Aimee is in her office with her friends.
Aimee: Thank you guys for meeting with me right now, I need your advice. I have a big conference meeting coming up, Janie and I are debating.
Lynette: They have debates for minority whip?
Aimee: Where have you been?
Lynette: I, uh… I don’t know.
Gwen: You know, Aimee, I appreciate being in the inner circle, but Im not sure how well it’ll bode for you when they find out you’re getting advice from a Democrat.
Carolyn: Especially an actual communist like you.
Gwen: I am not a communist, I simply believe in healthcare as a right and protecting abortion rights.
Carlin: Communism.
Gwen: I can’t believe you won re-election.
Alec: She’s actually still in litigation over it!
Carolyn: I won!
Alec: By twenty-one votes.
Carolyn: A win is a win!
Alec: The state of Washington is still determining if it was, in fact, a win.
Carolyn: I’m not going to be bullied because I actually managed to hold on to my seat!
Denise: Wow! I walk out of the room for a minute to get a soda and I walk in and the animosity just slaps me in the face!
Gwen: Your face is not the one I’d like to slap.
Carolyn: Now she’s threatening violence against me!
Gwen: I never specified who I wanted to slap.
Carolyn: I think it’s very obvious who you meant.
Gwen: Look at the guilty conscience over here.
Aimee: So, strategy for the debate… anyone got ideas?
Carolyn: Oh, I forgot why we’re even here for a moment!
Aimee: I could tell.
Alec: I’m missing maybe my last hearing of the Natural Resources Committee for this!
Carolyn: Wow, what a terrible shame.
Alec: It’s a fun committee!
Carolyn: Yeah, talking about gas for two hours sounds like a reason to wake up in the morning.
Aimee: Are you cranky today, Carolyn?
Alec: I’m telling you, it’s that recount lawsuit.
Carolyn: There already was a recount! I won! End of story!
Alec: Don’t tell me, tell Sarah Emritz.
Carolyn: I did tell her, she responded with a lawsuit!
Gwen: You do have a way with words, so that’s hard to believe.
Aimee: So any strategy at all for my debate? Nothing?
Denise: I told you before, but just be yourself. Your best argument for why you should win is just being you. You’re likable, you win tough races, and you can even befriend the most liberal of Democrats. The party needs that after what happened in this election.
Aimee: And Janie Emmer will respond by saying the party can’t abandon its principles, not even in defeat.
Denise: Well Janie Emmer’s an idiot!
Aimee: No argument here!
Lynette: I have your back, Aimee. I’m voting for you no matter what!
Carolyn: I don’t think she gets how little that will actually help you.
Alec: She’s trying her hardest to be a good friend. I think that’s nice.
Lynette: People respect me! They respect my opinions!
Carolyn: Sure!
Aimee: Can I be honest with you guys?
Gwen: Anything to get them to shut up.
Aimee: I ran for this originally because I felt I needed to, like it was expected of me because my mentor put my name out for it.
Gwen: Mentor? I thought I was your mentor?
Carolyn: I thought I was! Unlike Gardenia over here, I actually agree with your politics
Gwen: Oh come on, she’s practically a moderate Democrat!
Aimee: Stop! I look up to both of you.
Alec: Not sure why.
Carolyn: Excuse me?
Alec: Just kidding!
Lynette: It’s nice to see someone getting picked on besides me. I like it. More of this, please.
Aimee: Gerry has just been very supportive of me, and I didn’t want to let her down. So I considered jumping in because she suggested me. Now, though, I really do want to win. I think I deserve this.
Denise: You do! I’m still not sure it’s an entirely good idea, but you do deserve it regardless.
Aimee: Why would it not be a good idea?
Denise: Attaching yourself to the Republican establishment sure won’t help in Washington, of all states.
Aimee: I’ve all but given up on a second term, anyway. The Democrats certainly will remember to do background checks on their candidate this time. I just want to make the most impact, and do the most good, while I am here.
Denise: That’s very noble. Very rare in DC, but that’s why you’re special. It’s why you deserve the job!
Carolyn: Yeah, because let’s face it, it’s now or never. Clock’s ticking!
Aimee: Thank you for the reminder, Carolyn.
Two hours later, at the Republican conference meeting…
Greg: Everyone, thank you for coming. I know you’re all aware that Senator Adelian is stepping down as our conference’s whip. He has had indelible impact over the Senate Republican conference, and his shoes will be nearly impossible to fill. That being said, we’re not going to try to fill them, we’re going to let our next whip forge their own path and bring in their own unique ideas. Because the selection of our next whip will help determine the future of our caucus, we’re going to have a short, thirty-minute debate featuring our three candidates for the position, as we pick the first woman to ever serve as a Republican whip.
Aimee: Three candidates? It’s just me and Janie running.
Janie: And really, you have no chance, so I’m sort of running unopposed.
Aimee: I beg to differ.
Greg: Ladies, the debate hasn’t started yet. Can we hold out on bickering until then?
