Marietta is at Martin and Patty Lynn’s.
Martin: So, when are you getting back out on the campaign trail? You’re looking a lot better, the hives are basically gone.
Marietta: Well, Milton’s election is in two days, so I’m going to stick around and vote and then go to his victory party before I fly out to Iowa on Wednesday night. That’s actually earlier than we were anticipating, so I’m pretty happy about it.
Kathleen: Victory? You think he’s going to win?
Marietta: Well, that’s what they call it, win or lose. But I think he’ll win, he’s confident. Don’t you?
Kathleen: Just getting an opinion!
Patty Lynn: She’s been trying to get me nervous about this election. I refuse to give in. I’m confident, he’s going to win.
Marietta: That’s a good attitude to have! His opponent’s a moron, so that helps.
Patty Lynn: It’s not nice to call people names.
Marietta: It’s okay when it’s true.
Patty Lynn: That’s not what we taught you!
Marietta: After sixty years of life experience, it’s how I’ve come to feel.
Kathleen: Enough about Milton, because despite my teasing, we know how that race is going to go. How’s your race looking?
Marietta: I have no idea! I told Karen and Tammy and the whole team not to give me any updates on how bad they’ve blown this for me while I’ve been sidelined.
Kathleen: You haven’t talked to them at all?
Marietta: I’ve talked to Tammy and Amy, but I told them not to give me any indication on how things look. I’m focused entirely on getting better.
Martin: That’s worked pretty well.
Patty Lynn: Keeping yourself out of stressful situations is always a good idea.
Marietta: I’ve never been as anxious as I have been in this campaign. In an odd way, I think this allergic reaction sidelining me for a bit was a good thing. I’ve been able to just relax, sleep in, and do my usual work from the comfort of home. It’s been nice.
Patty Lynn: What are you saying?
Marietta: I’m not dropping out, if that’s what you’re thinking.
Patty Lynn: I wasn’t, but now I sort of am.
Marietta: I’m still in the race, but I am going to do everything I can to stress less about it. I’m still afraid to go out in public looking like this, but I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, we’re going to look for ways to help me control my anxiety. I’ve been neglecting my mental health during this quasi-national tour I’ve been on. I want to keep feeling the way I feel now back when I’m on the trail
Martin: I’m proud of you. You need to put your health before anything else.
Kathleen: That being said, please win the nomination.
Martin: Let’s not put that much weight on her.
Kathleen: She needs to win.
Patty Lynn: Why are you like this?
Kathleen: Is it wrong to want our family to win?
Marietta: No, I think you’re just trying to encourage me.
Kathleen: Thank you! These two, such snowflakes.
Later that night, when Marietta returns home, she turns the TV on.
Marietta: Ah, finally home, and I’m all alone. I can finally relax!
Chris Appleton (TV anchor): Candidates for the Democratic nomination continue to storm Iowa, ahead of the party’s crucial first debate being held in the state next week. We caught up with one of them, Nevada Senator Jenny Ross, earlier today. Take a look.
Marietta: Oh, I don’t want to see this! Eh, maybe I do.
Chris: Senator Ross, thank you for joining us.
Jenny: It’s great to be here, Chris. I love getting to talk with all of you and get to know you on the campaign trail. It’s one of my favorite parts of voting, after meeting all of the voters on the ground.
Marietta: Oh, aren’t you special? You love meeting the voters, no one’s ever said that before!
Chris: So, how are you feeling about the reception here in Iowa before the debate?
Jenny: I feel great. Look, my opponents are very accomplished members of this party, they have gotten things done for their constituents, but I’m consistently rated as not only a force of bipartisanship, but a force for getting things done, even with a Republican president. The voters who talk with me can tell that I just know how to get things done. I’ve had to work a lot harder to get here than Eleanor Baum, the media darling talk show comedian, or Marietta Landfield, the Princess of Louisiana.
Chris: Princess of Louisiana?
Marietta: Oh, Chris, don’t let her explain it! Move on!
Jenny: She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Her father was governor and mayor, so was her grandfather, her uncle was a mayor and a congressman, her aunt was a congresswoman. Her brother’s a senator now, too, and he was mayor before her. The Landfield family IS Louisiana politics. I’m not saying she has no accomplishments, but she had a leg up to achieving them. I had to work for every single thing I have achieved. I was a synagogue leader who was inspired to run to take on antisemitic hate and won a swing House seat. I had to fight hard for that, it wasn’t handed to me. When Nevada’s Republican senator voted to take away our healthcare, I stepped up to take him on, and I won. That was another battle that seemed impossible at first, but hard work got the job done. Mayor Landfield was able to coast on her name.
Marietta: Coast? I beg to differ! I lost re-election! I almost lost to a man who paid for prostitutes! I’ve had to fight!
Sarah: Are you talking to the TV again?
Marietta: Sarah! What are you doing here?
Sarah: I didn’t think you were home! I came to get, uh… nothing.
Marietta: You came here to get nothing?
Sarah: Yep! I just wanted to see you!
Marietta: You said you didn’t think I was home.
Sarah: All right, fine, I came here to get booze.
Marietta: Sarah!
