Aimee walks into the Senate Republican Conference meeting and takes a seat.
Greg: Okay, I believe everyone’s here now.
Aimee: I’m so sorry I’m late. Baby troubles.
Senator Janie Emmer: Isn’t your child almost two now?
Aimee: Does that make her independent, Janie? You think she can feed herself? Is that how it works back in Iowa?
Janie: When did I imply that? Sheesh, you can’t even ask a question these days!
Aimee: You know what you were implying.
Janie: I guess you know my mind better than I do!
Senator Liza Montgomery: Ladies, I think we need to dial down the hostility.
Aimee: Well she clearly has a problem with me, I’d like her to just come out and say it instead of making snarky remarks!
Janie: Are you in a bad mood or something?
Senator Maurine Jordan: It’s a week before the election, we’re all in bad moods.
Greg: No one has any reason to panic.
Senator Olivia Stowe: Easy for you to say, you’re not up for re-election in a state where the President lost it by eight points. I’m in a dogfight!
Senator Sharon Campbell: Deserved! I’m voting for Susie Granville.
Olivia: She’s not even from Maine!
Sharon: Oh well!
Janie: Did a member of the Senate Republican Conference just admit to voting Democrat when we’re on the very of being locked into a superminority?
Sharon: It’s called a joke, dear. Look it up.`
Greg: Anyway!
Aimee: I’m sorry I derailed this entire thing.
Greg: Look at the people here. It was bound to be derailed. You’ve got nothing to apologize for.
Harry: Listen up! You’re gonna be quiet and you’re gonna be quiet now!
Greg: That worked!
Harry: That’s why I’m the whip!
Greg: So, as you all know, the election is in eight days. Eight long, sure-to-be painful days. Today’s our last day before the recess, and we have a lot of work to do. We have many target seats on the board, states we can easily flip with enough hard work. Texas, Louisiana, Wisconsin, Ohio, West Virginia, Arizona. Clear paths in all of them! We also have to defend some very tough seats, including an open seat in Florida. My own seat is up for re-election, and I’ll be honest, it’s a real race. My internals have me up four points, so I’m confident I’ll still be here, but unsure of how much campaigning I can actually do on behalf of others. For that reason, I need all of you to help campaign for senators and challengers in these battleground races. This has to be a team effort.
Janie: I’m willing to hit the campaign trail for anyone. I’m not up this year, there’s no governor race in Iowa, I have nothing keeping me in the state this time around. Where do you need me to go?
Greg: Gerry is running the NRSC, she’ll know where to send you.
Geraldine: West Virginia and Texas are probably the best bets. You’re quite conservative, those are states you’ll resonate best where we’re also struggling with women voters a bit.
Aimee: I’m willing to campaign where I’m needed, too!
Geraldine: Come chat with me after the meeting, we’ll figure something out for you.
Aimee: You figured something out for Janie pretty quickly.
Geraldine: She’s a bit more of a mainstream Republican, she’s what people expect to see at campaign events.
Aimee: What? I won a blue state!
Geraldine: Just give me some time to figure out where you can best be utilized.
Aimee: Maine?
Olivia: Oh, uh… the farmers don’t love you.
Aimee: Did they tell you that?
Olivia: Yes.
Liza: Aimee, us “impeachment Republicans” are persona non grata on the campaign trail. They don’t see us as real Republicans. It’s not personal, it’s just about winning. The best way we can support the party is going home, grabbing a big glass of wine, and watching the results pour in on election night.
Aimee: Olivia is an impeachment Republican!
Olivia: Shh! No one needs to know that!
Aimee: Buy you are!
Olivia: Look, having another centrist come swoop in and vote for me is just going to turn off my base, and I can’t have that. I’m the only Republican on the ticket, so what will they do, throw their vote away? No, if I remind them I’m still a good conservative that fights for people like them, they’ll hold their nose and fill in the bubble next to my name.
Aimee: I can help you with moderates!
Olivia: I have them already, this is about turnout, not persuasion.
Geraldine: Aimee, darlin’, you are makin’ a scene.
Olivia: I just thought I could help, apologies for the error in judgment.
Geraldine: Like I said, come talk with us when the meeting’s done. I will find something for you to do. You can be a big asset for us.
Aimee: Where you gonna send me, Wyoming?
Geraldine: God no! You’ll get shot!
Greg: So, does anyone else want to hit the campaign trail?
One hour later…
Geraldine: Aimee! Where ya going?
Aimee: I think I’ve been embarrassed enough here.
Geraldine: Embarrassed? I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, I promise. You were just a bit insistent and I could’t let you go on about it. Someone else may have said something a bit more cruelly, like Olivia.
Aimee: I’m still not sure what her angle is there. She’s in a blue state, I won a blue state. I could help bail her out!
Geraldine: Well, her opponent has presumably not committed homicide. So that’s one key difference. But she’s never run a competitive race before, and she clearly has no idea how to run one. We’re getting slaughtered in Maine.
