Aimee walks into her office.
Denise: You excited for tomorrow?
Aimee: I’m more excited for my upcoming colonoscopy than I am for tomorrow. I wish I could’ve scheduled it for tomorrow so I had a valid excuse to skip tomorrow’s affront to democracy.
Denise: Is it really an “affront to democracy” when the winner of the fair and free election is sworn in?
Aimee: When that man presents a clear and present danger to the state of American democracy, yes. President Delphy attacked me personally and sent an angry mob after Congress as retribution for not passing his agenda. It cost our party dozens of seats in both houses of Congress and related us to a persistent minority, a non-stop afterthought. The disdain I have for the man is palpable, to say the least.
Denise: So you won’t be buying a commemorative coin from his inaugural committee?
Aimee: Not if that coin were a cure for cancer.
Denise: I feel for your mother, then.
Aimee: I didn’t word that properly.
Denise: I get what you mean.
Aimee: I just really dread every part of tomorrow. I don’t like the man, Denise. I don’t like his vice president, I don’t like anything they stand for or what they’ve done to our party. We used to stand for liberty! We now stand for… nothing substantive, because we have no power, but any executive power he asserts is all stupid and evil!
Denise: Were you expecting different from a West Virginia coal baron?
Aimee: Don’t forget hotel magnate!
Denise: I staid at his fancy hotel. Not that great! For starters, it’s in Charleston, West Virginia! Ugh!
Aimee: But that’s not even close to the worst thing about him. I just can’t believe the man got re-elected. I can’t believe I have to go and fake a smile and pretend this is all A-OK. It’s not okay. The man’s ruining our party and our country.
Denise: Well, for now, you have a Transportation Committee hearing.
Aimee: Somehow, you’ve made me even MORE depressed!
Denise: sorry.
Aimee: You are coming with tomorrow, right? I’m not dragging my kids to this and I have excess tickets.
Denise: What about your aunt?
Aimee: Ha! She’d rather jump into the Potomac naked than take part in this freak show.
Denise: I guess I will be professional and accompany you. Never say I don’t do anything for you!
Aimee: I’d hope you do things for me. It’s literally your job.
Later that day…
Aimee: Dave, is this outfit okay?
Dave: For what?
Aimee: You know what.
Dave: I know, but I don’t like thinking about it. It’s a terrible, terrible thing. It’s going to be twenty-five degrees outside and I have to spend my day off watching a man I hate - a man who has attacked and sent his online goons after my wife - get sworn in for four more years of screwing over an entire nation.
Aimee: It could only be three years, they’re still working out the legal ramifications of that bill to move presidential elections to an off-year. The Supreme Court could overturn it!
Dave: They won’t. They’re all stooges for this guy. They won’t force him out a year earlier that we’re expecting.
Aimee: I know. Just wishful thinking on my part.
Victoria: What are you two talking about?
Aimee: That thing you’re going to try avoiding all day tomorrow.
Victoria: Ugh! They already canceled my morning yoga class for it, and The View won’t be on because of it. How much more can this man ruin my life?
Aimee: Imagine having to actually go to it!
Dave: In the cold!
Victoria: You don’t have to go. There’s no legal requirement for you to attend the inauguration of a loudmouth West Virginian bigot. You could boycott and do something worth your time instead. I, for example, will be knitting a scarf.
Dave: I don’t know if that’s a smart idea. You know how you are with sharp things.
Victoria: I will be fine. I found a YouTube video to teach me how to do it.
Dave: Aren’t you supposed to be watching our kids?
Victoria: I can multitask!
Aimee: I need to go and be professional. It’s a presidential inauguration, I’m expected to be there. I’m a fairly high-profile member of the Republican conference, my absence would be noticed and become a talking point. People call be a “RINO” more than enough so as it is.
Victoria: I’d rather be a RINO than a fascist enabler!
Aimee: I’m going, and I’ll be miserable the whole time, and that’s the end of the story.
Victoria: You know William Henry Harrison died because he was out in the cold so long on inauguration day. Something to think about!
Aimee: He didn’t wear a coat or gloves. I don’t plan to have the same fashion faux pas.
