Gretchen is holding a press conference about her latest initiative.
Gretchen: Throughout my term, Rhode Island’s infrastructure has been in desperate need of a refresh. I feel it’s necessary to put forward a plan to change that. My INNOVATE Initiative will invest one and a half billion dollars in refurbishing our roads and bridges, updating public transportation, investing in railways, and updating our airports and bus and train stations. Rhode Island needs to move into the future, and this is the only way to do so. Also included in this bill is a study on ways to make public transportation more efficient in our state, so we can figure out how to make all of our travels a bit less stressful. This is about improving the daily lives of Rhode Islanders. It’s about progress.
Sarita: Governor, Jeanne Rivero is calling you.
Gretchen: Jeanne Rivero? Right now? No, I’m busy. That’s not happening. Decline call.
Sarita: Really? It has be an emergency if she’s calling now.
Gretchen: Really. Anyway, as I was saying…
Later that day, in Gretchen’s office…
Carol: Not good, Gretchen.
Gretchen: What? Do people not like the INNOVATE plan?
Sarita: They’re too focused on the “beef.”
Gretchen:” The what?
Carol: You and Jeanne. Apparently, they think you’re feuding.
Gretchen: Why would anyone think that?
Sarita: You did decline her call on live TV.
Gretchen: I was holding a press conference! Would you answer a phone call during a live press conference?
Sarita: I didn’t say that I would. Apparently TikTok and Twitter would.
Gretchen: Those people are lunatics, why are we putting any stock into the nonsense they spew?
Carol: Unfortunately, they move the needle now. The media’s talking about it, because we’ve gone viral. You’re a TikTok sound now.
Gretchen: I’m a what?
Sarita shows Gretchen multiple TikToks with people dubbing Gretchen’s comments over their video.
Gretchen: Did I just make Jeanne Rivero famous?
Esther: Word on the street is you might’ve made her governor!
Sarita: Esther, not now!
Carol: That is the other thing, though. People are talking about this in connection to the gubernatorial race.
Gretchen: And? She’s not even running!
Carol: They’re implying that you’re avoiding her because she’s thinking of running and was reaching out about an endorsement.
Gretchen: I mean, I won’t be endorsing her. We all know that. I’ve told her as much. She’s said as much!
Carol: Yes, but nobody else needs to know that yet.
Gretchen: I’m not going to avoid her because of it, though. I’m an adult.
Carol: Sometimes.
Gretchen: Excuse me?
Carol: Gretch, you know how much I love you, but you hold petty grudges and taunt people. You’re like an angry child sometimes.
Sarita: It’s what makes you a good governor!
Gretchen: Is it?
Sarita: I’m grasping at straws here. Today was a tough day.
Gretchen: I don’t have to run again. Doesn’t hurt me!
Sarita: We’re trying to leave a legacy, though. You don’t want your legacy to be getting into nonsensical feuds with over government officials.
Gretchen: But this is a nothingburger. I didn’t take a phone call during a presser, people are making jokes about it online, that’s as far as it goes. This is not a scandal.
Samantha: Oh, Gretch! You’re in trouble!
Gretchen: The hell did you come from?
Samantha: I walked in the door.
Gretchen: Ah, fair enough.
Sarita: Why is she in trouble?
Samantha: Jeanne’s pissed!
Gretchen: Oh, like I give a damn.
Samantha: Think of how irritating she is when she’s pissed!
Gretchen: I did nothing wrong.
Samantha: She doesn’t appreciate being the butt of the internet’s jokes.
Gretchen: She’ll get used to it. I did.
Carol: Yeah, remember when Gretchen was the VP nominee? People mocked her every day!She managed to feud with the most important county in the most important swing state.
Gretchen: We don’t have to talk about that!
Samantha: I was going to be governor. Then, suddenly, I was not.
Sarita: Well, you have a chance now!
Samantha: Speaking of, Gretchen, have you made your decision on an endorsement yet?
Sarita: We’re still weighing all of our options at this time.
