The Bullpen Season 2 Episode 3: The Raffle

PLAYERS
Kurt: long-term reliever
Lorenzo: middle-relief pitcher
Jason: bullpen coach
Robert: 8th inning/setup pitcher
Bryan: closer
Eli: left-handed specialist
All: benchwarmer

Robert: Looks like they're doing the 50-50 raffle again. 
Bryan: Yeah what is that exactly?
Robert: They say half goes to the winner and half goes to charity. 
Bryan: What charity?
Robert: I don't know, charity. Good cause and stuff.
Lorenzo: Hey! Over here!
Stadium Worker: Yes?
Lorenzo: I'd like to purchase a ticket. 
Stadium Worker: Typically we reserve ticket purchases to those who do not play in the game 
Lorenzo: That doesn't disqualify me, I haven't played in what, 5 games?
Jason: Guess higher.
Stadium Worker: Now I suppose you can purchase a ticket, odds are against you for winning anyway.
Robert: Hey put me down for a ticket too.
Bryan: Yeah same.
Eli: Just put us all down for tickets. Doing it for charity, of course.
Stadium Worker: Alright...$1 per ticket.
(Everyone looks at Jason)
Jason: Seriously? None of you have any money on you?
Kurt: I like to stay humble.
Jason: Technically you do all make more than you're worth given you never pitch so...understandable I guess? Fine, I'll pay. For charity. 
Stadium Worker: Let me ask you guys a question.
Jason: What?
Stadium Worker: What's your secret?
Jason: Secret to what?
Stadium Worker: To getting paid to pitch without actually doing so. How can I get away with making money for doing absolutely nothing?
Jason: You could sit here with us.
Stadium Worker: Sounds good to me. How much are you paying me?
Jason: Why would we pay you to sit on a bench?
Stadium Worker: I DON'T KNOW, WHY DO YOU GET PAID TO SIT ON A BENCH?
Jason: Man calm down...we're on the outfield screen again. 
Stadium Worker: OH POOR YOU, HAVING TO BE SEEN BY EVERYONE IN THE STADIUM. HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE?
Jason: I have them warm up every now and then...
(Stadium Worker walks away)
Kurt: OK that was weird.
Jason: Lorenzo what are you doing?
Lorenzo: Warming up, as you told me to do Sir.
Jason: I never told you to warm up.
Lorenzo: Well I'm doing it anyway.
Jason (to himself): Why am I even trying to reason. 
Robert: I'm getting a little bored.
Kurt: Want to arm wrestle?
Robert: I hurt my wrist last time I did that...sure!

(3 innings later)
Stadium Announcer: And now, it is time to select the 50-50 raffle winner. The letter is D, and the numbers are 8172835.
Bryan: Is that my phone number or part of my Social Security number? 
Robert: I would check on that if I was you.
Kurt: Guys...I won! I'm the 50-50 raffle winner!
Lorenzo: Are we even allowed to win?
Kurt: I don't know but I'm claiming it! Not like they'll know I'm on the team, because really, am I?
Jason: You're on the payroll.
Kurt: Whatever. I'll be back.

(When Kurt returns)
Lorenzo: So how much did you win?
Kurt: $12,785!!
Lorenzo: Whoa! That's like $2,000 for each of us! I can retire!
Kurt: Oh, so we're splitting this?
Jason: No.
Lorenzo: Dang.
Kurt: I can't believe I just won money for doing nothing! 
Bryan: Don't we all?

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