Victoria: Your funeral!
Dave: Honey, I don’t think you’re going to die because of the inauguration. Just, for what it’s worth.
Aimee: I wasn’t worried about it. What I am worried about is figuring out what to wear! I want to wear thick stockings over my legs, and a dress that provides some warmth. Of course, I’ll also take a big coat and warm gloves. Probably a scarf. Anything else?
Victoria: All this energy could be saved by just skipping the inauguration entirely instead!
Aimee: I’m not going over this with you again.
Victoria: Because you know your situation is completely avoidable!
Aimee: No, because it’s like talking to a brick wall.
Dave: A brick wall is more open to a constructive discussion.
Later that day, Aimee gets a call from her parents.
Ernesto: Sweetie, you there?
Aimee: Did you not hear the phone pick up?
Ernesto: I’m not good with technology.
Kimmy: He really isn’t!
Aimee: How’s mom? Why’s she not the one calling?
Cherie: I’m right here! We just thought it was important to teach your father how to operate a phone, in case I… you know.
Aimee: In case you what?
Cherie: Die.
Aimee: Mom! Not funny!
Cherie: I find that dark humor helps me cope.
Aimee: So what are you calling about? Anything happen or just checking in?
Ernesto: Something big happened today.
Kimmy: And they’re not just talking about grandma telling mom that she hopes she doesn’t die!
Aimee: Grandma said that? Wow, mom, you two must be really bonding over your brushes with death.
Cherie: We sort of have, actually. But she might be displeased by today’s news.
Aimee: See, the thing about grandma is I don’t know if her being displeased is good or bad news for me.
Ernesto: She really is lovely like that.
Cherie: The doctors got the results back from my first post-radiation scan and they said I’m responding very well to it. I’m not home-free whatsoever, and they aren’t considering it to be in remission, but it isn’t metastasizing and there are early signs that the tumors are shrinking. So they’re very happy and we’re going to keep the treatment going.
Aimee: That’s great news! I always get a little worried when I get a call from you guys, and especially with dad being the first one to talk. I just want you to get better.
Cherie: It just kills me to know that, kiddo. I don’t ever want to be a source of stress or you.
Aimee: It’s only because I love you so much. You’ve been an incredible mother to me, the idea of losing you is unfathomable. I’m glad to know that we’re getting closer to this battle being in the past.
Cherie: Don’t get too confident yet, because it’s still early. But my doctors are very optimistic, and so am I.
Ernesto: You’ll also be very happy to know that they cleared our trip to Italy. I expressed my concerns -
Kimmy: Like a traitor.
Ernesto: and they said not to worry. They said she’s in good enough health that a few weeks in Europe won’t do her any harm.
Aimee: What about her treatment? Won’t this interrupt it?
Cherie: They said it’s nothing to worry about and to just go have fun. Now, whether they’re saying that because I’m a hopeless cause and they think I should get to have a little fun before I die, or if it’s because they really aren’t worried about my cancer, I don’t know.
Ernesto: It was obviously the latter. You’re doing well, and they’ve told you that.
Aimee: I wish I were doing well.
Cherie: Honey, are you sick? Do you need me to fly cross-country to make you my famous soup?
Kimmy: You mean Progresso?
Cherie: It is not Progresso!
Kimmy: Oh, so it’s Campbell’s?
Cherie: I’m insulted.
Aimee: I’m physically fine. Just dreading this inauguration tomorrow.
Kimmy: Well, I get that. You’re going to watch the confirmation that we’ve got four more years of watching America be destroyed. I don’t know why you’d attend.
Cherie: It’s an honor to go.
Kimmy: An honor? It’s a disgrace.
Cherie: Are you calling your sister a disgrace?
Kimmy: I’m calling her party’s president a disgrace.
Aimee: Enough, enough! I agree with you. The man is deranged and shouldn’t be serving. Alas, the people elected him, and I’m going. I think it’s my responsibility to suck it up and be there, regardless of my personal feelings.