Samantha: Can my friend not speak for herself?
Gretchen: No.
Samantha: Come on, you know I’m qualified. You know I’m ready. You know it’s my destiny.
Gretchen: I don’t, actually. No one can really say what is and is not “destiny.” I merely know that I need to give everyone some proper consideration before I weigh in. It’s very early, too. The primary isn’t for a year! Let’s let the field form first.
Carol: I heard from a trusted source that Senator Meyerson might run!
Samantha: That bitch!
Gretchen: Wait… Senator Meyerson? Would Susana be coming with her?
Carol: I believe so.
Samantha: Don’t you take that into consideration! There’s more riding on this than just where your friend’s daughter lives! This is about our future.
Carol: The senator’s a very qualified woman.
Gretchen: She bailed helped me out when I was running for re-nomination in 2022. Last I recall, Samantha…
Samantha: I was very supportive of you eventually.
Gretchen: Anyway, that’s just one rumor. And one of many reasons why I’m not endorsing anyone yet, even if everyone seems to believe I have to make my endorsement at this very instant.
Samantha: All right, fair enough.
Gretchen: You know one way to jump to the top of my list, though?
Samantha: I’ll do anything.
Gretchen: Try to calm Jeanne down. I don’t need to deal with… all that.
Samantha: I can try.
Later that day, when Gretchen returns home…
Lucinda: So I see you’ve made another mess.
Anthony: Oh, enough.
Toby: Mom, you’re a TikTok meme!
Gretchen: So I’ve heard!
Lucinda: What is a TikTok?
Toby: It’s an app where people make funny videos.
Lucinda: Like TV? Like Friends?
Toby: Um… people post clips of Friends on there.
Lucinda: Why wouldn’t you just watch the whole show? It’s a good show. That and Mad About You. Love that Helen Hunt.
Anthony: so now we know the one and only thing Lucinda’s ever loved: Helen Hunt.
Gretchen: Don’t forget my sister!
Anthony: She called.
Gretchen: Called? We work in the same building!
Anthony: Why would you expected anyone in your family to be capable of operating in a sane manner?
Gretchen: Good point.
Lucinda: No! Not a good point! I’m sane!
Anthony: Sane and evil, yes.
Lucinda: I am not evil.
Anthony: You’re the bride of Satan!
Lucinda: Are you going to let him talk about your father that way, Gretchen?
Gretchen: I wish nobody would be talking at all! I can’t even hear myself think!
Lucinda: Thinking about how much you hate Jeanne Rivero?
Gretchen: Oh my god, you people are relentless! I don’t hate her! I was busy, I was not about to take a call while I was explaining my latest administrative agenda to the media. Why is this so hard for people to grasp?
Lucinda: You haven’t exactly had the friendliest of relationships.
Gretchen: We’ve worked together to get a lot done for this state. In fact, ever since Carrie Lione threatened to challenge her for her leadership position, we’ve been working better together than ever. I’d actually be a bit disappointed if all of this outside noise impacted our working relationship.
Anthony: A lot of people think you’re trying to avoid a conversation about endorsing her for governor. We all know she’s running.
Gretchen: She’s well aware that I won’t be endorsing her. And, honestly, I didn’t even know she was officially jumping in.
Anthony: Well, that hasn’t stopped the speculation.
Gretchen: I thought it was just a funny moment. This is really all Massachusetts’ fault for even interrupting me with that nonsense, though. But I wasn’t avoiding her!
Anthony: Did you ever actually call her back, though?
Gretchen: Um… I’ve been incredibly busy.
Anthony: I’m sure.
Gretchen: Tomorrow, I’ll go see her.
Anthony: Sounds like a plan!
The next day…
Lucinda: Gretchen, have you watched the news as of late?
Gretchen: Not this morning.
Lucinda: They’re covering your phone call scandal.
Gretchen: It’s not a scandal!
Lucinda: The news is covering it like it’s a scandal.