Aimee: Good thing President Delphy’s ego and my fellow congressional Republicans decided to make this another midterm by making a presidential term five years long now.
Geraldine: I will admit it was an ill-advised move, but he’s unpopular enough that we’d probably be losing this election anyway.
Greg: We aren’t losing!
Geraldine: Greg, we’re not winning. We’re down in Louisiana, we’re not taking the Senate back.
Greg: We can stop the supermajority.
Geraldine: Sure we can!
Greg: You’re the one in charge of the campaign committee and you think we’re doomed?
Geraldine: I have the numbers, don’t I?
Aimee: I feel like this doesn’t involve me, so I’m gonna g-
Geraldine: No! I don’t want you leaving feeling upset.
Aimee: My whole party sees me as poison, I’m not going to be leaving this meeting happy.
Geraldine: Well, we were just talking about Louisiana. Our candidate there, Bethany Canadello… she’s kind of desperate. She’d be willing to have you campaign on her behalf.
Aimee: I can’t.
Geraldine: What? I’m throwin’ ya a bone here and you say no? I’m sorry to say, but Republican voters don’t like you much. The other candidates don’t want you to depress their turnout.
Aimee: Milton Landfield cut an ad endorsing me in my race, and it probably helped me win. I can’t stab him in the back like that. I won’t endorse him, but I can’t endorse her, either. I’m staying out of it.
Greg: Actually… you endorsing him could help solidify him as a sort of partisan Democrat hack and cause the Republicans there ton not vote for him.
Aimee: Oh come on! He voted for impeachment, too! And he’s a literal registered Democrat! Getting my endorsement won’t do anything to make him like like more of a partisan!
Greg: I was pulling your leg!
Aimee: Well, don’t!
Geraldine: Maybe you could campaign for congressional Republicans back in Washington. It won’t help in the Senate, but the House isn’t nothing.
Aimee: I suppose. Some extra time back home won’t hurt me.
Geraldine: Glad we got this all sorted out!
Aimee: Yeah, glad.
Back in Aimee’s office…
Carolyn: Oh, Aimee! I know you’re having a rough day.
Denise: I’m so sorry, I tried to turn them away. They wouldn’t go.
Carolyn: Of course we wouldn’t! Our friend’s in crisis, we need to support her.
Aimee: Lynette…
Lynette: I know, I’m a good friend.
Aimee: I want to be alone.
Denise: What actually happened? They wouldn’t tell me.
Aimee: Greg and Jerry say that no Republican senate candidates want me to campaign for them.
Denise: Good for you! Relaxing while everyone else has to work their tail off sounds fun!
Aimee: I’m unwanted!
Denise: Oh, she’s crying.
Alec: Hey, if it makes you feel better, I’m sure they’d rather have you campaign for them than either or Lynette.
Lynette: Yeah, they absolutely despise us. They just vaguely dislike you. They know they’re not getting anything better than you out of Washington.
Aimee: Then why won’t any of these candidates campaign with me? I’m treated like some sort of loser!
Alec: You’re not a loser!
Carolyn: Exactly. Alec’s a loser. You and Lynette will just most likely lose your next campaigns.
Alec: What the hell does that mean?
Carolyn: It means you lost re-nomination.
Alec: I prefer when we team up to bully Lynette.
Carolyn: I know, I’m sorry.
Alec: I appreciate that.
Carolyn: I’m just trying to cheer Aimee up.
Aimee: Bullying Alec won’t do it. Bully these candidates who don’t want to be seen in public with me!
Carolyn: I can’t say I understand it, but plenty of senators don’t take very active roles in these elections. And, honestly, I think we’re kinda screwed in this election. So how about you come campaign with me? I’ll be seen with you!
Aimee: I think that’s what I’ll do. I’ll let them flounder on their own, I’ll knock doors for you and the nominee in my district.
Alec: Didn’t they make it super blue in redistricting?
Aimee: It’s worth a shot, maybe the Democrats will forget to vote!
Alec: Always a good assumption.
Three days later, in Washington…
Cherie: It’s so good to have you home. It feels like you’ve been gone so much!
Aimee: I’ve been busy. The Senate’s not easy work.
Kimmy: Well…
Victoria: Trust me, she works long, hard days. David and I have struck quite the friendship in all the time we’ve had at the house together!
Dave: Yeah, we’re going to a Billy Joel concert together next month!
Ernesto: Is he still touring?
Dave: Uh, does Vienna wait for you?
Ernesto: I think that’s a yes, I’m not sure, I haven’t listened to that song in a long time.
Kimmy: I didn’t realize Dave found a new friend! I thought I was your best buddy!
Dave: You still are!
Cherie: So, Aimee, this election, how you feeling about it?
Dave: Don’t get her started!
Kimmy: Are you trying to silence her? Are you erasing her like people on the internet erased Cynthia Erivo on their fan-made Wicked poster?
Dave: The who on the what?