Aimee: Can we at least find out who else has emerged to run?
Geraldine: I can answer that!
Aimee: Ah, good, someone who’ll give us actual answers.
Geraldine: I’m runnin’!
Aimee: Excuse me?
Geraldine: I don’t mean to shock or upset you, but I was pretty sure you weren’t going to run, and that was enough to push me to make a run of my own.
Aimee: But I told you excitedly that I was making a run for it.
Geraldine: I already put my name in at that point, I just told Greg to keep quiet about it in case I changed my mind. I didn’t, though. I want the job.
Aimee: I only ran because you urged me to!
Geraldine: I’m sorry about that, but I did some soul-searching and realized I wanted the job. I’m not sure what to say.
Aimee: I, uh… I don’t know.
Janie: Well I, for one, am running simply for myself and I always knew I was going to run, even before Harry said he was stepping down.
Harry: Did you?
Janie: I could plainly see that it was time for new leadership. We all saw how those midterms went for us.
Aimee: And you want to cling even closer to the unpopular president that brought it upon us.
Janie: Because running away from him sure helped!
Aimee: Gee, I wonder why people didn’t forget when is currently president despite all our ads ignoring him. Got an answer for that, Gerry, you traitor?
Geraldine: Hey, I didn’t betray anyone. I never said I wasn’t running.
Liza: Actually, you -
Geraldine: Can it, Liza!
Liza: Will do.
Greg: You know what? I don’t think our candidates are in the mood to debate today?
Aimee: Oh, just because we’re women we’re too emotional to do a debate? Typical male misogyny!
Janie: I believe you’re in the room with the wrong caucus. The Oppression Olympics Democrats are across the hall, in the room much more packed than this one.
Greg: I’m not pushing the debate back because I think women are too emotional to debate. I’m pushing it back because the three of you are all bickering too much for a debate to do us any good. We want informative, thought-provoking discussion. This is a time waster. You three need to put your personal venom aside and just focus on your own vision for the Senate GOP.
Maurine: In fairness, you did get them in an argumentative mindset by planning a debate at all.
Greg: You sort of do have a point.
Maurine: I always do.
Greg: There won’t be a debate.
Aimee: What?
Janie: I spent a week preparing for this, Gregory. We’re doing a debate.
Greg: You’ll all be given ten minutes to explain why you should be the next whip. No interaction, and please, no attacking the other candidates. Lift yourself up, don’t tear others down.
Janie: Well that sounds hideous!
Aimee: That’s something I’m more than willing to make work, if need be.
Greg: Thank you, Senator Ferrera Donahue.
Aimee: Always happy to go with the flow.
Janie: Except when it comes to voting for anything even vaguely conservative.
Aimee: I’m sorry I’m not a member of the Third Reich like you are, Janie.
Janie: Did you just call me a Nazi? What a good lib you are!
Aimee: I didn’t mean to go that far.
Janie: And yet you did.
Greg: Ladies! Enough!
Geraldine: I knew it was a good idea to run.
Later that night…
Victoria: Ah, Aimee! How was your day? How was the debate?
Aimee: It wasn’t?
Dave: What do you mean?
Aimee: It got canceled.
Victoria: Did they give you the job on the spot?
Dave: Does her face suggest that they gave her the job on the spot?
Victoria: She has a natural pout!
Aimee: I do?
Victoria: Don’t worry, it’s very stylish these days! All the kids do a little pout in their Instagram photos.
Aimee: They do?
Dave: I don’t know if I’d take her word on what’s “in” these days. She thinks kids still listen to NSYNC.
Victoria: Do they not?
Aimee: I usually find these witty observations entertaining, but I’m really not in the mood for it now.
Dave: What happened today?
Aimee: Well, Janie and I fought in front of the entire caucus and that’s why the debate was canceled. Then I may have implied she’s a Nazi.
Dave: Oh, that’s bad.
Victoria: It’s accurate.
Aimee: It’s not accurate.
Victoria: Eh.
Aimee: I, at least, try to reserve accusations of being a Nazi for those that truly do deserve it. It’s not a term to fling around just for anyone you don’t agree with or like.
Victoria: All right, she’s not a Nazi. She’s just an ass.
Aimee: Oh, I forgot the worst part! Geraldine McAllister is also running against me now! Is that not awful?
Victoria: Isn’t she your friend?
Aimee: I thought so!
Victoria: I know how to cheer you up!
Aimee: You’re going to rig the conference vote for me to win?
Victoria: No, I’m allergic to Republicans. Your parents and sister are flying in to visit tomorrow.
Aimee: Wow, missed us that much?
Victoria: Not entirely. Your mother wanted to visit the Smithsonian, they have some new exhibit. I don’t know, I tuned her out.
Aimee: You tuned her out?
Victoria: As if you don’t.
Aimee: That’s true, she does talk a lot.
The next day…
Cherie: Aimee, we missed you so much!
Dave: We’ve been gone three days.
Cherie: And when you’re away from your kids that long, you’ll feel the same way.