Gretchen: I didn’t even do anything! I feel like I’m some sort of fantasy world where turning down a phone call is considered some sort of ultimate sin!
Lucinda: It’s not that that’s a sin. It’s that people are looking for a reason to pile on, because they don’t like you.
Gretchen: Thanks, mom.
Lucinda: Any time!
Anthony: The news wasn’t really that harsh on you. They just covered the rumors, mentioned “sources” that say you and Jeanne aren’t all that close. Some stations went further than others, none went all that far. This will blow over.
Gretchen: As it should! I made a comedic quip about being too busy to answer the phone, people are treating this like I cursed her out and threatened her life.
Anthony: People are always trying to start trouble. There’s no use paying it any mind.
Lucinda: I agree.
Anthony: You’re the one always starting trouble!
Lucinda: Doesn’t mean I don’t agree!
Later that day, at the capitol…
Gretchen: Jeanne!
Jeanne: Oh, now you want to talk?
Gretchen: I was very busy with my press conference, I’m sorry.
Jeanne: I’m the butt of jokes. People on TikTok who’ve never even heard of me are now mocking me for it. I hear “Jeanne Rivero? Right now? No, I’m busy. That’s not happening. Decline call.” in my SLEEP!
Gretchen: WAsn’t the intention, my friend.
Jeanne: Friend?
Gretchen: My dear compatriot.
Jeanne: And now, while I’m prepping my run for governor, the media is talking about how I’m feuding with a popular governor. This is a disaster for me!
Gretchen: Popular governor? I love the sound of that!
Jeanne: You are beyond vain!
Gretchen: I probably think this song is about me.
Jeanne: What?
Gretchen: You’re So Vain? Carly Simon?
Jeanne: Not everything has to be a pun or a joke!
Gretchen: Jeanne, how can I make I right?
Jeanne: I’m not finished venting yet! Then, after you KNEW I was trying to get into contact with you, you ignore me the rest of the day. You sure made that moment feel intentional, pointed.
Gretchen: It wasn’t! I just, uh… I really did forget about it. I was dealing with the fallout on my own side.
Jeanne: There’s no fallout for you! You’re not the one being mocked on social media!
Gretchen: People are attacking me, too. You’re not alone in that.
Jeanne: Not like me. These kids on social media find you funny. I’m the butt of the joke.
Gretchen: I didn’t intend it to become a viral moment. I was merely intending to keep my assistant from interrupting my big moment. And now, this drama has completely overshadowed my infrastructure overhaul.
Jeanne: Oh, poor you.
Gretchen: Thank you! It’s hard!
Jeanne: You know one way you can make it up to me?
Gretchen: I don’t think I ever implied I cared about doing so?
Jeanne: You can endorse my campaign when I announce it!
Gretchen: This must be what deja vu feels like.
Jeanne: I’m only pulling your leg. But that would be one way to quash those feud rumors. I know you don’t want your legacy to be tainted by petty infighting.
Gretchen: Why is everyone else more concerned about my “legacy” than I am?
Jeanne: Because, dear, I have something to gain from guilt tripping you.
Gretchen: At least you’re honest.
Jeanne: Seriously, though, I do think we could be a dynamic duo.
Gretchen: I think we have six years of evidence to the contrary. But I certainly don’t want to feud with you. In fact, I have a way you can help quash those feud rumors.
Jeanne: This should be good.
Gretchen: You help pass my INNOVATE Initiative, and you can be standing right beside me while I pass it. I’ll even shake your hand and give you the pen I used to sign it. That’s good PR for your campaign! You’re a woman committed to rebuilding the state and getting Rhode Islanders moving again. What do you say?
Jeanne: What the hell? Why not.
Gretchen: Maybe I should start a feud with you every week to get what I want!
Jeanne: Careful, it hasn’t passed yet1
Gretchen: You would never betray me like that, my dear friend.
Jeanne: Right now? No, I’m busy. That’s not happening.
Gretchen: That was uncalled for.
What did you think of the season premiere of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
