! I’m so scatterbrained sometimes!
Jacqueline: I’ll give you all the benefit of the doubt and say that I buy that excuse for the sake of keeping the peace.
Leslie: Anyhow, it’s nice to see you.
Sam: Is i-
Leslie: Sam, silence!
Sam: I won’t be silenced!
Jacqueline: I’m glad to be here. You all did leave Vegas without me, and I didn’t love that, but I think it was a harmless mistake. I got here eventually, on my own private plane. It worked out!
Sam: If only it had crashed…
Leslie: Oh my god…
Jacqueline: I appreciate her dark humor. Now, I must ask: am I invited to share dinner with all of you, or will I see you tomorrow at work?
Garry: Come on join us! We’re all friends here.
Sam: We are not.
Garry: I disagree.
Melanie: I’m enjoying this tension. Highly entertaining.
Frances: I think what it could really use is Charlotte reminding everyone that she has an Oscar.
Charlotte: I do, and he’s glorious!
Jacqueline: Have you all ordered yet?
Leslie: No, just drinks.
Jacqueline: I only ever drink water with dinner, so I’m in luck!
The next day…
Garry: Today’s a really important day!
Sam: You’re retiring? Please!
Frances: He’s younger than y-
Sam: Don’t. Even.
Garry: Is that what it is? Are you jealous of my youth and good looks?
Sam: I just threw up in my mouth.
Leslie: I take it today’s your anniversary?
Garry: It sure is.
Diane: So you’re not joining us for dinner?
Sam: Don’t even get me started on dinner after what Garry subjected us to yesterday.
Garry: She’s our boss, Sam.
Sam: She’s an evil bitch from hell.
Jacqueline: Who?
Sam: Roseanne Barr.
Jacqueline: Seems likely.
Sam: Terrible woman. Roseanne was originally supposed to be my starring vehicle before they gave it to her!
Diane: That’s not true.
Frances: Although she is a… unique woman. I had her on my show once. Never again!
Charlotte: Well, you don’t have a show anymore.
Frances: Nor do you. Well, aside from that one miniseries that didn’t get an Emmy nomination.
Jacqueline: I can’t hear you over the sound of my Oscar!
Garry: I’m very excited for tonight. I can’t wait to see the look on her face. She deserves a good surprise, a romantic candlelit dinner with a view of the Space Needle.
Sam: I always say, there’s no better way to enjoy a meal than in the dark, swarmed by bugs.
Garry: This isn’t a very buggy city.
Sam: Any bugs near me while I’m eating are too much. I need clean conditions.
Diane: I once saw you eat an eclair off the floor.
Sam: There were no bugs on it. I checked!
Melanie: I don’t ever want to rain on your parade, but I did hear on the news this morning that they want thunderstorms tonight.
Sam: Shocker, rain in Seattle!
Garry: Oh no! I don’t have any backup plan!
Sam: Genius move. Never rains here!
Garry: I guess I just figured it’d all work out.
Melanie: It still could. It’s just a forecast, it doesn’t always come true.
Jacqueline: That’s the spirit! Now, let’s get to work, we do have a job to do, after all.
Leslie: She does have a point.
Sam: What, exactly, is the job you’re here to do, Jackie?
Jacqueline: I’m here to supervise your work, and don’t you ever, not even once, call me “Jackie.”
Sam: Got it Jacko.
Later that day…
Melanie: Garry, I have a weather update.
Jacqueline: We don’t have time for one of those!
Sam: I agree with Jack, for once.
Jacqueline: Good to know.
Melanie: It’s pouring.
Frances: It’s raining, it’s pouring, Sam Ellwood is snoring.
Melanie: It’s okay, Garry. Don’t cry.
Garry: My anniversary’s ruined.
Jacqueline: I sense there is nothing to supervise for the time being, and I am taking a smoke break.
Sam: Garry did something once for right! He made Jacqueline flee!
Jacqueline: For a moment! I’ll be back!
Sam: Ugh.
Garry: I wanted a perfect night fro Carly, and now it’s ruined.
Diane: We can figure something out. Surely there’s a nice restaurant in Seattle that you can eat at.
Garry: Any truly worthwhile restaurant won’t have reservations.
Sam: There’s always Applebee’s!
Garry: I didn’t even want to eat at a restaurant. I wanted something unique and special. Something you can only get here in her hometown.
Charlotte: Let me tell you, nothing will ever be perfect. Not any dinner, not any Academy Awards acceptance speech -
Frances: Sigh. Deep sigh.
Charlotte: I was cheering him up the best way I know how.
Frances: You’re a real piece of work.
Charlotte: Thank you!
Garry: If you guys could help me find a restaurant, that’d be great. It’s better than nothing, I guess.
Sam: I usually would be diametrically opposed to helping you. However, the longer we stall, the angrier Jacqueline will get. So I’m open to assisting you!
Diane: How thoughtful.
That night…
Carly: Garry, this is a beautiful restaurant, and I know we are away from home so you may off your game a bit. However, this anniversary feels a bit lower-key than I’m used to. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you taking me out to dinner, just us. But this isn’t as elaborate as I’m used to. Is something wrong? Did you forget what today was?
Garry: How could I ever forget?
Carly: Many people do, it’s not really that major of a deal
Garry: Not me! No, I was anxiously awaiting today. Back in your hometown for this special day, it was going to be our most special anniversary yet. I was able to get a section of a park roped off so that it’d be just the two of us there, and we were going to dine with a clear view of the Space Needle, eating what we ate on our first date.
Carly: That sure sounds lovely, but it all relied on Seattle’s weather holding up?
Garry: I’m from sunny California, where it never rains. I was not mentally prepared for… this.
Carly: I clearly failed to adequately prepare you. My fault.
The next day…
Jacqueline: Garry, come here!
Sam: Ah, he’s in trouble! This might be it!
Diane: Try not to take too much pleasure in it.
Sam: I have to be me.
Melanie: At least she doesn’t shy away from it. I’ll give her that.
Jacqueline: Garry, I was disheartened to learn about your anniversary being messed up by the poor weather yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you, so I called a few friends and planned an even more memorable dinner for you and your wife.
Garry: Excuse me?
Jacqueline: The two of you will be dining on the observation deck of the Space Needle, a very special honor. Enjoy!
Leslie: Is it possible that she might actually be human?
Diane: I refuse to believe that.
Garry: Jacqueline, I don’t know what to say. This is very unexpected.
Jacqueline: Just remember it when it’s time for peer evaluations! And happy anniversary!
Sam: Oh, he won’t be the only one remembering! Bringing Garry joy docks off a ton of points in my book! You’re in the negatives now.
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the season finale of Bake Your Heart Out on Thursday!
