The Bullpen Season 2 Premiere: Back Again

CAST
Kurt: long-term reliever
Lorenzo: middle relief pitcher
Jason: bullpen coach
Robert: 8th inning pitcher/setup man
Bryan: close
Eli: left-handed specialist
All: benchwarmers

Jason: Happy new season everyone!
Kurt: Why are you bullpen coach again?
Jason: Did anyone else want to do it?
Kurt: No.
Jason: Think you found yourself the answer there. Although, I’m not sure why they didn’t look for someone outside of the team. We hardly ever play so it’s just easy money.
Lorenzo: You think this is easy money? I’ll prove you wrong, I’m going in the game!
Jason: Please don’t step onto the field.
Lorenzo: OK coach.
Jason: Ew don’t call me that.
Lorenzo: Sorry sir.
Jason: Now if you don’t mind listening I’ve come up with a game plan in case the bullpen phone rings and they want someone to warm up.
Bryan: What is it, whoever got here last has to play?
Jason: You got it.
Bryan: As the team’s 6th-best closer, I’m confident I can pitch whenever. Just don’t expect me to lead the team to victory.
Jason: Wouldn’t have ever expected you to do that.
Eli: Are you going to micromanage us or just sit on the bench like Garry used to do?
Jason: Is there really a way to micromanage a group of people who should and indeed do nothing?
Robert: Hey! What happened to you? You were one of us not too long ago.
Bryan: Jason is right though.
Robert: I suppose. Time for me to play left bench again.
Lorenzo: Nah I have left bench today, you’re in right-center.
Robert: But I always play left bench.
Jason: I changed around the schedule, trying to see if different groupings work.
Robert: This is unacceptable! That part of the bench is mine, has always been mine, and will always be mine!
Jason: We’re getting a new bench next week.
Robert: Oh. Well I won’t be sitting on it unless I can sit on the left!
Eli: Our left or the crowd’s left?
Robert: Which crowd?
Eli: The one here watching the game, maybe?
Robert: No I mean which part of the crowd? The ones who are facing us or the ones faced against us?
Jason: Guys who cares? Just take a seat on the bench.
Lorenzo: Respectable coaching decision there sir.
Jason: Don’t call me sir and whatever.
Bryan: Garry? Is that you?
Jason: Oh wow what’ve I become?
Eli: A pretty awesome bullpen...pal?
Jason: I see. So get rid of the assigned seating and suddenly I’m great?
Eli: I never said great.
Jason: You said pretty awesome, that means the same thing.
Eli: No it doesn’t. Awesome is better than great. Pretty awesome is somewhere between good and great.
Jason: Thanks?
Eli: You’re welcome.
Jason: Anyways just sit where you want. It’s going to be a long season.
Lorenzo: I’m gonna start warming up.
Jason: The phone didn’t ring and you actually want to pitch?
Lorenzo: No! I’m gonna start warming up the bench. Don’t you know me by now?
Jason: I should’ve known better.
Lorenzo: Yeah, you really should’ve.
Jason: I know, I said I should’ve.
Lorenzo: Yeah.
Jason: OK where it this going?
Lorenzo: You should know, you’re the coach sir.
Jason: Lorenzo I know nothing. I have no clue how to be a coach, all I know is there’s no risk of me pitching today.
Eli: Wait we might pitch today?!
Jason: Never said that. And yes I know, you’re the only one here who actually wants to pitch in one of these games. But I don’t think any of you are pitching today. Or as long as you’re on this team.
Eli: Nah I don’t want to pitch today. I was asking because I have to leave early for my friend’s birthday. I bought him tickets by the outfield to a baseball game.
Bryan: You could’ve just invited him over here you know, it’s basically the same thing.
Jason: Yeah call him up now, and whoever else was going to come.
Eli: Fine I lied, so much for leaving early. 
Jason: You can leave early, just wait for the inning to be ove—and he’s gone.
Lorenzo: Can I leave too sir?
Jason: Say sir one more time and you’re kicked off the team.
Lorenzo: Sir. You can’t kick me off the team. I’m too valuable.
Jason: Alright everyone, how about you sit where you want, do what you want, and when you want. Happy?
Robert: Whatever.

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