Claude is in the sitting room at Buckingham Palace meeting with Meredith.
Claude: Madam Prime Minister, one final thing before you leave. I do want to wish you luck tomorrow. I know we have had our differences — many of them — but I do wish you the best.
Meredith: Thank you, your majesty. I don’t know if this will be our final meeting —
Claude: Your daughter and my nephew are having a child together, I’m fairly confident we’ll meet again.
Meredith: I mean that this may be our final official meeting. It is likely going to be very different the next time we see one another.
Claude: Such is the joy of politics, no? Your entire life’s work is in the hands of a fickle electorate who don’t always make sense. It can all change on a dime.
Meredith: I’m just not ready to go. I have more in the tank.
Claude: Meredith, you’ve already dissolved Parliament, so there’s no use in getting sentimental about. There’s nothing more that can be done, aside from waiting for the results to pour in. Best to rip the bandage off, no?
Meredith: It is. I just hope you do know I’ve so enjoyed our time together. It’s been the honor of my life.
Claude: You have not always done what is, in my eyes, the right thing. But I have never doubted your dedication to the job. I’ve only had one prime minister before you, but I saw firsthand all of the prime ministers that my mum advised over the years. You’ve had a better run than many. Hell, I’ve never seen a politician ousted by their party and then returned to office in less than a month before.
Meredith: I have nine lives. Tomorrow, we find out if they’ve run out.
Claude: If this is it for our weekly audiences, and I think we both know the odds are high that it is, then I’ve enjoyed our banter, and I’ve enjoyed bouncing ideas off of one another.
Meredith: Thank you. Now, I’m off. Got to get off to Chipping Barnet for one last day of campaigning. It’s tight!
Claude: I’ve seen the polls, I’m aware!
Meredith departs and several members of the family rush in.
Christine: So that was it, huh?
Eleanor: You’re finally experiencing what I’ve gone through many times — the relief that comes with a nuisance of a prime minister finally exiting your life.
Claude: I am sort of going to miss her.
Claire: You must be joking.
Claude: She’s incredibly entertaining. I dare you to tell me she isn’t.
Claire: Perhaps in the way that the town fool was entertaining in the medieval times.
Arthur: She’s still in the building, dear. Perhaps avoid talking smack about her until she’s out of earshot?
Claire: As if she’d be able to understand what I’m saying!
Arthur: I think you vastly underestimate her intelligence.
Claude: I’ve advised her on many of her domestic policy and economic plans… no, Claire’s got it exactly right.
Claire: I told you, the woman’s dense.
Christine: It all ends tomorrow.
Eleanor: Possibly. You never know how the country will vote.
Claude: I stay very up-to-date on the political situation, and I speak about it with Christine. There’s a greater chance that an American will be our Prime Minister on Friday than that it will still be Meredith Trayman.
Eleanor: I am simply trying to remain positive, in the event that she is eavesdropping. They call it respect, Claude.
Claude: She isn’t wise enough to even consider doing that.
Arthur: It is fairly rude to slam her immediately after she left, no?
Claude: I’m not trying to slam her. I’m acknowledging reality. No shame in that.
The next day…
Fred: Olivia, what on earth are you doing awake
Olivia: It’s just such a lovely day, I couldn’t possibly sleep through it.
Fred: …Why?
Olivia: Can’t you feel it in the air? A Labour landslide is brewing!
Fred: I never took you for a partisan, Olivia.
Olivia: I’m not. I’m just sick of Meredith Trayman.
Fred: I fear you aren’t getting free of her that easily.
Olivia: Why?
Fred: Your grandchild?
Olivia: Oh! We can cross that bridge when we get to it. No need to cause myself pain thinking about spending time with her just yet.
Fred: Well, you are the excited one here, but I’m the one who’s off to vote.
Olivia: For Labour?
Fred: Do you have to ask? Have you seen this country?
Olivia: At long last, the anti-republican will be gone. Long live the monarchy, flawed as it may be!
Fred: Anyhow, I will see you later. Don’t taunt Meredith if you happen to run into her.
Olivia: I’m not leaving the house until the election party. I need to stay tuned in.
Fred: There’s an election party?