Dave: I wish I could get away from my kids for that long!
Cherie: That is just awful, Dave! You don’t mean it!
Dave: No, uh… I do.
Victoria: I love ‘em. You’re lucky I do, you leave me with them every weekday. I’m the best babysitter though.
Ernesto: Speaking of sitting, I hope mom follows my directions for housesitting.
Cherie: When has she ever listened to you before?
Ernesto: Lots of times.
Cherie: Name one.
Ernesto: You got me.
Kimmy: Grandma will be fine. Just because she’s old doesn’t mean she’s forgotten how to take care of a house for a few days.
Cherie: I don’t know, she did a pretty bad job back when she used to have one of her own.
Ernesto: She did the best she could! She worked long, hard days, she didn’t have time for housekeeping.
Cherie: She was retired the last ten years she lived in that house, what was her excuse then?
Ernesto: She was busy with her soaps!
Kimmy: I loved watching them with her. She’s still completely amazed by Days of Our Lives airing on something called “Peacock” now.
Cherie: And let’s just say, that’s not what she calls it.
Dave: What does she call it?
Ernesto: It rhymes with rock.
Dave: Oh.
Victoria: Cock?
Cherie: Leave it to Victoria to say it aloud.
Victoria: It’s just a word!
Kimmy: A word I’d have preferred to never hear you say.
Victoria: Don’t be a prude! That’s your mother’s influence on you, it’s a bit concerning.
Aimee: So it sounds like you all had an interesting flight.
Ernesto: We didn’t say anything about the flight.
Aimee: Dad, I’m just trying to move on from this conversation.
Ernesto: Oh, god it. Understandable.
Cherie: I want to hear about your whip thing! I was so caught up with packing last night that I forgot to call!
Aimee: The vote hasn’t happened yet, I’m pretty sure Janie’s going to beat me.
Ernesto: Is Janie the evil one we’ve heard so much about?
Aimee: Yes, and I called her something ill-advised and made a fool out of myself and I’d rather not discuss it.
Cherie: Was it that bad?
Victoria: It was pretty bad.
Dave: It wasn’t that bad!
Kimmy: If Dave’s doing damage control, it must’ve been bad.
Aimee: It’s fine, I didn’t even want to be whip anyway.
Victoria: Yeah you did!
Aimee: Thanks for rubbing it in.
Victoria: No problem!
Later that day…
Geraldine: Senator Donahue!
Aimee: Et tu, brute?
Geraldine: Aimee, I don’t know what to say.
Aimee: Are you going to try to steal my chief of staff now? My friends? My husband? Are you going to reveal my sister Kimmy is actually YOUR sister Kimmy?
Geraldine: I see you’re mad.
Aimee: I’m disappointed. I wish you’d just told me so I wasn’t taken by surprised. I looked like an idiot!
Geraldine: You didn’t. I will say, though, that I did try to tell you, you were just in a hurry when I was about to say it. That’s not your fault, but I intended to tell you.
Aimee: Well, we’re divided now, and Janie’s going to win. The woman’s a freak.
Geraldine: I have a proposal.
Aimee: No.
Geraldine: Come on, hear me out.
Aimee: You have a minute.
Geraldine: The vote is tomorrow. You need an outright majority to win. If no one gets it on the first round, there’s a second round of voting. If Janie doesn’t get twenty votes on the first round, and one of us is eliminated, whichever one is eliminated can endorse the other. One of us can win if we band together.
Aimee: What’s in it for me? I’m clearly going to come in third.
Geraldine: If I win, I’ll put in a good word for you with Greg to make you Chair of the Senate Republican Conference. Senator Rieger retired this year and the job’s open. It’s not whip, but it’s a good job. If Greg ever steps down, the whip job will be yours.
Aimee: I won’t be around then.
Geraldine: You never know.
Aimee: I’ve been rude to you. I’m sorry.
Geraldine: Is this forgiveness?
Aimee: I can see you dint mean to hurt me.
Geraldine: I really didn’t.
Aimee: Good luck tomorrow.
Geraldine: Is that a yes on the offer?
Aimee: It’s a yes.
Geraldine: Good luck, Aimee. May the best woman win.
The next day…
Greg: All right, folks. The results are in. With nine votes, the third-place finisher is Senator Ferrera Donahue. That leaves Senators Emmer and McAllister in the race. I will not reveal their vote counts, because I don’t want undue weight put on you all to settle for the current frontrunner.
Aimee: Everyone who voted for me, please listen up! Senator McAllister has done a lot of good for our conference, she’s put in so much work, and she deserves this position. Most of us are here because of her, and we owe her this much.
Lynette: You’re right, she did -
Aimee: Quiet, Lynette.
Geraldine: Yeah, shut it.
Lynette: All right, fine.
Twenty minutes later…
Greg: The Senate Republican Conference has a new minority whip! With twenty-four votes, Senator McAllister has won! Congratulations!
Aimee: You’re welcome!
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