Sarah: Is there something wrong with that?
Marietta: You’re underage, and I am running for president. You be the judge of that.
Sarah: You think me getting a little drunk can ruin your campaign? Come on!
Marietta: If they find out I bought the booze? Yes!
Sarah: Okay, fine. I’ll stay here and watch some TV with you.
Marietta: I actually wouldn’t mind that. At least I’d know you’re safe.
Sarah: Can I have some supervised booze?
Marietta: No!
Sarah: It’s legal in Louisiana if your parent or guardian gives you permission.
Marietta: One small glass of wine. Take it or leave it.
Sarah: Wine’s basically just grape juice. How about a beer?
Marietta: Half a beer. Final offer, don’t blow this.
Sarah: What, you want the other half for yourself?
Marietta: I’m clearly going to need it!
The next morning, Marietta is woken up by the phone.
Marietta: Oh god, what did Sarah do now?
Marietta picks up the phone.
Marietta: What’s up?
Karen: We have a problem.
Marietta: When don’t we?
Karen: Did you see Jenny Ross’s interview last night?
Marietta: Unfortunately, yes.
Karen: The media’s picked up on it, they’re all running the story about her calling you privileged and, well, basically a nepo baby.
Marietta: A what?
Karen: A product of nepotism.
Marietta: Why don’t people use full words anymore?
Karen: I don’t know, but this story isn’t going away.
Marietta: There’s nothing we can do about it. She can believe I benefited off of my family name, I can’t believe it’s untrue, nothing more that can be done. She is entitled to hold even the dumbest of opinions, it is a free country last I checked.
Karen: The problem is that other people agree with her, and it’s hurting you in this primary.
Marietta: How can we know that already? She said it less than twenty-four hours ago.
Karen: It’s dominating the news cycle right now, it’s all that’s currently being said about the Democratic primary. The morning shows are running with it, cable news is running with it, they talked about it on The View!
Marietta: The midterm elections are tomorrow and this is what they’re concerned with? The second place candidate in the primaries airing her grievances about the candidate in third? The media is even more pathetic than I thought.
Karen: These midterms are a foregone conclusion, no one cares. It’ll be a strongly Democratic House and Senate no matter how any individual race falls. There’s no interest or intrigue in that.
Marietta: So I get to be the victim of that. Lovely!
Karen: It’s not all bad. It’s free press for you.
Marietta: Bad press!
Karen: All press is good press!
Marietta: Whatever idiot came up with that wasn’t running for president and getting maligned as a spoiled daddy’s girl who had her career handed to her.
Karen: It gets your name out there!
Marietta: And makes every voter that hears about it think “I ain’t voting for her!”
Karen: Look, it’s not ideal, but we can get out there and refute it.
Marietta: Can we?
Karen: We’ll think of something. Give me time.
Marietta: That’s a frightening thing to hear from you.
Karen: I’m trying my best.
Marietta: Spin doctor, heal thyself.
Marietta gets a call from Milton.
Marietta: Karen, I gotta go. It’s Milton, I’m not sure what he wants.
Karen: That’s fine, I was about to let you go, anyway. I know you’re busy.
Marietta: Yeah, you could say that, I suppose.
Marietta hangs up with Karen and answers the call from Milton.
Marietta: What’s up? Election still going well?
Milton: Shockingly, yes. People didn’t forget that Bethany Canadello is a moron, I’m proud of them.
Marietta: How’s the polling?
Milton: Still up a few points. Not enough to not remain a bit nervous, but I’m confident.
Marietta: That’s good. My campaign’s a nightmare.
Milton: How so?
Marietta: Jenny Ross is calling me privileged.
Milton: Is she entirely wrong?
Marietta: I had to fight hard for every job I had!
Milton: We both had a leg up, though. No one can deny that.
Marietta: I can deny it!
Milton: Well, you’re not being realistic then.
Marietta: Did you just call me to annoy me?
Milton: I’m just saying, Jenny Ross is a friend, and she’s trying to win an election. I can’t be too mad at her for criticizing the opposition. You know in your heart what a fighter you are, I know you can prove that to the voters, too.
Marietta: I know. It’s just harder than I was expecting.
Milton: You thought running for president would be easy?
Marietta: I meant harder on my mental health. But I also didn’t expect to be criticized for having it too easy, of all things. I mean, I was a Democratic senator from Louisiana!
Milton: Yeah, it’s not easy. I’m about three points ahead of a woman who can barely spell.
Marietta: Is she that bad?
Milton: She’s pretty bad.
Marietta: How did she graduate journalism school?
Milton: She has a nice voice for broadcasting. Is that not the main qualification?
Marietta: Yeah, anyone can read a teleprompter I suppose.
Milton: Not her.
Marietta: Thank god the Republicans nominated her.
Milton: Hope she comes back in six years.
Marietta: She does seem like the type to not accept defeat easily.
Milton: Well, speaking of the election, I want you to speak at my victory party and introduce me before I make my speech.
Marietta: I feel like Karen won’t like that, but I also don’t really care. I’ll do it.
Milton: Ah, thanks! I really didn’t want to have to ask dad to do it, it would just make mom jealous. Probably aunt Kathleen, too.