Olivia: At Buckingham! Just because our family doesn’t partake in voting doesn’t mean we have to miss all of the fun!
Fred: You all really hate this woman. I though this was just you.
Olivia: You’ve dealt with her. I find it hard to believe anyone that’s ever had to deal with her has any sense of genuine fondness for her. She’s practically Satan.
Fred: I’ve found her pleasant enough, even if I find her politics suspect and think she’s a poor leader. I’m doing my civic duty today, but it’s not done out of hatred for her. I just think it’s time for change. I think most in this country feel that way.
Olivia: I suppose I have personally maligned her too harshly, considering she is also going to be the grandmother of my grandchild. She is polite to me, though quite annoying. I’m just very glad the country will no longer have to deal with her antics.
Fred: I can’t say I disagree.
Meanwhile, Meredith is in Chipping Barnet wrapping her campaigning for her constituency.
Meredith: Norah, these people don’t like me. Is it the Irish accent? Am I not English enough?
Norah: Mum, you’ve served this constituency for fifteen years. I don’t think it’s the accent.
Meredith: People keep coming up to me to scream obscene things at me. I’ve never seen anything like it.
Norah: Well, people have strong feelings about the prime minister. That’s always been the case.
Todd: I think your resilience is impressive.
Meredith: You’re about the only one.
Todd: I think people have been unfair to you. My mother included.
Meredith: How is your mother going to feel about you voting Conservative? I know she’s not a fan of my politics or my premiership.
Todd: I actually haven’t voted yet. I suppose I ought to get back to Golders Green and cast my ballot.
Meredith: You are voting Tory, though. That’s one of the marginal seats we’re performing best in!
Norah: That’s not saying much, is it?
Todd: I’m undecided, actually. I support you, but I’m not a tremendous fan of the Conservative candidate in my seat. Not a huge fan of the Labour candidate, either, but I usually vote Labour regardless.
Meredith: Nobody’s perfect!
Norah: I think Todd’s fairly close!
Todd: My sister would disagree!
Norah: She’s no treat herself.
Todd: Hey, no need to demean her. She does it enough to herself.
Meredith: I think I ought to get going, too. I have to call up some other party officials to get brief on what’s going on. Just six hours until the exit poll!
Todd: Good luck tonight.
Meredith: I’m going to need it, based on the response of people on the street.
Norah: Mum, duck!
Meredith gets hit in the head by a drink that was thrown at her head.
Norah: Hmm, I was indeed in the mood for a milkshake. Thank you, kind sir!
Later, at Olivia’s…
Olivia: Todd, lovely to see you! Are you coming to the election party?
Todd: Oh, no. I’m going back to Chipping Barnet to spend the night with Norah and… just Norah.
Olivia: Are you a Tory now?
Todd: No… that’s not a fair description whatsoever.
Olivia: Quite defensive!
Todd: I voted Tory in this election, if you must know. It was the best way for me to support my future mother-in-law.
Olivia: I’m going to be ill. One of the only members of this family that can vote without causing a constitutional crisis, and you’re voting for a corrupt party hated by the entire nation. Bravo!
Todd: Mum, I didn’t make this decision lightly. It’s just what feels right.
Olivia: It certainly doesn’t feel right to me.
Todd: It’s my vote, not yours. Don’t worry, I don’t support the party. But she’s my fiancé’s mother, and she’s going through a tough enough time.
Olivia: I don’t think voting Tory in a marginal seat in London is helping her much, but it is your decision. Now, if you want to be there in time for the exit poll, you’d best get going now. And, please, take a picture of her face the second it drops. It’s going to be like an atom bomb dropping!
Todd: You take pleasure in her misery?
Olivia: I take pleasure in progress. The country’s progressing by kicking her rear to the curb!
Todd: I’ll take the picture.
Olivia: Much appreciated! Now, I’m taking a nap, going to be a long night tonight!
Later, at Buckingham Palace…
Christine: Boy, look at Olivia! I haven’t seen you this excited since, well, I’ve never seen you this excited.
Ethan: She’s like a child on Christmas morning!
Claire: I feel the same way! I’ve been thinking about it all day. Democracy in action is so beautiful.