Cherie: She spends a lot of time on the computer.
Kimmy: And it’s done me a lot of good! I know so much!
Ernesto: Not how to get a job!
Kimmy: I’ll get one when I’m good and ready!
Aimee: To answer your question, I’m not confident at all about this election, but I also thought you were an independent now?
Cherie: Doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I did that out of solidarity with you. I’m still voting for a few Republicans, the candidate for Congress, a few local politicians. I’m voting for Pam Martin, though. She’s been good to you.
Ernesto: Straight Democrat for me! Enough of the chaos!
Victoria: By “chaos,” do you mean bullying your daughter?
Ernesto: Pretty much, yes.
Aimee: Not a shocker, but I still believe in the party, even if they have, well… censured me, asked me not to campaign for swing state senate candidates, called me a Democrat in disguise, harassed me over the phone… too much to name, really.
Cherie: They asked you not to campaign?
Dave: She’s been very upset about it.
Cherie: Of course she is! These people almost lost Missouri last time! They lost Kansas! Yet they won’t let an actual winner campaign with them because she’s too bipartisan? This is why I had to leave the party.
Victoria: I never thought I’d see the day when my sister loathed the Republican Party.
Kimmy: And it all happened because her daughter became the first Republican senator in Washington in over twenty years!
Cherie: Heck of a plot twist.
Five days later…
Dave: Aimee, it’s three o’clock. What’s with the wine?
Aimee: Polls are closing in Indiana! Exit polls are incoming! Big night ahead!
Dave: You’re watching?
Aimee: I’m a political animal, I’m naturally curious about how this will go.
Victoria: Ooh, I don’t want to miss it either! I expect a good night! Oh, sorry Aimee.
Aimee: They didn’t want my help, I’m toxic to the brand, I sit back without any care as to how this goes. I just hope it doesn’t sweep Carolyn out of office.
Victoria: I like her, too, I also hope she sticks around.
Aimee: Wow, my aunt is rooting for a Republican!
Victoria: I was your most enthusiastic voter and donor, wasn’t I?
Aimee: You were pretty excited about my campaign, yes.
Drew Plinken (reporter): Our exit polls are inland it’s time to get a good look at the state of the union ahead of tonight’s results. Polls are still open in most states, but PCN’s data gurus have given us a look at what to expect. First, ideological breakdowns. Among liberal voters, making up 30% of the electorate, 94% say they cast their vote for Democrats today, while 4% voted for Republicans and 2% refused to answer or voted third party. Among moderates, who make up a staggering 45% of the electorate, 67% voted for Democrats today, while 30% voted Republican and 3% refused to answer or voted third party. Finally, among conservatives, who made up just 25% of the electorate, 22% voted for Democrats today, while 73% voted for Republicans and 5% refused to answer or voted third party.
Aimee: Wow, it’s gonna be a massacre.
Victoria: Don’t get my hopes up. The poll could be wrong!
Aimee: I don’t think it’s going to be wrong.
Dave: You must feel vindicated. They bombed with moderates, and the conservatives didn’t turn out even with the most right-wing senators campaigning for them.
Aimee: Schadenfreude is a powerful feeling. I’m trying to suppress the feeling right now, but it’s very difficult.
Five hours later…
Victoria: Aww, she’s adorable when she’s sleeping like that.
Dave: It’s a little less cute when you realize she's sleeping because she drank two bottles of wine.
Aimee (sleepily): I’m still awake!
Dave: Your eyes are closed.
Aimee: Shh!!! My head hurts!
Victoria: Give her a break, It’s been a big night.
Dave: A shame the results for Washington aren’t even in yet and she’s already asleep. She’ll find out in the morning, though.
Victoria: We can wake her if anything big happens.
The next day, Aimee is on the phone with Gwen.
Aimee: Well, congratulations!
Gwen: On what? Something big happen lately?
Aimee: You don’t have to rely on little old me anymore! Sixty-one seats, that’s huge for you guys!
Gwen: Oh, we’re still going to need you! You’re a more reliable Democrat vote than five or six members of the caucus. I guess that’s what happens when you get Democrats from Montana and West Virginia and Kansas in the caucus. They’re with you, but not as much as a moderate Republican from Washington who doesn’t want her entire state to hate her.
Aimee: I have to be honest, I’m not sad about these results. I was unwelcome on the campaign trail because I didn’t fit their strategy. We see how their strategy worked out!
Gwen: That’s very petty. As a diva of the Broadway stage, I respect it greatly. Pettiness, for lack of a better word, is good.
Aimee: I feel so bad about it, though! I’m a Republican! I should feel bad we got walloped! I don’t! I drank in celebration!
Gwen: Can I ask you a serious question, as someone familiar with the Republican campaign efforts?
Aimee: Of course!
Gwen: How in the hell did you guys hold on to Maine?
Aimee: Hell if I know! I thought that would be the first seat to fall!
Gwen: So did we!
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