Marietta: Yeah, it’s for the best.
Milton: Well, I’ve got an event to get to, so I’ll see you tomorrow.
Marietta: See ya then, bye!
One hour later, Marietta leaves home and is rushed by reporters.
Reporter: Mayor Landfield, how do you respond to the claims from Senator Ross that you’re only in office because you’re the “Princess of Louisiana?”
Marietta: Well, I would tell her that if she’s so concerned with hard work, she’s seen nothing without running statewide in Louisiana as a Democrat. If her qualification for being president is someone running a tough race that seemed impossible, well, I did it four times. Besides, I think the people of Nevada would like to see some more of their senator that’s up for re-election tomorrow, but she’s too busy campaigning in Iowa to meet them face-to-face. Doesn’t sound like she’s fighting all too hard for their votes, does it?
The next day, at Milton’s victory party…
Tammy: Oh my god, Marietta.
Marietta: What? Did I do something?
Amy: Well… you sort of told Jenny Ross off to the cameras yesterday.
Marietta: Was that not badass?
Tammy: I don’t know, you turned your phone off, so clearly even you knew it wasn’t terribly wise.
Marietta: People want a president that’s not a pushover. She can drag me, then I can drag her right back.
Tammy: I get what you’re saying, but we don’t want to drag this out. The family dynasty issue is a weak point for you. The longer this battle goes on, the longer that issue remains in the press. Just don’t continue it.
Marietta: Got it! Now, I’m here to celebrate my brother, and that’s what I’m going to do.
Patty Lynn: That’s exactly what you should do! Don’t let any doubters and naysayers get in your head!
Tammy: Let’s just get back in the game tomorrow, okay?
Marietta: Works for me.
Amy: Yeah, you need to stay disciplined after this. The texts we got from Karen were just too much.
Four hours later…
Velma BeDreaux: This just in from the decision desk, with 82% of precincts reporting, we can now project that Senator Milton Landfield has defeated TV anchor Bethany Canadello in the Louisiana Senate race, delivering a key seat to the Democrats on their path to a Senate supermajority.
The crowd at Milton’s party erupts in cheers.
Velma: We head over to the Canadello camp now, as the candidates takes the stage for her concession speech.
Bethany: Hi, guys! Ah, man. This is not the result we were looking for or hoping for, I know that. I sense your disappointment.
Marietta There’s like eight people there.
Martin: And they all appear to be her family.
Kathleen: In fairness, the writing’s been on the wall here for a few hours. Nothing clears out a victory party quite like the agony of impending defeat.
Bethany: The energy of this campaign was unlike anything I’ve ever seen, and my heart’s warmed by the love shown to me by Republicans, Independents and even Democrats across this state who joined this movement with me.
Patty Lynn: Are the Democrats in the room with us, Bethany?
Kathleen: They’re certainly not in the room with her.
Bethany: Despite that love, the result of this election is clear: I’ve lost this race, and will not be Louisiana’s next senator. I’ve called Senator Landfield to concede this race, and congratulate him on four more years in the Senate.
Marietta: Six more years, Bethany!
Milton: Also, she didn’t call me. Did she call someone else?
Bethany: I felt a calling to run for this seat to enact change.
Patty Lynn: Well, it certainly wasn’t a call made by anyone who lives here.
Bethany: I don’t regret running, I don’t regret anything about this race.
Milton: You should regret some things, this is very embarrassing for you.
Bethany: I won’t give up the fight for what’s right, I won’t stray from the side side of Louisiana, or the side of justice. I thank you all, I wish you all well, and I will return.
Milton: Sure you will.
Martin: Marietta, don’t you have a speech to give?
Marietta: Oh, yes, I do!
Milton: I should probably look over mine, as well.
Milton’s phone rings.
Milton: There she is!
Moira: I can’t believe that woman came within four points of beating you. You forgot to make the concession call before she came out and said she made it!
Milton: Just be glad she did lose, that wasn’t a guarantee. Look at the state we live in.
Milton answers the call.
Milton: Ah, Bethany! How are ya?
Bethany: I wanted to congratulate you on winning. I think I dialed the wrong number when I wanted to make the call and. Then I got swept onto the stage to do my speech and I had to concede on TV before I could call you.
Milton: It’s all good. Obviously, I’m happy about winning, but I understand your heartbreak, and you have my condolences. A loss is never easy.
Bethany: Hey, maybe we can run against each other in four years!
Milton: That’d be great, Bethany! Don’t ever give up on your dreams! Also, it’s six years.
Bethany: It is?
Milton: It is.
Bethany: That’s a long term.
Milton: It is.
Meanwhile, Marietta takes the stage.
Marietta: Hello Lousiana, and hello Landfield HQ! What an honor to take this stage, and what an honor to be part of this family! My little brother has always fought for what’s right, and I’m so glad his fight gets to continue in Washington for another six years! No one can possibly claim this fight was easy, but he did it. That’s what we Landfields do, we fight, and when we fight, we win. I’m so proud to come from a family of fighters, a family of winners.
Tammy: Oh boy.
Amy: Karen’s not gonna like this.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