Arthur: I’ve never seen her even care about elections before.
Claire: I used to, when I could vote. Then I stopped. Then the Tories chose a simpleton as their prime minster. Now, I’m thrilled to see her get hers.
Claude: Yes, we’re all eagerly anticipating learning the fate of the nation.
Selina: I hope the Tories win.
Olivia: Out!
Selina: I’m not a conservative person, I actually used to be quite the left-winger in my youth. But it would make Olivia miserable, and that is the ideal outcome for me.
Eleanor: My dear, there is a greater chance I’m designated as the next Prime Minister tonight than Meredith.
Christine: You’ve changed your tune since last night!
Eleanor: I have not heard a single positive bit of news for the Tories in the last twenty-four hours. Every story about them is negative, their campaign is limping to the finish, and the BBC spent this morning hammering on about the Todd scandal. This election is not going to be close.
Mandy: What’s everyone doing here so late? I’m tired! I’m going to bed!
Arthur: Did she just wake up to say that and then immediately fall back asleep in the chair?
Eleanor: She did.
Gigi: I’ve arrived!
Mandy: Is it my birthday?
Gigi: Oh, sorry, I woke Mandy.
Eleanor: No worries, she’ll be back asleep soon enough.
Claire: Speaking of Todd, where is he tonight?
Gigi: Don’t summon him!
Olivia: I don’t want to talk about him right now.
Gigi: That’s the spirit.
Claude: What’s the matter with Todd?
Selina: The lady said she did’t want to talk, don’t force her to speak!
Ethan: Did you just defend my sister?
Selina: I don’t want to hear her voice, either. I’m advocating for myself.
Ethan: That makes more sense.
Olivia: Todd voted Conservative.
Ethan: Oh my god!
Claire: Well that’s him off the Christmas card list, then.
Christine: Nobody’s perfect.
Gigi: He was never in the “perfect” conversations, be real.
Christine: I was trying to be polite.
One hour later…
Olivia: It’s time!
Claire: Christmas is here!
Claude turns the volume up on the television, as anchors Mary-Katherine Roberts and Calvin Chambers report the exit poll.
Mary-Katherine: The clock has struck ten, and it is time for the exit poll. Tabulations have been ongoing all day and we can report now the official results.
Calvin: And it is indeed, as many expect, a Labour Landslide.
Olivia: God is real! He’s made me suffer for so long, but God is real!
Mary-Katherine: Andrea Raydon will become the next prime minister, the first female PM in Labour's history.
Ethan: First Manc to be prime minister and it’s a dame, who would’ve guessed?
Claire: Who would’ve guessed there’d ever be any Manc prime minister at all?
Mary-Katherine: And we can see now, Labour on 466 seats.
Olivia: Christ on a bike!
Claude: I, uh, I did not expect that.
Eleanor: I told you the Tories still had a chance!
Calvin: In more shocking news, the Leader of the Opposition will be Earl Haley of the Liberal Democrats. They’re on 79 seats to the Tories’ seventy.
Mary-Katherine: The SNP are on just six, that’s a drop of over forty, as Labour stomps to victory in Scotland.
Calvin: And Green are on five seats.
Eleanor: All right, I suppose that’s a night. I’m off to bed.
Claude: I’m staying up to see the results in full!
Olivia: Yes, I need to see which clowns are in danger of being in those seventy seats.
Mary-Katherine: So, with the Conservatives losing two hundred seasons, several high-profile members are in jeopardy of going down to defeat tonight. Calvin, which high-profile members are looking like Labour flips tonight?
Calvin: Controversial, short-serving former prime minister SuAnna Brackerton is likely gone, as is former prime minister Charles Cromwell’s seat, which he vacated a few months before the election, but too close for a by-election to be called. Looking more questionable is the fate of outgoing prime minister Meredith Trayman, who is in a seat generally regarded as entirely safe. The word on the ground there is that this could come to a hand recount.
Olivia: Ugh! I want to know tonight!
Christine: I’m not falling asleep until I know for sure whether she’s gone or not! Her reaction will be hysterical if she loses!
