DATE: June 27, 1876. The Indianapolis Primates are playing another home game against the Providence Braves. The ballpark is packed, with not one of the 3,000 seats empty nor a spot for anyone else to stand in the bullpen; that is, the area in foul territory where late arrivers gather for a discounted price. Late to the game again include SAMUEL, a railway worker who cheers on the Primates as long as they are winning; ABNER, a shoemaker who only goes to the bullpen for the discount; SALLY, ABNER's wife and a cigar-maker; CHESTER, a printer who took the fall when the Primates' one loss in 1875 made the front page; RALPH, a painter who helped paint the ballpark seats but has no choice but to stand in the bullpen because he is constantly late; and WILLIAM, a factory worker and heavy drinker who makes and loses his money gambling on games. RALPH is the last of the group to arrive to the game.
RALPH
Providence Braves again, I see.
CHESTER
Can’t we get a better team to play? Don’t get me wrong, I need the Primates to win, but these buffoons don’t even make it interesting!
WILLIAM
That’s why we need to heckle them. If they won’t make it interesting, we can take it into our own hands.
SALLY
Oh, those days are behind me. And they should be behind you too if you know what’s best for you.
WILLIAM
Clearly I don’t.
ABNER
I reckon the Primates won’t even be playing the Braves as much next season. Kansas City and Denver will join the league, and there will be more teams to play.
SAMUEL
Abner, I pride myself well enough on my work on the railway, but even I know there’s not gonna be a way to get a team to Denver by next year. Travel is quite dangerous, if not impossible. It simply makes no sense.
ABNER
That may be true today. But we have Custer and his boys out in the Montana territory fighting for our cause as we speak. Once they win, this country will be expanding westward at a rapid pace. And I’ll sell so many shoes.
SALLY
I do hope you sell more shoes next year…
RALPH
Don’t you sell enough shoes, Abner?
ABNER
I could always sell more.
SALLY
What do you reckon, Chester?
CHESTER
My task is to print the paper, not write it. But I’m sure if they don’t win, I’ll be made the scapegoat as usual.
ABNER
What do you mean, if they don’t win? Don’t be ridiculous, they stand no chance of losing!
RALPH
You know who else has no chance of losing? The Indianapolis Primates. Enough with the tall tales about some political battle.
ABNER
This battle will shape the future of our country, I'm telling you Ralph.
RALPH
Oh, what do you know?
WILLIAM
Come on everyone, the Providence Braves aren't going to heckle themselves. Although, they should...
The Primates’ batter hits a ball in the air to the Braves’ second baseman. It lands in the second baseman’s glove.
WILLIAM
NICE CATCH! TRY ONE WITH YOUR HANDS NEXT TIME, YOUNG LADY!
SALLY
That wasn’t very nice, William.
WILLIAM
You saw the guy, he needs a glove to catch a sky ball!
SALLY
Don’t be a fool, you know women would never play baseball, William.
WILLIAM
Maybe so. It was just a heckle, Sally. This is baseball, no real man uses a glove.
SALLY
Maybe it’s more comfortable for him.
RALPH
Whose side are you on, Sally? Next he’ll come up to bat with a helmet on and you’ll have an excuse for that!
ABNER
Sally, I think you’re misguided. That sorry excuse of a man is on the Braves. The Primates are hitting.
SALLY looks embarrassed.
SALLY
Golly, with all this talk about the west I got confused! You’re right William, what’s he doing out there playing like a lady?
ABNER
It costs money to view these games, you know. If you don't start paying better attention, I might not take you anymore.