Kimmy: Washington didn’t elect him…
Aimee: Thousands of voters in Washington did vote for him. Even Senator Martin is going
Cherie: He never personally threatened her.
Aimee: I get the sentiment, but as an elected official, it’s in my interest to go. Don’t think Victoria didn’t also try to argue with me about this. My mind is made up, as horrified as I am to say it. It’ll just be a few hours of torture.
Cherie: Well, I won’t be watching to see I I can spot you in the crowd, like I usually do. I’m boycotting the inauguration tomorrow. Don’t want to see about it, don’t want to hear about it. It would be like celebrating what is essentially the inauguration of Satan himself.
Kimmy: You never see her on there, anyway. They tend to focus on the important people in attendance.
Cherie: Are you implying -
Kimmy: No, I’m saying it. Aimee is not important enough to show on camera during an inauguration.
Aimee: Thanks, Kimmy.
Kimmy: Any time!
The next day…
Lynette: My god, it’s freezing out!
Alec: Does it not get cold in Wyoming?
Lynette: That doesn’t mean I like it! This is horrible. Nothing about this day is good. Not the weather, not the man being sworn in, not our seats -
Aimee: I’m glad we’re sitting fairly far away from it all. I don’t need the cameras zooming in on us.
Gwen: As if they were going to do that, anyway.
Aimee: Gwen, lovely to see you!
Gwen: I can’t believe they dragged me to this. I could be doing something constructive, such as anything else.
Maurine: A constrictive politician? That much, I highly doubt.
Gwen: Maurine! Where’s your broom?
Maurine: Very funny, Elphaba.
Gwen: You watched Wicked? Isn’t that too woke for your kind?
Denise: I see Gwen is picking fights already. Just as I’d expect.
Gwen: You don’t invite Gwen Gardenia somewhere and expect her not to be a diva. It would be like inviting Van Gogh somewhere and not expecting him to paint.
Aimee: I don’t think that’s the greatest comparison… he presumably went to social events without just whipping a paintbrush out.
Gwen: Cut me some slack, it’s freezing out! Whose brain can work properly in twenty degree weather?
Aimee: Well, at least you’ve got special guest performances from Jason Aldean and Roseanne Barr to get your brain working.
Gwen: That’s who they got for this? Do they not remember that time Roseanne did the national anthem at a sporting event?
Aimee: I don’t think many other people wanted to do it. It’s freezing outside and the president is a loon.
Lynette: They could’ve at least gotten Ted Nugent to sing Cat Scratch Fever.
Kylie: Oh, that’s my favorite song!
Aimee: Of course it is.
Kylie: Are you trying to silence me?
Gwen: I wish someone would silence you.
Dave: Aimee, they’re saying I can’t sit with you, that you section is for senators only.
Maurine: That is how it usually works. You did’t think you’d actually get to sit with us, did you? We’re very important people.
Aimee: Don’t talk to my husband like that, Maurine.
Maurine: Well, I’m sorry, but it’s just a naive thought process. Guests of senators and representatives have their own section, better than public seating, but worse than elected officials.
Gwen: It’s very important they capture my grave displeasure on TV. No one can think I support any of this.
Alec: Yes Gwen, we know you don’t like the president. If only you’d say six or seven more times.
Aimee: Oh no, he said it.
Lynette: Six-seven!
Maurine: I think that you should die. For saying that childish nonsense, you should be executed by the state.
Lynette: Don’t say that, you know I just lost my father.
Maurine: Then you should want to join him.
Melody: Christ almighty, I was a skater, I worked on ice, and even I think it’s cold. Why’d they make us get here so damn early?
Gwen: To further enforce the fact that this is due torture. For the attendees, for the Democratic Party, for the nation… we’re all meant to be suffering.
Janie: Speak for yourself. I think it’s a wonderful day. Sunny and warm, just like our president.
Gwen: Lady, you’re from Iowa, not Antarctica. Don’t tell me this is a “warm” day in your corn-filled hellhole.
Janie: It’s unnecessary to insult the great state of Iowa, but I understand you liberals are having a very rough day. That certainly includes you, Aimee.
Aimee: Always great to see you, Janie.