Calvin: Also likely gone are former House of Commons Leader Pamela Braudent, former Education minister Mark Pendleton, Secretary of State for Wales Nedra Paulsen, and former Attorney General Thomas Greenawald - all former contenders for party leadership in the previous two elections. If all are gone in this election, the Conservatives may have some difficulty selecting a new leader, but they’ll do it as a third party, not as the official opposition.
Olivia: Do we know when the first seat-by-seat results begin to pour in?
Claude: Not for over an hour. I think I’m with mum, I’m not staying up for it.
Olivia: This has been quite the lame party, then. Someone, get me celebratory wine.
Claire: Does champagne work?
Olivia: Even better!
Meanwhile, in Chipping Barnet…
Norah: Mum, it’s all right.
Meredith: I’ve destroyed the party. Most people believe I’ve destroyed the country. I know I’ve done right by the country, but people don’t see it. I don’t know what to do.
Norah: You could still win your seat! You can help drive this party back into prominence.
Meredith: I’m the one who drove it out!
Norah: That’s water under the bridge!
Meredith: I don’t know if it is! Whether I win this election here or not, my political career’s done. I’m doomed to the backbenches as a member of a party with all of seventy seats.
Norah: There are worse fates!
Meredith: Not for someone like me! This is hell.
Todd: I don’t know if it makes matters any better, but I voted Conservative in my seat!
Meredith: The one the Beeb is saying is a certain flip to Labour? Thank you.
Todd: I did what I could!
Meredith: And I appreciate it. Now I’m off to write a speech. I have to address a nation tomorrow.
Norah: You didn’t write it yet?
Meredith: It’s never over until it’s over! I don’t want to put that negative energy out until I must.
Norah: Sure. Interesting strategy!
Early the next morning…
Ethan: Olivia! Chipping Barnet just declared!
Olivia: And you didn’t wake me?
Ethan: I was afraid to wake you just for the news to be bad.
Olivia: Does that mean…?
Ethan: Trayman lost. By six-hundred votes.
Olivia: Oh my god! The exorcism is complete!
Eleanor: Shush! Some of us are trying to enjoy our morning tea over here!
Olivia: What on earth are you doing awake already?
Eleanor: It’s six in the morning, this is when I’m always up.
Claire: What’s going on?
Eleanor: The election is over, the prime minister lost, and the King has to appoint Andrea Raydon as prime minister in about four hours. That’s about it.
Claire: I suppose we should all get going, then.
Eleanor: That’d be wise! It has been lovely to watch you all sleep, time to head home!
Olivia: I’m going to skip home like a schoolgirl.
Ethan: How much sleep did you get, three hours?
Olivia: Trayman losing is all the fuel I need for the day. Toodle-oo!
A bit later, at Buckingham Palace…
Meredith: Your Majesty, I am here to officially submit my resignation. I don’t particularly want to discuss last night, but I do have a speech to deliver, so I’ll have to do it there. No need to discuss it with you. You saw what happened.
Claude: I did. I am sorry for you. I wish you the best in whatever your future endeavor is.
Meredith: I’m not sure yet. I think I’m going to focus on being a grandmother.
Claude: That’s a very respectable choice. Thank you for your service.
Meredith: And thank you for yours. And your kindness. I’ll be going now.
Meredith exits the sitting room.
Meredith: Your Royal Highness the Princess of Wales, lovely to see you again.
Claire: Lovely to see you leaving.
Meredith: You’ve always had such a sense of humor!
Andrea: Is that Meredith Trayman I see?
Meredith: Not now, Andrea.
Andrea: I’m not here to taunt you. I’m here to meet with the King. Getting to taunt you is just an added bonus!
Meredith: Is the gloating truly necessary?
Andrea: Yes! I win, you lose! It’s been fun, Mere, time to head off!
Meredith: I wish you the best.
Andrea: You know what? You, too. You’re done in politics now, no need to wish you ill. I hope you find success.
Meredith: And you as well. Do right by the nation.
Andrea: I think we have very different definitions of what “doing right” is, but I will try.
Meredith departs, and Claire opens the door to the sitting room for Andrea.
Claire: Your majesty, the Prime Minister is here to see you…
What did you think of the season finale of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments! The Princess Royal will return for season six next year!