Liza: I hear a commotion, do any of you guys know what’s going on?
Aimee: Hopefully it’s starting. Faster they start, the faster it’s over.
Mildred: I brought a blanket, I’m planning to take a nap
Melody: Does that mean I have to watch Alma?
Mildred: Alma’s here? Where?
Melody: I thought you brought her.
Mildred: Uh oh.
Gwen: I love watching these two fight over which one gets to not have custody of Alma
Alec: Have either of you considered, maybe… convincing her to resign?
Janie: Why would you want the Democrats’ most embarrassing joke of an elected official to step down? She’s gives us so much to mock them for! And she barely shows up to vote! I think you guys really are Democrats.
Alec: My god, she is so whiny.
Janie: Not as whiny as liberals!
Maurine: Janie… even I think you should tone it down.
Liza: So did we ague out what was going on?
Aimee: Eleanor just got here.
Janie: Ah, god bless her. A true kamikaze fighter on behalf of the Republicans. She’s basically to the Democrats what you three are to the Republicans!
Kylie: Does anyone else want to dance with me?
Gwen: Kylie, could I see your phone?
Kylie: Sure! You want to pick a new song to dance to? You don’t like APT?
Gwen: I don’t know what that is.
Kylie: It’s the song I’m currently playing.
Gwen: You have earbuds in, dear. But… just give me the phone.
Kyle hands Gwen her phone and Gwen throws it into the distance.
Gwen: Oh no, I think that just hit a Supreme Court justice.
Aimee: Yeah, the capitol Police are coming our way.
Gwen: There’s no way they can figure out exactly who threw it.
Lynette: They sure seem to have an inkling…
Eleanor: Oh god, finally I made it to my seat. The media are a bunch of animals. They all wanted that picture o me walking in to the inauguration that could’ve been mine if things went slightly different.
Janie: Slightly?
Eleanor: I lost by one state. I won the popular vote. I don’t mean to harp, but if you’re going to be a bitch, I’ll push back with the facts.
Aimee: Eleanor, I know how much I hate this day. I give e you credit or showing up with a smile on your face.
Eleanor: If I didn’t, I’d be called a sore loser. Wasn’t easy, though! I had to practice smiling in the mirror for a week as my husband read sad stories that would generally make me cry. I should win an Oscar. I don’t think Mikey Madison put in that much work for Anora.
Janie: And in a perfect world, you’d still have your talk show and could ask her about it on there! Instead, you’ve infected our government. Lovely!
Melody: Janie was just very complimentary about you, don’t listen to her trolling.
Janie: Because she handed us the election! Anyone sane and normal wouldn’t have blown it like she did.
Aimee: Ignore her. She’s a professional troll. I think it’s the only activity they have in Iowa besides farming, so she’s a pro at it.
Geraldine: Senate Republicans, please make your way to your seats! The inauguration is about to begin.
Aimee: Are we being segregated?
Geraldine: Yes! Now get moving!
Janie: Ha! You got yelled at!
Geraldine: Janie, shut your yap!
Aimee snickers.
Melody: We’ll see you guys later.
Aimee: You going to the inaugural gala?
Melody: I’d rather throw myself through a wood chipper. In fact, I’m still considering doing that rather than watching this disaster.
Aimee: Well, I can’t wait to find out what you choose to do!
Kylie: Enjoy the show, guys!
Gwen: Enjoy? Who would enjoy this?
A few hours later…
Aimee: What on earth was that?
Lynette: I don’t know, but I think my eyes are frozen in an open position.
Aimee: That was the oddest inaugural address I’ve ever heard.
Alec: I think he looked at us when he said “the enemy within will be hunted.”
Aimee: Is he going to have us killed?
Lynette: I don’t know, that can be tomorrow’s worry.
Aimee: Yeah, let’s go to Denny’s.
Alec: Denny’s? We’re all dressed up, I feel overdressed.
Aimee: I think Denny’s is the only appropriate meal after what we just witnessed this afternoon. A DC Denny’s at 1:30 PM is as depressing as it gets.
Alec: I suppose you have a point.
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
